New Ties
Dark Ties
Dark Ties Chapter 1
Tiffany P.O.V
"You're worthless, every part of you!"
The exact same sentence was repeated countless of times, the continuous ringing never stopped.
"If only you were as good as your sister, if only you had died in her place, then maybe things would have been better now," the bashings, the insults. Words all full of disappointment, disapproval.
Some may call it nagging but I call it words from the devil himself. Most would believe those words were meant for the enemy but no, these came from my parents. The people who were suppose to encourage me, to tell me never to give up, to never let me fall. But no, I don't feel anything but discouragement from the people who bore me.
Whenever the raging torrents of words, insults fell in, I try to drown them out, singing to myself, letting my voice pull me into slumber. But it never worked. Even in my dreams I hear those comments. Every time this happens, I feel a pull to death, thinking maybe the afterlife won't be that bad. The pull grew stronger over the months, from scratches to actual red cuts, some slightly bleeding.
A girl like this couldn't possibly be happy in life, can't possibly smile everyday, but that's what I did. My life is a mask, a smile hiding a million tears. Nothing on that mask is me, but everything under that mask, is gone. I'm gone, personality, character everything. I lost myself.
"Tiffany! Tiffany! Wake up girl! The teacher is here!"
I got shaken awake by a pair of rough hands. I rubbed the sleep off my eyes and groggily stood up, greeting the teacher before slumping back onto my desk.
"Late night?" Yuri asked, her eyes fixated to the board.
I nodded and smiled, pulling out my books as I stared at the board. They won't ever understand me, no one ever does. I scanned around the room, my eyes landing on a girl at the back, her head on the table, sleeping, not having a care in the world.
Kim Taeyeon, the girl the class calls rebellious. She walks without a care, hanging out with the dudes, flirting with the guys and chilling with her girl friends. She doesn't give a damn about anything or anyone but well, rumours has it this girl has issues. Been to the councillor for having numerous red scratches on her arm, not that talking to the old man actually helped her. Her most prized procession was still her penknife but at least the scratches were gone.
Taeyeon fascinated me, her character, her actions, her life. She was never one that really talked to me or befriended me. In fact, she had once right in my face told me that I was annoying. Maybe it was that sentence that made me even more intrigued with Taeyeon. But still, this girl that potroyed strength on the outside, also seemed fragile at the same time.
The recess bell rang. I blinked my eyes in surprise. I did not just spend the entire 30 minutes staring at her. Tiffany, you must be going crazy. Taeyeon is just a classmate, at most a friend. Friends don't stare at each other and spend the entire lesson thinking about each other. I got up from my seat as I proceeded to the back of the classroom.
"Are you going for lunch?" I asked, smiling brightly, my voice vibrant with happiness.
If only they knew what I go through. Yuri nodded before digging for her wallet and motioning for me to go. Yuri is a good friend, great in fact. But I never did tell her anything about myself. Only the image I set up for the world. Not after that one time.
A grasped on my wrist stopped me from going any further. Chocolate eyes greeted me as I stared back.
"The teacher asked me to tutor you on your math. But since I'm not free to hang around, I'll call you when I have the time and you better be prepared to ask me questions when the time comes. And grab me a cookie will you, since I'm doing you a favour."
"Of course, Taeyeon. And thank you, but can you not call me at 8? Actually thinking about it, I'm not free at 7 too," I stood there babbling.
"How about 9? Er.. Wait, my mom needs the phone then. Maybe," my words were interrupted by her calming voice, echoing into my ears.
"I think I remember saying when I am free, not when YOU are free. So stop blabbering. Damn, you're annoying," she stood up, walking off to the other side of the classroom, leaving me to stand alone.
It was ten when she called. Maybe she listened to my blabbering afterall. I started asking her every question I needed to know. For some reason, I didn't want her to hang up. I liked hearing her voice trailing into my eardrums, the calmness in her voice, her tone. Everything about it was intriguing and addictive. The questions started getting dumber and dumber. I think she was starting to think I was either really clueless or plain dumb.
"So using the formula for this equation, it gives you the two possible factors of the equation. Do you get it now?" the clear voice said, a tinge of agitation could be heard.
I didn't know what gotten into me. Before I could stop myself, the question erupted. "Taeyeon, have you ever wondered if death was better than life?"
Silence ensued. Long dreadful seconds passed without both parties speaking a word.
"If anyone asks, I never said this but, yes. Death to me is beautiful," a soft voice was finally heard. I let out the breath that I held. Death was beautiful?
"Why?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.
"B'cause all the pains from living are finally gone," her voice echoed softly, filling the blank abyss in my mind.
I breathed into the mouthpiece, feeling mildly relieved. Finally, someone gives the answer I've been waiting for all my life, someone who finally gets me, even if she doesn't know it.
"I've been waiting for this answer for a long time. This is relieving," I whispered, giving a low laugh.
"Gods, I sound pathetic, waiting for a stupid answer to a stupid question. I'm sorry," I was ready to hang up when her clear voice sounded through.
"Don't hang up."
My hand stopped, pausing, waiting for her to continue. "Talk to me."
I took in a sharp breath. No one ever wanted to hear my views, no one ever wanted to hear my problems. Why now?
"Why?" that single word escaped my mouth as I hear Taeyeon taking in a deep breath before saying.
"Because I want to know what's going on in that head of yours. You're always so positive, yet sad. I want to know the real you, for who you are, not what you want others to think."
Just based on that alone, I felt that Taeyeon knew me like no other. How, I have no idea. I poured my heart out that night, to a girl I barely knew. Grades, social life, in that 15 minutes, Taeyeon knew everything there was to know about me, the real me. Well, everything but my past and the reality of my life. I didn't need to hide, didn't need to fear. She gave me a sense of security I can't describe, safe and protected. I didn't need to lie to her.
It felt great to finally be able to open myself up, like a straitjacket was finally taken off. I could breathe again, just slightly. The past and cruel present still suffocates me but at least there was someone who understands me. The phone call ended with simple goodbyes but that night, I slept without darkness, as if light has finally found its way into my heart.
Taeyeon, I think I talked to the real you tonight.
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