I let him kiss me.  I let myself get drawn into the kiss for a moment before I pulled back and shook my head.  “I don’t get it.  Why did you take so much time off?  Just to spend time with me?  I don’t need you to take care of me.  I’m ok, really.  Well, I’m…whatever, you don’t need to go on hiatus for me.”

            Tae Il cupped one hand on my face, my cheek with his thumb.  “Let’s go on a trip.”

            “A trip?  For a month?  But I work.  You work!  That was why you took a month long hiatus?!” I exclaimed, sitting back, farther from him.  How could he put his band on the backburner for me?  For a trip?!

            His eyes darkened with hurt.  Or maybe it was nerves?  I honestly couldn’t tell.

            He inhaled deep and, with a shy smile, explained, “It may not take the whole month.  It’s just that, there’s this doctor from India doing some kind of crazy world tour of some sort.  Like he’s a singer,” he laughed uncomfortably.  “He’s incredibly famous in the medical world for his research and breakthrough work on blood disorders.  He’s a hemo…”  He paused.  “He studies blood.”

            “Hematologist?” I guessed. 

            Tae Il’s face lit up.  “Yeah!  A hematologist.  He’s done some amazing work they say.  He was just in the US, England, Russia, South Africa, and now he’s in Japan.  He goes to different university hospitals and works with doctors and student doctors, studying different diseases.  He’s done work on your disorder in the past.”  He paused to grab me by the face and stare into my eyes, his own wide and almost frenzied.  “Min Hyuck’s dad is some hotshot doctor at Seoul University’s medical center.  I asked him if his dad knew this Indian doctor and he does.”

            “Tae Il, slow down.  This is-”

            “Kelly, let’s go to Tokyo.  That Indian doctor will see you.  He’ll run some tests and see what stage you are in the disorder.  There are these experimental treatments they might be able to do.  Things they can try.  Let’s go, please.  Let him check you out,” he begged, his thumbs quivering as they ran over my cheek.

            “I-I can’t go, Tae Il.  This is crazy.  I work,” I argued, shaking my head.  He held on, pulling my face closer to his.  His eyes were not only crazed now, but watering.

            “I talked to your boss.  I explained it to her.  I’m sorry I went behind your back, but your boss really likes you.  She wants you to get better and keep working at the school.  She said to take as much time as you needed, so please, Kelly.  Let’s go.  Let this doctor look at you.  Things have changed in the medical world since you were sixteen.”

            He looked so damn desperate.  So terrified.  I swatted his hands from my face and stumbled off my bed, turning my back to him just as a tear fell from one eye.

            “Kelly…”  I felt his hands on my shoulders.  “Kelly, please.”

            I couldn’t face him.  Couldn’t look at him.  Covering my eyes, I asked, “Why would you want to do this?  Why do you want this doctor to save me?”

            His hands dropped to my hips, but I resisted when he tried to turn me to him.  He settled for wrapping his arms around my waist and pressing his lips to the back of my neck.  “You already know why I want to.  Now you tell me, why don’t you want us to go?  Why don’t you want this doctor to save you?”  This time when he tried to turn me, he caught me by surprise and spun me around.  “Come on, tell me,” he demanded.

            I shook my head.  “You deserve girl much better than me.”

            He rolled his eyes.  “Shut up.  I want you.”  I couldn’t even force a laugh.  All I could do was shake my head at him. 

            “I can’t let you do this.  What if your fans find out you went on hiatus for some stupid dying girl?”

            His jaw clenched at my choice of words.  “They won’t, but I don’t care.  I set this up.  It can’t hurt.  Plus what if he can help you?  What if he can treat what you have?  What if he can give you 60 or 70 more years on your life?  80 more years?!”

            I brushed the tear off his cheek with the heel of my hand.  “And what if he can’t?”

            “Then, at least you tried,” he replied automatically.  Then he covered my hand with his on his cheek.  “I’ll still be here though.  Regardless of what happens.” 

            My chest rose and fell with the quick breaths I had to take to keep from hyperventilating.  I loved him.  I really did.

            “I can’t afford this and I can’t let you pay for this doctor, Tae Il.”

            He bit his lower lip and let his teeth scrape against it.  “That’s the beauty of being some super hero doctor’s guinea pig.  If you qualify for the experimental treatments and testing and whatever else, the hospital covers it,” he told me.  I blinked away the sting of scared tears.  “You have nothing else to argue and nothing to lose by doing this.  Please, Kelly, let’s go to Tokyo.”

            I swallowed.  My face stayed straight as the taste of iron burned down my throat.

            He was right.  I had nothing to lose.  I was scared though.  And maybe he could see it in my eyes because he took one of my hands and, after kissing my knuckles, squeezed it reassuringly.

            I nodded.

            Let’s go to Tokyo.

            The plane ride to Tokyo from Seoul was actually only a couple of hours.  Tae Il got us a room at some fancy hotel I’d never heard of, but it was amazing.  It had a California king sized bed, a flat screen TV on the wall that was the size of one entire wall of my apartment, a full kitchen, a balcony, and a bathroom the size of my whole apartment.

            I thanked him, but at the same time, I didn’t know how to thank him.

            We went out a little, sight seeing and out to eat, but nothing much.  We were a tired and he insisted that I rest well before seeing the doctor tomorrow.

            That night, I couldn’t sleep.  No bleeding, but I couldn’t turn my brain off.  I was sure I’d have a nightmare if not a night terror, but that wasn’t it.  All this talk of doctors and treatments and experimental medication, it gave me hope.  The look in Tae Il’s eyes.

            It gave me hope.

            And scared the hell out of me.

            I opened my eyes and watched Tae Il sleep.  His nose twitched.  I wanted to wake him up, but I didn’t have the heart.  He must be exhausted.  I watched his chest rise and fall with each deep, sleepy breath he took.  For a second, I thought he’d woken up.  The hand that was resting on my leg, protectively grabbed at my knee.  But a moment later, he smacked his lips lightly and twisted onto his side, my knee cold from the loss of warmth from his palm.

            Silently, I slipped out of bed and into the super sized bathroom.  We were on the top floor of this sky scraper hotel which meant we got the privilege of having a sky light window in the ceiling of our bathroom and living area.

            After splashing water on my face, I lay on the cool tile between the sink and the bathtub big enough for seven so I could stare up into the starry night sky.

           I closed my eyes and basked in this newfound hope I so foolishly allowed myself to create in my head.  Imagine.  A full life.  Decades more.  With Tae Il.  All the time in the world.  To do whatever I wanted.  I’d do it right, too, I promised the heavens beyond the window of that bathroom.

            No alcohol.  No lying.  No drugs.  No guys.  No .  Correction.  Only with one guy.  One man in my life.

            No more running.  No more walls.  No more pushing people away.

            I rubbed the tears out of my eyes and looked back up out the sky light.  Please, I prayed, please let this work.  Please give me this.

            A harsh rap at the door almost made me wet myself.

            “Kelly?  Kelly!  Are you alright?”

            I smiled and settled comfortably back on the floor.  Tae Il.

            “I’m fine,” I called back.  He burst through the door into the bathroom and almost stepped on me.

            “What, um, what are you doing?” he asked, his voice less frantic.

            “Star gazing?” I replied, not moving.

            “Gross, on the floor?”

            I giggled lightly.  “The tile is cool.  It feels good.”

            “Oh…” he sounded, inching further into the bathroom, feet next to my shoulders.  “Can I star gaze with you?”

            I smiled, still focused on the square patch of black sky, sprinkled with diamond stars.  “Yes, of course.”

            A little awkwardly, he lay himself next to me on the tile.  He slipped one arm under my head and made himself comfortable.  He drummed the fingers of his other hand on his chest.  “Oh, ok.  This is kind of nice.”

            “Told you,” I whispered back.

            “We should do this more often.  Seoul has stars too, you know.”  I laughed softly and bent my arm up to hold the hand near my head.  He intertwined our fingers together.  “When we get back to Seoul, we could go to the roof of your apartment building.  I bet you can see the stars really well all the way up there.”

            When we get back…  When we get back to Seoul, would I have a better idea of my expiration date or would I have a newfound view of life?

            I moved my head up to his shoulder and closed my eyes.

            “Yeah, let’s do that,” I heard myself say.  First, let’s get through tomorrow.

            An entire day’s worth of testing to find out if I didn’t waste my last chance of living by running.  Imagine.  Actually being able to have a life left to live.  Seeing thirty.  Being able to grow old.  I draped an arm over Tae Il’s middle.  Imagine getting married.  Having a family.  Imagine that.