Junmyeon watched his brother and let out a deep sigh. His brother was being oddly quiet ever since he went home last week. His eyes were puffy and reddish, Junmyeon knew Jongdae might be crying over something, but when Junmyeon asked him, his younger brother would shake his head and smiled forcefully.

Junmyeon didn’t need to be a genius to figure it out. It was enough by asking Baekhyun, since Jongdae has spent awfully lots of his time with that dude.

“He broke up pretty badly with Eunji, hyung.”

Junmyeon didn’t know what to do or what to say. He wanted to console his brother, like he really wanted to, but he knew Jongdae had such huge pride to keep.

“Where’s Jongdae?”

Junmyeon snapped out of his reverie and his eyes met his father’s. He seemed unpleased with Jongdae’s sudden disappearance.

“He’s in his room. He’s sorry for not being able to eat with us. He gets fever.” Junmyeon reasoned out, proud with his flawless lie.

“He does?” His mother looked worried. “Should he go to doctor?”

Junmyeon shook his head. “I’ve given him some meds already. He should be sleeping right now. He will be okay, you don’t need to worry.” Junmyeon smiled reassuringly, like he always did.

Junmyeon took a deep breath and looked away. How can I not worry?

It lasted a month only. Why is your heart aching?

Jongdae hit his chest repeatedly. “Stop this, it hurts,”

Your heart still aches, right?

Jongdae shook his head. “No,”

Lie. Then why are you crying like crazy right now?

Jongdae couldn’t control his eyes to not let out the tears slip out. He lost control even to his own body. It was like everything turned their backs against him, wanted to see how deeply he would suffer.

“I’m not crying,” Jongdae answered his brain.

Then why are tears keep rolling?

Jongdae erased the tears carelessly and looked up, trying to make the tears stopped falling.

“My eyes betray me,” Jongdae answered.

Funny.

“What’s funny?” Jongdae asked.

Everything’s around you betray you, including the one you love the deepest.

Jongdae balled his fist until the knuckles whitened. “She doesn’t betray me, it’s my fault. I’m a fool, I’m being naïve, thinking she will be happy if she’s with me. I think I deserve her,”

You’re being too nice. You think you are a Superman, don’t you? You think you can save her from falling and tearing apart. You think you know everything. You think she will like you back. You, Kim Jongdae, you spend your times thinking, wishing, being so naïve, being so stupid for not seeing. And now look at you.

“I’m pathetic. Happy?” Jongdae scowled.

Pleased. Thank you for admitting that.

“You’re very much welcome,”

So… What are you going to do if you meet her later? You know you can’t avoid her forever.

“I’m turning to the very first page,”

Being strangers, you mean?

“Yes, being strangers.”

Well, good luck then.

Jongdae didn’t smile at all, because he knew deep down, being strangers with someone he loved the hardest would be the most impossible thing to do.

***

Bomi found Eunji was sitting on her seat when it was lunch break. She gulped before patted her shoulder, “You’re not eating?” She asked softly.

“No, I’m not in the mood.” Eunji smiled and pointed her index finger to her table full with books. “I need to do weekly report. Choi Seonsaengnim needs it.”

“I can help you…”

Eunji shook her head. “It’s okay. I can finish this by my own.”

Bomi sighed. “Eunji, are you okay?” She shot her the most important question.

Eunji’s eyes widened for seconds before she asked back, “Of course, I’m okay. What are you asking?”

“Don’t ask me back like that. I asked you first. Are you okay? Like really okay… You’ve been acting like zombie after the break up. Come on, Eunji, I’m your best friend, you can’t keep bottling your feelings inside until they finally explode. I’m here. You are always welcome to talk to me.” Bomi huffed defiantly.

Eunji’s eyes watered, but she tried hard to hold back. “I’m okay—”

“— No, hell no. You’re about to cry…” Bomi sat beside her, “… Come here, you old lady,” Bomi pulled her into a tight hug and sensed Eunji was shifting on her hug. Her best friend was wailing unsoundly. Bomi patted her back and whispered, “… Let them out. Let them out.”

Eunji sobbed, “I hurt him. I hurt him. Bomi, I hurt him… He must hate me now. He wants to leave because he is hurt. I’m… Bomi, I’m…” Eunji buried her face into Bomi’s uniform. “… I’m a bad person… I’m ungrateful… Bomi…”

“Eunji…”

“… What should I do? What should I do to fix everything? What should I do to make things right?”

“… Eunji, now you understand, right? You understand how important for someone to cherish what they have before they lose, don’t you? I know it hurts you… I know it pains you… But you now understand the feeling, right?” Bomi said. “Now, you have to let your heart choose between Chanyeol sunbae and Jongdae sunbae. Remember, Eunji… You can’t have two loving hearts at once.”

Eunji didn’t say anything to reply, so she buried her face even deeper, and Bomi let her.

Chanyeol knew about the break up, not just him, the whole school knew. He found out when Eunji was alone going home and Jongdae spent his times hanging out with Baekhyun instead sending her home.

Chanyeol was afraid to ask. He was afraid his question would make Jongdae mad or Eunji cry.

Chanyeol was afraid to make a move, because he knew he was the reason for their break up.

Chanyeol was afraid to show his real feelings, he was excited and happy, not to be rude on Jongdae, but he was thankful for giving him a chance with Eunji, but he was afraid what people would think about her. What if people calling her easy? No, Chanyeol couldn’t afford that.

Chanyeol was afraid to leave, he was afraid Ara would do something harmful if he decided to leave. He was afraid Ara wouldn’t be so happy about this news.

Chanyeol had too many considerations on his mind.

So instead, he watched.

He watched on how Jongdae would take a detour when Eunji was seen – five meters away from him.

He watched on how Eunji’s eyes sparkled whenever she got a chance to go to his classroom – just to give some reports to her teacher.

He watched on how Jongdae would spare few looks on her and his eyes would sadden – Eunji did look thinner.

He watched on how Eunji would count on her calendar – Jongdae would leave on seniors’ graduation day.

He watched and watched.

He watched until his own heart bled by jealousy and greed.

He wanted Eunji to be his own. He wanted to kick Jongdae away. But his heart somehow refused to do so. Jongdae was his best friend and Eunji was important for him. So, no, he didn’t have a heart to do something terrible like that.

Chanyeol sighed. Should he really wait for his chance to come?

***

Jongdae went to infirmary with a reason of stomachache. He needed some space to be alone. He didn’t want to let his fist drop on Chanyeol’s face and caused ruckus. He wanted to leave this place in peace.

Smiling halfheartedly at the Seonsaengnim, he went to a chamber and found someone, a girl, was sleeping soundly. He walked closer only to realize it was his Eunji.

“Seonsaengnim,” He reached the teacher, who was taking notes, “… What happened with that girl?” He tried to sound casual as always.

“Oh, Jung Eunji?” She smiled, “She passed out. Maybe she’s on diet or something, when I asked her friend, she told me, she didn’t get her lunch few days back. But I already gave her vitamins. She takes her rest now. She’ll be fine when she wake up. Why is that?”

“No… It’s just… I’m wondering…” Jongdae bowed and went to the chamber.

Jongdae pulled over a chair to sit in front of her. He checked her facial features and smiled weakly because he used to be allowed to pinch her chubby cheeks – which are not chubby anymore – he used to be allowed to caress her thick brown hair. Then his gaze fell upon her lips – he remembered how it tasted – dreamy.

“How are you?” Jongdae whispered softly. “Are you okay? I hope you are okay… Because I’m not okay… You should be okay… One of us has to be okay…” He chewed his lower lip.

“… I made you cry that day… I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I already promised myself to never make you cry like what you did toward Chanyeol… I promised myself to always make you happy… But I crossed my own promise…” He choked on his tears.

He wiped them carelessly and continued, “… You should be happy with Chanyeol… Chanyeol is so much better than me… I know you know…” He smiled sadly, “… Chanyeol will make you happier… You need to just wait…”

He heaved a sigh and said, “… I’m sorry for coming to your life. I’m s