I’m sorry that this is a monologue.

Oh, actually, I love you.

~~~

Jinki was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. It was 3 a.m. now, and he was supposed to get up at 6 to get ready for his flight tomorrow.

Or rather, today. At 10 a.m. he’ll say goodbye to South Korea to further his studies in the US. He didn’t know when he’ll be back, seeing that his parents will follow him to relocate there. That wasn’t the thought that bothered him the most though. It’s the thought of leaving Sunyoung.

Sunyoung. Pretty Sunyoung. The girl he’d known since he was adolescence. The girl whom he’d loved for a long time since, just that it took him a while to realize it.

Jinki smiled a little, thinking about when he had finally seen the light and admit to himself that he was in love with the petite girl.

---

They were hanging out in Jinki’s room, watching a movie. It has become almost like a routine for them, on Friday night, both of them will be in Jinki’s room, watching a movie. Any movie, it doesn’t matter. They called it their movie night. The habit started after Sunyoung forced him to watch the Romeo & Juliet DVD. There’s no reason, they didn’t even know why they keep on doing it. They just do.

Today they were watching a movie called “The Notebook”. Or rather, Sunyoung was watching it, while Jinki was watching her. He thought she looks different tonight, in a blue sundress, more feminine. The outfit fits her perfectly, and he especially love how the skirts flares from waist down, and ended just on top of her knees.

Beautiful.

It was so distracting that even food can’t hold his interest now. Only her.

She let her hair down today, the gleaming black strands flowing gracefully past her shoulder, moving along with every movement she made. Her expression was, as always, an appealing sight to behold.

Then again, everything about her fascinates me.

Over a few days ago, Jinki had been analyzing something greatly, as if he’s studying for an exam. And today, he decided that he had come up with a suitable conclusion.

He had come to the realization that the feelings he had for Sunyoung were stronger than just friends, and it is not in the way of siblings (or twins).

He was falling in love with her. Or maybe he was already in love with her since a long time ago; just that he was too dumb and ignorant to realize it.

He accepted that, embraced it even. It was a wonderful thing, being in love. He laughed at himself then, shaking his head.

God, why am I so sappy? It’s embarrassing. Must be the love thing.

But it’s one thing to be aware of his feelings, another thing entirely to do anything about it.

Jinki has been contemplating about his dilemma for a while now, debating whether or not to just confess to her. He was waiting for the right moment, he told himself, but the truth is he just chickened out. Not just about the rejection, though it’s the main part of it, another part of him was afraid that if he confessed, he’ll lose her for good. He didn’t think he can bear it, not having Sunyoung in his life.

After the movie ended, Sunyoung stretched her stiff body, groaning as she heard her bones creaking. When she turned to say goodbye to Jinki, she saw him looking intently at her, frowning as if he’s trying to solve a particularly difficult puzzle.

“Jinki, is there something wrong?” She asked, touching his shoulder gently.

“Nope, nothing.” He backed away from her touch. “I, I just…Nothing, Sunyoung.” He finished abruptly, shaking his head.

She frowned at him in confusion. It wasn’t like him to be so coy with her. But when he didn’t say anything more, she just smiled at him, accepting.

“Well, okay Jinki. But if there’s anything you want to talk about, you know where to find me. Just holler for me, okay? Well, I’ll be going.”

As she walked to the door, she suddenly felt a hand gripping her wrist, stopping her. She stared down at the hand, and then at Jinki, the hand’s owner, wondering what was wrong with him.

“Sunyoung…” He murmured, “I, I want to tell you something. I…well, I… I just…” He trailed off, looking uncertain. Frustrated, she shoved him, not hard, just enough to make a point.

“I,uh… I just want to tell you…Tell you to mind your steps and not to trip over on the lawn, again.” He ended with a teasing grin, while inside he was berating himself for being such a coward.

Sunyoung scowled at him, not appreciating the reminder.

“I know that, you jerk! It was only one time!” She yelled and left his room in a huff. He can only watch her retreating back helplessly, and then winced when he heard the front door slammed shut. He flop onto his bed and groaned. He closed his eyes and mumbled to himself.

“I’m sorry, Sunyoung. I’d rather just be your friend than risks losing you. Actually, I want to tell you that I love you.”

In the end, the thing he regretted the most were his confession, which was just a monologue.

---

Jinki sighed, closing his eyes in despair. He was running out of time with Sunyoung. After she’d found out about his impending departure, they haven’t even talked once aside from that last day of school. Even then, their conversation has been extremely polite and guarded. Sunyoung kept avoiding him, and he’s becoming frustrated.

Before I go, I have to tell her how I feel. I must. At least she would know just how much she meant to me. I’ll tell her tomorrow.

Jinki made a promise to himself as he closes his eyes, and eventually fell into a fitful sleep.

---

A/N: So, here’s an update for you guys. Finally, Jinki decided it’s time to confess. But will he?

Haha, stay tuned for the next update, which I hope isn’t very far. It’s just, sometimes it’s difficult, life you know? *sighs*

Anyways, thanks as always to my subscribers, commenters and silent readers. I love you all! Smile always ~