“What about adoption?” Jongin whispers to him the moment he gets under the covers – nights later. Chanyeol is lying a safe distance away from him, “We can give our baby away, if you want.” He adds on and Chanyeol bites the insides of his cheek to keep him from tell him to shut up and go to sleep because he really doesn’t have it in him to start talking about this.
It’s been a week since he found out and he still will not talk about it; the discussion itself makes his skin crawl uncomfortably when he thinks about it– he knows it’s unavoidable and it will happen at some point but tonight isn’t that point.
“I need you to talk to me, please –” Jongin trails off, his voice cracks like he’s about to burst out into tears at any given second and it’s probably his imagination but Chanyeol is positive the bed is in sync with Jongin’s quivering form.
“Who knows?” He’s dismissing Jongin hoping to get his boyfriend to drop the topic and because he needs to know, needs to know when someone he knows will walk into the gas station and scream an obnoxious congratulations! at him – that’s unlikely to happen – And because he wants to know when he can expect Wufan’s fist in his face, the man has never liked him and Chanyeol hasn’t cared enough to let the man’s dislike affect him.
“Sehun,” Of course, Jongin would tell his insufferable best friend. “Luhan,” Chanyeol’s features harden at the mention of Wufan’s partner, throat feeling dry.
“Does Wufan know about it?” He asks and he hears Jongin's sharp intake of breath.
“No,” He answers and Chanyeol knows him well enough to know he’s shaking his head frantically and biting his lower lip.
Chanyeol’s gut tells him it won’t be long before he meets Wufan – uninvited or not – Luhan is talkative and is known for never keeping anything away from his husband.
Jongin remains silent for a while and Chanyeol thinks he’s asleep but he says, “I’m 8 weeks tomorrow.” The information is left hanging in the air, there’s even more tension now and Chanyeol can’t take it.
He sits up in bed, swings his feet off and grabs his pillow after rolling out of the warm covers – the floor feels cold and he wishes he went to bed wearing socks. He flinches when he feels Jongin’s warm hand wrap around his wrist – he jerks his hand away and is relieved the lights are off; he really doesn’t want to see Jongin’s upset expression.
“Don’t do this to me,” His stomach crunches at the hurt in his young boyfriend’s tone – he fights against himself staying in the room even though Jongin’ tone tells him he won’t pick up the discussion again tonight but he will tomorrow and that’s what annoys Chanyeol.
He leaves the bedroom, slamming the door for a good measure and decides to sleep on the couch.
He tosses and turns on their firm couch – he doesn’t get any sleep because Jongin isn’t being as quiet with his soft crying and occasional whimpers; their apartment isn’t big enough to block noise.
When he wakes, Jongin is holding his hand with his head resting on the couch at an odd angle and his sleeping position is in awkward on their carpet. Chanyeol looks down at him after carefully sitting up and doesn’t pull his hand away, he takes a closer look at the latter’s face and swallows thickly.
Dry tear marks and swollen eyes make his heart break – he let Jongin cry himself to sleep and did nothing to console him. He places his hand over Jongin’s lightly and stares; his boyfriend’s blonde bang are getting longer and are almost falling into his eyes.
He has an attractive boyfriend – , Jongin is fit – Jongdae used to saying Jongin was out of his league; Wufan never fails to remind him that he doesn’t deserve him.
Beautiful eyes, button nose, toned back and visible collarbones, one look at Jongin and Chanyeol just wants to kiss him – he’s addicted to Jongin’s lips and his strong jaws and has missed pressing his lips against them.
He fell for him because of his heart – psychical attraction arrived a little later; Jongin was a late bloomer and had an awkward time during puberty. He has always had a heart of gold and is headstrong when he wants to be, always has a ball of energy deep inside that he shows whenever he’s dancing. – But Jongin is also sensitive and his shy nature shows when things aren’t in his control.
He pulls Jongin’s hand away from him and carefully gets off the couch without waking the younger man. He slides down next to Jongin and wraps his arms around him; he runs his fingers through his blond locks and sighs shakily.
Jongin isn’t a light sleeper – Chanyeol thinks he can sleep through anything.
He doesn’t know how long he sits there with his boyfriend sleeping in his arms and is suddenly startled when Jongin suddenly jerks out of his grasp and before he can ask what’s wrong – the other is out of sight and disappears into their bedroom.
Sounds of heaving and choking that come after moments of disbelief stop him from being offended – he knows with pregnancy comes the morning sickness; he did go to high school but dammit, he hated Health Class and his former high school teacher was a prick.
Chanyeol is glued to the floor as he waits, part of him wants to go over there and rub Jongin’s back or whatever they do in stupid chick flick movies but he stops himself – vomit smells most of the time and he too might have his head down the toilet bowl – and because he can’t bring himself to care for the fetus growing inside his boyfriend.
Jongin comes back looking pale and frail; he looks out of place standing by their bedroom door. It hurts to see him looking so weak and knowing the reason why makes him a bit angry – he isn’t sure where or who the anger is directed to.
Chanyeol wonders what Jongin will do about his dancing – .
“…what time do you leave for work?” The question that comes is barely above a whisper.
“I start 08:30,” The time is only 06:45 – they both haven’t been sleeping much. Jongin more because he needs to throw up early and sometimes during the night – and Chanyeol reason is mainly because of the thoughts in his brain and wakes up whenever Jongin has to vomit.
Jongin cries sometimes after throwing up.
“Huh?” Jongin says, “I didn’t get that –”
“I said 08:30!” He snaps before he can stop himself – he wonders if it’s normal to be this irritated and having his moods change; to the point of where everything Jongin says to him sounds like an annoying bee buzzing in his ear – god, it’s almost as though he’s the pregnant one between them.
Chanyeol stands up from their thin beige carpet and looks at Jongin who no looks like he wants the ground to swallow him whole. The younger’s lips form into a thin line; he retreats back into the bedroom and closes the door with a click without another word.
Chanyeol immediately gets to his feet and goes after him; he pushes the door open and stares at Jongin who is already sitting in the center of their bed with his legs to his chest, chin resting on his knees and hands wiping at his eyes – he slowly closes the door with a soft click and swallows thickly at the sight.
Jongin doesn’t look up at him and Chanyeol’s glad because he doesn’t think he’ll be able to handle the younger’s glassy eyes. He sits at the edge of the bed with his back turned to his boyfriend; he pulls his hands on his lap and looks at them as he intertwines them together.
It has been a week of him avoiding Jongin like a plague – he stays out late or brings up excuses about being exhausted.
The clock is ticking. Time waits for no man and , if he feels like – Jongin must feel like a pile of it and more.
“What,” He stops himself – to compose his harsh tone. He hears Jongin shifts behind him. “What do you want to do?” He shouldn’t be asking this.
“You can't –” Jongin starts, “I don’t want you to leave me,” He confesses.
“That’s not the answer I'm looking for.” He says running his fingers through his dark locks and gripping them tightly before letting them go and repeating the action once more. “Make a decision.” He releases a shaky breath, “Right now. Before I –and I’ll – I’ll respect it.”
“I don’t know!” Jongin exclaims.
“I don't– god, Chanyeol, don’t force me to make a decision!” Jongin shrieks and it catches him off guard – the last thing he wants to do is quarrel with Jongin. He knows once he starts arguing he won’t stop until Jongin walks out or he says some dumb he’ll regret later – the latter most likely so he tries keeps his mouth shut and decides to let him talk. “I’m the one who’s pregnant and you’re acting like it’s my fault alone!”
Something snaps in him because patience has never been his close friend, he turns around and scowls at Jongin who was glaring back. “Maybe you should have told me the minute you ing found out!” He shouts –their neighbors will be looking at him funny when he leaves for work, “You think I like being kept in the dark? How long were you planning to keep it from me – , Jongin, weren’t you even–”
“Stop it, Chanyeol!” He cuts in, “You found out and walked out on me without giving me a chance to explain.” He hisses and crawls off the bed.
Chanyeol's heart skips a beat because it's true and he can't dare deny what a coward he is, “I came back.” It's the only stupid response his brain comes up with.
“I don’t care if you came back – it still won’t change the fact that you walked out on me and I felt alone. I still feel alone,”
“You aren’t.” He retorts hasitly – conflicted and unsure if he even means what just came out of his mouth.
“I have to beg you to talk to me, Chanyeol." Jongin's whole frame is shaking and his eyes are darting everywhere but at him, "You won't look at me or even touch me anymore; how do you think I feel?”
He doesn’t respond – he doesn’t know what the right thing to say is, anything can go wrong at this point and it’s too early. He feels guilty – an emotion he knows he'll be feeling often.
Chaneyol doesn’t know how long he stays there staring blankly at their messy bedcovers – this feels almost as horrible as the time they fought about Wufan helping with their rent from three months ago. That one was a kick to his pride – this is different because Jongin's words are slowly suffocating him and he knows it's all because of guilt.
Jongin looks like he’s trying to control every nerve in his body to keep his tears from pouring. He knows the few signs when Jongin tears want to make their appearance– his lower lip is quivering, eyes already rimmed red from blinking too much and he continuously wipes at his eyes.
Chanyeol decides to be the bigger person; he tries to trim down his pride and awkwardly clears his throat and he takes a few moments to think of what to say, “C’mere,”
Jongin makes no attempt to come over to him and avoids eye contact, preferring to look as small as possible – it’s easy because he’s already drowning in a black shirt that is a little big on Chanyeol himself.
Chanyeol walks around the bed, he stops in front of Jongin and stares at him before gently grabbing the back of his neck – his fingers moving in a soothing motion at the nape of the latter’s neck before pulling him into his embrace – Jongin doesn’t fight him and Chanyeol buries his nose in his boyfriend’s hair, inhaling deeply and he feels himself tremble because it has been days since he has held Jongin this close to him.
Jongin arms go around his waist almost immediately, “I’m scared,” He murmurs after hiccupping and Chanyeol decides to hold him like he’s going to break when he starts crying – when Jongin cries, he cries hard and Chanyeol knows he’ll be nursing a headache later.
“Yeah, I know you are.” He replies dully as his hold on Jongin tightens, he unconsciously rocks them both back and forth as he rubs the small of Jongin’s back to try and calm him down, “We’ll be fine.” He breathes out before kissing the shell of Jongin’s ear and fights away a sigh when his boyfriend only cries harder.
This chapter was getting long so I just had to stop lol the next update should be up on Wednesday; I wrote this on the train earlier and I’m too lazy to recheck so pretend the errors aren't there >_______>