DAY 34

My ringing alarm clock wake me up. I off the clock and get up from my lays. I stretch and exhale my deep breathe. I look at Stella beside me and smile without any reason. Today, I've made a promise with Joonmyeon to visit my mom at the hospital.I'm not sure why but I know that Joonmyeon killed my cold mind. My phone beeped and I know who is it.

From : Sarang-joonmyeon
Good morning, my soojunghan! How's your sleeping? I'll be at your palace soon, princess. Go wash up before I kiss you.

I chuckled. I walk towards the bathroom and open up the pipe; let the water flows. I wash my face and get myself clean my mouth and my face. My eyes suddenly look at the bloody white jeans and socks that I wore 3 days ago at my laundry small basket. That day, I was sleeping inside Joonmyeon's car while he's driving me back to my house and I dreamt about my legs destroyed by the sharp steel and thorn-like metal. My mind still clear with the dream even right now. I woke up from my dream and found that my legs full with the blood. Joonmyeon didn't realize about it; when and how can my legs full with the blood because there's no even a wound on my legs. I take the bloody jean and socks and throw it into the dustbin. "Why you throw it instead of wash it?" I heard Joonmyeon's voice on my back. "You startled me." I said and wash my hands. "I still don't have any ideas about this. What's actually happened?" he asked and I step outside from the bathroom. "I told you, my dream comes true." I said while take a sit on my bed. "What do you mean?" he asked me, stands in front of me."I dreamt that my legs destroyed and when I awoke, that's happened." I said as my eyes pointed the dustbin. "I told you, right? If you need a doctor, I could help you." he said. "Do you think I'm crazy? You see it too, right? The blood comes from no where." I said. "Then by whom?" he asked.

I heard Junhee's voice from the outside of my room as she keep knocking the door. I open the door. "I'm sorry for disturbing. But this, you want it, right?" she hand me a thick book. "Oh, yes, thanks." I said while take the book. "I'm going to work and maybe I will back late." she informed. "Alright, me either. Be careful!" I said and close the door as she's walking away. "What's that?" Joonmyeon asked. "A novel." I said as I read the front page. 'The field of cries'. It's the name of place where I met that angel to tell. "So, shouldn't you dress up now?" he said, as he look at me still with pyjamas. I put the book inside my bagpack and walk towards him. "You promise me something..." I said, tried to change the moods. "What is it?" he said, I could see anger on his eyes. "Nothing." I sighed and go inside the bathroom to take a bath. I might mess him up with my stupid dream story. But what can I lie him so that the story will not become nonsense? I'm telling him the truth, I'm not even lying about anything. The dream is still clear and games on...? Is this what 'you' called games? Woah, what a good games 'you' have create...

"You look unwell." Joonmyeon said as he wears his seatbelt. "Really?" I asked. "Yes. Are you fine?" he said. "Am I ever look fine to you?" I said as I'm wearing my seatbelt. He didn't reply anything but start his drive to the hospital. I got no mood to talk, no, I don't think he got a mood to talk too so I just put my sight at the outside, make a zero stares at the moving cars and the grey roads. 

I see my mom laying on the bed. The bed was made by wood and I could see a dried roses spread full up each corner of the bed. I look around the room. It's only antics furniture and things inside the room. It seems no one use the room for a long time. I look at the outside of the window. It's snowing. I walk closer to the dusty old window. Suddenly, my ears caught my mom's voice, calling my name with saffocated tones. She's eyes almost close, her face already looks so pale, her body doesn't make any move. I could see that she's dying. I change my step to her. Suddenly I see something that stop my legs to move forward. I see a knife on her chest. Blood full up her white dress. "He..help.. m..me..." she blubbered. 

"Soojung," Joonmyeon's voice cut down the vision of my mom. I look at him blankly, but I know he could read my shock mind. "What's wrong?" he asked as he wipes my sweat on my forehead with a tissue. I reply nothing. No, I couldn't say anything. "Let's go." he said as he unlock my seatbelt and get himself out from the car to open my door, as usually. I don't know why but I feel like I wanna cry. I let my tears flow across my cheek and let it wetting my shirt. "Soojung," I look at Joonmyeon's shock face. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?" he asked as he place his hands on my both shoulder. I hug him as my cry became more loud. "I'm afraid..." I mumbled on his chest. "I'm here right now.." he said. He caress my back and push myself slowly on the seat and he comes inside the car back. He hands me a tissue. I wipe my tears as I try my eyes to stop the tears. "You never be like this.. I don't care what you gonna say or do, I'll get you a doctor." he said. "Yeah, get it one for me." I said. He takes my hand into his hold. "I just don't want this continously happened." he said and I nodded while pull back my hand from his hold. "I'm sorry if I offended you but I really worry about you." he said and I just nodded. "Don't just nod me. Answer me." he said. "Alright." I said and I could hear his sighed. "Do whatever you think it is the best for me. I'm not gonna stop you or what." I said. "Soojung, don't you get it? I just don't want you continously being like this. I..." I cut his words. "I know and I also don't want you continously being like this so just keep your words." I said as I get myself out from the car. I'm not hoping that he'll chasing me or what. I really hate when he become like this. Got no mood to talk and so on, he is just not being him anymore and I hate myself for being the causes.

I'm heading the ward with a black plastic bag in my hand. I push the door without knocking and the doctor is checking over my mom. "Oh, I'm sorry." I said as I bowed. "It's okay. Just come in." I heard the familiar voice. "Abeoji.." I said as I look at the owner of the person who welcome me inside. "Soojung? What are you doing here?" the man with white doctor coat standing in front of me asked. He is Joonmyeon's father. "Abeoji?" I heard my mom's voice. "Oh, let me introduce you. She's my daughter-in-law-to-be, Jung Soojung." he introduced me to my own mother. Oh my God, how much I wish to not face this horrible situation. I look at my mom's face and she sighed. "So the someone-that-no-one-know is Joonmyeon?" she asked me. I reply nothing. "Why you are here?" she asked me again. "Sungjoo, don't tell me that you already know her?" Joonmyeon's father said. My mom just keep close while roll her eyes to me. "She is.. my mom." I finally said it. "You don't say that. Am I ever be your mother?" my mom said. I walk towards the side table and put the black bag plastic that got some fruits inside it. "Since I was in your stomach, you're mother." I said while take a small knife out from the black plastic. I take out an apple and start to peel the apple. "So our words back then becomes true." Abeoji said and burst a small laughed. "Yeah, I really don't have any idea for this." mom said. I cut the apple into pieces and place it on a small plate. "How did you know that I'm here?" mom asked. "Joonmyeon told me." I said as I take a piece of an apple to feed her. "Eat it. It's good for you. It's not too sweet but a bit sour. Your pancreas won't get distracted by it." I said. I know she will think like, "what have gotten into you?" because last I did this thing when I was 4 years old, IF I was not mistaken.

She bites a half of it while look at me and I eat the other half of the apple, like I used to do back then. "So I shouldn't disturb this sweet mom and daughter thing." Abeoji said and I just chuckled. "I'm going first. Don't forget to give your mom her medicine. She can't miss any of it." he reminds me and exit the ward. I just let my smile spread on my face. "You don't smile oftenly." mom said and I just smiled. "Want more?" I asked her as I show her a pieces of the apple and she nodded. I don't know why but I feel like I was 4 years old right now. I watched my mom cooked in the kitchen, asked her what is this and that, why we put that inside the dishes and I'll feed her after she feeds me. I smile and laugh like I used to right now. Mom told me that Abeoji is her friend since their high school. They once talked that they want to arranged a marriage for their children if they ever have one and right now, it's happening without their helps or what. I feed her medicine and ask her to take some rest.My phone beeped and it's from Joonmyeon.

From : Sarang-Joonmyeon
Are you alright? Should we take some fresh air somewhere? I'm sorry if I was being too harsh to you.

To : Sarang-Joonmyeon
I'm fine here. I think we should take our own time and space alone to clean up all the mess in our mind. I want stay here with my mom. Take care whenever you are.

Well, there is no easy way that we can through to achieve something. We go up and down and sometimes we are in the middle.It's fine to having quarrel with someone we love. It's make us realize our weakness and make us learn from mistake. My phone beeped and I smile away as I read Joonmyeon's reply. "I love you so much."  It's not because I don't want to be with him right now. I always want it whenever there is some leisure of us. For this time, I cannot just be with him after I got those vision. I really don't it to happened. Furthermore, he's not believing me about my vision and dream but I do believe it. So let me just handle this all alone without involving anyone else. I put my phone inside my bagpack as I take a seat on the visitors couch. I take out a novel that Junhee gave me just now from my bagpack. I open my shoes and put my head on the edge of the couch. I make myself comfortable before I start to open the first page. 'The Field of Cries', there are some words from the author of the book about this book. So the author named Kang Saeha and she wrote this book based on her late sister's book, Kang Saeji. So, who is Yeonmi to Kang Saeji? Why did she wrote about Yeonmi and Jungha? My mind keep plays the same question as I open the chapter one of the book.

I look around where I stand on. Again, I'm here, at The Field of Cries. I turn back and I see a huge tree that now looks so scary to me. I step back slowly and my step stop as my back hit something.. or maybe someone? "Don't be afraid. It's just me here." I heard a familiar voice. I meet her again, the angel to tell. "What now?" I asked her and she just smiled but the smile doesn't looks sweet. "You already about your vision but you got no idea with your dream." she said, keep playing with her words. "Isn't it became true when I'm awake?" I asked. "If your dream became true, you are losing your legs now." she said and I just shut my mouth."Then what is it?" I asked. "Im here for helping you. Im the one who helped them, put the curse on the paper and the curse killed me." she said, with her cynical tones. Sometimes this woman is so scary. Her mood are unpredictable and basically, unstable. "You help me what?" I asked and she eyed me on the tree at my back. I see a bed under the tree and I know it's my mom who is laying on those bed. I run towards the bed and a girl with nurse uniform appear and close my mom's whole body with the blanket. The nurse gone and leave a file on the bed. I take the file and read it. I cannot help myself so I let my tears out from my eyes. I heard someone called me and the voice so familiar to me. I feel someone grab my wrist. I do nothing as I realize that the blanket now gone and my mom wears all white right now. I look at her, from her legs and head.. "NOW CHOOSE..!!"