"It’s too late but I’m sorry, I didn’t fill you up before

I’m such a fool, I’m such a fool

Don’t leave me, although your heart has already left

I’m so pathetic, I’m so pathetic



 Why did I realize this love now?

Why are tears coming now?

Why didn’t I know you?

Love is so… My love is so foolish."

(Kyuhyun - At Close)

It had been six months since the accident. Things hadn't changed that much; the hospital had become like my second house, I spent my time there more than at home. Even the nurses in the ICU could recognize my face, they always greeted me with at least a nod and a smile each time I went there. I only came home to shower, eat and sleep. I had always been too scared to enter Sehun's room, being the coward I was, so until then only our youngest maid Jung Minsoo who could and I allowed to get in there and clean the room. However, she told me that she had left Sehun's suitcase untouched since the boys had brought it home from the hotel months ago, because she would feel bad to open that suitcase without the owner's permission. I could understand that and didn't really mind it.


Things didn't seem to change that much at the hospital as well, Sehun's visible wounds had recovered and were slowly disappearing, yet he was still a sleeping handsome prince that couldn't be woken up by a kiss - I had tried that secretly - but I still talked to him everyday. Only my faith wasn't as strong as before, I felt bad that I doubted he could really hear me. If he could, why wouldn't he wake up after I had begged him everyday for months? Was it because he was angry at me?


Actually, after being in coma for a month, Sehun had shown some improvements that had made me thought he had been about to wake up really soon. Sometimes he made sounds like or whimpering when the doctor tested his reaction to pain, or even without any causes, he could get startled by a loud sound, and also cried and smiled involuntarily without any apparent reasons. He even opened his eyes too in a sleep-wake cycle, I had almost jumped and screamed in joy the first time he had opened his eyes, but then after testing him the doctor had explained to me that Sehun was in vegetative state, where he was still completely unconscious yet accompanied with involuntary eye-opening and closing. Those signs that made him seem to be awake and alert didn't mean that he was actually awake. He still couldn't interact with his surroundings; no purposeful movements, no speech or other forms of communication, no recognition and emotions, no ability to respond to what people said to him or told him to do. The doctor said this vegetative state could even last for years and that meant I still had to wait for uncertain time until he woke up for real. Once again my hopes were crushed. Nonetheless, Sehun's doctor, Kim Junmyeon, kept telling me that I should be grateful because Sehun was still alive. It was already a miracle that he could survive such a bad accident. He had had to go through more than one surgery and so far he had been doing pretty well. Doctor Kim always encouraged me by telling me that Sehun was a strong one, somehow he believed that Sehun didn't have to take years to come back to me. I also wanted to believe that.


That aside, my relationship with Minseok was getting better, we were still friends and I was so glad that he ddin't hate me, although sometimes things could get a bit awkward between us. His parents had been angry when they had found out I had dumped their son, it had made me really sad since to me they were like my own parents too. However Minseok had assured them that he would be okay and that I was probably not the right person for him, because we were best friends and that was permanent. He was still hurt, but he had defended me. I couldn't have felt guiltier. About the house that we had bought together, I had decided to let him have it all for himself, while I stayed at my old house with the maids. He was still too hurt to live there alone, but he was doing pretty well in nursing and recovering his heart. While he was doing so, someone else was also trying to approach him and he didn't seem to really mind it.


Chen could be the right person for him, I supposed.


Our friends knew about what had happened to us, I was grateful that I had such real friends who could understand me. They were supportive to both me and Minseok. However they didn't come for a visit to the hospital that often anymore, from almost everyday to only once or twice a week. Some of Sehun's friends from his university also came from time to time. I completely understood, although Sehun and I had these eight best friends of ours, they also had their own lives. However, some of them came more often than the others; Jongin and Kyungsoo came frequently to take care of Sehun for me, while Chen and Minseok usually came to bring me some food or just to accompany me. Actually I also had things to do besides sitting in the ICU for hours, I had a job to be taken care of, yet fortunately my job didn't require me to stay at the office all the time so usually I brought what I had to finish to the hospital and controlled my people by phone.


I could say that the biggest change that happened to me was my manliness; I cried so much like an unstable teenage girl. I got emotional so easily when it came to Sehun. Each time doctor Kim Junmyeon told me about bad things that were happening to Sehun's body, I would cry at least half an hour because I was scared that he'd give up struggling for his life and leave me alone. There was nothing I could do to pull him out of his sleep or at least make his condition better, I could just wait with all my anxiety and uncertainty.


One day Doctor Kim told me that Sehun had gotten some infections. He had one in his urinary tract because of the catheter, it was giving him high fever, while the one in his respiratory tract might develop into pneumonia. I hadn't known his condition could worsen to that point. Those infections were the effects of him having tubes sticking into him for too long, but the medical unit didn't have any choices, they couldn't take them all off because he still needed them. The doctor said that many patients in vegetative state died after six months since the original brain damage occured because of these infections and some organ failures, or even had sudden death with unknown causes. Then I supposed maybe I should be grateful because Sehun wasn't one of those poor patients; Sehun was still alive and wouldn't die before he got old, he would also never die a sudden death, I kept telling myself that. I had been waiting for months for him to wake up, not to leave me permanently.


In addition to those infections, Sehun was also having some bed sores, his skin where his body made contact with the bed the most for so long was turning red. They said they were trying their best to fix all those problems in his body. I didn't really understand how bad they could get, so I often found myself plotting the worst scenarios relating to his physical problems. They always ended up with my worst nightmare. Whenever I thought of Sehun leaving me, I would at least slap myself on the cheek. Doctor Kim and Doctor Zhang - whom I had become pretty close to - could always sense my anxiety, they had never failed to make me at least a bit calmer, but then all my worries would come back again each time. I wished I hadn't had to be so full of negative energy though.


That day I came to the hospital early in the morning, right when the visit hours started, to sit on my usual spot next to Sehun's bed. I had developed my own daily routine there; the first thing I did when I got there was to greet him, "Good morning, Sehunnie! Did you sleep well?" and then if his eyes were opened, I would wave my hand before his face, just to see if he was aware of my presence. So far he had given me the same reaction everyday; he just stared emptily into space. That morning his eyes were closed, he was sleeping in his sleep, so I only gave him a kiss on the cheek and sat on the edge of the bed. I took his hand in mine and smiled sadly at him.


"Sehunnie, doctor Kim told me about your infections. I hope you don't feel any pain right now. He said that they could possibly get worse, but I'm sure you'll only get better. I still pray for you every night, like you used to do for your hyungs. They also do, you know? We all love you so much. Oh, how's your skin today?" I turned his body very carefully, lifted his shirt a little to see his skin, and then gently put him back to his usual position. "It's still red. But at least it doesn't get worse, I guess? Don't worry, baby, they'll take care of your bedsores. The nurse will move your limbs and your body more often, so don't worry about it, okay? You're doing really well, keep fighting, Sehunnie." I smiled at him, his hair and kissed his forehead lovingly. His face looked so calm and peaceful. Maybe what Doctor Kim said was right, a familiar voice could soothe him.


I took Sehun's hand and pressed it on my cheek. Smiling shyly I told him, "Sehunnie, I had a dream about you last night. It was a happy dream. Remember when we went on a date to the beach? We played in the water together and you carried me on your back when a big dog followed and chased us around," I laughed softly, "We should go to the beach again after you wake up." My shy smile then turned into a sad one. "You drew a picture in the sand. A big heart with our names in it. I still remember that like it happened yesterday. That day we made a pinky promise and you took a picture of our linked fingers as the proof. I wonder if you still keep that picture too." I paused and bit my lip, heaved a long breath to stop myself from getting too emotional. I locked my sad gaze on his handsome face as I slowly leaned forward and planted a kiss on the corner of his lips. Pressing his palm against my chest, I whispered to him, "Can you feel it? My heart, it's still beating fast for you. I'm madly in love with you, Oh Sehun. I want to fulfill our pinky promise that we made that day. I want to stay together with you forever. You...You still remember our promise, right? You won't forget it, right? Y-You won't die like those other unlucky patients, you won't leave me because we still have to fulfill our promise. You'll wake up for me, right?"


I knew I couldn't expect any answers from him, yet I was desperate to hear a "yes". I needed him to assure me, to prove that what Doctor Kim once said to me, about the possibility that he could lose his memory permanently, would never happen to him and that he'd return to the old Sehun I really loved. But because I didn't get anything, I began to feel all emotional. I wrapped my arms around his body carefully and bit my lip as I struggled to hold back my tears. As my eyes fluttered closed, I parted my lips and let my voice softly flow out of my throat into his ear, whispering my heart out in a song.



"My love... I love you, I love you

Are you listening?

My love, please don't forget

Please don't erase our love..."

(Taeyeon - I Love You)



When I pulled back, I saw a teardrop escape the corner of Sehun's eye, sliding down his thin cheek. It made my own tears that I had been trying to hold finally spill; I wished I could believe that he cried because he understood what he heard, but like the doctor said, his tears and smile were all involuntary and unpurposeful. I couldn't hope too much from a single teardrop.


I quickly got rid of my tears and also wiped Sehun's away with my thumb, but then I retracted my hand immediately when he opened his mouth for a cute big yawn. He reminded me so much of a sleeping baby. Soon his eyes fluttered open and I greeted him with my best smile, which he returned with a blank stare. I ran my fingers through his hair gently and placed a soft kiss on his temple.


The sound of the sliding door behind me being pushed open made me turn my head swiftly to see Jongin and Kyungsoo walk in with Doctor Kim following behind. I got up to bow at the doctor and share a hug with my two friends. They were all smiley that day, somewhat bringing up my mood.


"Thanks for coming this early," I rubbed my nape sheepishly as I thanked Jongin and Kyungsoo, "My boss needs me to come early. I'll come back soon after the meeting. I'm really sorry for troubling you."


"Don't mention it, hyung," Jongin waved his hand and grinned, "We like spending our time here with Sehunnie. Right, Kyungie?" he subtly elbowed his boyfriend's arm.


"Right," Kyungsoo nodded and flashed a genuine smile. "It's pretty amusing to talk to him and watch his expressions."


"Also he seems to like it when Kyungie sings for him," Jongin beamed, "so don't worry, hyung, we'll keep him happy!"


Doctor Kim, who was checking Sehun's condition, chuckled a little and said, "You have real good friends here, Luhan-ssi. There's nothing to worry about. Besides, your brother seems to be doing very well today."


"Yes, thank you," I smiled at my two younger friends, "but umm, Doctor, remember what I told you and Doctor Zhang about the brother thing?" I rubbed my nape uneasily, confusing both Jongin and Kyungsoo.


"Oh, right!" Doctor Kim slapped his forehead, "Why do I always forget about that? I'm sorry, Luhan-ssi. I mean," he flashed a mischievous smile and wiggled his eyebrows, "your boyfriend."


Jongin and Kyungsoo went "Ah~" and nodded their heads, getting what the doctor meant, while I laughed shyly and waved my hands. "No, not boyfriend yet either. He has to wake up first and yeah I guess we need to talk it out. Umm, anyway, I guess I have to go now."


I gave Sehun a kiss on the temple once again before leaving the hospital. That morning I had an important meeting, the core team and the CEO plus all the shareholders would be there, so I had no choice but to come. I had to do a presentation, but sadly I found it so hard to concentrate because I could only keep thinking about Sehun.


As soon as I arrived at the tall building where I worked at, I parked my car and picked my suit and tie at the back seat, put them on quickly and checked myself out in the rearview mirror before heading to the meeting room. When I got there, my boss, the old CEO named Lee Soo Man, greeted me with a beaming face and big pats on my back. I put on my best smile and kept bowing at everyone there. It was not the first time I had such an important meeting with the executives, yet I was still very nervous that I had to go to the toilet three times before the meeting started. Alone in the restroom, I fixed my styled up hair and tie in front of the mirror for the umpteenth time, also made sure there were no wrinkles on my suit. I heaved a long breath to calm myself down and gave my own reflection a determined look.


I raised my fist and said to myself, "Fighting, Luhan! Just think they're some sort of curious bunnies and you'll make it to finish your presentation without stuttering! Collect lots of money for your baby Sehunnie!" Mentioning Sehun's name, I grinned shyly to myself and cupped my warm cheeks in my hands. "Yes~ I'll be more successful for the sake of our future."


My eyes unintentionally fell on another reflection in the mirror and I spun around on my heels swiftly in surprise, clutching the edge of the sink. "Oh! S-Sir!" It was Mr. Lee Soo Man, poking his head in through the small gap of the door, watching me with an amused smile plastered on his face. I bowed ninety degrees immediately as he laughed his way in until he stood in front of me and patted my back.


"So you'd refer to them as bunnies?" he chuckled, making me feel uneasy.


"I-I'm sorry, sir. It's j-just my way to encourage myself. Next time I'll find a better animal- I-I mean a better term! Term, not animal. A better term to mention them and encourage myself. Uh, p-please forgive my loose mouth, I'm terribly sorry, Sir."


My boss held his tummy and laughed hard at my clumsiness. "You're such an interesting young man. I'm expecting a lot from you today." He smiled and winked at me before making his way into a stall. After he had disappeared from my sight, I sighed in relief and rubbed my chest, puffing out my cheeks in embarrassment as I quickly went out of the restroom.


I still could barely concentrate. Sitting in the meeting room like a good boy, I stared at anyone who was talking at the front and nodded every once in a while to respond to their words, while actually I had my mind somewhere else; back there at the hospital.


How's Sehunnie doing right now? Have the nurses cleaned him up? Has the therapist come to move him? Have they done anything to treat the wounds on his back? How about his infections? Should I give a call to Jonginnie or Kyungie and ask them about it after this? Ugh, I really want to go back now!


I was sinking too deep in my thoughts that I didn't realize I was spacing out, staring blankly at the papers laid in front of me on the table. I didn't even notice when someone talked to me and that I had everyone's eyes on me.


"How about we ask our youngest's opinion? I would love to hear his thoughts, he must have less complicated yet brilliant way of thinking." It wasn't that I didn't hear it at all, but I had forgotten that I was the youngest there. I kept staring at the papers until a young guy sitting next to me pretended to clear his throat and secretly nudged my foot under the table. Surprised, I flinched a bit and blinked at the guy a few times questioningly, while he subtly motioned his chin towards another young-looking guy sitting across the table, the one who had just asked me. Just then did I notice all the attention everyone gave to me.


"O...Oh! Y-Yes? P-Pardon me?" The sly-faced guy across the table snorted and rolled his eyes. I didn't see him that much around the office, but right there and then I decided that I didn't really like him. And he too disliked me, apparently, without any reasons I could understand.


"Please give us your ideas to solve this problem, Luhan-ssi," the guy said with a sickeningly sweet smile. He had caught me spacing out.


"I... Umm," I straightened my sitting position and cleared my throat awkwardly, "I..." I'm dead.


Suddenly the guy sitting next to me - my savior - raised his hand and cut me, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but I think I've got an idea that you should consider. May I point this out?"


With an amused smile Mr. Soo Man said, "Oh yes, please, Siwon-ssi. If anyone here have some solutions, please don't keep them to yourselves."


The Siwon guy started talking and I secretly sighed in relief, while the evil guy in front of me rolled his eyes again and sulked like a kid, obviously unsatisfied because he failed to embarrass me further. He narrowed his