December 2014

FNC Entertainment

It’s been six months since we started working on this project. We argued a lot (or usually it’s just me always finding fault in everything he says and does) over the songs, concept, and basically everything else to the point that we decided to scrap it all off and start from scratch. It was also at this time wherein a major change in plans has been declared by both companies.

After several discussions and negotiations (as well as useless protests done by yours truly), it was decided upon that the full-length album plan would push through. The album would contain 11 songs which are also to be solely composed and produced by Yong oppa and I. It also includes the duet version of Love Light and For First Time Lovers (Banmal Song). Those two would also serve as the pre-release singles.

We’re going to shoot a music video for both of it on top of our title track so that makes three music videos in total. Three, meaning, thrice as much effort is needed to resist this namja named Jung Yonghwa.

“Thinking about me again?” He teased me as he entered the studio. I rolled my eyes and ignored his remark as I handed him a paper and my iPod.

“What is this?”

“My contribution for the album. I had Taeyeon unnie and Jonghyun from SHINee record the guide. It’s the only song in that iPod. You shouldn’t have much trouble playing the file. I’ll go get something to drink while you listen to it.”

He reached out to take hold of my hand but I was faster. I successfully left the studio as I made my way to the vending machine. A part of me hoped he’d come after me, but an even bigger part is thankful that he decided to just let me be.

I went back when I was certain that he was done listening to the song. I opened the door tentatively and saw that he had this unreadable expression on his face. I slid him a can of orange juice as I took a seat across from him. I waited for him to say something and when the silence was unbearable, I decided to speak up.

“So….?”

“I..you…this…how? uh…I…” he stuttered as he kept pointing to me and the paper which contained the lyrics of the song.

I didn’t want to dwell in this awkward atmosphere because it reminds me a lot of that day we first met on that variety show. Whenever the memory of the first meeting is revisited, the rest of it follow suit. I can’t deal with that right now. I just can’t. Not when he’s right in front of me.

“Look. We only have less than an hour to meet up right now and if we want to save ourselves from the endless scolding of our CEOs, then we better be productive and present them at least ONE song for tomorrow’s meeting. I don’t have time to decode your stuttering so might as well tell me if the song or if it’s good enough to make the cut.” I replied coldly.

I’ve been treating him this way since Day 1 of this project but never once did he seem affected by my act. It’s like he knew I was just putting up a front and he was just waiting for me to let down my guard and finally tell him the truth behind it all. I want to, but every time I thought I had the courage, I always end up taking a step back.

“Weren’t you listening to our meetings? They said they wanted this album to be a compilation of sweet, romantic love songs. This does not fit into that category! This is a breakup and a sad ballad!!!” he yelled.

I don’t even know why his temper is rising. Shouldn’t he thank me at least for the effort I put into this song?

“Are you implying that I’m deaf?! I heard what they said loud and clear but this is the best I can come up with right now. I’m not exactly getting the right inspiration to compose some sugar-coated love song, so I’m so sorry, Jung Yonghwa-sshi, that my effort failed to meet your expectations!”

I rarely talk back to him but this time, I didn’t know how else to respond but to match his rage with mine. He was stunned by my sudden outburst so I took this as an opportunity to lead the conversation.

“You still didn’t answer my question. Putting that so-called “concept” aside, tell me truthfully. Is the song really not good enough to make the cut?! Was it that bad?!” I demanded to know. By this time, he stood up as he put both hands on the table and answered me.

“It’s not bad! In fact, there’s nothing I can criticize it for. The arrangement, the lyrics, everything! This demo is good enough to be released in public. I don’t think there’s anything else I can do to make it better because it’s already the best.” He raked his fingers through his hair and I sat there, wishing it was mine instead. He looked at me again as he continued.

“It’s so perfect that I don’t even want to imagine where you drew your emotions from in order to create such a beautiful, yet melancholic song.” He said with a low voice.

Now I was speechless. Does he know? That this was the song I wrote two years ago when I finally nailed the last one in the coffin as I turned him down? That this song was the product of my depression and regret of letting him go without even being honest about what I truly feel?

He looked at me intently and I bowed my head so he couldn’t see the tears forming in my eyes. I felt him place his hand on top of mine as he began to sing the song that I wrote.

Nado moreuge jeonhwagireul

(Without even knowing,)

deulgo marasseo naya

(I was holding the phone)

cham oraen maniya

(It’s me, it’s been a long time)

neomu himi deureoseo jabgido

(Because it was so hard, because)

mianhaeseo neoreul bonaen ge

(I felt bad if I held you back)

huhoe dwaeseo hansum man

(Because I regret letting you go,)

shwineun geol

(I just let out a sigh)

I didn’t know what to do other than to sing the next part of the song. I still kept my head bowed low but I felt him gently squeeze my hand as I began to sing.

neomu nollaseo mari naojido

(B