It was pitch black.  Like being trapped in a solid box where no light or sound could penetrate.  Silence and pure blackness.  Was this what death felt like?  I knew I had to breathe, but I couldn’t hear anything.  Was I breathing?  I couldn’t move.  No.  It was too closed in.  No.  There was something crawling all over my skin.  I was crying.  No.  Get it off.  But I couldn’t move.  It was like trying to breathe underwater.  No.  It was too hot.  Or was it too cold?  Fear gripped my heart.  If I scream, who would hear me?  No.  What’s touching me?  Why can’t I hear anything?  Why can’t I see?  No.  No.  No.

            I didn’t realize I was screaming right away.  Until I ran out of breath and the sound caught in my throat.  Tears streamed down my face as I fought against whatever was crawling on me, touching me. 

            “Kelly!  Calm down.  Relax.  Stop.  Stop, Kelly!  Just…wait, stop!”

            Still fighting against it, the reason for my panic disappeared and then light penetrated the box.  Bright light.  I squinted in pain.  My heart was going to explode.  Then whatever it was, it was touching me again.  I blinked as fast as I could to adjust to the sudden brightness.

            “No,” I sobbed.  “No!  Stop!”

            “Kelly, relax!  It’s me.  Relax.”

            My eyes adjusted and focused.  It was Tae Il.  Tae Il’s voice.  Tae Il was touching me.  Trying to keep me from thrashing my arms around violently.

            I froze for a second.  Eyes darting from spot to spot.  I was in my apartment.  In bed.  Pieces of sweat soaked hair stuck to my face and neck.  I sniffled but I couldn’t stop my nose from running.  Sweat and tears streaked my cheeks.

            Tae Il didn’t say anything more.  Cautiously, he pushed hair off my face and wiped my cheeks.  His hands were shaking.  He looked slightly horrified.

            I pulled away from his hands and lay back down, tugging the blanket up and over my head.

            “Wait, Kelly, I…” I heard him begin.  “That happens to you almost every night?”

            My body instinctively curled into the fetal position.  “Can you turn the TV back on please?” I asked from under the blanket.  He must have turned it off after I fell asleep, but I couldn’t handle his voice being the only sound in the apartment.

            He shuffled around a little.  Then I heard a click and the sounds of a commercial filled the air.  His hand felt warm on my back, even through the blanket and my drenched-with-sweat shirt.

            “Are you ok now?” he asked.

            No.  “Yes, I’m fine.”

            “Are they always like that?”

            “Yes.”

            “That’s…terrifying,” he murmured.

            You should experience it from where I was.  “I didn’t punch you or anything, did I?” I wondered, curling my arms around my head and gripping the blanket tighter.

            “No.”

            “How long was I like that?”

            He sighed thoughtfully.  “A few minutes?” he guessed.  “It was really hard to wake you up.  You were flailing your arms and crying and screaming.  I couldn’t understand too much of what you were saying besides ‘no.’  You said that a lot.”

            “Why are you still here?” I asked, hoping it sounded angry.  He had to leave.  This was getting insane.  Not only had I admitted way too much information about my past to him, stuff that no one else ever knew, but now he’s seen me at my worst.  How did I even fall asleep?

            Oh, right.  His beautiful voice.  He held my hand.  He rubbed my back.  Damn it.

            “You said you would leave after I fell asleep,” I added, still hiding under the blanket.  I could see his outline through it.  He was making himself comfortable, lying flat and folding his arms under his head.

            “You were lying on my arm.  I can’t leave without it so I stayed.”  I uncovered only my eyes to reveal my narrowed eyes at him.  He smiled up at the ceiling.  “Don’t look at me like that.  It’s true.”

            “I’m not on your arm now.”

            “Do you want me to go?”  His head lolled to the side and he looked at me heavy lidded.  “I don’t mind staying.”

            “Did you sleep?” I wondered.

            “You were only asleep for about an hour before…” his voice trailed off and his expression grew somber.  “I was waiting to make sure you were going to stay asleep before I let myself fall asleep.”  He frowned.  “Does it happen more than once in a night?”

            “No.  I’ll usually sleep through the night if I can get back to sleep after.”

            He stretched his arm out and forced it under my head, snuggling closer to me.  “I’ll stay until you fall back asleep then.”

            Throwing the blankets off me, I sat up.  “Let’s not get cocky here.  Just because I spilled some of my shameful past to you doesn’t mean I’m letting my guard down.”

            He sat up, his cheeks turning a light pink.  “I’m not trying to rush you,” he defended.  “If you didn’t want to be alone, I-I want to stay with you.”

            Oh. My. God.  How can he be like this?

            “But I’ll leave if you don’t want me here,” he offered.

            I couldn’t say anything.  I couldn’t even look at him.

            The moment he eased off my bed, something other than my brain controlled my head and I watched him.  When his eyes met mine, I looked away, crawling back under my covers.

            Footsteps.  He puts his shoes on.  Then he opens my door, goes out, and closes it behind him.  Gently because he’s just that considerate.

            But I didn’t hear any of that.  I only heard the music show that was playing on TV in the background.  Stuffing my head under my pillow without uncovering my face, I poked my arm through the blanket and began groping around.  But I only grasped at air.  Then I heard the switch click and all went dark again outside my blanket.  I wiggled my fingers and stretched my arm out, continuing to feel around, until I caught the rough denim of his jeans.  I curled my fingers and gripped as much of the fabric as I could, tugging lightly on it.  Still hiding under the pillow and blanket, I felt him climb back into bed.

            He pulled on the blanket and yanked the pillow off my head.  Fixing it, he fluffed the pillow and waited for me to lie back down.  Back on his arm.  I didn’t look at him as I cozied up to his side again. 

            “Why did you stay?” I sighed, letting my eyes close.  “Aren’t you fed up yet?”

            I felt his chest rise and fall heavily with a sigh.  “I told you, I like you.  I just do.  I don’t know why.  He laughed lightly, so lightly it was barely a breath as he smoothed his hand over mine.  The one I hadn’t realized was on his stomach, clutching at his tee shirt.  Intertwining our fingers, he added, “You can say and do what you want, but deep down, I know you…”  He took in a breath of confidence.  “I know you l-like me too.”

            I pretended I didn’t hear that.

            “Should I sing for you again?” he asked.

            It was too late for me and I couldn’t help but wonder how I was going to be punished for being so terrible to such a wonderful person.

            “Yes, please,” I whispered back.