Chapter 18

Taeyeon

“You did what?” Jessica gets up from my bed and gives me a menacing look. 

“You are an idiot. You know I love you but you are a true idiot. If I could slap you, I would.”

It’s been a few days since Sehun walked away. I am staying at my dad’s house for the time being. Sehun has not tried talking to me and has ignored all of my text messages and calls. I feel so little and empty. I can’t sleep at night because he is not here with me. The nightmares are getting worse. 

Whenever I close my eyes, I see GD standing over me. Each dream is filled with hate and rage. The look in his eyes haunts me and I can’t shake him away. This isn’t what I want. I just want someone to understand me! Why is that so hard? Why the hell can’t I just be happy or have some peace. The hospital has been calling me nonstop and telling me GD has been asking for me. I won’t go back there to visit him. I don’t have anyone to talk to. Jessica doesn’t get it and Kris has been avoiding me. He says this is my fault and I need to fix it.

Dr. Boa has been away to care of her mom. I’ve tried talking to my dad and Tiffany, but they’re still mad at me. I can’t ing do anything right!”

I throw my pillow across the room and cover my eyes. 

“Jess, what was I supposed to do? I mean he wasn’t even listening to me!”

Jessica takes my hands away from my eyes and looks at me. 

“Oh, I don’t know, ignore your ex, who ing beat the crap out of you. Ugh...Taeyeon, I’m so mad at you.”

“You and everyone else,” I replied.

“Hey! Enough with this pity crap. You did this Tae.” She pulls me up from the bed and shakes me a little. I feel like a ing child. 

“You listen to me Kim Taeyeon. Do not try and play the ‘pity me’ card. You knew how much Sehun hates GD. He quit the basketball team for you! Why are you trying to mess this up?”

Jessica’s right. I’ve never known her to be harsh with me, but I deserve it. I push everyone out of my life and make up excuses. 

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what is going on. I just don’t want to get hurt again.”

“And what has he done to make you think that?”

I think about that and lay back down. Sehun hasn’t done anything to make me think he is going to leave me again. He has been nothing but perfect. I let out a heavy sigh,

“I don’t know, but I’m sorry.” My voice is low and I feel miserable.

“Well I’m not the one you should be apologizing to babe. I love you and I’m always going to be here for you. But I need you to take your head out of your and look at me.” 

I look at her and listen to what she says next. “Sehun is crazy about you. You’ve let him go twice already. I saw him last night and he is miserable. He doesn’t do anything. Kris has to make him go to the office for work. You should see him Tae. He has that loss in his eyes and is so distant from everyone. Kris said that he is not sleeping at night either.”

I think about how broken he must feel. I’m doing this to him again.

“I don’t want to keep hurting him, but he won’t talk to me.”

Jessica quickly gets up and grabs my arm. “Well then let’s go to him!”

We get to her car and drive back to the apartment. I’m feeling scared and nervous because I don’t want him to ignore me anymore. I try and come up with something to say. When we get to the apartment, fear races through. I’m embarrassed with what happened and how I treated Sehun. I let him walk away and I don’t want him to think I’m done because I’ll never be done with him. My love only grows and I want to be able to show him that. No more running.

I open the door using my key that he gave me. It’s quiet inside. I see Kris laying on the couch reading. He looks at me as I walk in and smiles. 

“Go talk to him, Tae.”

I nod and walk to our room. When I walk in, I see him lying on our bed sleeping. He is holding onto my pillow and I touch my heart. I look at what I’ve done to him. I’ve broken him again. I want us to make it through the storm and enjoy the sunshine. I realize that I’m nothing without Sehun and I can see his love for me. I look down and see a framed picture of us. It’s on his side of the bed. I pick up the frame and see a piece of paper flutter down. I pick it up and gasp.

"You’re my best friend forever. Just you & me, Sehun."

I remember when I wrote this for him. It was for his 14th birthday and I found a picture of us on the beach. He had his arm around me and we were both smiling. Those were happier times. I sit on the bed next to him and place my hand on his arm while gently shaking him. 

“Sehun, I’m here.”

He slowly turns around with tears in his eyes. “Taeyeon?”

“Oh Sehun.” Before either of us can say anything else I slide onto the bed next to him and let his strong arms hold me tight. I miss him. I miss everything. I have to stop taking him for granted and focus on us. I want things to work out with him and I want to be able to have a future with my best friend. 

“I’m sorry I let you walk away. I promise I’ll try harder. Please forgive me.” The words are like a whisper because I am scared with what he will say next.

“I miss you, Tae.”

“You don’t hate me?”

“I’ll never hate you.” His soothing words shock me. I don’t know why It’s hard for me to believe him. I wrap my arms around his neck and hold on tight. 

“I miss you too.” 

I look at him and lean in to kiss him. Our lips touch with such gentleness at first but then Sehun flips me on my back and deepens our kiss with such urgency and want. I need his lips on me. I need to feel him. His hands cradle my face as his tongue explores my mouth. 

Suddenly he pulls away. “What is wrong?” I breathlessly say.

“I don’t want to push you, Tae.”

“I want this.” I try and pull him back down.

Sehun starts laughing. “Baby, I want it too, but I want to make it special because you’re special to me. You aren’t some random hook up. You’re my forever.”

There is a knock on the door and Kris cautiously comes in. “So, we’re hungry.”

Sehun and I start laughing. “Alright let’s grab dinner.”

Jessica and I change into something a little nicer while the guys are in the kitchen drinking beers. It’s amazing how little time guys need to get ready.

“So things are good now?” Jessica asks.

“I think we’re going to be okay. He wants me to learn how to trust him and I’m trying.” I give my best friend a hug and hold her tight. 

“Thank you for opening my eyes. I owe you.”

“Good Tae. You deserve to be happy. Just be happy and that’s how you’ll repay me.” I’m lucky to have someone like Jessica in my life. Without her, I’d be lost.

I decide to wear a simple Zara strapless black dress. I look at myself in the mirror and am pleased. I have lost weight and the dress isn’t as form fitting but it still shows my body. I know Sehun is going to love this dress. I put on some makeup and lip-gloss and we head out to our y men. Sehun sees us coming to the kitchen,

“Well... well don’t you ladies look nice.”

“You don’t look too bad yourself.” 

Sehun had on a Guess dark blue button down shirt with jeans. I put my arms around his waist, 

“I’m glad you took me back.”

“I’m glad you came back.” He kisses me on my head.

“Alright can we go? I’m starving.” 

Kris pushes us out the door. We head over to Dalivon’s for dinner. The atmosphere is relaxing and it feels good to be out. It’s busy tonight but we are able to get a table immediately. It’s strange how people act around Sehun, but I don’t ask him about it. Once we are seated, I look around and notice we are in a secluded area. 

“Sehun, wow, how’d you get a table?”

Sehun was about to answer when Kris chipped in. “He is that good.”

We all start laughing as our server comes to the table to welcome us. Sehun orders a bottle of champagne and oysters to start the night. The conversation is light and casual as we catch up with one another.

“Tae, how’s Lunatic coming along?” Jessica asks.

“Well it’s good but I’m doing it by myself because freaking Baekhyun dropped or whatever. I don’t know. Dr. Heechul’s been emailing me and telling me about these new products. I send him my ideas and proposals and he seems to like it, but something’s not right. Everything seems too easy. My thoughts aren’t that good.” 

I see Sehun and Kris looking at each other. “What?”

“Nothing baby. Stop doubting yourself.”

Once we put in our orders I look over at Kris and Jessica as they talk softly amongst themselves. 

“So when are you two going to be official?”

“I don’t know. Kris what do you think?”

“Tae, we’re going to do what you and Sehun did and wait twenty one years before becoming a couple.”

We start to laugh as Sehun takes my hand. “Well worth it.” He leans in and kisses my cheek.

Our main course comes out as we start to eat. We talk about upcoming events and our vacation to Hawaii. I’m excited to spend some time with Sehun and get away from all the drama. I think about lying on the beach with Sehun and watching the sun set with him like we used to do when we were younger. I smile to myself as I think about all the times we spent together.

I grab Jessica’s hand and tug on it. She looks at me with a weird expression and I give her a look to let her know I need to talk. 

“We will be back. Bathroom break,” I announce. I pull Jessica through the restaurant and when we get to the bathroom, I walk to the sink and place my hands on the counter.

“What is wrong?”

“Jesd, I don’t know. I think Sehun is keeping something from me. When you asked me about Lunaric, I don’t know. I have a funny feeling. Sehun and Kris gave each other a weird look. Did you notice it?”

Jessica rubs my arm and shakes her head. “Stop Tae. You’re making a big deal out of nothing. So what if they work there. You earned this!”

I shrug my shoulders and lean against the counter. She is right. It’s not a big deal but I don’t want Sehun keeping anything from me. If we’re going to have a stable relationship, I need to learn how to let him in and he needs to be honest with me. Jessica and I chat about the guys a little while longer before heading back out to our dates. When we come back, dessert is waiting for us. Two strawberry truffle cheesecakes with white chocolate drizzled on top. My mouth is watering. I love cheesecake. I sit down and give Sehun a kiss on the cheek. 

“How’d you know this is my favorite dessert?”

He kisses the top of my nose. “It’s my job to know what you like and what you don’t like, pretty girl.”

We finish our desserts and start to head out. “What about the bill?"I ask.

“It’s taken care of don’t worry baby.” He puts his arm around me. 

“Now let’s go home so we can get some sleep.” That sly smile comes across his face and I melt.

I brush my lips to his ear, “Maybe I don’t want to sleep.” I hear him take in a sharp breath and he holds me tighter.

Before we get to the apartment, Jessica gives me a hug. “I will see you tomorrow but have fun tonight.” She winks before strolling off with Kris. 

“I’m glad to see them both happy.”

“Me too.”

I’m leaning against his chest as we take the elevator up to the apartment on the sixtieth floor. Once we get inside and head to our room, Sehun pins me against the door and looks down at my mouth.

“I’ve missed you baby.”

“I’ve missed you too.”

Sehun cups my face and looks at me, “Baby, not tonight.” He touches my lip with his finger, 

“Our first time will be special and it’ll be worth the wait. I promise baby.”