Taekwoon stood in silence, digesting what had happened. He looked around, but you weren't there. He touched his own face and lips. He found one last trace of you with him. The tears he had caused you. The taste of your salty tears on his cheeks and lips. That's all what is left of you. His hands traced the side of his bed where your hands touched it. He sat down on the spot next to where you were sitting and his eyes were glued to where you collapsed on his floor. 

He said as if talking to you:

- I am sorry [Y/N]

A tear traveled down his milky-white cheek. He didn't wipe it away, and it fell off his face and landed on his thigh. He was traumatized, unable to move. It took him a couple of minutes to notice another trace of you left in his room. He stood up hurriedly and kneeled down to pick a white, soft feather. When you transformed to show him your true state of being, your wings rubbed the floor and the ceiling, a feather escaped and found a hideout under his desk. Its glowing aura caught his attention.

He picked it and went back to sit on the edge of the bed. He looked at it in astonishment. It was a long, soft, brightly white feather, unlike any feather he'd ever seen before. It felt like it was beating in his hand, as if it was a being on its own, with its own glowing aura. He stayed like this for half an hour, simply looking at the feather and touching it with his fingers. Being detached from you, the feather would eventually die. It took it an hour to start losing its aura, its white color, and change into a dark shade of grey. 

When he saw that it was dying, his heart clenched. He remembered how your face was pale while confessing, how your lips felt cold on his in contrast to the hot tears on your cheeks, and he imagined the same thing happening to you. He imagined you weathering and losing your aura, your sparkling eyes dying out. He felt guilty for letting you go like this, sad and heartbroken. He felt angry at himself. 

He stood up, opened the drawer and took his diary out to put the dying feather between its pages when he remembered something. He put the feather on his desk and flipped through the pages, looking for an old entry until he found it.. 

In the clumsy handwriting of a nine years old Taekwoon, the entry said: 

Dear diary.. Something strange happened today.. I am not scared.. but I am surprised.. 

I was playing in the park when Jinwoo and his friends came on their bikes and pushed me off my bike.. 

I wanted to get up and fight them but I was alone and I was scared of them.. But a strong wind suddenly blew them off their bikes! 

Jinwoo is really big and the weather was not windy at all.. I wonder where the wind came from!  

I told my mom and she was surprised, like me! 

But then she said I have a guardian angel.. I don't know what that is but she said it's a good thing and it happens to good people.. 

Am I a good person? 

My mom says I am.. because I am kind to animals and I listen to my sisters and my parents.. But I don't know.. 

He looked at the date on the top of the page. The date was around the time when he was around 9 or 10.. 

She said she saw me when I was 9. She recited the incident exactly as it happened! Is she my guardian angel? He thought out loud. 

He shook his head in frustration. He read about angels as a kid, just like he read about fairies and super heroes. These were all fictional stories. None of them had anything to do with the real world. 

There is no such thing as angels. He said to himself. 

As soon as the last syllabus left his lips, he heard a faint cry. He looked at the feather, still on his desk. He was sure the cry came out of where the feather was. He looked around and found nobody. He freaked out. 

I don't believe in angles. He said again. And again, he heard a cry. 

The feather shivered one last time before weathering completely. Now it looked like an autumn leaf, brown and dry. He held it gently and put it in his drawer. When he opened the drawer he found his copy of Wuthering Heights. He opened it and his eyes caught this sentence:  

'The entire world is a collection of memoranda that she did exist, and that I have lost her.' 

He looked around his room. The book he held in his hands is a reminder of you, of your long discussions of books and love. His room, his bed, his diary, his... everything. 

Why is he in so much pain? He wondered. 

It was painful when he broke up with his previous girlfriends. It was agony. But, this time it's different. Why? He kept asking himself. 

Because he knew he won't see you again. Everything around him will remind him of you, but he will never be able to see you again. 

There is no address to pass by and glance at you when he misses you. There are no text messages to read when he feels nostalgic. Yet, you are everywhere. You are everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Everything around him reminded him that you did exist.. and that he had lost you.. 

His room was tightening around him and his pain intensified. He had to leave his room. Go somewhere else. 

He went down to the cafe only to be reminded of you again. The second he stepped into the cafe he heard a customer order a caramel macchiato and his sisters called for him to help prepare it for her. He looked around quickly, hoping to see that it was you, but it wasn't. He let out an angry groan and ran, leaving behind a baffled crowd. 

A few hours later he was back to his room. When he left, he had nowhere to go. He roamed around the area aimlessly, and having lost all hope in finding you, he went back home. He went up to his room using the backdoor, trying to avoid the worried questions. All he wanted to do was sleep. This was his only escape. He grabbed the novel and put it next to him on his bed. 

We didn't have time to talk about this book. He whispered, as if talking to you. 

Sleep slowly crept into his eyes and he surrendered to it as his breathing was becoming lighter and more regular. 

He was looking at you. Yes, you! He tried touching you, but your image was getting blurry. Your face was pale, tears wetting your soft cheeks. He tried to wipe the tears away but you turned around and started walking away from him. He called your name. He called and called but to no avail. 

- [Y/N]~ I am sorry. He yelled. 

You turned around and looked at him. 

- It's over. 

He woke up, tears wetting his pillow. He looked at the open window. He was sure it was closed when he went to sleep. He looked at the book next to him and found it open. He found a quote highlighted and a piece of paper next to the book. He read the quote: 

'He's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same' 

He knew it was you so he sat up quickly and grabbed the paper. He opened it:

Dear Taekwoon... 

I know I promised not to disturb you again but.. I am sorry I couldn't keep my promise.. 

You might not believe what I am about to say, but I will say it anyway.. 

My life is related to yours in every possible way.. The touches and the kisses we shared.. the times we spent together.. my endless memories of you.. 

Without me intending to.. they will stick with me forever.. Until.. until you completely forget about me.. 

My mother.. failed at warning me.. No.. I failed at listening to her.. 

The feather you found is a piece of me.. and like all the other pieces, it will weather.. I will weather gradually.. 

There is nothing you can do about it so don't feel guilty.. This is the destiny I chose for myself.. 

I dedicated my life to you.. every part of me cries your name and there is nothing I can do to stop it..

We will forever be connected.. whatever happens to you will affect me.. so please.. if you love me, don't hurt yourself.. 

I am not blaming you for anything.. It is difficult to fall in love with someone who is.. different.. and we are very different.. 

I believed in love when I met you.. now that I can't see you.. can't touch you.. can't hear you call my name.. I no longer believe in anything.. 

Again, I am sorry to bother you but.. 

This is a goodbye letter.. 

Don't keep it.. I don't want you to be in pain.. not even for a second.. 

You are indeed a good person.. but this is our fate..  

I wanted to say this to you.. face to face but I couldn't.. so here is it.. my goodbye letter.. 

Goodbye Jung Taekwoon.. Forgive me..

Forget me.. 

---------------------------------------------

Author's note:

I am sorry.. 

Don't freak out, it's not the end..