№ 16 ∞ Gikwang/Haemi
Aeternus ∞ Eternus
//Gikwang's POV//
I lean against the wall, waiting for Haemi to step out from her room.
Today is the day Aegi's plan will start. Haemi will spend the whole day only with me, as my girlfriend for a day, you can say.
I know this plan sounds crazy and silly but somehow I think it's the best way. Rather than to assume and figure out our feeling based on blurry assumptions, we need to feel it by ourselves, through real experiences.
Somehow deep in my heart, I know that I don't love Haemi as a lover. I love her as a best friend. Nothing more.
Did I only accept her feeling because of the guilty feeling?
Am I going to hurt her more with loving her as a best friend while she doesn't feel the same?
I sigh heavily, closing my eyes as my mind wandering to the first day when I met Haemi.
It was one of the days of my day as AJ. I haven't joined in BEAST. I was training the dance practice with Yoseob that night when Haemi showed up in her sweater and training pants.
"Excuse me," she bowed to both of us, having her simple yet sweet smile on her lips. "My name is Im Haemi. You must be AJ."
"Ah, nice to meet you," I bowed as a polite manner. "Can I help you?"
"Well, I am the new worker here. I think I need to assist you in the dance practice," she explained briefly. "I hope we can work along."
I continued the dance practice with her tutorial. I couldn't believe that she was actually younger than me by a year when I saw her dance moves; she was really good.
I wasn't the only one who amazed by her talent. Yoseob was really excited after the dance practice. Three of us sat together in circle after the dance practice, trying to know each other better.
After Yoseob went away for another training session, Haemi stayed with me, telling me more about herself since I asked her more and more questions. I enjoyed my moments with her.
As if... we're soulmates.
"I feel like I knew you before I met you," I joked. "There is no chance that we have met before, right?"
"Now that is a coincidence," she chuckled, showing her beautiful smile. "I feel the same here."
That day I knew that we were meant to be best friends.
//Haemi's POV//
Gikwang has texted me, telling me that he is waiting right in front of my room.
I check my outfit once again in front of the mirror. I'm not wearing any special dress or else. I know that I need to be myself whenever I need to. And I want Gikwang to see me as myself.
I look at the girl in the mirror, the girl who is looking back at me with sad expression.
I should be happy, right?
Aegi visited me yesterday after I've done with my schedule with BEAST. The day went on without anything special happened except the fact that I couldn't stop thinking about the plan.
"I guess you've agreed with the plan," Aegi said when I gave her a glass of water. We were sitting in the main room of my apartment.
"Aegi," I sat next to her, trying to hide my frustration. "I don't know if it's a good idea."
"Haemi, trust me, you better know everything as soon as possible than to feel the pain later," she smiled sadly to me. "You should have known it better than me."
I looked down at the floor. Of course I knew how it felt; to have your hope so high at the start but the crushed down to the earth in the end.
Hyoseun did that to me.
"I want you to be happy," Aegi patted my head softly. "I don't want you to feel the same painful memories like me."
I looked up with disbelief.
"I'm sorry," she tilted her head with weak smile. "I should have told you earlier but I just can't."
"What do you mean?" I frown. I never knew about this before. I thought I knew everything about her.
"Don't worry, Haemi. You're my best friend. The one and only. I didn't tell you because I didn't think it's an important matter," she convinced me.
"But you should have told me. Maybe I could help you," I felt sorry somehow. I didn't do anything to help her yet she's always be there for me.
Aegi moved closer to me and started to tell her story, "You remember the day the three of us went to the graduation party with Hyoseun?"
I nodded slightly. That day we ran away from the graduation party and went to the sea at night. That was one of the memorable days.
"I...," Aegi took a really deep breathe before she continued, "...fell in love with Hyoseun that day. I just realized it that day."
I felt that my heart stopped beating for a second when I heard her confession.
What?
I never knew... I never thought...
"But it was the past. Really," Aegi held my hand gently. "He was there for me through everything because of you. I was the fool for falling in love with him. Please, don't blame yourself."
I blinked. How came I didn't notice her feeling for Hyoseun?
"Haemi, I know what you're thinking. Don't start to blame yourself," she pinched my cheeks playfully. "I moved on from him quickly enough. I'm not lying. After all, friends come first in my life dictionary."
"Aegi...," I muttered her name slowly. "I'm sorry."
"Yah, don't be!" she hugged me. "I told you this because I know you deserve to know everything about me. We're best friends!"
"Thank you," I hugged her back. "Thank you, Aegi."
"You're welcome," she pulled back. "Now I need you to concentrate on your own feeling so you don't need to break your own heart once again. Forget about Hyoseun. You need to set your heart for someone else now."
I shake my head quickly and grab my purse as I walk to the door.
Gikwang is here for me today. He has arranged all his schedule only for me.
If I really love him more than a best friend, I will know it today, right?
//Gikwang's POV//
We went to a cinema to watch an animation movie, walked around the shopping area, and enjoyed the lunch together. We talked about my works, her songs, and everything.
Nothing special.
Those are the things we always do whenever we're together.
Why do I feel that nothing will change from this condition?
Haemi has her usual simple and sweet smile. She doesn't complaint about anything. She agrees with me to go everywhere I suggest.
But that's all.
I don't feel anything different from the days I had with her before.
Why?
Now we are watching the sunset from a rooftop of a building. We just finished enjoying the new cafe on the third floor.
I look at her in silence. She is looking at the beautiful sunset.
"Gikwang," she suddenly speaks. She turns to look at me directly, "Do you enjoy the date today?"
"Ah," I blink. "Of course. Why?"
She has the sad smile on her lips, "Thank you for trying to keep me happy today. I know you're trying your best."
I hold my breath.
"Gikwang, I think you know already," she leans to the fence. "You've realized your feeling."
My heart aches.
//Haemi's POV//
The date was really simple. But I enjoyed every second I spent with him.
But then again, I know he was trying his best to make me happy. There is nothing different from the moments I had with him before, when we're nothing more than best friends.
Once in a while, I caught him stared blankly, forcing a smile when I asked him an opinion upon something. His mind is not with me.
He is thinking about something else. Something that he has realized when he's with me for the whole day.
He doesn't love me as a lover.
"Haemi, I...," he murmurs, looking very sad. "I don't know what I'm feeling."
I take a deep breath, knowing that my tears are threatening to fall.
"Hey," I step closer to him, cupping his face with my hands. My heart is aching right now; seeing Gikwang like this is torturing my heart.
Strange enough, after the whole day, I found out that we're nothing more than best friends.
"You know," my voice is wavering as I force myself to continue, "I wish I never fell in love with you so our friendship would still alive."
And then, the tears betray my heart. They roll down on my cheeks. I step backwards, wiping the tears away.
Gikwang pulls me into his hug, my hair gently, "I'm sorry, Haemi. I'm sorry."
I cry in his hug, knowing that he loves me as his best friend, knowing that I don't stand a chance to be loved by him as a lover.
In the same time, I know that he will never leave me.
As best friend.
Vividly within my cry, I hear he whispers, ""Why can't things that are good just stay?"
__________
[Author's Note]
"I wish I never fell in love with you so our friendship would still alive."
- from @Gittayunanda viatumblr
"Why can't things that are good just stay?"
- from @withlove_quotes
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