Revelare

by nightlock08

Drama, Romance

Eversince the day somebody broke into Ji Won's apartment, mysterious events started happening around her. There was only one thing that she could conclude- somebody was after her.

Title: 9/10

The title was very original. "Revelare" means to reveal right? So I'm going to assume that the main idea of this story is the realization of something. Even though it's only one word, it told me a lot. 

Although it's very creative for a one worded title, by a casual reader's perspective, many of them would probably have no idea what Revelare means and won't even bother to look up the meaning. This might take away from the reader’s interest. 

Story Description: 10/10

The story description was so detailed. It made me question what would happen next. This is a type of description that hooks the reader in. 

Vocabulary: 19/20

I love how your story was so explicit and descriptive. It felt like I was actually in the story among the characters. The only thing I had a problem with was the usage of a few words because occasionally a word used would not fit the tone of the story. 

Grammar: 15/20

You tend to switch back and forth between past and present tense. There was also an issue on the wording of some sentences. You might want to reread your story over or get a beta reader to help. It was not a large amount of mistakes, but it was enough to make an impact.

Story plot: 18/25

I think you have a solid foundation for your story. However the plot line so far was very predictable. Some information of the story seemed like it was just thrown in. It needs to be a smooth transition. One example of this would be the introduction of Han Groo and Min Ho. They suddenly appeared into the story and information about them was quickly pushed towards the reader.

Overall the pacing of the story was very nice. 

Characterization: 5/5

Every character had a distinct personality and a background that pushed the story line forward. I like how you wrote the sisterly bond between Jin Won and Shin Hye. It was very relatable. 

Creativity: 4/5

The plot line was very common through out the story. However I am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt in hopes that there will be a twist later on. There was a lot of potential in this fanfic. 

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5

Overall Grade: B

side note: I may be wrong but in Chapter 4: Feigning Innocence, the first paragraph repeats from the first chapter, Midnight Visitor. I just wanted to point that out since it confused me in the beginning of chapter 4.