Wind of Ashes

by Anyavadar

Angst, Spy

D.O has a scar on his heart after his best friend Kai leaves their organization and him, after killing their partner Sehun. Now D.O is plotting his revenge to kill him but on the day of Sehun's 1 year anniversary him and Kai bump heads. Kai invites D.O to his house and there, all his questions are solved.

Title: 8/10

Even though this title had only three words, it had a lot of imagery and held this mysterious feeling to it. However I had trouble seeing how the title fits in with the story.

Story Description: 10/10

From the beginning I was worried because the description felt like it gave too much away, but it proved me wrong because it completely drew me in. 

Vocabulary: 20/20

You have a nice writing style where it had a nice balance between describing, action, and dialogue.

Grammar: 18/20

There were barely any mistakes in this fanfic. But the mistakes that I did find were really small, like words misused or switched tenses. I also had an issue with some of the sentence structures where it was just constructed awkwardly. You could easily pick these mistakes up if you reread your fanfic again.

Story plot: 21/25

At first you built up a beautiful, original, solid base but then you added this lack luster ending. It had a really strong foundation filled with angst and action but it all led to a little confession and a kiss.

There was a lot of plot holes too. The first would be Kris’s role in the fanfic. Why was he there with Kai in the first place? I know that you wrote about Kris’ situation in the author’s note but if you had to explain the situation to the reader, then that part needs to be rewritten (or in this case, added in the story itself). Another would be half-dead Kris left all alone forgotten. Jongin and Kyungsoo acknowledged that he was still up there lying on the floor half dead, but the two trained spies just left him there. I was just surprised that you ignored the character's background and went forward into a confession. It didn't fit the personalities you built up. 

Characterization: 3/5

Everyone had a distinct personality but I felt like it just disappeared at the end. Kyungsoo was hurt in the beginning but it all disappeared when Jongin told Kyungsoo his side of the story. A year of anger and revenge but there was no resistance or emotions that portrayed that in the end. Another point again would be the confession where the minds of two highly trained spies just melted away in a kiss. It was just frustrating to see how everything was built up but then let down because of a confession. 

Creativity: 3/5

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5

Overall Grade: B