DAY 43

It's already one week my mom gone. Everything seems getting as usually back but deep inside my heart, there's empty and cold spot. Well, Im still a human. Every each person that make my life meant a lot, I keep them inside my bright heart. As one left, one spot blackout. Sooner or later, it'll dies due the loneliness. I look at myself into the mirror. I seems lost weight. I didn't look bright as before. Nah, I dont care. I cant be super duper happy after I lost my mom. So I think, everyone wil understand that. I put on some make up on my pale face. I'm wearing a blue pastel dress as I try to look formal. Today is my graduation day and a very precious day for Dad. I really hope that nothing will ruin my day. You know, I dont want any visions of people death or people die in front of me. I dont want that. Please, not this day. My phone beeped. It's Joonmyeon. 

"Hello.."

"Hi. Where are you?"

"Well. Im waiting for my Dad. He promised to pick me up."

"I thought you not gonna come today. Be safe, Soojung."

"Alright then. See you there."

I end the call. Yeah, I told Joonmyeon before Im not gonna make it today. But I change my mind when my Dad call me and asked me about the graduation day. Dad stated that he want to see me on the stage and captured that precious moment ever in his entire life. I smile without any reason as my mind keep on playing what happened between me and Joonmyeon one week ago. Well, there's nothing I could explain when I woke up on the bed with him undressed. I didnt remember what happened but we both slowly fell into the edge of love as we couldnt held on anything. Besides my Dad, he's one of my reason why I can move on from everything. Somehow that night gave me a new life and new self. I do feel down at first because you know, I lost almost everything. But Joonmyeon turned all of my nightmare to a very beautiful dream I could ever ask. You know, action speaks louder than words. I didnt believe at first that he gonna married me after I gave him my all. I thought he will end up leave me and make me a stranger. But he stays and all of his effort these days enough to prove that he gonna stay with me forever. 

My door bell rings. I run down from the stairs and got myself at the door. I smile away as I look a handsome old man in front of me wearing all black. "The tuxedo suits you, dad." I greeted my dad with a big smie on my face. "You look pretty too, dear." he said and I thanked him. "Shall we?" dad asked and I nodded. I walk to the black car that parked in front my main gate. I saw a young man open the car's door for my dad. Well, I dont know who is he. Maybe dad hired a new driver who can do as what he command as soon as possible and yeah, a good looking man. Dad's former driver quite old and I guess, that's why dad hired a new one. I look at his appearance and face. Maybe he got a same age as mine, I guess. I got myself into the car comfortably after my dad. As the door closed and watch he's running towards the driving door , I asked my dad who is he. "My driver's son." he whispered. WAIT WHAT? "Dad, are you gonna hired all his generation to be your driver?" I whispered and my dad burst out his laughter. "If only I can live forever." dad said. I'm not replying anything as dad's young driver got himself inside the car, start the engine and drive. Like seriously, dad can hired someone else than him. In million people out there, why must dad hired his driver's son? Dad can put an interview signboard as a driver in front his house and I bet dad will get a better one even a younger than him. I mean, he's good but isn't he too young for this job? 

As we arrived at my college public's hall, I give Joonmyeon a text. "Let's go." I said to my dad as I walk into the hall's entrance. I saw Joonmyeon running from the hall. A smile spread on my face. That little run gives him a manly looking, I thought. He walks towards and greet my dad first before me. "Hi, Soojung. You quite late." he said and I just smiled. Dad gives me a who-is-this stares. "Oh dad, this is Joonmyeon." I said and Joonmyeon offer his right hand to shake. My dad shakes hand with Joonmyeon. "It's a nice to meeting you, Mr.Jung." Joonmyeon said as my dad just smiled. "Well dad, he is my boyfriend." I said, finally. "Wow, my Soojung is a big girl now, I guess." dad said. "Well, let's go inside. The event is about to start now." Joonmyeon said and lead our way to the hall. As Joonmyeon shows dad his place at the parents' side, he walk towards me, grab my hand and pull me to somewhere.

"How are you today, princess?" he asked.

"Well, Im fine." I said.

"I miss you a lot." he said as we stopped at the back stage.

He let my hand go and walk towards a table that full with flowers. Joonmyeon takes a bouquet of pink flower and hand it to me. "Congratulation, babe." he said and kissed my forehead. "Thank you." I said. I'm searching for something inside my bag with one hand. I take out a small black box and hand it to Joonmyeon. He opens it up. Its a bow-tie. "I know it looks a like Minnie Mouse ears but I bet it will suit you well." I said as he gave me a strange stares. "I will look more handsome, you mean?" he asked. "Yeah, really handsome." I said, hoping he likes it. I actually know that he dislike bow-tie because he said it looks a like Minnie Mouse ears. I bought him bow-tie because tie is so common and I like a guy with bow-tie. He puts the bow-tie on his collar shirt nicely. "Am I handsome now?" he asked. "It's no longer Minnie Mouse ears. It's Soojung's precious gift. Congratulation, Joonmyeon." I said as he smiled away. He gives me a warm hug. "How can I win over you? I cant, I just know how to manage to lose. You're always be the winner. I dont know how to say 'no' when I'm with you. It's always yes." he said as I chuckled. "Can I have receive one more yes from you?" he asked as he released the hug. "What kind of yes?" I asked. He shows me this fist and asked me to open it up. My eyes almost popped out as I see a ring on his palm. I'm speechless as I eyed him. "Will you marry me?" he said. 

"ATTENTION TO ALL THE STUDENTS! PLEASE TAKE YOUR SIT. THE EVENT WILL BE STARTED ABOUT 5 MINUTES FROM NOW!"

I heard an announcement made by someone. "We should go." I said as I walk away. "Soojung," I heard Joonmyeon's called my name out. "This time is the serious one. As soon as posibble, I wanna you be my wife." Joonmyeon said. I continue my walk to my place with a bouquet of pink flower in my hand. I just dont know what to do. What should I do? Say yes? Say no? Why? I mean, why did he propose to me at this moment? Of course, I know he wanted to marry me as soon as possible because he loves me. But the timing somehow is wrong. And I dont know why I just walk away just like that. What's wrong with me anyway? I walk towards my place and take a sit. Somehow I felt sorry for Joonmyeon due my action. He might be a really shameful moment in his life. I didn't mean to do that. I just don't know why I took that action. Just walk away with any confirmation or answer. My phone vibrated inside my baguette bag. I take out my phone and look at my phone screen. My heart bloom a small anxious feels down to my adrenaline immediately. I could feel my adrenaline rush up due the anxiousness. I open up the text that I received from Joonmyeon. His seat is not too far from me. Just about 4 or 5 seats far from mine. 

From : Joonmyeon

"I'm sorry for the sudden propose. I hope, it won't ruin your day. I'll try again, later. I hope that'll be okay? Enjoy your day."

I replied.
 

To : Joonmyeon

"I'm sorry too."

I put my phone inside my baguette bag back. I honestly dont know what to reply but I do feel guilty. The event now begin. It starts with VERY LONG speech from the Headmaster of the college. I got no interest to listen all the speech. When people are clapping, I clap too. When people are laughing, I'm staring the stage with blank stare. My head is full with what had happened just now. What should I do? I keep thinking on the next step that I should take. Its not like I refuse to marry him. Maybe myself isn't ready yet. Or, maybe it just because of the wrong timing for propose. The event continue with the best student of the year speech and give them a special award. Absulotely, I'm not the student but I'm the top ten best student along with Joonmyeon. Joonmyeon is 10th while I'm 7th. I'm glad that this special speech isn't from all the top ten best students because I'm not good in giving a speech, especially about the secret of how-I'm-studying. Honestly, I don't have any secret or tips. I just study. That's all.

The time ticking faster than I thought. I receive a top ten award and certificate of bachelor of pharmaceutical graduate. I don't plan anything yet. Either get my studies further or working or part-time studies while working. "Soojung-ah, would you like to join a dinner with me?" dad asked me as he stares at my miserable face. "No, thanks. Maybe next time." I said, show him a small smile. "What's wrong? You got any unsettle problem that stuck in your head?" Dad asked, holding my hand and stares me with his curious face. I read his worried eyes and smile. "I just tired and inadequate rest. That's all. Don't worry. Drive me to home, I wanna get some more rest." I lied but true at the same time. I realize that I feel really tired after my mom gone. I dont know why but I seriously feel really tired. 

"Go home safely, dad. Thank you for today. I'm going." I said as I get myself out from the car. "Have some nice rest. Call me if you need anything." Dad said and I smile and nodded. I walk to my main door and I see a pair of man shoes beside the doormat. It's Joonmyeon. It's not like I know everything about him inculding his shoes but he's the only man who knows my door password. I take a long deep breath before I open my shoes and put it nicely beside Joonmyeon's black shoes. I open the main door after press up the password and come inside my house. The light on and I see Joonmyeon's body lying down on my couch. "Joonmyeon-ah?" I said as I walk closer to him. His both eyes shut and his face draw a tired face of waiting. "Joonmyeon-ah," I wake him up with a soft voice. He slowly open his eyes. "You're home." he said, smiled with his sleepy face. He changes his position from lying down to sitting down. I take a seat beside him. He opens his left arm widely as I lean myself to his chest. "How's your day?" he asked. "It's fine yet boring. You know I dont like the formal event." I said. "That's what I think about. What our wedding will look a like if you dont like the formal event?" he said, as his wrapped his arm around me; make me even closer to him. "I'll give you about 2 hours for formal event during that day. How's it?" I said. "That's sound okay and better. I wait you walking the way to the aisle with your dad, you'll look very beautiful with the white dress on. We recite the vows, we exchange rings, we kiss in front of people. The pronouncement as husband and wife. I think 2 hours is enough." he said as we both spread smile on our faces. I hold his hand and stares deeply in his eyes. "Let's get married. I want to be your wife, have kids with you. You don't need to say anything any more. I'm willing myself to marry you and I wanna share my whole life with you." I said as his eyes started watering. He takes my hand and lean kiss on it. "Thank you for giving me a best moment in my life." he said and give me a warm hug. "Thank you too, for making me feel alive all over again." I said. I guess there's no reason for me to let him go. I wish the time is stopping. 

I look around me. I see a lot of babies' incubator in front of me but there's no one. There's no baby too even their cries and whines. I walk around the room and see an exit with no door. Through the exit , I could hear a woman's screaming in pain. I walk through the exit and I see a woman is giving birth to her baby. I walk in as no one recognize my presence. I see myself screaming, spread my legs, as I try as hard as I can to push the baby out from my womb. I look really in pain. The doctor keep telling me to push out and there are two or four nurse surround me. One nurse is massaging my stomach while pushing the baby slowly. Another one nurse is monitoring my blood pressure and heart beat. Another nurse are helping the doctor. I see Joonmyeon beside me. Holding my hand as I grab on his really tight. I see him kiss my forehead and wipe my sweat on my face and tell me that everything's gonna be fine, just hold on with the pain for few minutes. I smile as I glad that he's there for me during my very toughest time. I hear someone calling my name, with a low yet scary voice. I look around as I see a mirror. I look at my reflection of myself but..., I just realize the background on the reeflection isn't the same. It's not me who giving birth in the mirror. It's Junhee. I turn around as I'm making sure that is me who giving birth. Yes, it's me; still struggling to death. I look at the mirror back and the reflection of myself talk to me, "Why you must have that baby in your womb if you know you are dying slowly?" I shocked as the reflection of myself smirked. I hear the long beeped behind me. It's the monitor's beeped to dead people. I see Joonmyeon crying and no baby comes out. I look at the mirror back as I see a baby come out and Joonmyeon smiling and the monitor is working fine. My tears come out from my eyes. Which one is my future?

MESSAGE ;

Hello to all my readers! I'm SO sorry for my long hiatus. I'm so busy last year that I don't have any time to open up my laptop. I need to focus on my studies last year and I just finish my high school career and now, I'm waiting for my examination result. The result come out on 16th of March. WISH ME LUCK, I'M SERIOUSLY SCARED!

 I'm working as a teacher at the kindergarten right now that makes me MORE busy this year. After my result come out, I'll be busy with my college. BUT don't worry guys, I've arrange all the story line even the ending. It's all about my free time. I'm SO sorry for those who waiting for the new chapter. I'll try my best to make more free time for this fanfic. I SERIOUSLY WANT TO END IT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE so STAY TUNED FOR MY UPDATE! THANK YOU GUYS! xoxo

much love; kyleyang.