Then Tae Il inhaled sharply and blurted out, “They call you my girlfriend when they ask about-about you and sometimes when they are m-making fun of me.  I don’t…correct them.  In fact!  In fact, I-I like that they do it.  I like you so much.  I want you.  I mean, wait, wait!  I don’t mean that.  Wait, yeah, I do, but that’s n-not what I meant now.  I want you…as my girlfriend.  I know it’s childish for me to come out and ask you to be my girlfriend, so…I’m not doing that.  I’m only saying, well, I mean, even though I kind of don’t really have any right to ask this of you, but I want to be the only m-man in your life.  I don’t care if you go to clubs and bars or whatever, well I do a little, but wait.  No, I just don’t want you to keep getting drunk and having with other guys and letting them touch all over you.  Actually, I don’t want you to do that sober either if-if that’s…ok with you.  But I’ll touch you!  Wherever you want!”  He visibly cringed when he heard himself.  He didn’t quite recover, but he continued.  “I-I’ll dance with you!  I’ll bump…and…grind with you!  We can drink, a little, together!  I’m kind of a lightweight.  Too much alcohol is bad for you anyway.  I’ll go to clubs with you, if I can, and we can get crazy or…well, whatever,” he paused to take another breath. 

            Halfway through that monologue, he’d begun to pace back and forth in front of me.  Rubbing the back of his neck with one hand, talking with the other hand.  His face had gone from snow white to rose red in 3.2 seconds.

            “Hmm, this came out a lot worse than it sounded in my head…” he muttered as he stopped pacing and faced me.  “Did any of that make sense?  I’m not asking you to be my girlfriend or anything, I’m just…” he hesitated and gave me a smile that made me die a little inside.  “I’m letting you know that my band mates call you my girlfriend and giving you the opportunity to tell me to tell them to stop it.”  His face lit up a shade.  “Yeah, that’s it.  How did that sound?”

            Turn.  Run.  Delete his number.  Erase his face from memory.  I sighed.  I coughed.  Forced a deep cough, then subtly checked my hand.  Empty.  I really was feeling good.  It had been so many months. 

            “I haven’t had since that one time the week after we met.  At least, I think that’s when it was.  Since we’ve been spending so much time together, I haven’t been having with other guys,” I confessed.  I must be having an out-of-body experience.  That was not what I wanted to say. 

            His face had gone back to its natural color, he beamed at me and then cleared his throat.  “R-really?”  I nodded.  He frowned a little.  “But you still go to the clubs?”  I nodded.  “Get drunk?”  I nodded.  “And…let guys p-put their hands all over you?”  I almost felt myself blush as I nodded.  He nodded back.

            “The girls from work invited me tonight, but I said no because I wanted to go out with you,” I said.  He looked reluctant to let the smile form on his mouth this time.  “And I’ll stop going.”

            He bit his bottom lip.  “No, wait, I didn’t mean-”

            “I want to though, Tae Il,” I interrupted.  “I want everything you just said.  Just one man in my life.”

            He actually looked giddy as he stuffed his hands into his hoodie pocket.  “Me, right?”  I giggled and nodded.

           “You don’t have to say anything to Block b.  Let them keep referring to me as your girlfriend,” I added. 

            “I-I’m going to go then…” he said, still grinning and bouncing a little on his toes.

            I nodded.  “It’s late.”  He nodded, his head bobbing excitedly.  It only stopped when he began staring at my mouth and biting his own bottom lip.  “Goodnight, Tae Il.”

            He started nodding again.  Oh, hell, I was too far gone anyway.

            I stepped forward and, throwing my arms around his neck, fell into him.

            It felt so good to kiss him.  And at the same time, that voice of reality in and told me that this was exactly why I had been right not to kiss him this whole time.

            The stars behind my eyelids.  The drunken butterflies flapping around in my stomach.  The fire in my blood. 

            Seconds ticked by before I felt him sigh and kiss back.  His arms locked around my waist.  He was warm.  He tasted like spicy red pepper paste from dinner.  Oddly enough, it was more delicious coming from him.

            I pulled back slowly and covered my mouth to keep from laughing at the expression on his face.

            “Not how I pictured it,” he murmured.  I’d never been told I was a bad kisser, I thought horrified.  He patted himself on the chest.  “The man is supposed to kiss first.”

            “Oh, sorry,” I said, letting my hand fall from my mouth.  “Want to redo it?”

            “Can’t redo a first kiss,” he grumbled.  He smirked.  Actually smirked.  He stepped forward, backing me against the door again.  “But let’s kiss again anyway.”

            After a few more spine tingling kisses, Tae Il managed to pull himself away and say goodnight.

            Inside my apartment, I felt like doing a happy dance.  I darted into the kitchen for some water.  I felt like singing and I can’t sing.  Guzzling, an entire bottle of water, I felt like jumping on my bed.  Maybe I had been wrong.  Maybe the doctors had been wrong about my timing.  Maybe something happened inside me.  Maybe I had more time than I thought.  Maybe Tae Il did something to me.  Maybe I was stronger.

            I changed into my pajamas and flitted into the bathroom to brush my teeth and get ready for bed.  I bent my neck to spit into the sink and when I looked back up into the mirror above the sink, that was when reality came crashing down.

            My nose was bleeding, just a drop, but it may as well have been gushing.

            And just like that, all those ‘maybes’ were shot to hell.

            I was just stupid to think all those things.