JESSICA’S POV

You know that feeling that when you thought you’re on the right track, then something ty comes your way and prove that you actually aren’t?

Well, this has nothing to do with what I’m feeling, I just wanted to ask randomly. I don’t know why this even crossed my mind. Maybe the author is feeling that right now. Am I right, DM?

[A/N: *kruu kruu*]

Anyway. The day proceeded and nothing much happened between me and Donghae during that day. It was awkward. Of course it was.

Well maybe for me, but I’m not quite sure if he’s feeling the same. I actually had a hard time trying to get him in a conversation with me that would make it seem.. normal. Of course, the conversation involves the other people on our table and not just the two of us.

However, again, he didn’t make my efforts successful.

Hello! I’m trying to be civil here! Why the hell would he be acting like this when I’m the one who is having her heart squeezed and torn? I really don’t get him.

Well, that’s my mistake. I thought I got him, I thought I had him. But I guess I assumed wrong.

He had a girl he loved and she’s just a table across us, looking at me like she’s going to rip me in pieces any time soon and at him like he’s some precious stone.

I gave up at some point. This is the reason why we get hurt. We try to force ourselves into something, or someone, that is clearly, not for us. We keep on thinking that maybe with a little push, we might get the thing that we want. But news flash, life doesn’t work that way.

There are instances that no matter how much we try, how much effort, how much blood and sweat we put into it, it still wouldn’t be ours. Just like what they say,

“If it’s not meant for you, it will never be yours.”

I focused my attention on my food. I even resolved on observing my breathing. Just so my mind wouldn’t ponder over things that are related to him or his existence.

I even ended up counting my heart beat and observe its beating pattern.

He was able to alter both of them—making my heart race at unimaginable speed and change its uniformed pattern just with his mere existence.

I closed my eyes and counted to ten, hoping that it would calm my mind and my altered heart.

Lunch was over and we were headed back to our classroom, still together.

I felt my phone buzz, but I chose to ignore it at the mean time. I still have to make it up to them for yesterday. Oppa told me that they called him and asked if we were together and they said that we were supposed to watch a movie together.

I asked if they’re busy later, and they said that they weren’t, so I wanted to make it up to them later by inviting them for some homemade dinner.

I know they couldn’t resist it, they wouldn’t even think twice of saying yes. Who in this world could even reject an offer of free, homemade dinner?

Hesitation only followed moments after I realized that he’d be with us tonight. Something inside me wants to take my effort a notch.

Embarrassing as it sounds, I want to make him see what he’s missing.

But then, we’re “friends”, right? It would be odd if I don’t let him come along with us—although it would challenge my acting skills again. I should take advantage of this, right? I’m able to practice without spending a dime.

Even before we entered the classroom for the afternoon’s class session, I’ve already decided on what to cook. With my mind set on a goal, I’m pretty sure my cooking later would be something he won’t ever forget.

Not that it would matter anyway.

During our class discussion, my phone kept buzzing and it was only then that I decided to open it.

Just like how I guessed, it was oppa who kept on texting and leaving some missed calls. I smiled to myself, thinking that he might have worried after I didn’t reply to him during lunch

I hid my phone under the desk and remained sitting straight so that the teacher wouldn’t notice me temporarily not paying attention.

Just seconds after I clicked the send button, my phone vibrated once again. Good thing I put it on silent mode and didn’t put it on the wooden desk—the sound produced by the vibration may be amplified and catch the teacher’s attention.

Once again, I took my phone and stole a few glance at our prof whose busy talking to the board [A/N: I’m pretty sure you have or had a teacher like this also.]

With a smile on my face, I once again pressed the send button and hid my phone in my bag. I just told him that I’m sorry and that I couldn’t text as of the moment because I’m stuck in a boring class. He replied with a guess about my current subject and I smile because he really paid attention to what I was saying even during our drinking sessions. I didn’t even expect him to be sane enough to understand what I was saying, not to mention to even remember how I loathe this subject of mine.

After that, the afternoon classes went on smoothly. I’m hoping this would continue.. until the end of time. Smooth as a baby’s . Ooh. Adorable. >3<

Good thing I did my grocery shopping a few days ago, so I didn’t bother go and but things again—which will bring a lot of hassle for me and a bit time consuming for the rest.

When the bell rang, we gathered for a bit and we decided to go our separate ways first before they come to our house. Well, as for me, I have to leave and do my work double time. I still have to make sure the house is clean and review the recipe.

I have to make a good impression and make someone regret something. Oops. What I meant to say was, I want to make it up with my friends.

I was busying myself with cooking, since our helper volunteered to do the cleaning. I was so immersed in my duty that I didn’t notice the arrival of one person.

Trying so hard not to show how shocked I am, and every other emotion except being normal (I don’t know how that even looks like), I faced him and acknowledged his presence.

“Just a few more minutes and I’ll be done here. You can take a seat wherever you want. Feel at home.”, I said and gave him a small smile as I wipe the sweat on my forehead.

“Can I help, then?”, Hae asked as he smiled at me from my side.

I was taken aback by his question, or “request” rather.

He was already beside me, overlooking what I’ve done, making me unable to say no to him.

Although I was still hesitating, I still managed to give him a nod in response, and that was when he started asking me about what I’m cooking and other things he could help with.

After my reply, he went chopping the ingredients for our kimchi fried rice, just like how I told him to. He was busy chopping, and oh boy what an amazing thing it is for a guy to be this inclined to kitchen works, when the rice cooker beeped, indicating that the rice was already cooked.

I saw him let go of the knife he was holding, motioning to go to the cooker, but before he continue to walk, I held his arm and told him I’d do it.

The mere touch brought butterflies in my stomach, made my thoughts go murky and my cheeks turn red.

A hot pot and a not-so-focused brain? Not really a good combination.

Already burning with shyness, my fingertips also got burned by the appliance’s cover holder.

I yelped due to pain and my face turned eve more crimson because of pure embarrassment.

I didn’t feel him coming to me, but to my surprise, he was already there, touching my hands, checking my fingers and asking me if I’m alright or not. I couldn’t make myself respond nor even raise my head to face him.

My eyes were blurry with tears due to the pain and extreme humiliation.

Having my period now isn’t really of help also. My hormones keep on messing with my emotions—making me more emotional than usual.

He panicked when he saw me about to burst out in tears.

Still with my head facing the floor, I felt a pair of strong arms pulling me in an embrace, consoling me, he kept on asking me if I was alright, if it’s too painful—making me cry all the more.

He helped me stand up and put my hands below the faucet. He was so careful with me, like I was something very fragile. He let the water run and led my hand to it.

I winced in pain and felt him tense behind me for a bit. Slowly, the pain subsided and I managed to calm myself down and stopped crying.

With a long, deep sigh, I calmed myself.

It was then when our eyes landed and locked with one another.

He gave me a smile and put my fingers on top of his lips. I never thought a kiss would be remedy for a burn, but I was now enlightened by it.

We were still leaning on the sink when the cooker made another sound.

Before I could pull away from him, he already held my hand and told me, with eyes locked onto mine, that I should stay and he’d take care of it.

With a smile, he turned around and headed towards the cooker.

His movement indicated that he’s used to these kind of things. It made me think how it is possible. He’s from a well-off family, which means they have helpers. So… how?

But nothing beats a guy who can cook. That’s a major turn on.

My eyes widen with my unconscious thoughts and I mentally slapped myself. Why did I think about that?

I can feel the pain sting on my fingers, but I manage to get through cooking with it especially because he was very attentive during the whole process.

Actually, he most part of the work after I got burned. I kept on insisting that I can do it, but he said that I should just sit down and just tell him what to do.

But of course, I’m the hostess here and he’s a guest so I still did some work.

All the food was already on the table and it looked great. I couldn’t help but smile at the finished product. It smelled great also.

Due to happiness, I fished out my phone and took a picture of the well-presented food[j1] . I also took a selca with it.

I was so delighted by the result that I even asked him to take a selca with me. Since he had the longer arms, he was the one that held my phone.

Unfortunately, the phone couldn’t capture the whole view. And he may have seen the dismay on my face.

I was about to turn away and just be contented with what he got, but I felt a strong arm grab me by my wrist and I end up being trapped in his embrace.

He was already smiling when he clicked the capture button while I was still in a state of shock. At the second attempt, he counted down from three to one, and that was when I was already smiling.

I thought he was going to give me back my phone, but no, he took out his phone and sent the pictures to himself--- him doing all that while smiling.

When he locked his screen and put it back to his pocket, we was still smiling.

“It’s already past seven. They should be here by now, right?”, he said as he locked his gaze onto mine.

That was the only time I got my sanity back. Thinking about it, yeah, they weren’t the type to be late at this types of events, especially Sooyoung.

The presence of food makes here very cautious of the time. She should have been here the moment the clock hit seven. This is a bit.., odd.

I may just be thinking too much. They may still be stuck in traffic or something like that.

Silence. Awkward silence filled the dining area. He’s still so close to me and still looking at me, while I keep on holding my head down, avoiding any eye contact as much as possible.

“So.. would you like to stay at the living area? You could watch a movie or something as we wait for them.”, I said, still looking at the floor.

I instantly turned and distanced my body when he agreed. I couldn’t handle the tension in between us anymore. Despite the distance I’ve created between us, his presence still seems to linger.

These feelings seem to be oh so familiar. I know these. I know what these means. I’ve felt this before.

I’ve felt this before for someone.

Not just anyone, but someone who made me happy and broken at the same time. I’m still not prepared to go through the same thing again. No, not again, not ever.

I fixed myself. Forcing to play numb with the weird feelings I have inside of me. This shouldn’t be.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and focused all my strength in taming my heart—it calmed. I never thought calming something would require that much effort.

But all my efforts have gone to waste.

Because the moment I opened my eyes, all my self-control broke loose and my heart started beating rapidly again.

There in front of me was an adorable guy, smiling from ear to ear, with eyes full of curiosity and happiness. His gaze was so sincere that I unconsciously smiled back at him.

We stayed like that for quite a while until we heard the door slam open and throw up a bunch of people creating a commotion.

The girls seemed to be trying to hold Sooyoung back while some of the guys tried to help at first, but gave up and just looked at them, laughing.

It was Leeteuk who acknowledged our presence first. And it was also him who gave us a smile that made me realize that Hae and I are still in the same position we were moments ago, the only difference is that we’re looking at their direction.

The good thing was, it was only him. The rest were still busy with their business, and before they divert their attention to us, I took a step back and straightened myself up.

The moment they no longer can’t get a hold of Sooyoung, she came dashing straight to our dining area. I giggled for a bit and that’s when I formally welcomed them to our home.

Sooyoung was already sitting their when we arrived and was holding the utensils, looking like she’s all ready for battle. Her eyes were in the shape of hearts, making her look like the emoji with the heart-shaped eyes. They should modify that to heart-shaped eyes while drooling so that it’d become a perfect emoji for her.

Just to make her happy and not to prolong her agony anymore, I told them to dig in and enjoy the food. As the hostess, I let them eat first and observe their reaction after eating it, Sooyoung as an exception of course—she likes everything.

The dinner passed by smoothly with small, witty talks. Laughter filling in the silence, only positive vibes filling the air of the room, giving no space to anything negative.

There are times when I try to steal a glance of Hae, and during those times, our eyes would meet for a split second before I turn away with a crimsoned face, and an awkward laughter that would make it seem like I was paying attention to the ongoing conversation.

As the person who prepared the food, it was fulfilling to see that all the food was consumed and none was left. Sooyoung and the guys were the main contributors to this, and I was so grateful that I couldn’t help but smile as I look at them, still busy with their talk.

I guess happiness took the best of me. When I faced Hae, who was also looking at me, smiling, I didn’t bother looking the other way. Rather, I remained looking at him and smiled wider.

The boys volunteered to help clean the dishes, arguing that they should do it when the girls first said they’d do it. They insist that the girls should just bring the dishes to the sink and they’ll take care of the rest.

Although there was hesitation in me at first, but they were so persistent that I could no longer say no. I just hope they know what they’re doing and not break any of the dishes my grandparents bought from Italy.

When they were done shooing us away, me and the girls decided to wait for them to finish and just watch random shows on tv. Of course, from time to time, Jaejoong’s commercial would play and they would give me looks of questioning, but I didn’t mind them. I just smiled and continued watching, I’m proud to say that me and that guy from the tv are friends.

Well, wel’ll probably be again some time in the future.

We were laughing and laughing while watching Happy Together when the boys came in the living room. I guess they’re already done with the dishes. They sat on the floor since the girls, except me, already occupied all the space on the sofa—I find it more comfortable to sit on the floor.

Of course, Teuk sat on the area where Tae was and the other guys, well since I know for a fact that they like my friends, sat near where their respective crushes were seated.

I was busy observing them that I didn’t realize someone already sat beside me. I looked at him, and he looked at me, smiling like he’s seen something wonderful. And there was me, awkwardly smiling back at him.

The show was about to end and when it has ended, the boys asked who the guests were and why were we laughing so much.

Of course, just like how friends usually explain a joke or anything that is funny, we keep on laughing first before explaining what should be explained. The commercials ended and the next show was about to start, but the story-telling hasn’t even reached its middle part.

Hello Counselor started and we were still talking, we’re just interested in the later parts where the concerns are already told and the concerned citizens would appear, so we were still neglecting the first part.

Talk talk talk.

We were still talking and laughing when the first guest was introduced. We were silent for a while and that was when all the noise were put to a halt when the second guest was introduced.

An airy voice came out of the mouth of the second guest. The voice was all too familiar to me. It was once like a lullaby to me, like a sweet song, like a melodic harmony.

I know that they were looking at me at that time, but, again, I didn’t bother to give them any reaction of some sort. However, I felt a weird aura from the person beside me. It was dark, it was possessive.

I looked to my right and I saw how Hae stiffly sat with dark aura surrounding him. It was too strong not to be felt. He wasn’t even batting an eye on me, but I feel like the darkness was directed towards me. All he was doing was staring blankly at the TV, with gritted teeth and tightened jaw.

The atmosphere was too awkward, but no one dared to change the channel. What was once a loud group of people suddenly became library-stuck students. Only the sound of the air condition and the television was heard. Even our breathing were put to a hush.

The first concern was about a father who kept on throwing whatever he finds in their house because he dislikes mess so much. We were laughing again because of the father’s obsessive behavior towards the cleanliness of the house. Some of us were gasping when the children said they weren’t able to eat for a week because their father threw away their IDs because they left in on the key rack. Small talks between us were once again made, making the atmosphere lighter.

But during times when the camera focuses on Jae, I feel Hae stiffen. The good thing is, the MCs were focused more on the family and did not ask that much questions to the guests.

We were on the edge of our seats when the numbers on the screen started to role. We made a bet if the concern will win, and tteokbokki was put at stake.

I bet that it would not, together with the guys and the girls were the ones that said that it would win.

It did not exceed the target score, so me and the boys were shouting in glee. But still, the person beside me was still NR. (*No Response*)

The second concern was about a guy who can’t have proper sleep at night because of his sister that has a terrible phobia with darkness.

The first part of the story-telling was creepy, so I grabbed hold of anything I put my hand on. At first, I was grasping the fabric of the sofa, but then I felt a soft hand embrace mine and gently pulled it away from the fabric.

I felt it squeeze my hand and that was when I started to relax. The warmth of his touch was comforting that even if it was supposed to be scary, I didn’t feel that much fear.

It wasn’t actually a scary, the way the brother wrote it just made it seem like it.

But we remained like that until the end of the concern.

The third and last concern was told and it was during the time that the guests had to talk that the warmth surrounding my hands slowly faded away.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------