WOW factor - 8/10

I dare say I was very engrossed in the story, and I even held my breath when Jonghyun had placed his hand over Kibum's heart. I was relieved when he did not rip it out.

Writing Style - 8/10

I really like your writing style. It gives off a kind of subtlety which perceptive readers would enjoy.

I especially loved "hominus nocturna was not some form of pathetic disease that could be caught through arousal down the back alley of a club"

and

"the crack of the skull between his teeth always did put him off his food"

General Structure - 8/10

The story is very well paced and flows smoothly, and did not bore me at any one point..

Descriptive Influence - 5/5

I could get into Jonghyun's train of thoughts and see things from his point of view so method of conveying the story is spot on.

Overall score: 70/90

Report card rating = 77.7 %  Fabulous! Just need to express more in some parts

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Question and Answer Time

Do you have any opinion on how can this be improved?

All stories can be improved with a little bit of characterization. In your story, only Jonghyun is properly fleshed out. Kyungsoo to me is lacking something, Tao is not needed, and Kibum is just shown to be a beauty. If you could add layers of the depth to the remaining three characters as opposed to describing the setting it would improve the story immensely.

Like when you wrote that Kyungsoo's eyes were too dark and too sinister, I thought that was you foreshadowing that Kyungsoo would take an action that would show himself to be a darker character then Jonghyun, but that did not turn out to be.

I would greatly prefer a more developed Kyungsoo.