I'm nervous. So incredibly nervous.

Today will be the first time I go out in public with Yongguk since I discovered my disease. I am taking him to the airport. That is, my mother is driving us. My hair piece looks neat, I tried to make myself look as presentable as possible with make up and I am wearing my prettiest clothes. But I still feel horrible. AS if the word 'cancer' is written on my face. As if people will notice. As if they will back away in disgust, pointing fingers and mumbling.

"No one will notice, Jagi." He's been telling me all morning. That I look beautiful. That people won't see that I am sick. And that, even if they do see, it's not a shame. I just had bad luck. 

But I am so ashamed. My husband deserves a beautiful, strong lady by his side, with a bright smile and shining eyes. Someone who is strong enough to make it on her own. I'm not like that. I can't walk without my crutch, I can barely stand up from the bed or couch by myself. I am not pretty. I used to be. When I still had my own hair. When I still had a healthy skin. When I wasn't so skinny. Look at me now. I am pale, my skin fragile and weak, my hair long gone and my eyes red and teary. I look like a ghost, a monster. 

"Are you ready?" No, I am not. But still I smile at him.

"Yes." He hooks his arm in mine, presses a gentle kiss on my cheek and once again shows me that he is there for me. To literally hold me. Then he opens the door, and I almost throw up w