The next few days, he tries to be understanding of Jongin's nausea, tiredness and moodiness – it's a battle getting used to it and he tries – for Jongin he tries.
Always for Jongin.
They haven't talked about their options – , they don't even have enough options to choose from and the discussion from that morning hasn’t been picked up again. For a while, he thought he'd go back to being Jongin's reassuring boyfriend but as the days dragged on, the matter of fact situation they're in has him bouncing back into his personal bubble; where he feels safe – a place where Jongin isn't pregnant.
He feels like a loser; something he hasn't thought of himself in a while. He can't even think about a baby, not without his stomach turning still. He knows he – they can't provide for much for a baby because it won't be only the nine months. It will be beyond that and many years down the line.
Living on two or three pay checks isn't something he wants to be doing. What do you call a man who cannot provide for his family?
“Abortion,” Jongin says one morning before he leaves for college and Chanyeol nods, feeling relieved.
Jongin gets an appointment at the nearest abortion clinic the next week and as the days move towards the big day – he gets quieter, more reserved. They don’t talk about it and they both dodge the subject but Chanyeol knows he isn't sure about his decision.
But he reads the doubt in Jongin's eyes well enough but he does nothing to address the obvious confusion the younger is struggling through – he is not an expert in someone's mental health and he'd much rather not play therapist. And because he's afraid that Jongin might change his mind and back out.
The baby or me? But his selfishness isn't that extreme so he keeps those words stuck in his throat – to never be heard by anyone else.
He doesn't need to ask because he knows why. Jongin's life has always revolved around dancing – And Jongin’s on a scholarship; stopping now will cause student loans for the months he has been attending college and opportunities like the beneficial scholarship he’s on doesn’t come twice.
Jongin moves his body with such flexibility, strength and raw passion that it sometimes leaves Chanyeol in astonishment and often breathless – even though the only helpful thing he does is cheer for his boyfriend.
It has been a long time since Jongin has danced for him – the beginning of their relationship, Jongin often choreographed simple innocent dances and performed for him.
Things changed since he started attending college – he didn’t have much time and he is always busy with his assignments or friends.
He won't admit it but he's jealous Jongin a social life – has respectable contacts – and he doesn't. He was popular both in high school and law school. He lives the life of a Nobody after quitting – and he feels practically forgotten. It’s somewhat his fault because out if shame and not wanting to face his former law students – he cut ties with them like he did with his family.
Jongin has a lot to lose and this is the way to fix their problem.
2 missed calls
Tuesday, 29th April 2014
Get me some peanuts on your way back. We’re out 4:45pm
Tuesday, 29th April 2014
When are you coming home? 5:10pm
Tuesday, 29th April 2014
I’m not feeling very well 5:14pm
Tuesday, 29th April 2014
Where are you? 6:38pm
Chanyeol tucks the cellphone in his coat’s pocket as he grabs their key from his jean pocket – he inserts the key in and turns it, he pushes the door open with a bit of struggle and curses under his breath because the landlord has yet to fix their ty door.
The silence that greets him when he steps further into the apartment after shutting the door with his foot isn’t strange. Jongin had been in an off mood earlier and skipped his classes – something about his stomach acting funny and desiring to sleep it off.
The uneasiness still settles in his chest and a quick chill runs down his spine.
“Jongin, are you still here?” He calls, toeing off his shoes and kicking them under the shoe rack. “Jongin?” His brows furrow when he receives no response – he may have been an these past few days but Jongin almost always responds when he calls.
He stops in his tracks when he notices the paper on the kitchen countertop, held down by an empty glass – his frown deepens and he enters the kitchen.
He eyes the note skeptically.
St. Mary’s hospital
Come as soon as you can
Sehun meets him by the receptionist, he’s gotten a lot taller but Chanyeol may be seeing things because his brain isn’t with him at all – and because he doesn’t meet Sehun on a daily basis to know how tall he’s supposed to be.
He doesn’t miss the dirty look Sehun throws his way as he leads him in silence to the room Jongin is currently staying in.
Chanyeol feels uncomfortable in his own skin around Sehun – he will never admit it aloud, though. He thinks it’s because he can never read what Sehun’s thinking, he always has this apathetic look on his face whenever he is around anyone who isn’t Jongin.
He tries not to get angry at the thought of Sehun being in their apartment and helping Jongin to the hospital – what was Sehun even doing in their apartment?
Sehun rarely visits.
He doesn’t think of himself as a jealous man but for some reason, he wishes he could place a restraining order on Sehun to keep him away. He’s being foolish because Sehun hasn’t directly insulted him. And he is uncomfortable mainly because Sehun and his boyfriend have a relationship he doesn’t quite understand and he tries not to overthink.
Everyone on Jongin’s side seem to dislike him – it’s so ing infuriating and he always has to harden his emotions around Jongin’s fan club.
They stop outside Room G48; Sehun has his hand on the door's handle and is blocking him out. Chanyeol wants to scream at him to get out of the way – he doesn’t even know why Jongin’s in the hospital and his barely controlled nerves are all over the place; he’s not up for anyone’s bull at the moment and he doesn’t want to start throwing punches in a hospital.
“He almost miscarried.” Sehun says in a tone that sounds accusatory and his eyes are telling him it’s his fault. Chanyeol looks away. “He said you weren’t picking up when he tried to call so he called me,” He sounds cross now – like he knows his presence is being questioned and Chanyeol attempts to push past him because he wants to see Jongin for himself.
A hand on his chest stops him; he glares at Sehun and clicks his tongue, “I was working.” Not at all a lie, “And it’s all none of your business.” He spits out fiercely and swats the hand off his chest before forcing his way past the younger and barging into the room.
Sehun doesn’t follow him inside.
He stares at Jongin for a moment; his boyfriend bent over tying his shoelaces, his red coat is hanging on the chair beside the bed and so is the bag he carries around with him when he’s heading for college.
Jongin looks up and they lock gazes; he looks guilt-ridden – like he has done something wrong and Chanyeol hates that look in his eyes. He crosses hesitantly over to Jongin and sits beside him on the bed.
It’s been a long time since he has comforted Jongin, it’s almost as though he has forgotten the steps to follow and what to say. He wants to hug him and whisper comfort in his ears.
It’s going to be okay, he wants to say but stops himself. It wasn’t your fault; he wishes to add on but stays silent because he’ll be a hypocrite.
Mostly because he actually has what if he just lost the baby? running around in his head; it would save them a lot of trouble about the abortion and future expenses. Saying that aloud might cause Jongin to be scared of him because even he knows that’s a scary thought to have and he never thought he’d stoop so low.
It did cross his mind when Sehun informed him and he feels rotten for thinking that way; he clears his throat and gets to his feet, the silence is stretching and it’s getting uncomfortable. “Let’s go,” He mumbles and watches as Jongin nods, Chanyeol grabs his red coat and hands it over to him – the younger quickly puts in on, his face scrunching in discomfort and a whimper escapes his lips.
“Are you in pain?”
The answer is an obvious lie but he doesn’t press the issue – he wants to leave the hospital, he has never been fond of them and the smell of medicine is getting to him. He carries Jongin’s bag before the other can get a hold of it.
They leave the room and Sehun pushes himself off the wall – Chanyeol doesn’t like the little eye thing the two have going on. Jongin and Sehun sometimes communicate without having to use words – he and Jongin do, too – sometimes.
It annoys Chanyeol to no end and what annoys him even more is when Sehun leans into his boyfriend’s personal space and whispers something to Jongin that he fails to hear – he fights back his growing jealous-bubble.
When Jongin shakily signs himself out of the hospital after the doctor’s consent and is lectured about how to take care better care of himself by a nurse for a few unbearable minutes – Sehun drives them back to their apartment much to Chanyeol never-ending irritation.
He steps out of the car when they reach their apartment and slams the car bitterly when Jongin decides to have a word with his best friend for a few minutes.
He knows Jongin won’t be going through with the abortion; the almost miscarriage has him looking like he’s scared out of his wits. He doesn’t let it get to him that his boyfriend is choosing his best friend’s comfort over his – he hasn’t really been a good comforter these last few weeks.
Chanyeol enters the complex and makes his way for their apartment – they live on the first floor and he’s glad because he hates everything about elevators. He stops short in the corridor when he spots two men – a third person who is a young girl with her hair in pigtails running around them and making impossible airplane sounds – standing by his apartment door. Chanyeol’s throat goes dry when Luhan turns his head in his direction – he has the decency to look ing sorry.
He can’t turn around and run off because they all are looking right at him; he can’t help but notice the little child hide behind her parents. She’s Jongin’s little niece; her photo is on their television stand beside the remote and has been there since last Christmas.
He walks to them in silence, cracking a smile at his boyfriend’s niece hiding behind Luhan’s right leg and avoids eye contact with her parents. He notices how they are dressed – too low profile and he knows it’s only to avoid unwanted attention.
He turns to his door when they step aside and unlocks it; he pushes the door open and gestures for them to get in without turning to look over at them.
“C’mon,” Luhan’s voice breaks the silence and Chanyeol knows it’s directed to the little girl because she giggles – he breathes out a sigh of relief but he chokes on it when a cold hand grabs the back of his neck and roughly shoves him inside his own apartment before the door is clicked shut.
He barely catches himself from falling, he drops Jongin’s bag and rubs the back of his neck, “Seriously?” He snaps glaring at the older man – Luhan and the little girl stay outside.
Wufan is a few inches taller than him; his presence itself is nerve-racking already and its worse when he’s standing in front of Chanyeol like he’s in his own home. “Sehun called.” He says, his voice is soft but the hidden displeasure in it surfaces and Chanyeol’s throat hurts when he tries to swallow.
Wufan knows. The look in his eyes tells Chanyeol that he knows Jongin is pregnant – he grimaces, though, because putting up a front always comes easy, “ him –” He knows it’s the wrong thing to say and he knows Sehun probably said more than he should have – the punch that lands right on his nose is the answer.
Luhan and the little girl stay outside because Wufan is going to beat the living out of him and he’d rather not have his daughter witness the graceless act.
“You need to–” The next punch makes his head spin and Chanyeol doesn’t know why he’s letting himself get hit – he’s never one to let people bully him into submission but he knows he deserves this; for causing Jongin heartache the past few weeks. “–grow up!” The third punch hurt more than the previous two and his hands fly to his face because his nose is bleeding and he knows he’s going to pass out.
st. mary's came from nowhere omgf chanyeol is a bitter bitter little boy young man wufan is jongin's step-brother obvs and he wasnt supposed to punch chanyeol but like i just b ye violence is never the answer but like -
Writing this was a disgusting struggle because my 10 day break is over and I’m always sleepy after doing irl duties >________>. Next chapter should be up sometime next week so until then :3