Review for 'Our Sunrises' by GreenGardenPop

reviewed by heavenlymuse

Title (6/10): 
The title is good, however, I think it should be called 'Our Sunrise' instead of 'Our Sunrises' because the oneshot is only based on that one sunrise. I actually expected you to continue writing about another sunrise and another after that, but you didn't. So, the title is a bit misleading. 

Description&Foreword (9/10):
Well, there wasn't much here so I can't say much but I will consider the fact that you're using poems in your stories. Although not a completely original idea, I have yet to see a writer on AFF who does that, I applaud you. And your poems are really good! 

Content&Plot (16/20):
Overall, I think the writing flows perfectly and the way you write is also very good. The plot...well there wasn't much of it, really. It just seemed like a drabble, soemthing you wrote when you had a surge of inspiration. It was a very light read for me, as I usually read very complex stories. The oneshot was very refreshing. 

Characters (7/10):
Your characters seem a little unrealistic. I don't think anyone would be that cheesy in real life, it was hard for me to relate to them at all. 

Grammar&Spelling (6/10):
Your grammar is fine albeit a few mistakes here and there, not much. 
-"...slowly overcome the dark, blue and purple of the twilight sky."
Correction: "...slowly overcome the dark blue and putple of the twilight sky."
There's no need for that comma because 'dark' is not a color so it cannot be used to describe the twilight sky.
-"...letting her long wavy chocolate brown hair..."
Correction: "...letting her long, wavy, chocolate brown hair..."
You're using three adjectives here so they need to be seperated by commas. 
As for spelling, there weren't many mistakes but please go over and proofread; the mistakes are too easy so I won't bother mentioning them.

Organization (6/10):
There was a part which I felt didn't belong in the place that you put it; when you were describing their background. It was very sudden and I hadn't expected you to start telling us when they'd met and how long they've been in love. Maybe you should've included that in the beginning, or not include it at all. 

Appearance (5/10):
The blue background does not match with the poster, at all. I really like the poster but maybe a plain background would compliment it more, since the poster is already so beautiful. 

Enjoyment (16/20):
Overall, I enjoyed reading this oneshot. You vocabulary is very intriguing and your descriptions are very well-written. It's just...it didn't seem realistic. I like to relate to the situations and characters but I didn't at all for this story. But I still congratulate you for writing a beautiful piece! Also, I really enjoyed the poems!

Total : 71/100