Can't Sleep
Save MeKnowing better, I laughed. “I don’t feel so good.” Now that I actually stopped – I wasn’t working, moving, dancing, yelling, nothing – I realized just how sick I was. My head was throbbing, my throat was raspy, and my body ached.
The smile slowly disappeared. “You should rest. I’ll run down to the pharmacy down the street and get you some medicine. It’s open all night.”
He got up, but stopped. Why? That was when I noticed I’d reached out and grabbed his wrist.
“No, don’t, it’s ok. I’m just going to lie down,” I told him, prying my fingers off his wrist. He nodded and knelt in front of my bed. He fluffed my pillow.
“Lie down, but you should take some medicine.” I fell onto my side and let him tuck me in. “I’ll go so you can rest, ok?”
Maybe it was because I hadn’t been sick in as long as I could remember. Maybe it was because I saw a sense of caring his eyes that I’d never seen anyone direct at me. Maybe it was because, aside from this cold, I’d been feeling pretty good lately. Maybe I was looking through those rose colored glasses again. Maybe it was…hell, I didn’t know what it was. I told myself to just nod and let him go, but tears filled my eyes.
“Can’t you stay a little?” I murmured into my pillow. A part of me hoping he didn’t hear me at all.
He smiled and tucked some hair behind my ear. “Sure. Do you want some more water?” he asked softly. I shook my head. He stretched his arms out and then lay flat on his back on the floor. Folding his arms under his head, he sighed contently. “I’ll stay until you fall asleep.”
“I won’t fall asleep while you’re here,” I told him. He arched an eyebrow and looked up at me.
“What do you mean?”
Shut up, Kelly. What the hell is wrong with you? Just because a cute guy with a kind spirit comes along, you’re ready to forget everything? Pretend everything is ok? Act like nothing is wrong? Are you nuts?
“I have night terrors. That’s another reason I never sleep at someone else’s place and I never sleep with someone else in the room.”
Realization widened his eyes a bit. “Night terrors?” he repeated.
I nodded. I said too much. “I have to pee,” I blurted out and then stumbled out of bed, careful not to step on him as I hurried into the bathroom.
I splashed water on my face and then stared at myself in the mirror. You’re a fool, Kelly. How could you let some guy you’ve only known for a couple of weeks affect you like this? Give you hope? Want to have hope? Stay. Focused.
When I came out of the bathroom, Tae Il was still on the floor. Intently staring at his phone. I shuffled past him and got back into bed.
“It says here that night terrors can be caused by deep rooted anxieties or a high level of stress,” he said, eyes still scanning his phone. Pocketing it, he looked to me. “Are you anxious about something? Stressed? How long have you had night terrors?”
Let’s see, I was diagnosed at 16 so almost five years now.
“A few years,” I replied. He pushed up into a sitting position.
“Really? Every night?!”
Almost. “No, just a few times a week.”
“Do you do anything to help them not happen?”
“No, they happen when they do, they don’t when they don’t.” I coughed a few times.
“Maybe you just need to relax,” he suggested. From the way his face turned red so quickly, I didn’t know what he meant.
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