DONGHAE'S POV

Days already passed that I felt an unusually uneasy, mad, or whatever there is to feel.

Okay. I must admit it, I feel jealous.

It's too early for me to say this, but yeah. I'm already starting to develop feelings for her. How couldn't I? She's someone who you'd easily admi-- to get attracted to.

She has this simple smile that could light up a dark place. A laugh that is better than any song out there. A pair of eyes that beats the sparkles of the stars.

And a heart that is warmer than the sun. She's an angel.

[A/N: picture credit to the owner. Let's spend a moment to appreciate how our princess is such an angel. She'd already come back, slaying charts after charts with "Fly". I hope you won't stop supporting her! Keep on rewatching the MV in Coridel Entertainment's official YT channel. Let's make our princess proud, Maomaos!]

Ever since the day that she went out with a guy and went to a hotel, I felt nothing but anger towards myself. 

Anger that was brought about by my cowardly actions. 

I couldn't even admit to her that I like her, afraid to even admit it to myself, and here I am sulking and getting mad for something I have no hold on. I have no right to feel what I am feeling right now. Period.

However, despite the drama, I couldn't help but just be happy when the two of us were alone in her house. I was afraid that her brother might have known about what happened, afraid that he might have been there, afraid that I'd broken his trust, and afraid that I wouldn't be able to act out what I feel.

There are a lot of things I am afraid of. I feel so weak for letting my fears get the best of me.

But I guess I've learned. That I can proudly say.

I was nervous when I found out it was only the two of us there, but I mentally scolded myself for even chickening out for a bit. If I am serious with my feelings, I should do whatever it takes to capture her heart, right?

Not get angry over a pity thing I'm not even certain of and choose to walk out the door. 

I had a mini heart attack when she squealed when her fingers got burned. It was that time that I promised myself to not let anything or anyone hurt this gentle flower. 

Everything I do and feel right now are so shallow. Some are even impulsive. Take for example me kissing her finger. It was done unconsciously, yet I don't regret doing it. 

After that, I asked her to just take a rest and I started to take over. I felt pressured by the way. I have to impress her. Good thing my mom exposed me to kitchen works. 

Fortunately, my back was facing her, so she couldn't see how I sweated a lot and how much I put my concentration on what I was doing. It felt like my eye balls might pop out because of my focus. 

Thank heavens for not failing me. 

I don't know if it's just me being paranoid or she's really looking at my back. It made me feel more nervous about my cooking. I should meet her expectations with regards to my cooking.

The smell seems right. And it tastes like how it should be. It's all set.

But maybe her taste is different from mine? What if she finds the taste rather unusual? What if her expectation from me is too high? What if...

I shake my head. This shouldn't be the mindset I have. I should be positive. And besides, everything tastes better if you pour your heart out to it and if it's made of love.

Or that's how those famous, skilled chefs say to motivate aspiring chefs and viewers.

I just hope that they're right because this menu is 90% love, 10% ingredients.

With a sigh, I turned around to face her with the pot on my hand. Our eyes met and I don't know exactly if it's the steam coming from the dish or she's just become more angelic—it's like she's surrounded by clouds.

I put it on the table and that's when she stood up, took the cover and sealed up the pot.

She started arranging the plates and the dishes—with a smile plastered on her face. I like this view. I'd like to see this most of the time.

I was busy looking at her, and I didn't notice she was already taking out her handphone. With a little fixing here and there, I guess she already became satisfied with the presentation, so she started taking pictures of them.

I'm just standing here, treasuring the view of her. And a little laugh escaped from my mouth when she started taking a selca with the food.

Just adorable.

I feel like my heart is about to escape the cages in my chest. She just asked me to take a selca with her. 

She was happy until she got a look of the pictures. She had a frown on her face, and sneaked a bit of the outcome of the picture. It didn't capture the food, just us two.

Oh those adorable short hands of her.

Before she could turn away, I got grabbed her back.

I'm so proud of myself for letting loose. Even with my heart racing, I held her in a sort of embrace and click the capture button with a huge grin on my face.

She might not like the outcome of this picture again because she wasn't prepared. I should try again. This time, I started counting down from three.

I'm thinking of printing out both of the pictures. The first one is so precious, and the second one... I don't even know what to say. This may make me seem unmanly, but I want to set the second picture as my wallpaper—she had this wonderful smile that I would like to stare at the whole day.

With my phone on my hand, I selected the last two pictures and send them to me. I hand her back her phone, still cannot erase the smile on my face.

She checked her wristwatch and I can see from her expression that she's having questions why the others aren't here yet. I'm having questions myself. It's pretty unlikely for the boys to not arrive on time, especially if food is involved. Well, Teuk is always on time, that's kind of his life's principle.

With the silence around us, it was only then that I realize how close I'm standing to her.

Is she... avoiding having eye contact with me? I couldn't help but smile even more, I didn't even think my lips could go any farther.

"So... would you like to stay at the living area? You could watch a movie or something as we wait for them.", she said. I nod my head and she instantly turned her body on the other direction and started fast walking.

She stops walking and I take the chance and started catching up with her. I stood in front of her, and she was closing her eyes. Her shoulders rose and fell, as if she was taking a deep breath.

That made me smile even more. I swear, my lips might rip anytime soon if this continues.

And I guess I don't care if that happens. Because she smiled back at me.

I don't know how to respond to that. I don't want to move because if I do, I might ruin the moment. I don't want to speak because I might say something stupid that would ruin the atmosphere.

So I stayed like that, smiling and staring at her. And we stayed like that.

Until a crowd of people started creating a commotion.

Based on how they look, I know something fishy is going on. It was only Teuk who greeted us and was smiling at us. Oh. I guess he noticed our position.

And that was when I felt her step back and distant herself away from me for a bit.

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Everyone starts eating and I can see in her face that she's anxious about their reaction towards the food.

She got an answer when everyone turned silent as they started to dig in.

I couldn't help myself but to stare at her. It's her smile that makes my eyes glued onto her. Seeing delight on her face because of people enjoying the food that we prepared also fills my heart with glee.

She starts to look at me, steal glances of me rather, but I no longer want to shy away from my feelings and look at other directions. I want to stare into her eyes, but she's the one who diverges.

All the food has been consumed, and everyone starts to converse with one another. Although I'm talking with Siwon, I notice how she's smiling—at my direction.

I stop talking and face her. Fortunately, Siwon starts an argument with Kyu, so his attention is no longer at me.

I was expecting that she's look away when I face her, but no. She's staring straight back at me—smiling that angelic smile of hers.

Everyone is finished, and Taeyeon says that we should probably go to the living room to watch a movie or something, telling us to go ahead and they'll clean up first.

Kyuhyun and Siwon, trying to gain points from the ladies they like, volunteered to do it instead. Me and the rest of the guys don't want to seem like lazy-asses, so we said that we'll do it also.

Gotta follow the professionals on this one. Besides, I need to earn myself some points also, since the cooking may not have been enough.

Each of us are carrying two to three plates and place them on top of the counter. I don't really understand why we're of this number, there is only a small amount of dishes to be cleaned, and it would only take one person to do it.

As boys roll, we decide to do rock, paper scissors. Whoever loses has to do it all.

In the end, it was Leeteuk who did it all, and the rest of us are just leaning at the wall or at the counters.

"What took you guys so long by the way?", I ask out of nowhere.

I find it weird how it took them so long to arrive and how they all came in together.

"Uhmm. We dropped by a convenience store.", Teuk said.

"All together?", I smell something fishy here.

"It's a coincidence. I saw Teuk there, so I came to him.", Eunhyuk said in a rush.

"And since Eunhyuk was eating an ice cream, I told him that it would be rude to enter a dinner if he was already eating before the food was actually served. So we waited alongside with them outside.", Kyuhyun adds.

"And also, the girls, uhm, decided to hang for a bit. They said that it's be better if we enter together. Yeah. That's what happened.", Siwon came to conclude.

Okay. I guess that makes sense. I just nod and they start to talk about another subject.

I guess Teuk is already used to chores, he finished in no time. But we got caught up talking and came to the living room already late. The show they were watching was about to end.

I spot her sitting on the floor with a large empty space beside her. Walking in a semi-run fashion, I sat beside her, and notice that the other guys sat close to their respective crushes.

She's looking at the others when I sat beside her, and when she faces me, I give her the best smile I have. And she smiles back in return.

The previous show ended and the next show is about to start, so we positioned ourselves comfortably.

The show starts and they still continue talking. Well, it's not the important part anyway. However, when the first guest was introduced, everyone started paying attention.

But it was when the second guest was introduced when everything seemed to still.

I can feel my body tense for a bit. I feel mad. Why, of all times, would he appear now? Everything was going on smoothly between me and Jess. She was starting to loosen herself a bit to me, or that's how I see it.

The atmosphere is odd, and everyone knows the reason behind it, but no one dares to change the channel.

Everyone starts betting with regards to the contestants' outcome, whether they win or not. They act like something super relevant was put on the line when it's just tteokbokki.

She was with the guys, and when they won, they were shouting happily. I was a bit shaken, my dark aura being tested because her smile was so genuine, was so pure...

Was so beautiful.

I'm still contemplating about my feelings, when I feel her hands wander around the fabric of the sofa.

Oh. It's a scary story.

Just like how impulse took over me during the kitchen incident, I grab hold of her hand and squeeze it, trying to assure her that I'm there, that she's not supposed to be scared.

Turns out, it's not really a horror story. Actually, it's even funny. But that didn't make up let go of each other's hands.

The third and last concern was told.

It's about a teenager who was scolded in school, avoided by girls and picked on by delinquents because of their assumption about him, about his smell. It's not that he doesn't shower, he does it three times a day, he said. It's not that he has strong body odors. And it's not that he smells like a girl, he doesn't wear perfumes either. It was because he smells like cigarette smoke because his father kept on fuming in their house. He mentions that he and his girlfriend broke up because of that.

The girls were engrossed while the guy was talking, and I could see the guys trying to observe their reactions. Well, I was somehow observing her too.

Before they moved to the father's side, they asked the guests first about their experience with cigarettes.

One of the guest, a woman in her 60's honestly speaks about how she was also addicted to smoking before, but stopped when her daughter told her that the smoke she fumes out is more likely the reason for her dogs' death.

The second guest was out of topic as she mentions how her sister would sneak in the middle of the night to eat.

I was hoping that they'd skip him, but since he's the only guy, it was impossible.

The MCs were careful with their question.

"Jaejoong-ssi, what can you say about this? Have you had past experiences regarding this?", one of them asks.

He was hesitant for a while, smiled and answered.

"To be really honest, there was a phase in my teenage years that I tried smoking. I did actually smoke, but not the chain type. It was only on rare occasions that I did.", he pauses and breathes out for a bit, enabling the MCs to ask again.

"Are you still smoking then?", the MC blurts out before she could stop herself. She knew that this is a sensitive topic in the industry, especially since Jaejoong is both a model and an idol.

Again, he smiles and answers with a no, causing the people to be more curious as to the reason for his withdrawal.

He looks like he's still deciding whether he should answer it or not, or what he would actually say.

"I have this friend who scolded me because of my smoking habit. Well, me and smoking in general."

One of the male MCs gives him a teasing look and asks, "Hmm. Friend, huh? Male friend, female friend or.." it looked like the other MCs get where he's going and they say along, "girlfriend?" And then they burst out laughing.

He laughs along with them and says, "Okay okay. Well, she was my girlfriend.", earning a gasp from the whole studio.

"Take note of the WAS.", the male MC says.

"Yeah. But we're friends now.", he says as he faces and smiles in front of the camera.

I would steal glances of her from time to time, and just when I was looking at her, I saw her smile wide. I don't know how to feel. I'm in rage, jealous as to how he can make her smile even with just that while I struggle just to see her face like that.

I looked around the living room and saw that I wasn't the only one who was looking at her. The girls are smiling at her that seems like it was out of relief.

"So let me get this straight. You stopped smoking because your girlfriend at that time told you to do so?"

He looks so proud when he vigorously nodded his head.

"She used to lecture me about its effects on my health, even showing me illustrations of before and after effects of smoking to the lungs. And also—wait I think I'm talking too much.", and he breathily laughs.

The MCs and the crowd urges him to continue. "And also, she once told me that it would affect my future career. She said that it would make her sad if it affected me negatively."

The whole studio "awwww"s in chorus.

And that was when the MC says that it's time to meet the father of the concerned guest.

I really don't know what to feel. All I know is that I'm boiling mad, about to explode out of jealousy.

I felt the hands I was holding tug me for a bit.

I look at her face, and she was smiling at me. This really is making me feel crazier, but the I feel myself calming down. And I hold her hand even tighter as I smile back at her.

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So here I am after a long hiatus. Sorry for that. I wish that I still have readers left. TT______TT

I've received a message from someone naming imgodsprincess23 saying:

"Hi! I just finished reading your story, Sober Hearts, (even if it's not yet finished) and I must say that I really loved and enjoyed reading your fanfic! I hope you continue to write stories about HaeSica and to not abandon it like others :) 

Thanks for sharing your stories and good luck on your future updates! God bless"

I really felt happy after reading it, so I tried my best to update as soon as possible. 

imgodsprincess23, I want to dedicate this one to you because you just lifted up my spirit and reminded me of how we should keep the ship on sailing. Lovelots.xx