Lee Cha Na

I heard him come home last night. And now I can hear him get ready for work. I didn't sleep much. I cried. The darkness of the night made my haunted thoughts even scarier, and I never wished more to be held in my husbands arms. But it will only worry him. He can't afford to lose focus right now. And maybe it's nothing. I don't want to cause any extra stress for him. 

As soon as I hear him leave, I decide to go take a shower. My leg hurts like hell, but I haven't showered in two days. And maybe the hot water will wash away my fears as well. I push myself up in the bed, swing my legs over the edge and grit my teeth. I don't have time to be a little baby right now, I've only got half an hour before Dr Choi starts his work day, and he can call any second from then on. 

The shower, and especially the radio that was softly playing, managed to get my thoughts away from the phone call. But as soon as I duck to dry my legs and I notice the big bulge around my knee, my mood is down again. If it's not cancer, what on earth could it be? Maybe something even more frightening. But then again, would I want to know? I wish I could just curl up under my blankets and go to sleep. And when I wake up, Yongguk is holding me and hushing me, telling me it was just a bad dream. And he will my hair and kiss my cheek before pulling me into his chest to make me fall back asleep, feeling safe and sound. 

But I know it's not a dream