Chapter 12

Taeyeon

It’s finally time to go home for break. I finish all of my finals and feel confident that I did well. It has been an exhausting semester and I just keep telling myself just a few more weeks and then graduation. GD has left me alone and Sehun hasn’t left my side. I told him how I couldn’t stay on campus next semester since I wasn’t technically a student and immediately Sehun told me to move in with him and Kris. I was so excited and couldn’t hide it. The day before break, Sehun and Kris spent the day bringing my things over to their apartment. I feel safe with them nearby, but nervous because I will be that much closer to Sehun.

I take a quick look around my dorm and close the door. The memories come crashing on me as I remember nights with GD. A part of me will miss him and love him. He was a great boyfriend, but in the end, I couldn’t stay with him. I close the door and let out a sigh. I know it’s going to be hard to live with Sehun and Kris, but I feel better knowing I will not be alone.

I’m meeting Jessica for coffee before driving back home. Starbucks has the best coffee in town and I love the service. I’m a little early so I go ahead and order a latte. Before I can find somewhere to sit, I see Jessica running to me. 

“Oh my God, Tae,” she cries out. I feel bad because my best friend was worried about me. 

“Are you okay?”

I hug her tighter letting her know everything is ok now. “I’m okay. I love you.”

“I love you too.” We walk hand in hand and take a seat. I take a sip of my latte and suddenly feel nervous. 

“I’m sorry about making you worry.”

“No stop Tae. It’s okay. I am so glad everything is okay now.” Jessica tilts her head to the side and beams at me. 

“So you’re moving in with Sehun and Kris, huh?”

I knew I couldn’t hide anything from her. I laugh as she stares at me waiting for me to tell her everything. 

“Do you think It’s a good idea?”

“Yeah, you two need to become official!”

My heart skips a beat and I wonder what could be if he does love me. 

“But he keeps saying we’re friends,” I point out. “Friends, Jess!”

She shrugs her shoulders, “You just never know!”

We finish up at Starbucks and head out. “Have a great Christmas and New Years, gorgeous.”

“You too, see you next year.”

“Next year!”

We give each other a hug and go our separate ways. I feel alive and lucky. I’m happy to be going home to my family and spending some time away from here. Sehun and Kris are heading home later tonight after their last final. A silly grin spreads across my face as I think about Sehun and our night together. The way he held me tight against his chest made me feel safe and warm. I think about how much I’ve missed him and lucky that he is back in my life. I am not going to make the same mistakes again. I miss his touch and the way he moves my hair out of my eyes. 

Everything about him ignites something in me. The love I feel for him is strong and raw. I never thought I could be where I am today with him. I can tell things are changing between us. I am nervous, but it’s that good kind of nervous. I’m not sure where we are headed, but this ride is going to be memorable.

I get to my mini cooper, before I can get in, I feel him nearby. The hairs on my arms stick up. My heart beats fast and my breathing slows down. I love this feeling. I love knowing how he can still make me feel this way. He makes me feel again.

“Heading home?”

I turn around and look up and see Sehun smiling down at me, “Yeah, just needed coffee and to say bye to Jess,” I respond back, 

“Are you heading home too?”

Sehun points over to his Jeep and I wave over to Kris. He walks toward me and I take in his beautiful sight. 

“Yeah, we finished early with finals. We’re leaving now but I saw you and wanted to say hi and to see if you wanted to drive with us back home?”

“Oh Sehun, thank you, but I like riding by myself. It helps me think and I feel like my mom is with me.” 

I reach out for his hand and entwine my fingers in his. “I’ll see you back home soon though.”

Sehun holds onto my hand tighter. I love his touch. “I can’t wait, but before you go I want to give you this.”

We stare at one another for a few moments. Neither of us say anything. I forget about all the crap with GD. I think about how Sehun saved me and how we now have a chance to build us again. He hands me a gift bag. I didn’t notice he had anything with him. I look at him suspiciously and wonder what he bought me. 

“Sehun you didn’t have to get me anything.”

His smile reaches his eyes. He looks proud. “I know but I wanted to. You can’t open this until Christmas okay pretty girl, promise?”

I smile, “Yes, of course.” He gives me a quick hug and wink before heading back over to Kris. When I get in my mini cooper, I cannot stop laughing. I can’t believe he bought me a gift. It feels good to know that he was thinking of me and did something so sweet. This is going to be a great Christmas break.

Throughout the entire drive, all I can think about is Sehun. The chemistry between us is strong and undeniable. I do not know if we will make it official, but I don’t care because he is back in my life. He ignites something inside me and makes me feel incredible. I haven’t felt this way in so long and I’m happy to feel it again with Sehun. Crossing through town brings back memories of when my mom was alive. She used to take me all over town, just her and I, walking around looking at all the shops. She wanted to get out of the corporate world and open up her own boutique. It hurt me to think that she never had the chance to do that. I remember the day her and my dad told Tiffany and I, she had cancer. That was the worst day of my life. The cancer spread and even with chemo, her chances were slim. My mom made the decision to let the cancer ride its course so that she could spend every day with us. 

‘I miss you mom’ I think to myself.

I pull into the driveway and let out a sigh. My big modern style house is white with beige shutters. My dad keeps up with my mom’s garden and said that it was his way of keeping her alive and near him. There is a gazebo in the front of the house that I used to sit in with my mom and Tiffany. We’d just laugh and talk about boys. I get out of the car and breathe in the December air. I didn’t realize how much I missed home until now.

“Taeyeon?” My dad comes out of the house toward me.

I look up and see him, “Daddy!” I run up to him and jump in his arms. My dad is a tall and lean man in his fifties but looks so much younger. He has black hair and hazel eyes. I always wondered why he never dated after my mom passed away. I am relieved, yet sad, as I don’t want him to be alone.

He slowly puts me down and looks at me, “Taeyeon, I am so glad you’re home. I miss you, how are you feeling?”

“I’m good!”

My dad reaches down and grabs my bags, “Well let’s get some lunch and you can tell me everything."

We walk in the kitchen and start making sandwiches with the maids. It feels good to be home and away from all the chaos. I tell my dad how Sehun’s been there for me. I see him trying not to smile and it makes me feel good to know how much he wants Sehun and me to be together.

Later that night, as I am watching a movie with my dad and Tiffany, my phone starts ringing, 

“Hold on guys let me get this.” I get up and walk into the kitchen, 

“Hi Sehun. What are you doing?”

“Nothing, I am just lying here alone in my room. Kris’s out catching up with the guys.” He sounds bored. I want to ask him to come over so we can spend time together. I think about his arms around me. I want to wake up next to him every morning. I take a seat at the counter. 

“You didn’t want to go?”

“No. Didn’t feel like it. I wanted to talk to you actually.”

I blush not knowing what he was going to say next. “Well that’s sweet, but I’m watching a movie with my dad and Tiff right now.”

“Go back to the movie. Can you text me later?”

“Yes,” I laugh, “Of course I’ll text you.”

“Bye pretty girl.”

“Bye Sehun.”

I start jumping up and down. I can’t contain my excitement. I know It’s silly of me to think, but it makes me feel good to have Sehun call me.

“Taeyeon, are you okay?” My dad asks me amused.

I look up and see my dad watching me, “Yeah.” I grab the snacks that are on the counter and start popping them in my mouth. I look at my dad and wonder what he is thinking. He rubs his forehead and gazes out the window, 

“Darling you know I want what is best for you and I’ve seen a huge change in you. I just want you to be happy and safe.”

“I know daddy and I am.” I give him a quick kiss on the cheek, “Come on let’s go finish the movie.”

After the movie, Tiffany and I say good night to my dad. It’s getting late and I’m getting tired. I walk around the quiet big house and look around. Everything still looks the same. My dad didn’t change anything after my mom died. All the pictures are still hanging up. I look at our last family picture. I touch my heart and close my eyes. That photo session was too funny. We were all supposed to wear black and white but my dad wore a purple tie. I thought my mom was going to have a heart attack but she went with it. My mom, Tiffany and I wore black sleeveless dresses with a white cardigan. She wanted us to all look nice. It was a great day-full of laughter and smiles.

“Do you want to go shopping tomorrow?” Tiffany asks. I turn back to her and smile. 

“I miss her too Tae, but I’m glad you’re back.” She touches my shoulder and gives it a squeeze. I grab her hand and smile. 

“Yeah that sounds good. Did you finish wrapping all the gifts?"

“Of course, I think what you bought Sehun and Kris is pretty cool and they’ll like it.”

I smile to myself and feel proud. “Well we’ve missed like four Christmas’ with them so I wanted to make it up, you know?”

Tiffany's smile goes from ear  to ear and I just laugh. We say good night and I make it upstairs to my room and lay in bed. I get a little nervous and feel like a little girl. I take out my phone and call Sehun.

“Pretty girl,” he answers.

“Hi,” I shyly respond. I play with my hair and wish he were here with me. Just thinking about his lips touching mine sends sparks through my body.

“What are you doing?”

His voice makes my body tremble and I want to be with him so bad. I want to tell him just how much he means to me and how I want us to be together but it doesn’t feel right to do that on the phone. “Just lying in bed, you?”

“Thinking about you.”

“And what about me,” I love how flirty he makes me feel, “Naughty thoughts?”

“Whoa pretty girl. Feeling pretty frisky, huh?”

“Of course not,” I sit up on my bed and think about what we just said. I do not want to give him the wrong idea. I know that we’ve been flirty lately but I don’t want to be a hook-up. I want to be his girlfriend.

“I keep thinking about our first night together. Touching your skin and waking up next to you. I can’t sleep now because you’re not by my side.” I hear him breathing. I wonder if he fantasizes about us.

My heart aches for his touch. “Come over Sehun,” I said without thinking. “Please?”

“I thought you’d never ask. I’ll be right over.”

As soon as I hang up with him I jump up and check myself in the mirror across the room and make sure I look adorable and y. I put on my old cheerleading shorts and a VS fitted hoodie. I check my hair and throw it up in a loose ponytail. My dad and Tiffany are in bed by now but I still have to be careful so I don’t wake anyone up. Sehun’s house isn’t that far from mine and I know he will be here soon. Just as I am going to get back on the bed, my phone buzzes:

Sehun: Here 

I skip down the stairs with a silly grin on my face. When I open the door and see him I wrap my arms around him and hold him for a minute. 

“Wow you look nice.” He says looking down my body.

“Oh this is just what I wear to sleep.” I see his eyes get wider and his jaw get tight. I get closer to him and can hear his breathing get uneven. I lightly touch his arm and . Tiffany gave me advice on how to tease guys and what drives them crazy. I hate being so inexperienced but it’s fun learning with Sehun. 

“Want to go upstairs now?”

Sehun looks at me and simply nods. I take his hand and guide him upstairs to my room. We get in and I slowly close the door. When I turn back around, Sehun has made his way to my bed and gets comfortable under the blankets. I stand at the edge with my arms folded across my chest, 

“Comfortable?”

“Not yet.” He pats the space next to him and I go sit next to him. We don’t say anything for a few minutes but just look at each other. I drink him in and cherish each moment. His eyes are so beautiful and filled with desire. I can feel myself getting hot and I wish he’d just take me now. I’m ready to give Sehun everything; my body, my heart and soul. I take off my hoodie and fling it on the ground. I hear Sehun inhale sharply.

I see desire and want in his eyes. It makes me feel seductive and powerful. I want him just as much as he wants me, but tonight will not be the night. 

I turn my body around and face him. 

“You’re so beautiful.” He says to me while caressing my arm.

He takes my hand and looks at me. Those eyes again. 

“Baby, listen to me. I want you, soo BAD! I don’t want you to think of us as a hook up or friends with benefits type of relationship.” He touches my face and I lean into him. 

“I want to make you feel special so you feel nothing but love. Do you understand what I am trying to say?”

I can’t respond back. My whole body freezes. His honesty is killing me. I’m glad he is able to open up to me but it scares me. Are we opening ourselves up too fast? I try and shake away my insecurities but I can’t seem to let go of those thoughts.

I lean in and kiss him on the cheek. 

“Let’s go to sleep then.”

“Only if you let me hold you,” he whispers.

He wraps his arms around my waist. I hold his hand and his arm. I love this feeling of him with me. I slowly close my eyes and feel his arms hold me tighter. I can get used to this feeling.