SOOHYUNS POV

          It's been only 8 months since Dongho announced that he was leaving U-Kiss and 9 months since he told me that our "relationship" was over. I shouldn't be complaining after all I had promised him that I wasn't going to get attached. He didn't want a real relationship because feelings would only complicate things. He wanted a physical relationship nothing more. And I was ok with that...for a while. I started to get jealous. I noticed him hanging around Kevin more and thought maybe he was getting bored with me and wanted someone prettier to play with.

          I confronted him about it and he didn't talk to me for a week so after that I just kept my feelings to myself and let him do as he pleased. I could never share my problems with anyone because Dongho made me swear not to tell anyone of our time together. He said being "gay" wasn't something he planned on sharing with anyone else and that after U-Kiss when he moves on with his life he was going to find a woman to marry. It hurt yes, knowing that he never considered falling for me and having a future together. I guess it was always just a one-sided love between us.

          This went on for 4 years and now that he was gone, even though he had never shared anything more than his body with me, I missed him. I missed hearing his voice, listening to him laugh, seeing his face grumpy or smiling and most of all I missed holding onto someone. Even if I wanted to move on I never had time outside of U-Kiss activities because even then I used my time to find ways to become a better leader.

         Who am I kidding even if I had the time I doubt I could move on so easily. I'm a wreck inside and I'm surprised it hasn't shown on the outside. I can't watch anything with break ups or people in love without being on the verge of tears. I can't stand the sight of smiling couples in real life and have to leave where I'm at when they are too close. I feel like I'm suffocating from not being able to confide in anyone. I feel very lonely. And sometimes I wish I had never tasted the person who is Shin Dongho.

         .......................................................

         It was early in the day and we were at practice as usual and I see something that should look normal to others but it felt weird to me like there was something else going on. I saw AJ and Kiseop playing around. AJ chasing Kiseop around the studio catching him occasionally from behind and nestling his face behind Kiseops ear. I understood that maybe they would be happy to see eachother again since AJ had recently came back from studying abroad but this was a little too much. Maybe I'm just being cynical because of my own loneliness. But then I hear it, what I needed to know.

          "Yah 2seop quit rubbing it in our face not everyone gets to spend all day rehearsing with their lover!" Eli yells from across the room. I don't look at them directly but I see their reflection in the mirror and they were both staring at me shocked. Any other time I would have expressed my happiness for them but right now was a bad time.

          It wasn't their fault at all but I couldn't even scold them for not telling me, who is their friend and leader. Everyone waited for me to say something, to do something. But all I could do is stare at them in the reflection and think about what if Dongho would have let us be happy like them. I begin to think about how I could have made him really happy if he just gave me just a sliver of a chance but he never even gave me that.

          My eyes begin to blur from unwanted tears and I stand up quickly leaving the room before they could fall. I hope they couldn't see it, my feelings that I had been holding inside for so long. I don't know where my body is taking me. I just move until I see a door to one of the dressing rooms. It's empty so I shut the door behind me moving to one of the couchs in their and collapsing on it. I close my eyes and hope no one bothers me.

HOONS POV

          I saw our leader get up from then bench and quickly leave the room. So it was one of them that had been his reason for being sad lately. I thought that maybe it was that he missed his favorite Dongsaeng but from the way his eyes filled up quickly with tears he must be in love with AJ or Kiseop. But who? Maybe it was AJ. He had been gone almost as long as Dongho and when he came back his attention really has only been on Kiseop and now I know why. Even I wasn't aware of their relationship. Neither was Kevin because I hear him congratulating them.

          Kiseop calls my name to get my attention. Is he wanting me to congratulate them to? I look over at them and glare. How could they tell Eli but not tell their leader, their hyung!? How could they let Soohyun get hurt like that? I don't care that they were in a relationship after all you can't help who you love but at least they could have been more responsible. I turn in the direction that Soohyun had left and go to search for him.

           I felt a sting of jealousy knowing that he had feelings for one of them. I wish it were me. I wish his heart had chose me. I know that we shared a lot of fanservice together but off camera he didn't give me the slightest attention I desired. I cherished every moment I had when I could wrap my arms around him in some way and he would smile at me. Just leaning into him for support after a concert was enough for my heart to flutter and be satisfied. In those moments I pretended along with the fans that we were something more.

           I loved Dongho as a Dongsaeng but I wont lie that I was relieved when he left U-Kiss. Of course I missed him and of course I loved having him in the group but when he was here all of Soohyuns attention was on Dongho. He always made sure he was happy, made sure he ate, made sure he went to sleep on time. He was casual with us most of the time since we were older than Dongho and didn't direct us around like that. I shouldn't have been but I was jealous even then.

           I always liked Soohyun ever since I joined U-Kiss. I loved the energy and passion he had. He was kind to us and always put more effort than needed as a leader. He's a beautiful singer and well beautiful to look at. Everyone says that Kevin and Kiseop are the beautiful ones but in my eyes Soohyun had always been the most beautiful. He was my little sun. He gave me strength even when he wasn't aware of it. I always imagined what it would be like to have that sun shinning only on me but those were just silly day dreams. Before now I always thought he was straight he always gave me the vibe that he was a traditional kind of family man.

          Maybe he is though and I'm just confusing his sadness for something else. I look down the hallway but all the doors were shut. Great how was I suppose to find him? I open all the doors I can and knock on the doors that were locked as if he would open them for me. Nothing. There were two doors left and I choose the one on the left. It was unlocked and I walk inside. I hear quiet sobbing and know that I have found him finally. "Soohyun?" I call out quietly giving him a chance to calm down before I approach him.

          "Leave." His voice cracks at the simple word. "Ani...I'm not going to leave you alone when you need somone the most." I say to him boldly. I have never went against Soohyuns instructions before I hope that I don't end up making him angry at me. "What is the point when I can't even tell you what is wrong with me?" He says. "You don't have to say anything I'll just simply be here, quietly waiting till you feel better." I tell him. Like I always have been. I think to myself.

           "I'll never be better. I'm like a village after a Tsunami. The aftermath is so bad I'll never be rebuilt." He says to me. "So please just forget what you've seen and go back to practice." He finishes saying. How could I forget seeing you like this? Is what I want to say to him but I keep it to myself and instead I blurt out, "Why do you love him so much that it's hurting you is he really that important?" My hand flies up to my mouth I can't believe what I've just said to my leader. He sits up quickly and gets off the couch. "That's something I'm not allowed to discuss and how you even know this is unknown to me but please keep your discovery to yourself." He says to me seriously.

          "But everyone will figure out sooner or later that you like AJ so you might as well talk about it!" I argue back. He looks at me as if I said something weird. "AJ? You think I like AJ?" He says and laughs to himself. "It's not AJ and it's not Kiseop." He clarifies with me. "But then why else were you crying?" I ask now confused. "Because he wont let me love him the way I want to. Because it was so easy for him to forget about me." He mumbles. I can't help but wonder who he's talking about but I know it's not my place to ask. "I can't talk about this anymore." Soohyun says and tries pushing passed me but I grab his arm before he can reach the door.

           "Then love someone who will let you and who will love you back! Forget about him he doesn't deserve your tears." I say to his back. He tenses at my words. "Who will love me then? Who will love someone pathetic like me?" He still isn't looking at me. "I will." I simply say. He slowly turns around to look at me his eyes are wide with surprise and I stare back at them with sincerity. "Hoon..." He whispers. "I don't expect you to love me now but all that I ask is that you give me a chance to make you happy." I say while staring into his eyes.

SOOHYUNS POV

           Give me a chance to make you happy. Those words made my heart ache and at the same time butterflies in my stomach. That's all I ever wanted from Dongho was a chance and here Hoon is standing in front of me asking for the same thing I was denied. How could I deny him? I would be a hipocrite if I did. Because how could it be alright for me to want a chance but not Hoon? Hoon is one of my closest friends and he's confessed to me in such a way I don't think I can deny him. I don't want to hurt him. Oddly my heart flutters knowing that someone wants to make me happy. No not someone but Hoon my bandmate and best friend.

          He's still waiting for me to respond I can see him growing nervous. "Soohyun, I know you're hurting please let me help you. I can't make you forget him but..." He starts to say, "let me clean up this aftermath at least... and then maybe you can rebuild again, ok?" He finishes saying to me and tries to smile. Tears are starting to fall because of the beautiful things Hoon is saying to me. Light sobs are now falling off my lips and I push myself into Hoons arms. The realization hits me that I want to be loved.

          That's all I ever wanted from Dongho but maybe he wasn't the one for me. Maybe we were set up for failure all along so that I would eventually find my way to Hoon. I'm not saying that I'm in love with Hoon right now but it doesn't sound like such a bad thing. Me and Hoon together. Me and Hoon in love. Me and Hoon becoming lovers. These are things I think I will grow to love. He raises my chin up to look at him. He looks over my expression that is now anxious. Is he going to kiss me?

          If he kisses me I wouldn't push him away. I don't care if it's too soon I just want to feel Hoons love physically. I want to confirm it. I see that his attention is on my lips and so I pout them slightly. "Soohyun...forget it." He says and kisses me without asking. I kiss him back before he pulls away our lips slowly detaching. I think he's going to kiss me again but instead he brings his gaze on me and raises his hand up to cup my cheek. "I know it's just a kiss to you but I've waited so long for this." he confesses to me. Oh Yeo Hoonmin how long have you carried these feelings for me? I want to ask but instead I say, "I too, have been waiting a long time for this."

          "Waiting for what?" He asks.

          "A kiss from someone who loves me too."

authors note: eep ok it's my first oneshot and well soohoon fic too! please be kind to me. especially because I kind of made our precious maknae a villian and I might clarify that in another fic I haven't decided if I will yet! thank you for reading! ^-^ comment below and give me your opinion good or bad!