FR : Respire ! = ENG :Breath !

Moon

I stopped to cry and soon looked at YongGuk. His lips were swollen, his eyes bluish. Even his neck seemed bruised. As he went to take me a glass of water, I looked at his painful way to walk. I looked at him come back and as he pushed the glass on the table, I grabbed his arm and lifted his sleeve. It was covered with bruises.

He groaned and wanted to hide his skin yet once I locked eyes with him, he sighed. « It's nothing. »

« I saw how you walk, it's painful, you held your torso. Show me. »

He groaned and took a step away from me. He was in bad shape, in a really bad shape,  I realized just now. I grabbed the hem of his shirt, wanting to see his bruise on his side but he roughly removed my hand.

I took a step back and tried to calm myself. He looked ashamed and almost afraid of me touching him. I realized how invading I was, wanting to see the bruise on his torso and sighed sadly.

« It's okay. You don't have to show me, I'm sorry if I misbehaved. »

I looked at him giving me a shy smile. He seemed thanksful for those sentences. I realized I was still in my clothes of the morning and I spent my day in the airplane and then crying. I needed a long bath so I went away on those worlds.

« I'm going to take a bath. »

I took my time, trying not to think about how ugly the bruises looked on his body. The person who did that really resented him. For sure. I closed my eyes trying to not think about this. I'll be a liar if I say that it doesn't make me worry about him.

I thought about what he said.

Really hard.

It's true that nothing played on our favor. Nothing. But now, everything is falling down, our barriers, our responsabilities everything. I would like to play this game....

Yet was he still with Hyunah ? I sighed and hated how he was flirting with me when he had a girlfriend.

I went out of the bath and went to my room wrapped in a bathsuit. I was putting on my pants and searching for my shirt when the door was wide open. I looked at him with surprised eyes.

He gave a look to me and I understood that I was still shirtless, my shirt still in my hands. I was not turning myself enough so my chest wasn't in his vision. Yetmy was completely in his sight, even if my long hair hided a good part of my back. He became red like a crab and closed back the door.

I sighed and  put my shirt before going to open the door. « See what you get when you don't knock ? So what's important enough that it couldn't wait until I finished changing myself. »

He cleared his throat. « I have something to tell you. Come and meet me in the living room. »

I scoffed. « You're already here. Come in. »

He entered visibly intimitated by my tone. I regretted doing that when he was beat up. He might be jumpy for a while. « Your mom. She gave me something when I went to say goodbye to her. »

« Huh ? »

« Yes. Here it is. »

*

Bang

I put the file on her bed and studied Moon reaction. She was sat on her bed and looked at me, still standing up. « What is it ? »

« She searched for your da- your father. She wanted to give you the option, if you want to meet him, everything is in there. »

She nodded and held the file in her hands. Not opening it. She stayed in that position for a while, brushing the sturdy material of the brownish file for a while.

I waved my hand in front of her eyes. « Earth to Moon ? »

« Ah. Sorry. I was just thinking. I mean, why would I search for him ? »

I sighed. « Moon, you know you're wonderful. Your mom can be proud of you, your parents can be proud of you. She said that on his side, he's ready to see you. »

I felt her tears forming in her eyes. « She knows she's not the mom of the year and she is perfectly aware of the fact you won't come to visit her. So she did that for you. »

She nodded and looked at the file with sad eyes.

*

Moon

As I sat further from him, the file still in my hands, I sighed. And spaced out again. I didn't realized that I was stuck im my thoughts. Until I couldn't breath anymore.

I raised my eyes on YongGuk. He was looking at me weirdly. « Gosh Moon you're having a panic attack. »

I realized that yes panic was invading my body, blocking my throat, my nose. Weird noises were going out of my mouth, vain attempts to breath properly. I grabbed the bedsheets, making fists of them and my eyes widened in panic. He looked around for a bit and soon glued his hands around my mouth, forming almost like a mask around my mouth.

« Breath in there. »

I did as told, not miding how close he was to me. After long minutes of breathing in his hands, I stopped that horrible sound trying to breath and my breath slowed down. Even when my panic attack was over, he let his hands on my face, covering my mouth. Making sure it was over for real. When he removed his hands, I was breathing normally and he sighed out of relief.

I wiped a tear from my eye and sighed longly, lying on my bed, still shook by the panic attack. « Moon, you scared me so much. »

I needed sleep. So badly. I closed my eyes, not thinking of the light or blanket. As I felt someone put a blanket on me, I opened my eyes. YongGuk was diligently putting my comforter he gave me for my birthday on my body. As he was finished, I stared at him for a while.

« You better sleep well. »

I nodded, unable to speak. He ran a hand in my hair , getting it away from my eyes. He ended up turning off the lights and I drowned in a nightmares filled night. I ended up waking up screaming. I had a nightmare about my dad. He was a drug dealer and as I went to see him, he ended up asking me money my mom had to give him and ended up making me drugged to get revenge.

I calmed myself. YongGuk came to my door super quick and the lights. « You had a nightmare ? »

I nodded. He sat next to me. « Moon. This is stressing you out so much. Why ? He's your father and wants to meet you. »

I shrugged. Too much things were possible.

He lied facing me and sighed. « Moon, just tell me. I won't tell anyone about it. But for your own sake you need to drop that bomb before it kills you. Speak out, you don't have to hold everything in, it's bad for you. Release that worry with me, okay ? »

I touched his chest with my finger and gave him a fierce look. « Why would you listen to me ? You don't have to do that. »

A short chapter for you guys !! I'm pretty busy but it won't get better any time soon so I'm trying my best to wrap up the story !

Have a good day !

And Happy Bang Day ! I know it was yesterday but still  !! I wish him a lot of happiness and laughs in his life. Stalking his insta, it seems like he spent a good birthday with friends, it was nice to see !

"Respire" is the french world for the verb Breath. It holds a lot more vivid world to me. It's also a very good french movie about toxic friendship.