Hmmm… Where am I again…. What’s this? Who’s bed it is… who’s that in the couch…

Jaejoong for a few seconds tries to remember everything. There was barbeque then I went to the bathroom… then… Oh My! Jae bit his lips and stare at the sleeping figure. Hyunjoong.  Jae rubs his hands on his face in frustration.

 Hah… I have a lot of explaining to do…. Still night time, base on the view on the window. No it’s almost dawn because light is already coming in, but night quite. Purple, it’s purple.

He could still remember their song Purple Line. It was a sure hit. He closes his eyes and remembers the times they practiced and they perform. Even though it’s quite hard coming back and forth between Korea and Japan, he endured it, they endure it. And he imagines the times they travel from country to country. It was fun but very very very tiring, but still he’s happy he has his brothers. He sighs and somehow feels he needs some fresh air.

Jaejoong grab some coat in Hyunjoong’s closet (I’ll return it Hyunie, Mian), went out and decides to go in the veranda.

When he arrive, the grill and the tables are still there but the boys are probably are sleeping inside. The sun is coming up as everything is appearing to be like a washed picture of faded colors. He closes his eyes and reminisces once more. Hmmm…. The small get together last night was fun until on the hassle part where I felt dizzy. Curse this head of mine. If I could have been very careful before, I wouldn’t be suffering like this. Oh my poor dongsaeng also. I must have given him the shock of the lifetime.

Maybe it’s just time that he will have this; after all he can’t have anything. Maybe this sickness is the payment for his fame. But then again he don’t regret it.

He sighs. Why these things are happening to me. I swear my autobiography would still sell even if people won’t consider my popularity. It’s just a bunch of clichés and dramas.

Well true enough, he’s adopted because his biological parents broke up and his poor mother can’t support him anymore. Then he was sent to the Kims. From being Han Jaejun he became Kim Jaejoong. His biological mother married another man and has herself a new family. He doesn’t blame her though. Who want to be stuck with him; a growing boy, the last memory of his no good biological father, sure he is another mouth to feed for her mother. It’s just time someone swept her mother away from the bad past and gave her all the love and support that she needs. Jaejoong had long forgiven her but somehow deep inside he can’t forgive himself. Well to add spice to the story he has a goal, he was aspiring to be a singer but one great problem- he is tone deaf and he’s practically a country boy who by far almost impossible to be discovered. He trained himself to sing and eventually learn to sing after millions of hours spent in computer shops.

 Then, he ran away to pursue his uncertain conquest to be famous. Enter S.M. as a trainee and have to earn extra money to keep up with the trainee costs. Work as extra in a film. Sell gums to earn extra money. Donate his blood for cookies. Work any job he could enter. Finally was able to be chosen to part of boygroup Four Season which sadly didn’t debut. But another of fate he was chosen to be in another group again which was able to debut and they call it Dong Bang Shin Ki. God’s of the East, personally he wasn’t confident but the pressure pushed him to better every time but he keeps on spacing out and end up being clumsy.

Then when there group was already known, he’s biological father, out of nowhere, make claims custody. After all this years, why? But then everything was settled through some stressful negotiations, not to mention money and some breaking up of egos. And the list continues until the broke up of the band which really tore him in trillion pieces. He almost want to just disappear but then his two brothers and the fans help him. He really shouldn’t be here, if not for them. And the epic which is JYJ was born. But then again still something is missing-the other two members. Another drama finally they’re almost together. But there is a catch, he’s death would be the greatest ending of all this drama.

“I see you’re doing quite well” Jaejoong jump upon hearing of another person’s voice.

“Oh it’s you”, Jaejoong says after noticing who is there.

“I see you still chose in the end to sleep in Hyunjoong’s room”

Jaejoong tries to explain but he was cut off.

“It’s okay, I understand. So are you feeling better?” The other man comes closer and touches his forehead.

“Sorry about last night Yunho” Jaejoong bows and shame and regret.

“Yah! Kim Jaejoong, cheer up. It’s okay. I said I understand” Yunho smiles. “And you seems, okay”

Yunho is quite gentle with me even before but usually around this time he would be fuming in anger like mother demanding his son why he didn’t come early or stuff like that. But right now, Yunho is a little changed. Old age… hehe.. He’ll probably kill me if I mention that.

“So want breakfast?” Jaejoong asks.

“Yeah, kind of hungry, I think the noonas are still sleeping so how about I whip something up”, Yunho says.

Jaejoong raises his brow. Yeah sure Yunho could cook but he don’t usually volunteer to cook.

The two headed to the direction of the kitchen when they come to meet with Hyunjoong along the way, who is slightly disheveled and sweating.

“Hyung!!!” he shout while puffing some air. “You…” he is slightly angry but he can’t explode knowing Yunho is with them. “I have been looking for you” Hyunjoong finish lamely” The truth is he’s been searching frantically for his hyung. The image of last night was in his head the whole time. He don’t want to see Jaejoong ending up in some floor all blooded and unconscious again.

“Oh Hyunnie-ah” Jaejoong say. “Mian, I didn’t wake you up. You seem tired. How about some breakfast? Yunho will cook.”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

Yunho is in the kitchen while Jae and Hyun are sitting in the bar table taking glances on each other. Hyun, apparently wants to know the details, Jaejoong on the other hand is organizing what will he say to his dongsaeng. He can’t just say ‘Hey, Hyunjoong sorry for giving you a shock because actually I have disease and you what I think I’m going to die’

Jaejong just wish that Hyunjoong could have found out in better situation. Not like that.

Yunho on the other hand could sense the tension between the two. They sure are hiding something.

“So Jaejoong-ah what happened to you last night?” Yunho asks.

There is an awkward silence and Jae and Hyun stare at each other.

“Uhmm… Got a little dizzy” Jaejoong says lamely. He gave Hyun a worried look.

Hyunjoong just nods saying that he answered right. But they don’t know that Yunho saw that but did not say anything and just finish cooking and it’s actually Korean kimchi pancake.

“Done” Yunho says smiling. “Now we can eat”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

Hyunjoong drag Jae in a room where the equipments are stored.

“So Hyung, talk” Hyunjoong says authoritatively. Hyunjoong sure did grew up through this years. Jaejoong would have teases him for that if not for their situation.

Jaejoong stare at the floor interestingly. ‘Where to start?’

“I.. I.. it’s started when I was in Vietnam. Remember the rashes?”

Hyunjoong brows meet. He couldn’t remember well, was it the time where he got an infection or something. He could remember it was funny at that time because even that was in news. Anything about his hyung is news and it seems everything his hyung does always gets in the news.

“Well..” Jaejoong continued. “It’s more than a rash..” Jaejoong bit his lips and he could feel a lump in his throat. “You see.. nnng… the rash was small, it was just a symptom of something… it’s… hard to explain… but bottom line is… I’m…I might die”

Hyunjoong can’t help but become deaf. Almost his world is turning and there is a unpleasant feeling in his stomach. This could not be happening. He could see his hyung shedding some tears already and he can’t help but hug the older man. Jae hug Hyun back.

“I don’t know anymore…  I can’t tell anyone…” Jae broke. “I don’t want them to know… and I don’t want you to know… I don’t want to slowly hurt you.”

“Hyung… you’re not alone in this anymore… Please stop doing this… Stop thinking about others and please think of yourself for a second…”

“Hyun-ah, please don’t tell anybody… at least just for now”

Hyunjoong nods.

“And could you help me for something?” Jae ask.

They went on not knowing that someone is there looking.