I sat pouting in the hospital bed.  They’d checked me into a room.

            For more tests.  I glared at Tae Il who had been by my side, faithfully, for the entire day.  The entire day.  Hours and hours.  Tests and tests.  Doctors, doctors, Mr. Indian-King-of-the-Doctors, and more doctors.

            “I’m still not sorry, Kelly,” he stated, crossing his arms over his chest.  “All these tests proved you’re a good candidate for the experimental treatment.  Which means there’s hope.  I feel bad that you’re stuck here overnight, but I’m not sorry.”

            I stuck out my lower lip.  “I’m in hospital jammies.  They itch.”

            He hopped out of the hard, foldable chair he’d been in for the past hour or so and sat on the edge of my technologically advanced, Japanese hospital bed.  One arm around my shoulders, he kissed my temple.  “I’ll see if I can bring you some clothes from the hotel room.”

            “No, don’t leave me alone here.”

            He stifled a chuckle.  “Ok, then I’ll scratch you.  Where are you itchy?”

            “I’m not itchy.  I’m mad.”

            He let out a dramatic sigh and let his head fall back against the pillow.  “Ok, fine.  Be mad at me.  If whatever the doctors have in mind cure you, you can be mad at me for the rest of your long life, ok?”

            My heart pounded in my chest.  Where was that damn doctor anyway?  I hated this room.  It was so white and sterile.  The flat screen TV on the wall was pretty cool though.  The bed was huge.  It was a private room.  Guinea pigs get private rooms, how sweet.  Tae Il brought me flowers and this little stuffed animal anime character from the first floor gift shop.

            “Miss Kelly, I’m sorry to keep you waiting.”

            My eyes shot to the door of my room, the pout vanishing from my face.  Tae Il moved to slide off the bed, but I grabbed his hand.  He readjusted himself and stayed sitting next to me.

            “No problem,” I answered.  The Indian doctor was a lot younger than I thought he would be.  Or at least he looked super young.  He had dark skin and a round face.  I assumed he’d be old and wrinkled, but he had jet black, thick hair and no wrinkles.  Maybe he was forty?  I wasn’t sure.  But he was always smiling.  I bet he was a millionaire.  I’d smile all the time too.

            In all honesty though, he really looked like he loved what he did.  The smile on his face was always genuine and he spoke to his colleagues and other patients so kindly.

            Dr. Kurdian.  He smiled and nodded once at Tae Il.

            “Just one more test, Kelly,” he told me.

            I sighed.  Tae Il lightly squeezed my shoulder.  “Well, I already gave you blood, a lot of blood.  I peed in a cup, gave you more blood, ran on a treadmill for you to check my heart, let you stick a camera down my throat, stick thin needles in my veins, peed in a cup again.  You guys can’t surprise me anymore.  Bring it on.”

            Dr. Kurdian let out a deep chuckle.  “That’s the spirit.”  His face then grew serious and I felt myself shifting closer to Tae Il’s warm thigh.  “This one is a bit different though.  A bit painful, I’m afraid.”  He waited for my protests or my complaints, but I just watched him.  Waiting.  “You know the marrow in bones is made up of red cells, same like your blood, so we need a sample.  This is the last test, I promise.”

            My eyes widened in horror. “You’re going to take some marrow?!”

            The doctor smiled comfortingly.  “Just a little.  From the back of your hip.  The needle is long and a bit thicker than regular needles.  We’ll numb you of course, but it still tends to be painful.”

            “And then I’m done with the tests?” I asked, hopefully.

            Dr. Kurdian smiled.  “Done, I promise.”

            “Can Tae Il stay with me?”

            He nodded.  “Of course.”

            “And will you do it?”

            “Yes.”

            “Ok,” I said with a nod.  “Bring it on.”  My voice was steady, but I was scared out of my mind.  This quack was going to poke a hole in my hip bone!

            The doctor explained that he would be back with his supplies and a couple of the residents working with him in a few minutes.  They’d get the sample, test it, and then tomorrow, the results would be in and he’d tell me what they could or couldn’t do for me.  What kind of treatment they would or wouldn’t experiment on me.

            “I’m still mad at you,” I informed Tae Il the moment the doctor left. 

            “I’m still not sorry,” he teased, but his face had paled a little and he looked as scared as me.

            The doctor and his entourage came back a few minutes later as promised.  Tae Il sat back in his metal chair and held my hand.  I lay on my stomach.  I turned my face away from the doctor and his gigantic needle.  My eyes filled with tears.

            Tae Il lay his head next to mine, our noses almost touching.

            “Squeeze my hand when it hurts,” he whispered.  Making a fist with his free hand and pumping it once in the air, he added, “Fighting!”

            “Can I stab you in the eye with that needle when it hurts?” I whispered back.

            He laughed quietly.  “Sure if it will make you feel better.”

            “Miss Kelly, we’re going to clean the area with some alcohol first.  Just a tad cold,” the doctor told me as someone rubbed something icy on my lower back.  I felt someone else roll the waist band of my pants down once.

            “No looking at my , guys,” I kidded.  I heard the doctor’s throaty laugh and some polite giggles from the Japanese resident doctors.

            “Ok, we’re going to give you a light anesthetic.  A small needle.  Should just feel a little pinch.”

            I squeezed my eyes shut and grunted out a sound of understanding.  I clutched Tae Il’s hand desperately.  Tae Il brought his face closer to mine until our noses overlapped and his lips were almost touching my ear against the mattress.

            “It’ll be fast,” he murmured.

            “All done.  While we prepare the other needle that will take out the marrow, we’ll let the anesthetic set,” a younger voice with a slight accent stated.

            “Told you,” Tae Il said.

            I nodded.  “Ok, thanks,” I choked out.

            I couldn’t open my eyes, but I felt Tae Il’s mouth more on my cheek and his forehead on mine.

            “Alright, Miss Kelly, we’re ready.  Just a minute and it will all be over.  Please try very hard not to move at all, ok?” the doctor said, in a soothing voice.

            “Ok,” was all I could get out.  I could hear the doctor talking me through each step, but I couldn’t focus.  I didn’t want to know when the needle point would hit bone.  When it broke through and entered the marrow cavity.

            “Hey, baby, if you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?” Tae Il asked in a hushed voice.

            “What?”  I groaned through clenched teeth.  Ah, it hurt.  Bad.  It felt like my bone would snap.  Why wasn’t he just using a hammer and a giant nail?

            “Let’s talk, Kelly.  Where do you want to go?” he asked, his voice tinged with desperation as I locked his hand in my death grip. 

            “Um, Finland or Singapore,” I answered, the last word cut short by a pained moan.

            Tae Il breathed a laugh against my face.  “The two most random countries.  Ok, why those two?”

            “I…ow…”  I thought the anesthetic was supposed to make it not hurt?  Why could I still feel what he was doing?  Was he making the hole bigger?  How much marrow was he out of me?  Didn’t he need to leave some?  I felt Tae Il’s finger tips brush down the side of my nose, catching a tear that had rolled down.  “Finland has reindeer and…once, uh, I saw…a movie from Singapore.  It…looked like f-fun.  Plus, it’s…a mix of English and Chinese…c-culture, I read.”  If it hurt this much with the anesthetic, I didn’t want to imagine doing this without.

            “Reindeer and Chinese, got it.  Let’s go.  One day, we’ll go there together, ok?” he whispered between light kisses to my face.

            “Can’t we go…ow, can’t we go right now?” I asked, coughing on a sob.

            Tae Il sniffled a laugh, continuing his attack of butterfly kisses.  “Not in those clothes, you can’t go.”

            The pressure in my back released and I felt nothing but a dull pain.

            “All done.  You did great, Miss Kelly,” the doctor cheered. 

            “Fantastic,” I muttered, rubbing my face into the sheet when Tae Il pulled back a little.  I braced my hands on the bed and readied myself to push up when I felt hands on my back and shoulders.

            “Please, Miss Kelly, try not to move for a while.  Rest just like this.  Sleep if you can.  The less you move now, the less sore you will be later, alright?” Dr. Kurdian suggested.  I nodded and let my arms fall to the bed.

            “Whatever you say, Doc.”

            He laughed softly.  “In an hour, if you are hungry, you can call the nurse’s station for something to eat, but don’t force yourself.  I’ll have the lab test this tonight and I will see you bright and early tomorrow with the results, ok?”

            “Thank you, Doctor,” I mumbled.

            I heard Tae Il stand.  “Thank you, Doctor,” he repeated.

            After the room emptied out and it was just me and Tae Il, he put his head back on the mattress next to mine.

            “You must be starving and stiff.  Go get something to eat or go for a walk or something, Tae Il.  You must be going crazy being in here like this.”

            He scoffed.  “I’m not hungry.  I’m tired.  Let’s just sleep.  It’s late.”

            “No, Tae Il.  Really, I’ll be ok.  Just go out for a few minutes.  You can’t starve yourself or stay sitting like this for too long.  Your fans will hunt me down and eat me alive if they ever find out you got all messed up for some girl.”  I blinked over at him.

            He kissed my forehead.  “Shut up and sleep, Kelly,” was all he said.

            I giggled a little.  “I don’t know how I feel about you being all confident and stubborn now that you’ve broken out of your shell with me.  Sometimes I miss the shy, timid, stuttering Tae Il,” I .

            He laughed a little harder.  “You’re the reason for this Tae Il, so you better learn to like it real fast,” he warned me.

            I smiled and his cheek.  “I like this Tae Il.”

            Love.  Love.  Love.  Why couldn’t I say it?  After all this?

            He mirrored the smile.  “I’m glad.  Now, should I sing for you so you can sleep?”

            I shook my head.  “No, it’s ok,” I said.  “You’re tired.  Just lie with me?”

            He hesitated at first, but – even though he scolded me – I shimmied over more on the mattress to make room for him.  He lay on the other side on his back with one hand on my shoulder.

            I closed my eyes, hoping to hold in the tears.

            I didn’t know what I was going to do if, after everything he did for me, I was still a lost cause.

            Night terror.  Noun.  A sudden feeling of extreme fear that awakens a sleeping person causing said person to awaken in a state of dazed terror, usually during slow-wave sleep, and is not associated with a dream or nightmare.

            I looked it up once.  That’s what the dictionary said.  They should have added something along the lines that it’s completely horrifying to wake up like that.  So scared that you can feel your insides shaking.  They also should have included that in these night terrors, you’re usually being chased, stalked, or locked away with one or more of your senses taken away.  Usually your sense of sight and hearing.  And no matter how terrified you are, you can’t scream loud enough to escape.  Night terrors usually stem from stress or anxiousness in the subconscious.  Well, what in the world would I have to be anxious or stressed about? I thought sarcastically.

            Those dictionary people also should have added that the whole night terror thing is actually quite the embarrassing ordeal.

            And how embarrassing.  To wake up screaming so loud, nurses come running.  To be thrashing around and fighting so violently that it took three people to restrain me until I came to.  To cower under the sheets while Tae Il explained to them that I suffered from severe night terrors.  To have them offer to sedate me.  How embarrassing.

            “Kelly,” Tae Il sighed after the brigade of nurses filed out of the room.  I refused to come out from under the sheets.  “It’s alright.  Come on, talk to me.  Are you ok?”

            No, I am so not ok.  I am so not ok that I can’t even see where OK land is anymore. 

            “Say something, Kelly.”

            He sounded exhausted.  I felt terrible.  “Tae Il, why are you such a martyr?  Just go home.  Back to Seoul.  You don’t need this.  You don’t deserve this,” I muttered from under the sheet.  Ow, damn it.  My lower back hurt.  So much for resting and not being sore.

            Silence.  He didn’t say anything for so long, I almost though he fell asleep again.  I peeked out from under the sheet.  He was lying on his side, head propped up by one fist.  A bored expression on his face.  He blinked slowly at me.  I frowned.

            “I’m a martyr for wanting you to get better?” he asked flatly.

            “You’re a martyr for wanting me in the first place.”  He scoffed and flicked me in the forehead.  “Tae Il!” I growled swiping at his hand and looking up at him from on my back with the sheet still pulled up to my chin.  “This is serious.”

            “I know, which is why I wanted you to talk about it.”

            “Not my night terror.  This whole-”

            He pushed some hair back from my face and slid his fingers down my cheek comfortingly.  “In case you haven’t caught on, I’ve given up defending or reasoning my love and devotion for you.  I won’t talk about it anymore.  I’m sorry that you don’t believe me, but I’m not going to let you overanalyze or try to figure it out, so just drop it.”  His voice held such finality, I didn’t know what to say at first.

            “I’m scared,” I whispered finally.

            He slipped his arm under my head and folded the other one under his own.  “Me, too,” he replied.

            “Why are you?” I asked, curling into his side.

            “I don’t like seeing you in pain.  I’m worried whatever experimental treatment they have in store for you will be painful.”

            I paused, picking at the chipped nail polish on my pinky and staring at his chest move with his breathing.  “I’m scared they won’t be able to do anything for me,” I admitted.

            “This doctor is the closest humans can get to being superhuman.  They’re going to be able to make you better,” he stated.

            “But what if-”

            “Kelly, don’t.  Don’t think like that.”  He was still trying to be forceful, but I heard his voice crack.

            “Ok,” I conceded, not wanting to argue.  “Um, you know, Tae Il…” I began, tossing one arm over his middle and hugging him close.  “I just wanted to thank you for…well, everything.  And I’m sorry, well also, for everything.”

            He chuckled softly, lifting my hand to kiss the back of it.

            “Kelly, I love you.  You have nothing to apologize for and you sure as hell have nothing to thank me for, ok?”

            “Oh, o-ok…”  Glancing at his face, I saw he was smirking a little and his eyes were closed. 

            “Ok,” he repeated.  “Then let’s go back to sleep.  Tomorrow will be a good day.”