I've Decided

Every now and then he would gaze at him and would see him looking blankly into space. The meeting has been running for hours now and he could bet if he would ask him what it was all about, he wouldn't be able to answer. After another twenty minutes the meeting was adjourned and there he was, still staring at the portfolio in front of him. He did not even notice the whole staff going out of the conference room.

So Hyun Sub just scratched his brow out of frustration.

"God, what's wrong with you Son?" Hyun Sub interrupted Yi Jeong's pile of thoughts. But then his son just closed his eyes and pursed his lips. He had never seen his son acting so out of character for a long time and looking at him unable to perform effectively on work made him all concern.

"So Yi Jeong, if you need a break from work just say so. I think you needed some, you clearly don't look fit."

After giving of a sigh, Yi Jeong uttered. "I just need some sleep Abojie. Grandpa asked me some favor if I could make an auction display for the museum, so rest is not in my plans. I'll be reviewing the entire presentation and maybe some evaluations. I… I’ll just head to my office now." He stood up on his seat and paid his father a bow before closing the door.

Hyun Sub just watched his son drag his foot out of the room and shook his head. He noted how his son turned distant again; Yi Jeong had stuck himself on work which means he’s dealing with something too serious, he look so worn out. To add to his son’s stress, that So Woo Seong had returned and made it even harder for Yi Jeong to adjust and stretch his time. His father had demanded Yi Jeong to take over the whole business under his name and even released a media statement that Yi Jeong would be having a grand international display and auction. Since his son didn't want to give a bad impression on the art world, yet reluctantly, he agreed. And by far Yi Jeong was dividing his time like a maniac. Seeing him storming in and out of the office flexing his tiny break just to see his girlfriend, Hyun Sub could only shook his head feeling sympathetic over Yi Jeong.

…

The moment he reached his office, Yi Jeong flopped down his chair and buried his face on his palms. A sound from the phone made him bolt up. As he checked it, he saw ten miscalls coming from his mother. It's been three days already since he started camping in his office, avoiding any chance of going home. His mother has been asking him to at least go home and talk to her; however Yi Jeong was not yet in the mood to discuss things to her. He opted to stay and burn his time on working or either spacing out inside his office. It has also been days since he last talked to his best friends. Jiho, Woobin and Junpyo had been calling him, but he chose to keep things to himself. It's a private matter and his friends, though he acknowledged their concern, should have to let him decide.

…

It’s been a sunny day, a fine day to stroll around but she was there seated at the corner of the workshop studio, gazing blankly at the huge glass wall. Someone poke her cheek and brought her back to reality.

"Yah! Spacing out again? You've been like that for days now. Is there something wrong?"

Gaeul smiled at Junho and shook her head. "I'm just a bit nervous. I'll be leaving in two days and I still don't know if I would go."

He turned and faced her properly. "You've been working so hard to get this. It's been two years since you started aiming to at least get a single sponsorship and now that it's freely given to you by such a huge body, why think twice? Gaeul, the Prix even pleaded for you to display your work for the entire festival week. How great was that?"

Junho eagerly convinced her to proceed and go, howbeit it was obvious from him that something was bothering Gaeul and it's making her contemplate on grabbing the opportunity.

"I think I already know what's making you think twice." Gaeul looked back at him with brows arched high.

"Huh?"

"Feeling reluctant to leave because of him?"

"Him? Reluctant?"

"Ei! Don't get smart on me. I just know you. So Yi Jeong. He doesn't want you to leave for Paris, does he?" It was intentionally delivered by Junho on a matter of fact manner. Gaeul just gave him a weak and bitter smile as a response.

"Bingo!"

"It was my fault. I wasn't able to tell him sooner and to add to that, the event date was moved earlier. I was too late to know and to even decline the whole thing... everyone is expecting me and it would be also a big opportunity for me to let it pass. However, he is not that thrilled to know I'm staying there for months."

"I do understand him. If it was me, I won't also be happy being away from my girlfriend for two or more months. You know? It's a little hard to balance things out especially when you both are on the other end of the world. Much more that  you two are quite busy, he is taking over the whole damn business and even work over the incoming auction."

"How did you know all of that? Did you hire an investigator for it?"

"As if your boyfriend's life isn't all over the news, Gaeul, I mean their life has been covered by the media ever since they came to life. What do you expect?"

"Yeah... I was just", she sighed. "I don't know. I really don't know, Junho-yah."

"Just give him time. He'll understand your case. Trust me on that."

"How could you be so sure?"

"Just trust me."

He couldn't deny the fact of how much the infamous So Yi Jeong treasures his dear friend. Junho knew that the latter was just taken over by his emotional issues, that he somewhat misunderstood the whole thing. It's clearly none of his business, but at the moment Junho couldn’t brush the matter aside. He just smiled at the silent Gaeul and tapped her back for comfort.

…

Jaekyung was getting dizzy just by looking at Woobin walking back in forth in front of her. He's been cursing for a while and she could only give him some moral support by keeping quiet and not annoying him more. "Aish! That kid! I'm seriously going to kick him." She heard him rant again. Woobin raised his hand and was about to throw the phone when Jaekyung immediately stood up and caught his arm.

"Oh... oh... oh! Not my phone this time. You're not going to throw and break it into pieces, not my phone, please?"

"Sorry”, he said in a low voice.

"I understand. But will you just rest for a bit? I'm getting dizzy looking at you walking like a hen in labor. I can't even concentrate on the drama I'm watching since you've been blocking my view."

"Aish! I'm sorry. That man really . If he'll ever show up I would definitely beat him to death."

Jaekyung saw how annoyed and revved Woobin is and that she couldn't help but admire his utmost concern over his friends. She hadn't seen him acting like that before, almost ready to punch anybody anytime soon.

"You really are overly protective of her. I mean, Gaeul. You obviously don't want her to get hurt."

It was something foreign for her to get envious of someone else since she’s capable of having anything that she wanted. Jaekyung had learned that there were a lot of thing to be envious about other people and those were all non-material things. On the back of her mind, she's been wishing that somehow in her life time there would be a person that could also feel concern about her, a person who could kill anybody else just to protect her from getting hurt. Yeah, maybe not kill, but just at least show some effort on getting angry to other people for her sake. In a not-so Jaekyung-thinking, she wished she was Gaeul.

"I really don't know what had gone wrong into that rascal's head to even impose such thing. Does he even know how much hard work Princess put into her craft just to be recognized? She only wanted to be appreciated by simple people, and just as she was spotted by such a great opportunity, he’s saying no? Can't he just support her instead? Damn it!"

"I get your point, so just relax first. Inhale. Exhale. Okay? I'm definitely on your side. I know Yi Jeong should just be happy and should support Gaeul all the way. And in fact, he should be the one to first understand her since he’s also into a similar field, right? But I also get his point, that it would be difficult for them to balance things out. They are both packed and busy. Yi Jeong can't even have a break on his work. How much more keep on tract with Gaeul if she'll be on a different time zone?"

"If he really is using his above average IQ, he will be able to find a way. However, his head is too close to even welcome advises. And hell! It was even him who said he can adapt and adjust, but heck he's not showing it now."

"Maybe Yi Jeong got so used of having Gaeul near him. And that you know how much frustrated he becomes not being able to see or call her in a day, how much more if it's two or even three months?"

"He made it for four years why can't he do it in three months, Jaekyung-ah? Huh?"

Well, that's right, she thought. Woobin did point out the fact and the proof. Yes, Yi Jeong was able to make it in four years without even hearing Gaeul's voice, but...

"That's the point, Bin-ah. He had endured that long and he is not willing to endure anything like that again, even if it's just three months. Have you seen him when he left for Sweden and stayed there for only a week? He looked so out of the ordinary suave So Yi Jeong. Can you then imagine him being like that for three months?"

Woobin looked at Jaekyung as she was stating her opinion. Clearly, she had stood up on what Yi Jeong might be feeling at the moment. He couldn't deny that Jaekyung had a point and that his best friend might be feeling really upset about being away from his Gaeul-yang. If he would be ask, Yi Jeong might even chain Gaeul and made her his pendant so she won't be able to be far from him.

"I don't know. I really don't know what to do."

"Let them fix this issue themselves. That's the best thing we can do for now. It's a bit sensitive and private. As friends, we have limitations and that we can't always pry on their businesses. So just sit there and relax first. You will get old easily with your ranting, arasso?"

She's right and that maybe it’s better if those two would fix their mess together. Woobin just shook his head to Jaekyung and drew a sigh. She saw him agreeing to her suggestion and that made her at ease. Jaekyung just smiled at him and focuses again on the television. All of a sudden she felt Woobin move closer to her and buried his head on her shoulder. As if a reflex her heart went hyper.

"Just stay still. Let us just stay like this for a while." She heard him say and she was left without a choice.

For Woobin, he didn't know what he could have done to Yi Jeong if there wasn't Jaekyung to give him an insight about the other possible side of the story. He might just punch Yi Jeong's face out of irritation. Good thing, she was there with him to at least give some sensible thoughts over the matter.

"I may have done something really terrible if you weren't with me, thanks Jeakyung-ah!"

…

"I can send you home if you like?" Junho nudged Gaeul’s side a little, pulling her out from her world.

"Oh? It's okay. I can manage, maybe next time, Junho-yah."  She said as they were walking to the exit of the studio together. "By the way, how is Woonie doing? I haven't seen him in a while." She gazed back at him with expectancy. "He's doing fine. Woonie is going to school the next school year. Maybe you'll be able to handle his class if you practice at Shinwa."

"Really? He'll be attending at Shinwa? That would be great!" Gaeul excitedly stated.

"But that's if you'll consider the master's they're offering you. Aren't you taking the scholarship the Lee's had offered you? It would be a great deal, Gaeul-ssi. It's Denmark for God sake!"

"I don't think so. I already submitted my credentials to Shinwa. And I'm planning to decline the scholarship for Denmark, although it would be such a waste of opportunity." Junho understood her reason, but chose to keep his thoughts to himself and just nodded at Gaeul. He opened the exit door for her and as if on cue, a flashing luxury car parked in front of them.

The door went open and Junho immediately bow his head.

"I'll take her home. Thanks for watching over her." Junho just responded in a smile.

"Oh? Jiho Sunbae?Aren't you supposed to be at the hospital now?"

Jiho grinned at Gaeul. "Apparently, my little brother made someone upset so as a cool 'Oppa', I have to cheer her up."

Gaeul shook her head and smiled sweetly. "Eh? I think you just need a hand, Sunbae."

The doctor just smirked before pulling Gaeul beside him. "Let's go!"

Gaeul followed him after she bid Junho good bye. "I'll just see you tomorrow, Junho-yah."

"Okay. Take care, Gaeul!"

She sat comfortably beside Jiho at the back seat. A chafeur was with them for the ride because Jiho isn't into driving cars yet due to his phobia. As they were both seated in complete silence, he eyed the usual bright and sunny person beside him and noticed how quiet she is. "I'm not used to it." Jiho uttered looking on the road ahead. "He hasn't called you yet?"

Gaeul shook her head and smiled bitterly. "He did. He asked where I was, but he doesn't want to tackle the subject. I can't be there, that's what he said this morning." She looked down at her feet, swallowing the cry that was prodding .

"But you really want to be there?" Jiho asked which earned an earnest nod from Gaeul.

"I've been working hard for that. I think it's a waste of time and effort in my part if I'll let it pass. But he thinks I'm being unfair to him. I don't understand."

"I get your point and also his point. But it's not my stand to pry on."

"That's the problem Sunbae, he doesn't want me to know his reason. He just imposed that I can't go, but why? I've been trying to ask him but he'll either keep silent or hung up."

Jiho nodded his head but kept mum from her concern. After a long silence, Jiho turned his head to Gaeul and flashed an assuring grin. "Go to Paris and don't mind that man. I know you can do better and can manage on your own. Let him see how stubborn you are. Don't worry, I'm on your back."

Gaeul was surprised with what Jiho said. She was thinking that like Yi Jeong, he would advise her to stay because that's what Yi Jeong wants and they're best friends.

"Well, being best friends doesn't means that I always think the way he thinks."

"Are you? You're really on my team, Sunbae?"

"I've been always on your team, Gaeul-ah"

"Thank you Jiho Sunbae!" She grinned at him gratefuly. "Oh? Is it? Or is it because... "

"Visit my office tomorrow. I'll be giving few instructions to you before you left for Paris."

Gaeul laughed a loud at Jiho's evident avoidance. "I'm not yet done with what I'm saying. Is it because..."

Jiho threw her some sharp gaze and she chuckled again. "...because I'm always a good to you. That's what I mean."

But then, they could both read each other, making it hard for Gaeul to deny that Jiho caught the thought before it slip out her tongue. "You're so dangerous sometimes, Gaeul-ah. I should keep away from you at times."

Gaeul nodded her head. "Because I might blackmail you anytime. But seriously Sunbae, you find her interesting right?"

"I'm not going to say anything about her. No. Not to you." And both of them laughed again.

"But my red roses went well, right?"

Jiho arched his brows and scoffed. "It brought more trouble. You just don't know how much beating I had endured. I definitely won't say sorry to her in that manner anymore."

...

Taking the matter under advisement, Yi Jeong was reflecting the actions and behavior he had displayed towards Gaeul, and coursing into details did turn his heart to be twisted once more. He wanted her to stay rooted beside him and as the days was counting to end, it became a concern excessively for himself. The fear of being far from her and missing her may caused him the danger of snapping out from reality. Yes. Maybe anybody could think of him as 'over acting' or unreasonable, howbeit he would never consider being apart from her.

Call him egocentric or selfish, but its the only thing that could make his heart at ease. He had endured four years of being away from her, and just when they're together, she had chose to fly to Paris and stay there for months. Just maybe, Gaeul had not realize that Yi Jeong would be taking the adverse effect of not having her around him.

The way her voice sounded this morning when he made her a call, clearly revealed how down and unresolved she is about their issue.

If he tell Gaeul about how he feels, it would surely mark him as an unreasonable and selfish person. It's her dream, an important part of her which she worked hard for long, however all he said to her was to stay. It's like cutting her wings, preventing her to fly. The promise he made with himself which was to hang on the opportunity he was given and to stir fate and work it the way he wanted, granted him the idea that he could impose and control anything. And living out with that belief made the whole misunderstanding. 'I'll patiently wait' that's what she said, but he's sorry that he might not be able to do the same. Why wait if you can impose and demand her to stay and be rooted?

Indeed, he's denying the nature of being unfair.

...

Plunging down at the time when everything from perfect went downhill to this, Gaeul only let her inside spill another set of tears. Choosing had never been this hard, especially if you're the type who plans ahead. Truth to be told, her mother was dead right about the whole turn of events. If she was granted the right and enough time, it wouldn't be like this. Though she acknowledge that indeed she's at fault, but him reacting out of the ordinary left her in baffle state.

Of all the people around her it was him whom she expect to understand and support her. They both are from a similar side of the passion world, art. Maybe she had expected too much. Too much that it made her almost call the entire thing off, but she know that it's not the right thing to do. Jiho's words left her some time to ponder. That in a given time,Yi Jeong might realize that she's very much cable and that she'd never change her heart even a speck. He might realize that both of them can work on and do better even in a distance.

Heck it's just for a few months. Isn't he overly reacting? The thought had gone into her.

Flash

"Sunbae?" She called, a little surprise that he was too early to visit.

However, there was something off about how Yi Jeong had prsented himself to her. The way he looked at her made her cringe on a reason she didn't know.

"What do you mean by this?" His tone was cold as the envelope she's searching for the whole morning was right in front of her.

She let out a relieved breath. "Huh! I thought I lost it." Gaeul reached for the envelope, but Yi Jeong pulled it away from her.

"You're going to Paris in a week but you haven't said anything to me." She stepped back from him, trying to digest his words.

"Next week? It's not next week, Sunbae. It's next month."

By how she looked at him, Gaeul was absolutely clueless about the contents of the envelope, thus it was him who unsealed the invitation.

"Its next week and your tickets are inside." He gave it to her and in an instant she opened and checked it. Her eyes went so round in surprise. "They moved the event to give way to King Juan Carlo of Spain. He'll be visiting Paris right after that event you are into." He saw her looking down the floor thinking on what to say.

"So? When are you planning to tell me about the entire thing? Or do you even have plans to tell me?"

Gaeul looked up to him and caught the accusing gaze of Yi Jeong. "Sunbae, I do have plans. I was about to tell you yesterday..."

"Yesterday? Just yesterday?" Yi Jeong scoffed. "Too early to say such a departure. Do you even consider how things might go?"

"That's because I didn't know it was moved earlier. I also didn't expect that the committee will grant me scholarship... "

"Scholarship?!" Gaeul was a bit startled from how Yi Jrong had raised his voice.

"Neh... They granted me a scholarship for a three months work..."

Yi Jeong's eyes turn into a slit. Obviously, he's not so thrilled about what he heard from Gaeul. "Three months? What the heck is that three months? You're staying in France for three months?!"

That was the very first time she had seen him act that way towards her. Every bit of his words struck her as if labeling her as someone inconsiderate of his feelings. "With all honesty, I really want to tell you about this sooner. But then the confirmation was delayed and I also received that envelope yesterday. The invite was still dated for the next month... Sunbae, I even plan to open it with you..." Her voice becoming broken as she speak, her eyes were already clouded with tears.

Yi Jeong felt a certain painful strumming inside him. He knew that she's about to cry and that she's regretful about the matter, nevertheless he needed to confront her in this kind of way. It was not about why she hasn't told him about the details, but it's about the length of time that she'd be spending away from him. "Care to tell me about your plans on that three months scholarship? Or maybe I'll just find it myself when you're not yet back after that event?"

His words were razor sharp sending chills through her spine. No matter how she willed herself not to cry, her tears weren't listening to her. She couldn't understand why he's acting like such when in fact she never intended to hide her plans from him. It's just that time was sometimes out of control and when she knew it was too late and that he's all revved up.

"I'll be going. I want to go." He curled his fingers into a fist after her statement.

'She wants to go. She's going and will stay there for three months and at the same time you're all left here and can't come with her since you're dumped with your stupid work.'

His pessimistic brain went on again giving him a not so good thought about her decision. "So you're leaving me? For three months?" A question he didn't even want to ask her, but was delivered like lightning bolt.

"It's... not like. It's not like I'm leaving you for good, Sunbae. I'm just staying there to study and will be back after three months..." But he cut her off after hearing her say it like it would always be easy and fine if they're like staying in a different time zone.

"Have you realized how little the time we spend together and now you're saying that it's just three months? We can barely see each other in a month, how much more if you'll be in Paris and be studying there at times where all of the people in this country are sleeping? Do you think we can still talk about things?"

"Are you telling me not to go? To forget all the hard work I've put into this craft? To just let my once in life time chance be wasted? Is that what you want me to do?" She sighed and continued. "I've tried my best for years just to be in this field where in fact I wasn't expecting to be recognized by such a huge committee overseas. Ever since I've been back from the dead, I had planned my life ahead and I don't think I can ever give this up. I'm so sorry, Sunbea."

What she said struck him in deeply and by that his last string of control snapped out. "I guess I'm definitely not included in that plan. When will I be? I just popped out from somewhere trying to stick myself again to you..."

"That is not true! It will never be true. If you just see the situation from my point of view, you'll know you're all wrong. I'm doing this because I want to know myself more. I want to grow and be attached with my old self and that maybe I can be able to meet how I was before..." Her tears were streaming down right after the other, non-stop. "I want to meet the old me who you said changed you from what you are now. I can't be satisfied on living not knowing anything about my past… with you. If you see it as something selfish then let it be. This isn't just about me studying abroad but it is also my time to recollect with myself!"

"You're perfectly fine! You don't need to force yourself too much. You are not leaving."

"How could you decide for me? Impose me things...? How could you be so unfair? When will I ever decide for myself in this relationship? I've always been the follower... Sunbae, please just this one. Just this one?"

He understood that he always does the imposing. Yi Jeong, he's always the person to decide and led the relationship the way he wanted it to be. His intentions were good, but because of how he carried the relationship, Yi Jeong had stepped into Gaeul's right to decide and choose for herself. All of a sudden, her freedom to plan and do things herself were taken down from her the moment Yi Jeong came. Gaeul's always been the pleaser and the giver, so she ended up being his follower. The person who always say 'yes' although she felt reluctant to trail behind.

"It is you who is unfair and I've never forced you to become a follower. You let me take the lead so don't blame me deciding for you. You are staying and that is final!"

"I can't believe how inconsiderate you have become... I think this isn't the right thing to do but... will you please leave me alone? Please?"

Despite her request for him to leave her at the moment, Yi Jeong stayed standing in front of her. Ever letting her know that she couldn't let him do what she wishes him to do. Gaeul could not believe how Yi Jeong sees where their relationship is heading. Anyone could see vividly that their state is imbalance and a bit biased on Yi Jeong's side.

She didn't want to start her day sour and end it bitterly so she willed her self and uttered. "I can see that you aren't listening to me. So better be that it is I to leave. Good morning!"

end

The sound coming from his phone pulled him out of his reverie. Feeling reluctant to answer he pushed himself to respond because he must admit, he misses her so much already. Yi Jeong cleared his throat before speaking, wishing that this conversation wouldn't end in another argument. He's tired. So tired of thinking to how would he let her understand that it's hard for him not to see her for long. That he's not anymore willing to be apart from her like he had endured for years. That he would feel suffocated when she's not around. That he couldn't regain his interest in work without seeing or talking to her.

Yes! Yi Jeong had acknowledged that he's indeed selfish and imposing. You couldn't blame him. He also had grown tired of being a follower and being the person doing the things being asked to him. He's been avoiding 'regret' for the matter. However, he might have forgotten that he's becoming the person like those he had hated, those who decide for others and those who didn't take 'no' for an answer.

Is Yi Jeong really avoiding regret? Or is he drifting down to it without even realizing?

"Gaeul-yang?"

"I have decided."