"Is it passing away?

Is our love a heartbreaking memory?

You are turning back

Is even tear not enough to hold you back?


Are my tears visible to you?

I long for you the whole day

Even the kiss that made my heart beat faster

Seems to be memory now


My love, I love you, I love you

Are you listening?

My love, please don't forget

Please don't erase our love..."

(Taeyeon - I Love You)

(A/N: caution, not-so-PG-13 at the beginning 8D)


"..."


"Lu."


"..."


"Luhannie~"


"...S-Se...Sehunnie?"


"Aww, you're awake! Good morning, baby~"


Sehun straddled me and showered my face with soft kisses; on my forehead, my temple, eyes, nose, and my cheek, while his hand slowly got rid of the sheets covering my body. Our lips subtly brushed against each other and I parted mine in an instant, desperately trying to meet with his, yet he opted to go down and give another kiss on the side of my neck. My eyes fluttered closed as he nipped and on my skin, though not hard enough to leave a mark. My hand found its way to his light brown hair as he began to leave a trail of kitten , from my neck up to the spot behind my ear, and then slowly back down to my collarbone. His sneaky hand slipped into my pajama shirt and roamed around on my body, groping everything it could find, giving me goosebumps all over my body and making me shudder. I felt something arise inside me, I wanted him to touch me more, I needed more and more of him; it was all like an insatiable craving. I encircled my arms and legs around his body, hugging him tight like a pillow, and started to grind on him. My body eventually grew hot and needy; I was and whimpering, begging him to do something to shoo away the heat, to get rid of my deep longing for him. It was all too unbearable.


"Sehun-ah... Sehun-ahh-"


"Shh," he shushed me, planting a soft kiss on my lips, "It's okay, I'm here."


When I opened my eyes to see his face, I couldn’t stop my tears from spilling out, but Sehun got rid of them immediately. His hand went down and cupped my crotch, letting me rub myself against his palm to relieve my craving of his touch. It was not enough for me, my tears kept flowing out of frustration. I wanted him, after so long, I needed him to take me and own me completely. I closed my eyes again as I bucked my hips and moaned his name.


"Shh, Luhannie, don't cry." Sehun ran his fingers through my hair and gave a to my lips. His whispers of soothing words became intermittent in my ears; once his voice was clear filling my head, and then it became faint, fading away in my clouded mind. I felt that the sensual kiss and gradually turned kind of sloppy and a bit too wet, leaving wet trails all over my face. My eyebrows knitted together finding it rather disturbing, yet I didn't stop grinding on him. I only grew even hotter and higher.


Just when I felt something warm and wet on my chest did my eyes pop open; to my disappointment, not to find Sehun above me, but a small furry brown creature instead. It was sitting on my chest with its head cocked to the side, giving me an innocent look. I shrieked and sat up immediately as soon as I figured out what had happened; that creature, a puppy, had just peed on me. Out of nowhere the maid Minsoo came running in and snatched the puppy from my bed, bowing at me so many times, and then ran around the room in panic to find some tissue for me.


"I-I'm so sorry, Luhan-ssi! Here, here, let me help you," Minsoo pressed a bundle of tissues on my pajama shirt to dry the dog's pee and proceeded to it absentmindedly. I remained dazed all the time, but when she was about to the third button, realization struck us on the head and we flinched away from each other immediately. She apologized again and bowed ninety degrees, while the puppy next to her cracked a naughty smile that made me want to… feed it with lots of expensive dog food and shower it with too much love. Anything but throwing it out of my house.


Pouting and blushing madly, I mumbled to the maid, "Whose puppy is that? Why is it here?"


Minsoo took the fluffy brown puppy up in her arms and gave it a brief threatening look before explaining to me, "This is Jjanggu, Luhan-ssi. Jongin-ssi brought him here. This puppy is his dog's baby. He said maybe Jjanggu could help cheering you up, so he decided to lend him for a day."


"Oh," I scratched my nape uneasily, "That's pretty thoughtful of him."


"I was trying to feed him in the kitchen, but he escaped and ran here. Your door wasn't properly closed. I was going to get in and catch him, but... you were... Umm, you were..." She bowed her head to hide the tint of pink on her cheeks. I was mentally questioning what she probably meant when suddenly my eyes grew wide, my hand grasped my crotch by reflex. My pillow was sticking to it, trapped between my legs; apparently I had been grinding on it in my sleep. I had just realized that I had a wet dream. And she caught me. Well... How embarrassing could it be?


Let me just die. "Uhm," I pretended to clear my throat awkwardly and looked away, "I think you can continue feeding him now, Minsoo-ssi. I... need to take a shower now. Please take care of that puppy."


Minsoo bowed once again before disappearing from my sight like the wind. Feeling extremely embarrassed, I groaned and threw my hand over my face, falling back flat onto my fluffy bed. My face had probably turned as red as a crab by then.


But... I dreamt about him again. I locked my gaze on the ceiling as I recalled my hot dream. Sehun hadn't looked sick at all, his face had looked as handsome as ever, healthy and rosy. I really wished he could get back like that again. He had become so thin.


Thinking about that dream too much made me somewhat hot again. Closing my eyes, I swallowed the thick slump in my throat and slipped my hand into my pants. I knew it was a dirty thing to do, yet I couldn't help but imagine Sehun touching me. I really missed him so bad. I wouldn't ask for too much, all I wanted was just to get rid of the tugging feeling in my chest, it was torturing me. But maybe I just had to live with it; when I had started myself, suddenly came a barking sound, followed by the loud bang of the door. Jjanggu ran back into my room and onto my bed with Minsoo calling him and chasing behind him, but then she spun on her heels swiftly and ran back to where she came from as soon as she saw what I was doing. This time I actually went straight to the bathroom and didn't come out until I had spent an hour in there, trying not to die in deep, deep embarrassment. My pride as a mature man had been scarred.


The next time I bumped into this clumsy maid again, before I could even explain anything she immediately said to me with madly blushing cheeks, "D-Don't worry, Luhan-ssi, I won't tell anyone! I won't remember it either, I'll try, I promise! Your secret is safe with me!"


I covered my burning face with my hand and went straight out of the house. On the way to the hospital that morning, I spared some time to give a call to Jongin. "Hey, Jongin-ah ... Yeah, yeah, I'm doing fine. Umm, about your puppy ... Yes! Yes, definitely, he helped a lot. Made my day. Umm I'm really sorry but can you please take him back? No, no, don't worry, he didn't make any mess at all ... Yes, yes he was well-behaved, such a lovely dog. Maybe I should consider buying a dog too ... Huh? ... No, it's not like that, I'm going to the hospital now and I'm not coming back until night, so your puppy might get lonely at my house ... Yes, you can pick him up anytime, he's still with Minsoo now. Thank you so much, Jongin-ah, what a sweet dongsaeng you are! Oh, and say hi to Kyungie for me."


I ended the call and sighed in relief. I was really thankful that Jongin wanted to help me feel better, but maybe a naughty puppy in the morning wasn't really the right help for me.


It was the third day of my attempt to help Sehun get his memories back. In my bag at the back seat, there were some old discs and photographs of us in the past, some were taken from his room with Minsoo's help. I also put on the silver ring that he had given to me years ago, while on my wrist was our platinum couple bracelet that the pair was still on Sehun's. It had always been there, he had never taken it off. Along with those things I also brought some more of our couple stuff. On the way, I stopped by a bubble tea shop to buy a cup of chocolate bubble tea. It was still hard for Sehun to swallow food, but at least I could let him get the taste of his favorite drink on his tongue. The previous two days, he had made me cry by his harsh and rude response to my efforts, but that day I was determined not to cry.


It was a cold morning in December. Getting out of my car, I put on my backpack and tightened my coat to cover myself from the chilly breeze, rubbed my hands together and hugged myself as I made my way into the very familiar hospital that had become my second house. On my way in, the security and some nurses who recognized me greeted me with their warm smiles. I even met Doctor Zhang, who looked somewhat overwhelmed that morning.


"Hello, Doctor Zhang!" I greeted him, grinning and waving my hand.


"Oh, Luhan-ssi! I didn't see you there. You look happy today!"


"Yes, I'm going to try my best today," I beamed and patted my backpack. "You look tired though!"


"Ah, yes," he chuckled, "I've just helped a mother deliver her baby. So early in the morning! But I'm really happy, another child was born today. The feeling is always pleasant to hear a baby cry for the first time. Luhan-ssi, would you like to have a child someday? Maybe with your Sehunnie?" he grinned mischievously.


I laughed bashfully and scratched the back of my head. "I don't know, Doctor Zhang. You know, both Sehunnie and I are males. I guess we won't ever consult to you," I chuckled, "but back then we made a promise to adopt a child. I don't know if Sehunnie still has the same idea about this. He doesn't even know who I am now, it's still a long way to reach that point. But... Yes, having a child does sound pretty nice."


Doctor Zhang laughed and patted my back. "Oh, but somehow I believe it won't take that long! If you wish for it, and if it's meant to happen, then you will get it. Remember to keep your faith, Luhan-ssi," he smiled and winked at me, "Good luck today."


I cracked a shy grin and bowed at the kindhearted doctor. "Yes, thank you so much, Doctor Zhang."


I continued my way with a creepy grin plastered on my face. A child, huh? It had been forever since the last time I had thought about it; it was years before, when Sehun and I had still been together. Call me old, but I thought I was probably ready enough for that. In four months I was turning twenty six. I'm even ready to be taken forever, if it's with Sehunnie. Out of the blue, my mind recalled the dream I had had earlier that morning. Realizing that such thing could possibly happen in the future, or even much more than that, my face and ears changed color to a faint shade of red. I shook my head hard and puffed out my flushed cheeks as I sped towards the room where Sehun was staying in.


By the time I got there, the nurse had just finished cleaning Sehun up. I bumped into her when I was about to enter the room. She looked kind of overwhelmed, strangely, because Sehun seemed completely calm and happy in his bed. He was playing with Pinku Pinku, shaking it left and right and giggling to himself. After thanking the nurse, I dropped my bag on the chair and plopped down on the edge of the bed. Sehun's face dropped as soon as he saw me beaming at him, as if saying, 'You again.'


"Sehunnie!" I stole a peck on his cheek, "Good morning! How are you feeling today? Did you sleep well?"


Sehun looked startled for a brief moment, and then wiped his cheek where I had kissed him vigorously and gave me a disgusted look. I opted to laugh it off and threw my arms around him, sticking on him like a glue although he struggled to push me away. He was still weak, I could feel it, his strength wasn't enough to fight me. Just when he slammed his fist onto my back weakly did I let go of him and offer him my brightest smile.


When I was about to start my mission that day, suddenly the door opened and the previous nurse came back again, bowing at us, "Excuse me, I forgot to change the diaper!"


My mouth slowly fell open as my eyes unintentionally fell to Sehun's lower part that was covered with a blanket. "Ah... I see. It's okay, I'll do it." Why should I let someone else do it if I can? He's my baby anyway.


The nurse was hesitant to let me take over her job, yet I assured her that I wanted to do it. So she went away, leaving me with all the stuff needed. It was my first time doing that; all done ever so awkwardly, I made Sehun lie on his back and got rid of the blanket covering him, and while gulping nervously, I took off his diaper. I had forgotten how glorious his manliness was, I couldn't help but stare at it with stunned wide eyes. My hands shook slightly while I wiped him clean on his crotch area. I had never touched him so much down there before, I forced my mind to think that I was taking care of a baby, but instead it kept replaying my y dream the night before. Completely in the opposite of my mental state, Sehun was just staring at me, not even bothering to hide his bored and unamused look. My touch didn't have any effects on him. Feeling my cheeks getting warmer, I shook my head to clear my mind and focused on finishing my work quickly before things could go wrong.


Done with the not-supposed-to-be tough work, I heaved a long breath and patted my cheeks to get a smile to come out on my face, getting ready for my main mission.


"Sehunnie, I've brought some stuff for you today!" I grabbed my backpack and put it in front of Sehun. Pretending not to be interested, he averted his head away, but I could still catch him steal curious glances at the bag. He couldn't resist when I took out my first "weapon"; a cup of chocolate bubble tea. His eyes rounded and sparkled as I shook the cup, making the tapioca balls hover around inside.


"...Uh," he reached out his hands to take the drink, but I retracted it and smiled in victory. He furrowed his eyebrows and tugged my shirt in annoyance.


"You want to drink this?" I asked teasingly and wiggled my eyebrows, making him more pissed off. He tried to snatch the cup but I was faster to hold his wrist. "Patience, baby. You know you can't swallow well yet."


I gathered his hands and wrapped them around the cup, letting him feel the chill. "Do you remember this? It's chocolate bubble tea, your favorite. You used to drink this a lot. Back then, every weekend we always went to bubble tea shop together. You bought chocolate, I bought taro," I smiled nostalgically, "bubble tea could always make you feel better, that's what you told me once."


Sehun furrowed his eyebrows, seeming to be digging his blank memory to find the moments I told him. Failing to do so, somehow he became angry at the bubble tea and wanted to throw it away. I took it from his hands immediately before it could fly away and create a mess. Suddenly his eyes watered, making me panic mentally.


"Shh, it's okay, it's okay, don't force yourself," I tried to calm him down, hugged him and patted his back. I grabbed the straw in my bag and put it into the cup, pressed my finger on the tip of the straw to take a few drops of the drink and brought it to Sehun's mouth. He seemed hesitant though, but with my encouraging smile, he decided to open up and let a drop of the drink fall onto his tongue. Seeing his reaction made me realize that he was still the same baby boy after all; a big smile bloomed on his face and his mouth was opened again right away. He pointed at the balls inside the cup, wanting to try them as well. For a moment I doubted if it was okay to let him eat them, he might choke on them. His mouth remained hanging open all the time and he was getting pretty impatient. Getting his annoyed look, I pushed my worries aside and decided to let him try.


And then a naughty idea popped out in my head. I giggled shyly to myself before wrapping my lips around the tip of the fat straw, one of the bubbles until it went up to my mouth. I positioned it between my lips and leaned towards the confused Sehun, pointed at it and flashed a naughty wink at him. Once again he crinkled his eyebrows, probably confused or maybe even annoyed. I was secretly relieved that he hadn't punched me so far.


All of a sudden, Sehun attacked my lips and stole the tapioca ball, making my heart jump and pound hard against my chest. Lots of unexplainable emotions washed over me as I repeatedly thought to myself, he kissed me, he has just kissed me. And then more realization seeped into my mind; he was really awake, he was moving by himself, he "kissed" me. It had been days but it still seemed like a miracle to me. I touched my own lips and gawked at him, while he chewed the ball carefully, seeming to be oblivious to the mess he had just created inside me. Once again I felt like a teenager, to be exact a teenage girl, being kissed on the lips by a handsome boy for the first time. More or less like that. I watched as he held his bandaged neck and swallowed hard, nervously waiting in case he'd choke, but then what I got was only another cute smile from him. His eyes then curved up into crescents; for the first time in forever, he finally showed his eye smile again to me. I was so happy I almost cried. Unfortunately I had promised myself not to cry. Laughing in joy, I continued feeding him with the straw and ruffled his hair like a proud father. Later I let him hold the cup and drink by himself.


Half of the cup, I stopped letting him drink and put it aside to give his throat a break. He was starting to cough a little. "Sehunnie, let's see something else instead. I still have some more in my bag, do you want to see them?" The next thing I took was a picture in a frame. "Look, this is from your room at home! You put this on your desk. You looked at this everyday, didn't you?"


A slight frown appeared on Sehun's face as he took and eyed the photograph. It was a picture of us at an amusement park, taken by himself four years before. In that picture Sehun still looked so young and cute; he was smiling really big, as big as the one on ny face, with his arm around my shoulders and his hand making a peace sign like mine. I looked kind of silly with my hair tied up like an apple, but back then Sehun had said that I had looked very cute like that. Behind us was a giant Ferris Wheel that we had ridden right after Sehun had taken that picture.


"You see that ferris wheel? It was really high to me, but you were so excited to ride it. You know, if you can remember, I'm afraid of heights," I chuckled shyly, "I didn't want to ride it, but you dragged me there. Well actually it's the only ride that we played that day, besides the carousel, because every rides just seemed so dangerous to me. I know, it sounds so not manly, doesn't it? I actually got scared up there on the ferris wheel, and you held my hand all the time, laughed at my scared face," I giggled as I took one of his hands, "I really wish you could remember them all though. You see this bracelet on your wrist? Look, it's identical with mine," I put our couple bracelets side by side, "they both have our initials carved on them. Can you read this? It reads 'Han❤Hun'. I gave you this along with Pinku Pinku on your sixteenth birthday, after you confessed to me. This ring on my finger, you gave this to me in return. Coincidentally you got a 'Hun❤Han' carved on it. In this picture we were wearing these bracelets and ring, see?" Sehun stared at the picture and our bracelets a bit longer, making me wait in anticipation. He even brought his bracelet so close to his face and furrowed his eyebrows deeply as he tried to examine the carving. He couldn't read it, but he knew it looked the same with mine and on the picture. Sadly my bubble of hope got burst when he shook his head and gave the picture back to me. I got even more disappointed when he pushed me away from his bed. Being stubborn, I pinned my to the bed and insisted to stay. In the end he made some annoyed grumbling sounds as he lied down and gave his back to me.


Sighing sadly, I put the picture back in my bag and held his shoulder. "Sehun-ah, I haven't finished yet. Please give me a chance." He slapped my hand off his shoulder and pretended to sleep. That was how he had been acting; one time he would let e talk to him, one other time he wouldn't even want to see my face, not to mention listen to what I had to say. This could change so abruptly. He could be so... bipolar.


I knew he wasn't actually sleeping. I took my laptop and inserted one of the discs I had brought from home. When the video started, Sehun couldn't help but turn atound again, curious because of our voices in the recording. Especially when he saw my face filling the screen; he sat back up slowly and shifted his gaze back and forth between my face and my laptop.


“Un,” he poked the screen and raised his eyebrows cutely at me, making me giggle to myself. So far he could only say incoherent words like a baby, I found it pretty cute. Doctor Kim said his head injury had made him lose his ability to talk properly, yet on the other hand there was also a possibility that he could get along with words better with the help from the therapist. I was only holding onto Doctor Zhang’s words; keeping my faith, I believed that Sehun would be able to speak again.


Smiling softly I nodded and patted Sehun’s head. “Yes, Sehun-ah, that’s me. It’s a video of our date.”


”Lu, look over here. Hiii!”


“Oh, you’re recording already! But we’re not there yet.”


“I want to record this too! My manly Lulu is driving the car,” Sehun had snickered in the recording, while I had cracked a bashful grin. The camera shifted to his own face as he explained, ”So, today we are going to the China Town! Woohoo!”


“Look, Sehun-ah, it’s you,” I pointed at the screen and beamed at Sehun, who seemed a little bit lost. Apparently he couldn’t recognize his own face and voice. His current voice was a bit different though, it had changed because of the tracheostomy that had left a hole on his neck, but the doctor said he’d get his original voice back later.


”We’re going to have some Chinese food because Lulu misses his hometown. Right, Lu? Should we get some hotpot?”


“Yes~ Hotpot sounds nice! Wahh, I’m hungry already.”


“I come from Beijing,” I explained to Sehun, “It’s in China, far away from here. Sometimes we went to China Town to get some Chinese food. You could speak a little bit of Chinese too, you know? I taught you quite a lot of words.”


Sehun didn’t really pay attention to what I said, instead, he watched the screen that was showing China Town in awe. Come to think of it, he doesn’t remember anything about the world outside as well. When it was the part where we had been having lunch at a shabu shabu restaurant, his mouth watered at all the food, instinctively sliding his tongue along his lips.


”Lu, open your mouth~”


“Aaah~ Mmm so good!” My cheeks had puffed out with food as I had flashed an eye smile and given a thumb up at the camera. ”Sehun-ah, put the camera down for a bit. Here, let me feed you.”


The camera moved to his own face; as he had opened his mouth wide in the recording, Sehun also parted his lips by instinct, taking in some kind of imaginary food. I could see that he missed eating real food. The hospital only allowed him to eat soft food in addition to what he got from the IV. I poked his lips teasingly and he pushed my hand away, pouting to himself.


The rest of the video was our trip sightseeing around the China Town, at first Sehun was quite amused, but then he was fast to get bored and even sleepy. I stopped the video and shook him to gather his scattered consciousness back.


“Sehun-ah. Do you remember anything now?” I asked expectantly.


“Urgh,” he grumbled as the answer, lying down and turning his back to me again.


“Oh come on. Seriously? Nothing at all? But you could see that I was with you here, so I’m not supposed to be a stranger to you. I was… I was your boyfriend. Sehun-ah, listen to me. Don’t sleep yet. I know you’ve just woken up earlier.”


All of a sudden Sehun swung his arm backward, hitting me right on the head. “Ow! Ya! What was that for?” He turned his head towards me just to frown at me. I felt the urge to scold him, but couldn’t find the right words to say. In the end I just sighed in defeat and rubbed my head.


“Fine, just sleep then. I’ll watch by myself.” I picked another random disc case from my bag, which turned out to be the recording of the same event as the picture I had shown to Sehun. It was when we had gone to Disneyland, just the two of us. Our parents had even let us have a room at a hotel around there, totally out of their control.


”Lu, come on~ Just this once! We’ve come this far, it will be such a waste if you don’t try anything.”


“No, no no no, it’s too dangerous! You shouldn’t ride that roller coaster too, Sehun-ah. What if you fall off your seat?”


“Why did I have to crouch down near a trash can though?” I mumbled to myself. “Aish, so embarrassing.”


“Goodness, Lu. I’m not like four or something. Hmm, well then, how about we try the haunted mansion?”


“No way! It’s too scary in there, I don’t like ghosts.”


“I thought you were manly.”


“I am!”


“Hmm how about… Oh look there’s a ferris wheel! Come, let’s go there!”


“Nooo it’s too high! Sehun-ah!”


Sehun had pulled me up from my crouchi