A/N: Requested by kyonhae912

On air in 3, 2, 1!

In the jungle, a wild Daesung appears, his appearance is described as one who has just woken up with bed hair and is in need of some blush to redden his day.

In this deadly jungle, a predator appears, yes, a wild producer who is now smacking the poor boy till he is fully awake.

“OKAY I’M WAKE, YO YO YO MC DAESUNG IN THE HOUSE! Hello audience, today we will be viewing another crappamazing episode of ‘Best Exotic Bulletproof Men!’ Let’s see what they’ve been up to today. First though, cue the intro!”
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[Introduction]

'Best Exotic Bulletproof Men' is a TV show about 25 idols that have been forced to live in a massive house together. They’ll be filmed 24/7 EVERYWHERE, meaning yes, we catch them doing the deed at times. 

They learn.
They share.
And have fun.
Home share, whole share.
‘Best Exotic Bulletproof Men’ will now start!
This intro was taken from Roommate boohoo T^T

PFT JOKES ON YA THEY ALL HATE EACH OTHER AND THINK TO HIGH OF THEMSELVES. STUPID IDIOTS, THE ONLY REASON WHY WE GET HIGH RATINGS IS CAUSE THEY’RE A BUNCH OF KOREAN IDOLS THAT HAVE GREAT BODIES…oh abs….oh god…the leg muscles…woah it just got hot in here…oh my nose is bleeding…geez this is not a proper intro anymore…

ANYWAYS, 'BEST EXOTIC BULLETPROOF MEN' WILL NOW START!
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[Prologue]

Enter BTS; there’s Jungkook the almighty pharaoh who asks where his GD oppa is at every day, V who 100% believes he’s an alien born from a man’s whose name is Baekhyun, Jimin the Taeyang wannabe, Rap Monster the dance monster, J-Hope the pregnant wifeu of V, Suga who could totally sweeten your day with his nasty insults and the elegant princess, Jin.

Enter B.A.P; here we have Zelo the guy who you shouldn’t talk to cause he’ll start LTE rapping, Jongup who you also shouldn’t talk to cause he’ll just ask dumb questions back, Youngjae who you can’t talk to cause he’s too smart for your puny , Daehyun who you wouldn't talk to cause his face is always stuffed in food, Himchan who you can’t even talk to cause he’ll only insult you about how ugly you are compared to him and Yongguk who you could-if-would-but-you-can’t-so-you-shan’t talk to. Why is that? He’ll gangsta engrish back to you and bash you up.

Enter EXO; too many boys to introduce, k bai.

Combine these 25 hormonal boys together and no, you don’t get a y 25some, you get a very big explosion. 

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[Segment One: GD, YB and Their Fanboys]

On this brand new episode, we see many, many many various things happen. In the early morning, two members from Big Bang decided to visit this magical mansion! These two members are indeed Taeyang and G-Dragon!

After breaking into this magical mansion, they strip and walk into a random room where they start attempting to do the dirty dirty. Maybe they didn’t come to visit us…Oh but then they come running out screaming as a wild Jimin and Jungkook come prancing out with blood noses. I think you know what happens next they have a foursome, JiKook start fanboying whilst wiping each other’s noses with their hands and typing Rated M fanfics about GD and YB with their feet. Next thing you know G-Dragon and Taeyang run out the window bare-assed and are now currently facing the CEO of their company explaining how two members of BTS just died in hospital.

So that happened…Don’t worry Jimin and Jungkook managed to somehow resurrect from the dead.

“WHERE MA GD OPPA?!” exclaimed Jungkook.

“WHERE MA OPPAS AND MY EYES NOSE LIPS?!” exclaimed Jimin. 

And that’s how JiKook ended up in rehab being taught how GD and YB aren’t their oppas. 
~~~~~~~~~~
[Segment Two: The Hyun Family Scandal]
^{Let’s fast forward a bit to after Jimin and Jungkook come back home.}

This show does make a lot of scandals, but the scandal you’re about to read, hear, see or whatever is just shocking. More shocking than B2ST’s Shock and Chen’s lightning powers.

It was supposed to be a great day for the Hyun Family; Daehyun, Baekhyun and Taehyung (V). According to these dummies, Daehyun was 3 and Baekhyun was 4 when lovely V was born. What they explained to us that day was too…how do I explain this? Ah it was a you-had-a-little-icypole-i-had-a-little-cockadoo type of talk.  

That great day turned bad when Got7 suddenly showed up. Let’s just say after they visited, Jimin and BamBam started cuddling. No one even knew why, until BamBam started screaming and koala hugged Daehyun and saying things that shouldn’t have been said .

“KYA APPA IT’S BEEN SO LONG! SO GLAD I GET TO SEE YOU AND MAMA AGAIN!”

All of EXO, BTS, B.A.P and Got7 stopped, looked, listened and thought. If looks could kill, Daehyun would be dead because 'like mother like son', Baekhyun and V were both glaring at Daehyun.

“Wait, so you my friend had another baby at 4 with a 2 year old named Jimin and had a baby named BamBam. WOW. So young yet so damn deadly, you even tried flirt with me legit twenty minutes ago rubbing cake on my thighs. What the frick frack bro, such a cougar Daedae, but soz not soz I never shipped DaeJae myself,” Youngjae stated in a intellectual way whilst Daehyun thought to himself Youngjae, have you ever learnt to shut your damn mouth?

And with that Baekhyun and Taehyung’s eyes popped out of their heads, turned into guns and killed Daehyun like in the ‘One Shot’ video, or in which this segment just ended with a dead Daehyun and a broken Hyun Family.
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[Segment Three: Preggo J-Hoe]

We start this segment with a J-Hope screaming in agony, “UGH V STOP KILLING YA DAMN FATHER I THINK MY WATER BROKE.”  

“OMMONA TOODLE DOO EZ MY WIFE IS HAVING OUR FIRST BABY!” V screams in a manly tone as they rush out the window. Yes, window, not door. The door was 2013 guys...windows are the new thing!

“Pft I don’t even care. How stupid are they? I can afford a damn doctor to come to this house with my black credit card.” Yes Suho we know you’re damn rich you cocky bastard. Weird thing is, as if Suho jinxed himself, B2ST come in dressed as nurses. This is all happening whilst Got7 leave like ninjas.

“B2ST HERE TO DELIVER THE BABY,” they shouted. “AYE WHERE THE BABY AT?” 

No worries, as if B2ST jinxed themselves too, V-Hope come running back as a snail with no shell and happily sing their off.

“KEKEKE I WON’T HAVE A FAT BABY RIP MY CAUSE THE DOCTORS JUST SAY THERE WAS A LOT OF POOPOO STUCK UP THERE SO IT LOOKED LIKE A WAS PREGNANT AND IT FELT LIKE I WAS ABOUT TO GIVE BIRTH! It’s okay now though because they all the poo up!” J-Hope’s a stupid idiot isn’t he?

Next thing you know, the sun goes down and B2ST say goodbye as they sadly aren’t needed anymore.

*sigh* this is one big mess…
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[Segment Four: Precious HunHan & KaiSoo]
^{To Admin : Boohoo Sehun tops and Luhan bottoms forever.} 

It’s now the evening meaning this show is soon coming to an end. Before it ends we have a special confession coming up! Both Kai and Sehun are finally proposing their love to Luhan and Kyungsoo, took them long enough.

“CHOP CHOP Y’ALL PEASANTS MY LULU WILL NEED A PERFECT TABLE.” You see, when it comes to Luhan, Sehun is a bit…how do I explain this? Ah yes, up-your-.

The other 21 idols all roll their eyes before cleaning the damn table till no dust shall be found. Half way through cleaning the ugly table they start procrastinating and lie on the floor crying #rollinglikeabuffalo.

King Sehun then says, “ugh stupid slaves, fine imma smack yo tay arses and get some other peeps to help.”

All the slaves bow down as they all roll down the hallway and upstairs into their respective rooms. Whilst they roll like a buffalo, Infinite have appeared to help this disgraced world. This is all happening whilst Kai sits there eating popcorn like a fat pig who ain't actually fat.

“INFINITE AT YOUR SERVICE!” Once again, another batch of freshly cooked idols has been baked, “HAHAHA JKS TOODLEDOO LOSERS.” And that is how Infinite run out of the house flipping the ugly table.

That is how we end up with a Kyungsoo and Luhan slapping the useless Sehun and Kai.
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[Outroduction]

Our own director has abruptly ended the show and is going to have an full album coming out soon!

Here's a tracklist for all those interested!

1. I hate kpop idols
2. Stupid men can’t get preggo
3. Have a 25some already
4. 25some
5. 12somes are better
6. 25somes  
7. Go away (25some remix)
8. Don't go (12some remix) 

Admin Hope : if you guys start seeing us comment on our own fanfic, that's cause we are giving each other motivation LOL 
AND I'M SORRY KYONHAE912 IF I DIDN'T DO ALL OF WHAT U SAID LOLOL
ALSO SORRY THAT I DIDN'T EVEN MENTION ALL 25 IDOLS OTL. 

Admin : omg. I LOVE THIS CHAPTER, BTW DONT JUGDE MEH ON HANHUN. I like the part how B2ST entered, it gave me a little thought OuO tho Doojoon would look weird but he be enjoying it anyways.