June 2014

Seoul, South Korea

It’s been weeks since I read that old journal, but I couldn’t keep the memory of our first kiss out of my head. I remember how it feels like to be in his arms. I remember how awkward the first few seconds were, until it became perfect. I remember how I felt like my heart and his became one, when we shared that kiss. I remember everything about that day, but most of all, I remember that it was also then when I realized I was in love with him too.

Actually, I still am. I guess I always will be. I just wished I had the guts to say it to him back then because I don’t think I’ll ever get another “last chance” to do so. How can I, when I drove him away? He pursued me, but I kept my pace up and ran away from him. He said he loves me, and I said I didn’t feel the same way.

Did he know me well enough to figure out that I was lying when I said that? That I only did what I thought was best for our careers? If we didn’t carry the weight of the dreams of 11 of the most important people in our lives, would things have turned out differently?

“Seohyun-ah, are you ready?” I heard manager unnie’s voice. I immediately snapped back to reality and decided to push these thoughts in the farthest corner of my mind.

“Ne. I’ll be there in a minute. I’ll just get my purse, unnie.” I answered back.

We arrived at SM and as expected, there were a lot of fans waiting. I waved at them and smiled as I proceeded to go inside the building. It’s been twenty minutes since I came in and I was beginning to be worried about Taeyeon and Fany unnie. It’s not like them to be late.

“Unnie, where are Taeyeon and Fany unnie? I thought manager oppa fetched them an hour ago? Why aren’t they here?” I asked.

“Uh..about that…You see…” she didn’t get to finish as a group of people entered the room.

I wasn’t surprised to see SM CEO’s Kim Young Min, and the founder, Lee Sooman seonsaengnim. The entourage was also the group of people I expected – people from the marketing, finance, and creative departments. There were several others I couldn’t recognize but I assumed they must be the new addition to the team. However, I had the shock of my life to see the two other people who were with them instead. FNC’s Han Seungho and CNBLUE’s Jung Yonghwa. Yonghwa oppa. What is he doing here? Isn’t he supposed to be on a concert tour, fansign event, or filming his new sageuk drama? I don’t understand.

I wasn’t paying attention to what the meeting was all about. How can I, when he keeps giving me that look? I tried not to be so obvious, but every time he’d catch me stealing glimpses, he’d wink at me and smile. Not to mention, his arrogant yet choding smirk is making me crazy.

Apparently, they want us to release a song. If it goes well, then we might even be set to release a mini or a full-length album. Yongseo’s “reunion” marks the first collaboration between SM-FNC.

“In addition to that, we want you two to compose the song and write the lyrics. PD Kwon Dongwan and writer Lee Hwayoung have already signed on to the project. They look forward to meeting you two. You know that your WGM brought them together. They said it’s an honor and privilege to work with the both of you.”

Am I hearing this right? Kwon Dongwan? Lee Hwayoung? I know they’re a fan of the Yongseo Couple but I didn’t know that they’d actually agree to squeeze in this project amidst their very busy schedule. They’re at the top of the PD-writer ladder. Even top stars have a difficult time being cast in their projects.

“I’m sorry, hwejangnims, but would you allow me to speak honestly?” I finally said. They gave me the go signal to continue.

“I think this is a bad idea. Wait. This IS a bad idea. It’s been almost 4 years since WGM ended. Why this sudden reunion? Our ‘dating’ rumors would only resurface. The last thing SNSD needs right now are more scandals.

We haven’t even recovered from the revelation of Taeyeon unnie and EXO’s Baekhyun’s relationship. What more could this do to us? It’ll be equivalent as to nailing the coffin in SNSD’s career. This won’t work. I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can do this.” I said.

“I disagree.” I heard Yong oppa’s voice before any of our company executives had a chance to respond to my declaration.  I looked at him in disbelief as I took my seat while he stood up.

“It’s not a ‘sudden’ reunion since it will take place in June of 2015. We have the rest of the year to drop hints and news to hype up the comeback. Our dating rumors will always be there, whether we do this project or not.

It’s been almost 4 years since WGM ended, but out of all the couples, we are the one who has the strongest and most dedicated fandom. With the amount of fans that Yongseo couple has, including that of our groups’, I think we have a great possibility of setting a record and be successful.

As for Taeyeon and Baekhyun’s relationship being revealed, I think this news would be of benefit to all three groups – SNSD, EXO, and CNBLUE. It’ll take off the attention and possibly die down the heat of the news regarding their relationship as the public will start to focus on us. Since Yoona and Seunggi hyung’s relationship was revealed, everyone keeps expecting us to be next. A comeback such as this wouldn’t deliver much of a shock compared to them.

Lastly, this wouldn’t be considered a ‘scandal’ unless we are dating for real, which we aren’t.” I don’t know if it was sarcasm, bitterness, regret, or just him being a choding when he included that last sentence.

I knew he was right and being logical, but to hell with that. I can’t risk doing this to both of us. I’ve been burned once, I can’t do it a second time. With the ever-developing technology as well as the vast amount of resources they could tap into, I wouldn’t even dare imagine what they are capable of now.

Before, it was just blackmail – a couple of pictures, videos, audio recordings, etc. They made certain that I let Yong oppa believe in that lie and I know those people won’t stop until they make sure that she and oppa will get their pathetic happily-ever-after. What they don’t realize is, that his happiness resides on ME and not HER.

However, I can’t let them harm him, his dongsaengs, or even my unnies. I can’t. I just have to fight him right now even if that’s the least thing I wanted to do. This is for the best. Or, is it? No time to contemplate on that