It was winter in Japan. Our promotions finally started to slow down and we were able to have some free time. So I did what I do best; I shopped. Everyday that I had free time I would drag Jun with me. And about Jun we have become really close. I almost depend on him to keep me together. He was the first to notice me sinking into depression and if it wasn't for him I probably wouldn't be here. It was ironic though, the one person Jaeseop accused me of cheating with is the one to comfort me after being abandoned by him.

It was snowing and we walked hand and hand together. I'm a great dancer but snow is enemy. I can't seem to walk anywhere in it without slipping and almost falling on my face. Jun noticed this the few times we went out together and he suggested that it would be best that I hold his hand so I don't damage the 'goods' he had said. I was hesitant at first because I knew he liked me. He looked at me the way Jaeseop would and looked after me so tenderly...just like Jaeseop did. But I shakenly took his hand that day and we had been inseperable ever since.

Jun never asked anything from me and he never confessed to me but his actions said the words for him and I knew it was wrong but I welcomed it. I let him buy me things, take me out to eat and let him wipe the cappucino foam from my lips. He was the second boy I ever let this close to me and I wasn't sure if I had feelings for him or just liked that he temporarily made me forget about Jaeseop.

We stopped in front of my new favorite coffee shop and I began to smile giddily. Jun-ah was going to treat me to my favorite coffee! He looked at me and smiled warmly, "I knew you would be happy." I pat his head, "Thank you Jun-ah." We finish our coffee and head back to the dorm. Jun helps me to put my things away in my room and begins to walk away but I grab his arm.

I bite my lower lip and I wonder if this is the right thing to do. "J-Jun-ah~" My voice wavers as I say his name. "What is it hyung?" He says looking at me worried. "Is everything ok, you're not thinking about him are you? We can play a game to make you feel better." He says genuinely. "Neh, I want to play a game with you." I say as I pull him close to me and kiss him tenderly on the lips. 

Jun's lips felt different than Jaeseops, they were soft and full like a girls and it made me not want to stop touching them. We kissed until he had to finally pull away. His face red and out of breath. "Is this ok?" I ask him and he shakes his head. "If this is the kind of game you want to play then I'll play along." He said so firmly, so maturely that I forgot about his age.

To my surprise he pulled me back to him and kissed me opened mouth. I could feel his saliva, warm and wet on my lips and then his hot tongue darted out and I opened my mouth invitingly. He slid his hands up to lace in my hair and tugged gently. It sent shivers down my spine and in that moment I forgot all about Jaeseop.

"Umm Jun-ah...about what just happened..." I begin to say once we pull away again. "Don't worry about it hyung it's just a game we're playing." He says smiling at me and it somehow doesn't comfort me like I thought it would, but as soon as his lips were on mine again I forgot everything, and I was ok again.

Two weeks passed and we somehow was able to keep our game a secret from the others. Jun was so good at acting like nothing was going on as for me on the other hand everytime he got close to me I panicked and I'm sure people were beginning to notice but no one said anything. It was finally holiday break for us and coincidently it would be Jaeseops as well.

Sadly it was the first time I thought about him in two weeks. All this time I had been occupied by Jun-ah and I even thought about asking him if we should take it a step further and make this a real relationship but I didn't want to influence him any further. He's so young I shouldn't be doing these things with him anyways; I should be leading him on the right path, but I'm a selfish person.

Tonight I decided that I will ask Jun if he wants to go steady or at least think about it. I think it would be the most responsible thing to do for the both of us since I can't give him up. Jun needs to experience a real relationship before he grows up thinking this is what all relationships are like. I want to show him something special and sweet and besides I think it's time to stop thinking about Jaeseop. 

Something was diferent tonight; Jun was diferent. The whole night he kept looking at his phone and when I talked to him it was like he was thinking about soemthing else. Nothing seemed to catch his attention not even when I used aegyo. I even pecked him on the cheek but this time he didn't smile like he usually did. I did my best to ignore it and we finished our date. We were outside my room, and I had expected him to kiss me, but he didn't, so I tried to, but he pulled away and looked at his phone. "Here's your things hyung," he said, "I just got a text from Soohyun hyung we can't play our game anymore." 

"Neh." I reply disappointed as I gather my things. He walked off and that's when I realized he had said 'anymore' shouldn't he have said 'tonight'? Frustrated I walk into my room and shut the door behind me, letting the things fall onto the floor. I turn around to walk over to my bed but freeze. "Jaeseop..." The name naturally rolls off my tongue as I stare at my estranged ex-lover.

For a moment I see spots and I feel like the floor is moving. Am I really going to faint over this? But my head clears and I gain my composure. "Kiseop, it's been a long time. I missed you." He said to me and I wanted to be angry and hit him but a part of me was so overwhelmed by the sight of him that I just wanted to hold him. But then the other half, the half that belonged to Jun pulled me towards the door, but Jaeseop grabbed onto me, stopping me before I can get out.

"Don't go to him. Yes, I know about him. He told me everything. I'm not mad at either one of you. He's a mature and respectfull young man." Jaeseop told me and my chest tightened. He knew, he knew that Jaeseop was back even before the supposed text and he even cleared things up with Jae so I didn't have too. "I have to at least see him." I break away from Jaeseop and as if he knew; I got a text.

"Hyung don't come to apologise to me. The game is over and now it's time for you to happy with Jaeseop. We both know that is what your heart really wants. Don't worry about me I'll find someone soon." I let my phone crash to the floor and I slowly turned to look at Jaeseop. Jun knew more than me how much I yearned to be with Jae. 

And there he was with his arms wide open waiting for me to fall into them, and I did. I spent a good 15 minutes crying, letting out all of the pain I've kept inside and told him everyhting I promised never to say. And when we were finished and all my tears were wiped away he kissed me and I knew that my heart had really been waiting for Jaeseop this whole time.

"I'm sorry. I should have never done that to you. It was my own self-conciousness; I didn't have any confidence in myself. I was sure you would get tired of waiting for me and find someone else and I wanted to forget you first before it happen to me. I was wrong. I hope you can forgive me someday." Jae said as he cupped my face. My lower lip trembled as I tried to keep myself from crying. 

"Yes." I said and kissed him back over and over again. "Don't ever leave me again." I pleaded inbetween kisses and he pulled me up off the floor and held me tightly. "We'll always be together; I promise."