Monday, April 20, 2015...


It was a happy sunny day in the lovely month of April. As usual, one certain three-year-old little boy was playing happily with his friends at the daycare, not really having a single reason to worry about life. He was more of a quiet one, but certainly not anti-social. That day he was just listening closely to a big-eyed boy, one of his close friends, blabbering about the thing called "manliness". It was their new word of the day.


"My daddy said, manliness for boys, not for girls!" The tanned-skinned two-year-old boy explained to the other kids, moving his arms around excitedly, "I'm a boy, boys protect girls. When I'm older, I'll be strong! Stronger than girls!"


"Jongsoo-ya, how to know you're boy or girl?" a boy asked innocently.


"Easy! See," the boy – Kim Jongsoo – pulled his twin sister closer to him by the hand and pointed at her head, "Eunsoo has long hair. Girls' hair longer than boys'! If your hair short, you're a boy."


The quiet little boy, Luhan junior, reached his little hands up to feel his hair. It wasn't as short as Jongsoo's hair, but not as long as Eunsoo's either. Then was he a boy or a girl, actually?


"And then," Jongsoo continued confidently, "boys have peepee, but girls don't!" He sure talked a lot for a two-year-old, just like his father. Soon he was turning three and he'd talk even more. Unlike his twin sister, who preferred staying quiet and listening to him, staring at him with her adoring big eyes all the time.


"Jongsoo oppa, what is peepee?" a tiny pale-skinned, short-haired girl named Byun Bomi asked, cocking her head to the side.


"It's this," Jongsoo pointed at his crotch, "the funny hanging thing, you can pull it!"


The pretty little girl next to Bomi crawled closer to Jongsoo and reached out her hand towards his crotch, opening and closing her fingers as if trying to grab it. “Pull?”


“No, Sarang-ah, don’t touch! No! Shoo!”


"Wait… So Eunsoo doesn't have?" another big-eared chubby boy asked with round eyes, "But Eunsoo and Jongsoo are same! Let me see!"


The chubby boy tried to lift Eunsoo's skirt, but his hand was immediately slapped away by the pissed off Jongsoo. "Naughty Dongchannie! Don't touch my Eunsoo!"


The two-year-old boy, Park Dongchan, scrambled away immediately and hid behind his one reliable tiny noona, curling like a scared cat. "Bomi noona, Jongsoo baaad~! Jongsoo hit Dongchannie~" He cried and pouted childishly, while Bomi hugged him and patted his back in a motherly manner.


"There, there, Dongchannie~"


As the little quarrel took place before him, quietly Luhan junior placed his hand on his crotch and pulled it a little, and then sighed in relief, cutely rubbing his chest. His little friend was still there. So he must be a real boy, right?


"Xiao Lu, what are you doing?"


"Oh, H-Hyejoo noona!" the doe-eyed boy hid his hands behind his back immediately. "Xi-Xiao Lu was checking... if Xiao Lu was a boy or girl."


The long-haired girl laughed as she ruffled the blushing boy's hair. "So are you boy or girl?"


"Boy," the younger answered almost immediately. "Dongsoo said, boys protect girls... Dongsoo protects Eunsoo. Then Xiao Lu will protect Hyejoo noona."


Hyejoo giggled and squeezed the boy in her arms. "Thank you, Xiao Lu! But you say wrong name again. Jongsoo, not Dongsoo! And Jongsoo is wrong, girls can be strong too. Noona will show you. Let's go to backyard!"


Hyejoo took her little friend's hand in hers and pulled him up onto his feet, pointing at the opened door at the back. Before being pulled away, the baby boy called out to his friends, "Dongsoo-ya! Jongchannie! Let's play outside!"


"It's Jongsoo!"


"Dongchannie!" Jongsoo and Dongchan corrected him, making him grin and scratch the back of his head clumsily. No matter how many times people corrected him, sometimes he still got people's names switched.


Since it was break time, the kids were allowed to play at the backyard. Hyejoo picked a toy apple and placed in on the table near a tree, and then grabbed an abandoned small soccer ball and set it on the ground, close to her feet.


"Watch, Xiao Lu. Daddy Minseokkie taught me this." The little girl pulled her foot back, and then with a quite powerful swing of her leg, she sent the ball flying towards the toy apple several feet away, knocking it off the table.


"Wooahh!" Xiao Lu clapped his hands and jumped around, cheering excitedly, "Hyejoo noona is cool! Teach me, teach me!"


"Noona will teach Xiao Lu," Hyejoo grinned and gave a thumb up, "because it's Xiao Lu's birthday!"


The little boy's jaw fell open, gawking at the other ever so cutely. "Hyejoo noona remembered Xiao Lu's birthday?"


Suddenly Hyejoo threw her arms around him, and then before he could realize it the other kids had swarmed around them out of nowhere, drowning his tiny body in between theirs.


"Happy birthday, Xiao Lu! We love you!" Luhan junior squeezed his eyes shut and giggled, getting wet smooches on both of his rosy cheeks from Jongsoo and Dongchan.


"Thank you," the baby giggled shyly, "Don't forget the gifts~"


"Here, hyung, gift from me!" Dongchan ran away and bent down to pick something on the ground, and then returned back with a big rock in his hands, stumbling and falling onto his palms in process. Getting up immediately, he handed the rock to the older boy with a very bright grin on his face that showed off his pearly white teeth, exclaiming innocently, "Pretty rock!"


Even though the baby deer couldn't hide the disappointment, still he tried to force a smile as he took the rock and put it in his pocket. His daddy taught him to be a grateful kid anyway; Dongchan had had to fall down to get his gift, so he had to accept it with a happy heart. "Thank you, Dongchannie, I love you~" he hugged the younger baby and puckered his lips for a kiss on his chubby cheek.


It was then Jongsoo’s turn to approach him. When it came to Jongsoo, the Chinese-Korean baby deer somehow found himself so shy, even shier than usual. Even though the talkative baby was several months younger than him, he had that dominant aura of a leader; maybe because he had a younger twin sister to protect and take care of. Or maybe it was his somewhat darker skin that added more to his manliness, unlike his sister’s smooth, fair skin, despite his owl eyes that only made him look so adorable. Just like his daddy Kyungsoo. Besides, even though Jongsoo was younger, their bodies were almost the same size. Not because Jongsoo was big, but because the baby deer was that tiny. Xiao Lu had never acted like the older one either, so Jongsoo didn’t hesitate to act like a hyung towards him.


“Xiao Lu,” Jongsoo called softly and patted his head, “Jongsoo didn’t bring gift, Jongsoo sorry. But Jongsoo will come to Xiao Lu’s house! Have bath together, and peepee fight!”


The older baby brightened up at the idea. They both took after their daddies anyway; peepee fight, old bathroom game of Kim Jongin and Oh Sehun. The two babies jumped around in pure excitement, giggling as they hugged each other. Jongsoo cupped his older friend’s cheeks in his small hands and pursed his lips cutely, pecking him on the lips, being the innocent babies they were. Not wanting to miss the excitement, all of a sudden Dongchan jumped at them and threw his arms around them, making the girls laugh seeing them stumble together and roll on the ground like a giggling big ball.


The babies had fun, but not their poor teacher. She got to clean them up before their daddies came.

Sehun’s POV


"As sweet as honey,
Your smile is so sweet as honey
Just like the way flowers bloom
In the spring breeze,
In the spring breeze

I wonder where on earth,
Where on earth I've seen you?
Your smile is so familiar to me
But I still cannot remember where

Ah... In my dreams.

(Luhan – Tian Mi Mi)



I was staring at him again. Luhan; I had been dreaming about him lately, almost every night and every time I took a nap. Could it be that I was just missing him? Sometimes he appeared so angelic and beautiful, but most of the time he was hot and y. Maybe my body was craving for him too. I hated it when I woke up in the morning finding my pants sticky with my love seeds that were supposed to be inside Luhan, I had to wash them by myself because I was too embarrassed to let Minsoo see and even touch them. What if she got pregnant?


Well of course she wouldn’t. But who knows…


This time, in my dream, Luhan was sitting on a white wooden swing. There was our baby in his arms, he was singing softly for him. Both of them seemed so contented having each other’s company.


I saw our son reach out his hand and touch Luhan’s cheek, looking at his face as if he were an angel. “Mommy?” he called with his soft, tiny voice of a child.


I couldn’t help but chuckle seeing Luhan’s startled face. He stopped singing and tried to explain, “No, baby, don’t call me mommy. I’m a man, you have to call me daddy.”


“…Mama Lu.”


“Uh uh. Not that either. Daddy.”


“Umm… Daddy? Daddy Lu?”


“Yes, that’s right!” When our son finally made it to call him right, Luhan beamed and lifted him up in his hands, staring up at his tiny happy face with his warm, loving gaze. “Daddy’s son is so smart, hmm?” he nuzzled their noses together, giggling softly like the manly father he was.


That smile. I could never get enough of that angelic smile, so sweet and pure like sugar and honey. No one could ever smile as beautifully as him. Seeing him smile that way in my dream, as if he had no worries at all in his life, I did realize how bad my longing for him was. It was like a deadly disease that couldn’t be healed, unless he himself came back to me and released me from that suffocating feeling, gave me the sweet relief that I needed the most. I wanted that to happen for real, not only in my dream, because when I woke up I’d only feel worse.


Somehow the scenes in my dream kept changing; I saw Luhan play with some toy cars together with our baby, and then I saw him feeding him while watching cartoon on TV, just like what he used to do to me back then. I saw them run around and play with a soccer ball at the park, saw them eat ice cream together, saw them have a bubble bath together. They were laughing and smiling all the time, but I was getting envious. I wanted to spend my time with Luhan too.


I started calling out to him.


“Luhan. Luhan. Luhaaaaaaan. Luhannie.” I pouted. He couldn’t hear me.


When the scene finally changed into night time, when Luhan was tucking our baby in bed, somehow I could make some sort of physical contact with him. He was startled when I touched his back.


But moments later, it was as if we became one body, glued to each other with no space left between us. I had yet another y time with Luhan in my dream. When I couldn’t touch him at all in real life, it was the only way I could find some relief, because it always felt so real. I didn’t like the idea of touching myself while thinking dirty about him, so, being as bipolar as I could be, I always looked forward to having a hot dream about him yet at the same time I didn’t want to have one because my body would scream for him even louder.


Seeing him sweat, grunt and moan in pleasure… It was both torture and bliss for me.


“Sehun-ah… Sehun-ahh~ S-Sehun- Sehun… Sehunnie-“


Eventually my quick and hard s slowed down as I furrowed my eyebrows at him. Huh...? Why is Lulu's voice turning like a girl's? And that was when my eyes finally flew open, much thanks to Minsoo the maid, who had successfully ruined my burning hot dream. I shifted my legs a little as I sat up and rubbed my eyes, feeling a bit uncomfortable down there.


"Mmm... Hi, Minsoo noona." Noona. I had started calling her that since more than two years before. I thought she deserved being called that, since we had lived together for years and I had considered her as my own sister. She was only two months older than me though. At first she had been uneasy, but then she was used to it. I didn't take her as my maid anymore.


“Ah~ You’re awake!” Minsoo beamed and gave me a silent applause. “Wow, you’re sweating so much! Have a shower before you go pick baby Xiao Lu. I’ll prepare some food for lunch now, okay~?”


To my relief, she left my room humming cheerfully without having to ask anything about the obvious bulge between my legs. I looked down and pouted at it. How troublesome. Glancing at the clock, I slid off the bed lazily and shuffled my way to the bathroom, following my noona's advice to refresh myself before I went to the daycare to get my son.


While washing myself, my mind wandered everywhere. That day was my son’s birthday; April 20th, the same as Luhan’s. It had been three years since that unforgettable day. I hadn’t really prepared any decent gifts for them, which made me feel like an awful daddy and hubby, except that I had planned a little trip for my beloved son. He was then three years old, he was turning into a man really soon. Hence I considered him old enough to see something new, something that he had never seen before. I didn’t know whether he’d like it or not though, to such a young child like him, it would most likely be very boring. But I hoped he’d understand.


Holding my weight on the tiled wall, I stepped out of the shower carefully and began to dry myself with a big towel. Its delicate smell and fluffiness reminded me of Luhan so much; he used to help me take a shower, wash me diligently, dry me with that towel and wrap it around my body. Sometimes I wished the simple yet sweet moments like that would repeat once again, although it wasn’t much of a deed, his simple care had never failed to give me some comfort inside. But could I still wish for that? When I looked at my own reflection in the foggy mirror, I realized how much I myself had changed. When I had been younger, I had once been a bratty teenager, made my parents and Luhan as my hyung upset. But then, the reflection that was staring back at me was the reflection of a twenty-seven-year-old father, a grown up, mature man who had a three-year-old son. It was so inappropriate of me to wish for being treated like a baby.


But what could I say? I guessed that soul of a baby would always stay there in my manly body forever. I would never mind love and affection. Luhan was the one who had made me like this.


“Ah~ What are you… thinking, Daddy Hun?” I sighed and creepily talked to my own reflection, “You have to g-give a manly example... for your son.” I patted my cheeks and pressed my lips into a thin line. “I’m a manly daddy. Yeah.”


After checking myself out in the mirror a little bit more, showing off my perfect body shape – but not that strong – to myself, I went out of the bathroom wrapped in towel and got myself dressed. A simple body fit black V-neck shirt and a pair of dark blue jeans were enough for me, I thought I didn’t have to dress like a model or a k-pop artist just to go to a daycare. I was naturally gorgeous enough. That was what the mommies at the daycare said. Yet, doing my hair a little wouldn’t hurt, no?


Speaking of hair, it was back to black again. I didn’t want my son to learn about hair coloring since young age, otherwise he’d be like his daddy Luhan when he grew up; changing hair color as often as changing his boxers. He’d be punk.


I threw myself into my black Mercedes – bought with my parents’ savings – and greeted the driver, “Good morning, hyung!” I called him hyung because he was only four years older than me. And guess what? He was Minsoo's husband.


As usual he returned my greeting with a friendly one, along with a salute and an eye smile through the rearview mirror before we drove away to the daycare just down the block.


A few moments later, I got out of the car gracefully with my hand holding my crutch that I didn't really need actually, flashed a friendly eye smile at the mommies who were grinning and waving at me and the handsome daddies waiting for their children outside. By handsome daddies I mean my other hyungs, beside them, there were no other daddies. All of them were females. It had been strange enough that my other three hyungs – Kyungsoo hyung, Lay hyung and Tao hyung – had also gotten pregnant, even Kyungsoo hyung had gotten twins. If we had known that it would have happened that way, Luhan wouldn't have been so upset the first time he had found himself pregnant. Then, our children were all in the same daycare, except Kris hyung and Tao hyung's one-year-old son, who was still too young to go to the daycare. His name was Wu Zhuyi and he had Kris hyung's angry bird face. Also another tiny baby boy, only eight months old, named Kim Xiaoyun. He was Junmyeon hyung and Yixing hyung's son, Sarang's little brother. Sarang had Junmyeon hyung's face, but the baby boy's was more like a shining angelic one, just like Yixing hyung. He was basically the maknae of the kids’ group and my baby treated him like his own little brother.


Soon a very kind and patient young female teacher opened the door and all the kids walked out slowly in a row like some cute little ducklings. I had always loved kids, they all looked so adorable in their cute outfits. But personally, I still thought my child was the cutest. I could see him waddle out of the door in his short blue overall that was covering his long sleeve white shirt with light blue stripes. A Donald Duck cap was on his head and a blue Pororo backpack was hanging on his back, his tiny hands clutching its straps tightly. When he saw me, a very cute smile bloomed on his face as he waved his hand at me and called me with his cute voice, "Daddy Hunnie!"


He ran to me and hugged my leg. I could only pat his head, while the other parents lifted their children up in their arms and kissed their cheeks. I had always wanted to do that when I picked my child, so he wouldn't get envious of the others, but I couldn't. Back then when he had been younger I could have carried him, but then he had grown bigger and heavier – although he was still a tiny one – and my muscles were too weak to carry him. Sometimes it made me feel like I had failed being a good father. He once had cried because I wouldn't lift him, but then he seemed to understand; he had never asked to be carried anymore. I was so glad to have a son with such a lovely personality and a mature way of thinking, maybe he got it from his Daddy Lu?


"Xiao Lu, how was... your day?"


"It was good, Daddy!" he shoved his hand into the pocket of his overall and pulled something out, showing it to me with an innocent beam plastered on his face.


I cocked an eyebrow and smiled questioningly. "A rock?"


"Dongchannie gave this to Xiao Lu. A birthday present!"


I chuckled and shook my head. Kids. "Have you... said thank you to h-him?"


"Yup!"


"Good boy. Keep the rock... in your pocket, so you w-won't lose it!"


I saw Jongin and Kyungsoo hyung approach me with their twins in each of their arms; Jongin holding the boy, Kyungsoo hyung carrying the girl. I was about to greet them when a little boy, quite bigger than my son, came and poked my baby's shoulder.


"Xiao Lu. Why does your daddy always hold that stick? He walks weird."


I was a bit taken aback, but my baby seemed rather unhappy. "Daddy Hunnie doesn't walk weird."


"He does. My daddy doesn't walk with a stick."


Jongin and Kyungsoo hyung stood next to me and watched the kid silently before shifting their worried gazes to me. Suddenly Xiao Lu hugged my leg protectively and furrowed his eyebrows cutely at the bigger boy, and I hadn't expected him to defend me, "So what? Daddy Hunnie is a good daddy! Xiao Lu doesn't mind the stick. Besides, daddy Hunnie doesn't use stick at home!"


It came to my mind that three years had passed, but he still kept Luhan's message in the back of his head; he had always loved me, protected me from some kids’ innocent but blunt and heartless comments. I wasn’t really sure if he remembered the message or if it was just how he was, but what really mattered was that he did it with all his sincerity. There had never been any moments when I couldn’t feel his love to me radiating from his eyes.


Ignoring the angry flame in Xiao Lu’s eyes, the other boy glanced up at me and said mockingly, "He will walk weirder without stick. Like penguin! He talks weird too!"


Alright, it was just a child's comment and he was right actually, but I personally thought it was still quite humiliating. He had just made the baby inside me sad.


"No! Don't talk bad about Xiao Lu’s daddy! Go back to your mommy, shoo!" Xiao Lu stomped his foot and swung his hand like shooing a chicken away.


Out of the blue the boy in Jongin's arms squirmed and slid down his body, went to my baby and hugged him protectively. He calmly said to the bigger boy, "Don't talk to Xiao Lu, you're bad. Uncle Hunnie has stick to protect Xiao Lu, if anyone bad to Xiao Lu, uncle Hunnie will hit with stick. He'll hit you with stick. Go!"


"Yeah, go!" his twin sister supported him, furrowing her eyebrows as well. The other boy was dazed for a moment, gaping at me before he finally ran back towards his oblivious mother, who was having a quite serious talk with the teacher. Maybe he was indeed a naughty one. But should I be offended by a child's comment? He was just being honest.


Jongsoo patted my son's head and asked like a hyung, "Xiao Lu okay?"


My little baby deer had a cute pout on his somewhat flushed face, but in the end his smile returned because his younger friend gave him a peck on the cheek. "Xiao Lu okay," he nodded happily, and then he looked up at me and asked sweetly, "Daddy okay?"


I nodded and smiled reluctantly. "Of course he's okay," Jongin chuckled and slung his arm around my shoulders, "Don't you think he's cool with his stick, Xiao Lu? Like Jongsoo said, if there's a bad kid just tell your daddy and he'll swoosh his with his stick like a golf ball!" He put his hands together and swung his arms, pretending to hit a golf ball while making a stupid happy face. The kids laughed because of him, even I did too, a little bit. Yeah, my best buddy always made me feel better.


My other hyungs then came to join us with their children; Chanyeol hyung and his wife with Dongchan, Baekhyun hyung with Bomi, Yixing hyung with Sarang, and Minseok hyung with Hyejoo. We had a little parents talk and they said happy birthday to my happy baby deer before going home.


"Thank you, uncles!" Xiao Lu waved goodbye at them as I took his little hand and led him to the car. After we were inside, he gave me a concerned look, a cute one that made me chuckle.


"What is it... Xiao Lu?"


He climbed onto my lap and stared at my face. "Is Daddy sad?"


"...No, baby. I'm happy... see?" I raised my eyebrows comically and smiled as wide as I could, making him laugh a little bit.


"Did Daddy Lu come to Daddy's dream again?"


"H-How did you... know?" I made a funny shocked face, actually a bit surprised that he knew.


"Daddy Hun dreams of Daddy Lu every day." He took off his shoes and stood on my thighs, so he was on the same eye level as me. "Daddy misses him?"


I felt quite emotional when he cupped my cheeks in his tiny hands, even tapped my chin with his palm, like Luhan used to do. He was really the baby version of Luhan. "Yes," I answered honestly, somewhat shakily. He encircled his arms around my neck for a hug and patted my back.


"Xiao Lu misses Daddy Lu too. Don't be sad, Daddy. Daddy said we'd meet Daddy Lu today." He made it to cheer me up with that. "We're going there today, right?"


"Ye