Chapter 22

Only three days went by, but it felt as though a million years passed. The pain is unbearable; I am emotionally, mentally, and physically drained.  I cry myself to sleep and hug my pillow imagining that I am holding Sehun. I am so alone. I broke all my promises to him. I am not sleeping through the night. I wake up sweating because of nightmares or a feeling that someone is watching me. I keep the alarm on at night. This feeling of helplessness is too much for me and taking over my life. I hate to be alone but I am too ashamed to call anyone to apologize.

Each morning, I wake up without the feel of his arms around me. I turn over and imagine Sehun sleeping next to me, but the ache in my heart grows and I realize he is not there. All I do is cry. I remember all the plans we made and how he opened his heart to me. I know that Sehun is the one for me. He was trying to save me and to protect me from the world, but I was too blind to see that. What if it’s too late, what if he won’t take me back again?

Every time I close my eyes, I see him standing there with his glorious smile, waiting for me to jump in his arms so he can sweep me off my feet and take me away. I’m back in the dark and the shadows all around me are telling me how much of an idiot I am. I love him but why do I treat him so horribly? I thought time away from him would make me feel better, but I am full of regret. I did not mean to hurt him. I didn’t mean to be the cause of everyone’s pain, including my Sehun. I know what I did was stupid, but what else am I suppose to do? How can I live my life like that?

I get up a few times to try to eat, but nothing tastes good. I look at myself in the mirror and hate what I see. My hair is messy and my clothes are too big on me. I have lost five pounds and very pale. A part of me died when I left Sehun and everyone behind. I don’t know who I am anymore. Dr. Boa called me a few times and left me voice messages. I know she is worried and disappointed in me. All the work we did over the last few years is gone. Gone like everyone else in my life.

During the day, I try and watch movie or listen to music. I take out all the pictures that my dad kept while we were growing up, and will look through them. I set the pictures of Sehun, Kris and me aside and remember how life was before all the craziness happened. Life was beautiful back then. I had everything I could ever want and there was no darkness or sadness.

The next morning, I find myself reaching over to see if Sehun is there but then I remember, it’s just me in the house by myself. Today is going to drag on, I keep thinking about just caving in, and calling Sehun but I can’t bring myself to do even that. I know my love for him is still there. I wonder if he still feels the same way. I have to call him...I have to do something.  My heart is crying for him... for us. When you love someone, you shouldn’t treat them bad, but I did. I close my eyes again and imagine Sehun getting ready for work. The way he takes forever to fix his tie or his morning pep talks. I am a fool, simple as that. I get out of bed and try to get ready for the day.

After taking a shower, I make my way down to the kitchen and make breakfast. I take out some eggs and sausage from the freezer and start cooking. I am on autopilot; It’s a surprise I don’t burn down the house. Before I can sit down and eat, the doorbell rings and I don’t feel like getting up. I figure I will let it go since I’m in no condition to talk to anyone. The doorbell keeps ringing. 

“Who the hell is at the door,” I mumble to myself. I quickly get up and answer the door.

“Can I help you?”

The deliveryman is standing there with a huge package and a clipboard. “Good morning ma’am, if you could sign here that will be great.” He hands me the clipboard and I sign on the dotted line. 

“Thank you kindly.” He hands me the package and waves goodbye. I shut the door and put the package down. I didn’t think anyone would send me anything and I’m curious to find out what is inside. I tear the tape off the box and open it. Inside, there is an album full of pictures, a teddy bear and a card. I take the album out to look inside and am shocked to see pictures of GD and me during our time together. There are pictures of us from California when we went to visit his parents, pictures of us on the beach and in the car. I touch each one and cringe. I drop the album and cover my mouth. He knows I’m here at my dad’s house. How is this possible? I bend down and take the card out. I quickly remove the card from the envelope and read what it says:

Babe,

I know that I did some ty things to you and I’m sorry. I can’t live without you. Don’t you know how much you mean to me? I haven’t been able to do anything and I just need you back in my life. I know that I can be the man you want me to be. Please come back to me. I can’t go on without you. I promise that when you come back I will treat you so good. So right. Give me this chance to prove to you that I can make you happy. I’ll be waiting...Forever.
Always yours,

GD

I drop the letter on the floor and back away from his gifts. I don’t know how he knows I’m here. I start looking around the house to make sure all the doors and windows are locked. I run back upstairs to get my phone. I know I have to call Sehun; it’s time to go back. When I get to my room, I see someone sitting on my bed. I freeze at the door. I am too scared to move. GD’s in my room, sitting on my bed. I want to scream. I want to run but I’m paralyzed with fear. The hairs on my skin start to stick straight up. My heart is beating a million times a second and my head is spinning. I start to bite the inside of my cheek. I’m telling myself to run and get away before he hurts me again. I let out a whimper and GD turns around to look at me. His dark eyes filled with black circles. His face is scruffy as though he hasn’t shaved in weeks. GD gets up from my bed and runs up to me. He pulls me in his arms. I flinch at his touch. I start thrashing and try to pull away.

“Babe stop, It’s me.”

“GD.” I scream. 

“Go away! Leave me alone!” I thrash some more trying to get out of his death grip.

“No babe. I can’t let you go. I made many mistakes but I have changed. Trust me please. I love you, can’t you see that?"

I know I have to do something to get him to let go. I quietly calm down and look in his eyes. I hope this works. 

“Jiyong, I know you’re sorry and I believe you.” The look in his eyes shows me that he believes what I’m saying. I get on my tiptoes and lightly kiss his cheek. He slowly loosens his grip from me and I bring my hands to his face. 

“Now you need to let me go, okay?” I his face and start to smile. 

“I’m glad you’re back.”

“Oh babe, I’ve missed you.”He starts to lean his head to mine and I know this is my chance to get away from him. I knee him in his groin and he jerks down in pain. 

“You !” I run down the stairs toward the kitchen. I get the cordless phone and start to dial Sehun’s number. 

“Come on pick up.” I start opening drawers trying to find a knife.

“Taeyeon?” Finally, I find a knife. I back into the counter and keep my eyes on the stairs.

“Sehun, oh my God, GD...” The line goes dead and I look at the phone. 

“What the hell?” I hear GD laugh and turn around. He has ripped the phone line out of the wall and is standing there with an evil expression on his face. I can’t read what he is thinking, but the fear in me starts to crawl up to the surface. 

“You shouldn’t have done that Taeyeon. Now I’m pissed.”

I move away from him. I point the knife at him but it makes him laugh. I try to think of something else to do to distract him and get away. 

“GD, leave me alone now. I do not want you here. Just leave!”

He starts to shake his head and brushes his fingers through his hair.

“I can’t do that. You see, if I cannot have you, no one will. Do you understand that?”

He moves closer to me and my whole body is shivering. I want him to get out of my house and my life.

“Please GD just walk away now and I won’t call the police or anything.”

GD charges at me and I can’t move. He puts his hands on both of my shoulders and starts to shake me. I am holding onto the knife and shake. GD sees the knife in my hand and grabs onto my wrist. I squeeze my eyes shut from the pain. He holds my wrist with all his might and I let go from the pain. 

“You don’t ing get it. I am not letting you go this time. I’ll kill you before anyone else can have you.” His lips curl and he brings his hands to my face. I feel little and scared. I just want him to go away. I want Sehun back. 

“No one can take you away from me, do you understand?” He sneers. Then out of nowhere, he punches me in the face and pushes me on the floor. I fall on my side and my head slams against the floor. The excruciating pain spreads through my body and all I can do is pray that someone saves me. When I feel his body on top of mine, my body goes numb. I do everything I can to get him off me. I put my hands on his face and push him off, but he wraps his hands around my neck and squeezes. He is cutting off my breathing and I let go of his face. When he lets go of my neck, I try again to fight him off me.

Nothing is working. Everything I do he is deflecting or taking over me. I scream for help and try to bite him, but that makes him mad. He slaps my face. My head whips to one side and I can feel blood coming out of my nose. His hands are going under my shirt and all I can do is whimper. 

“Shhhh, you know you want this babe.” He brings his face close to mine and starts to kiss me. I keep my mouth closed but GD pries it open with his tongue and pushes in. He rips my shirt off and all I can see is darkness. No one can save me now, the darkness has found me and will swallow me whole. I feel his hands on my s and I whimper. 

“See, you know you miss my touch.” His whispers are chilling. I hate his voice. I hate him.

There’s noise coming from the front of the house. I slowly open my eyes and see GD’s head looking at the door. This is my only chance to get him off me, so I have to take it. With all the strength I have left, I force him off me and kick him in the groin. I hear him gasp and moan in pain as he rolls off me. 

“Someone, help me please!” I run toward the door but it swings open. Sehun and Kris are standing there. The sobs start coming and I run into Sehun’s arms. He smells so good. I miss smelling him. I miss everything about him.

“I’m so sorry,” I stutter. 

“Please forgive me. Please love me again and don’t ever let me go.” I tug tightly onto his shirt and just cry.

“Kris, find him... NOW!” Sehun’s voice is full of rage. I look over and see Kris go through the house. Sehun picks me up and walks me over to the sofa. He my face and kisses me all over. I look down and realize I am just in my bra and yoga pants. Sehun quickly looks away and takes off his jacket for me. 

“Here baby, wear this.” I do as he says and curl my body onto his lap. I rest my head on his chest and let everything out. I am holding onto him as if he is going to leave again.

“Do you hate me?” My voice is low and I am scared to know how he is feeling.

“I can never hate you, as many times as you defy me and we argue, nothing can make me hate you.”

“Well, I know you’re mad at me.” I look down as my hand curls into his. Our hands fit perfectly together. He pulls me off his chest and holds me at arm’s length. His hand touches my face and I flinch from the pain. He pulls me to his lips and kisses my cheeks, nose, lips and forehead. I love his kiss. I love him.

“A little, but now that I have you, nothing else matters.” Sehun starts to kiss me again. Oh how I have missed his lips. 

“It hurt watching you walk away and I don’t want to feel that way again. Can you please let me take care of you now?” I nod. 

“Baby, you need to stop running away from me.”

“I know, but I’m just scared.” I bury my head into the crook of his neck. 

“I know I’m hard to love but don’t give up please. I can’t do this without you.” I break down again. I don’t know how long I cry, but I don’t care. Sehun holds me tighter.

Kris comes rushing in the room. 

“Sehun, he is gone.”

I can’t believe what I’m hearing. How can he be gone? I hold on to Sehun tighter.

“Kris, can you please get Tae’s entire things ready and book us a flight. We’re going to Florida.”