maeanneda123 : My Regretful Revenge
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Review for 'My Regretful Revenge' by maeanneda123
Review by Jangmii
Title (10/10) :
I think the title perfectly suits the story.
Description&Foreword (9/10) :
The description was really nicely written. It showed us what it was about without revealing too much.. but I think you should take out "I didn't want to believe that it was love. " That shouldn't be revealed until the chapters where it is revealed.
Props to the person who made the trailer because it was really well-made. It portrayed the emotions of the story and it looked like a lot of effort was put into it.
Content&Plot (18/20) :
The chapters have a nice length to them and you end your chapters at good timings. The plot is very original (according to me), as well.
Characters (9/10) :
The protagonist is so original. She has her problems and she's not perfect. She's not a flawless protagonist, making her four dimensional.
Grammer&Spelling (8/10) :
Chapter 1:
What you wrote: "My eyes contemplated but blurry images until my vision finally established itself."
Definition of contemplate:
verb (used with object)
1.
to look at or view with continued attention; observe or study thoughtfully: to contemplate the stars.
2.
to consider thoroughly; think fully or deeply about: to contemplate a difficult problem.
3.
to have as a purpose; intend.
4.
to have in view as a future event: to contemplate buying a new car.
"My eyes contemplated but blurry images" doesn't make sense either.
I feel like you're forcing yourself to use a larger vocabulary and you're using words you don't know. If you're not 100% sure what the meaning of a word is, use a dictionary to check before you use it.
"The car I was in but a minute ago was sitting on it’s roof, faced down in destruction."
I think you're trying to use the idion "all but" but you're not using it correctly.
"I was dizzy probably."
Being dizzy isn't like being sick. You know when your dizzy because it feels like everything's spinning. There's no need for the probably.
"I sat up once my strength retreated."
Definition of retreat:
verb (used without object)
8.
to withdraw, retire, or draw back, especially for shelter or seclusion.
9.
to make a retreat: The army retreated.
10.
to slope backward; recede: a retreating chin.
11.
to draw or lead back.
If one's strength 'retreats' it means their strength is going away.
Again, you used the wrong word. Check your choices of words and their meanings before you use them please.
"“Minyoung was really lucky to have gotten out almost intact, let alone alive,” he began with an average ‘doctor tone’."
The words intact and alive should be switched.
" “Are you sure? She’s fifteen years old and that’s a hard age group to deal with. Teenagers tend to have plenty of emotion, especially when something shocking, like this, occurs. It can turn out more difficult than you think” explained the doctor."
There should be a comma inserted after 'think '
= ..It can turn out more difficult than you think," explained the doctor.
They can't look at her that way because Minyoung doesn't even know them well. There's no distinct style or character that she could've figured out in the maybe 10 minutes she has been face-to-face with these people.
"This was the perfect opportunity to fully give them the taste of the pain they had caused and, the feeling of loosing EVERYTHING."
I think you meant to use 'losing' instead of 'loosing'.
Chapter 2:
"Not taking the abundance of pain in that room any longer, I dragged myself to the door with my eyes redder than a ripped apple."
ripe* (?)
Chapter 6:
"Joon sprayed an ankle from that high drop, but other than that, everyone was okay."
sprained* (?)
Chapter 8:
Slowly, the dim smile faded away as he went back to his depressive state. I could tell that he really loved Hyuna. It somewhat disappointed me. I guess you can call it jealousy. No… envy.
Good job on differentiating jealousy and envy. o: This is the first time I've seen someone compare the two.
I think your English is good but it just needs some tweaks here and there. It's nothing a little practice and a bit more proof reading can't fix!
Organization/Flow (8/10) :
Usually, your writing is rather fluid but at times it can be choppy and I find myself getting lost and having to read over some lines. I had to have a dictionary open because you used words that I didn't know existed or you used them in ways that I've never thought of using them.
Appearance (10/10) :
The poster was well made and the background is not distracting yet it helps with the mood of the story because it's dark.
Enjoyment (17/20) :
Holy@#$% when Minyoung accidentally confessed I had to stop and take a break because I'm bad with reading awkward stuff. The story has a good plot and is really interesting, especially in the later chapters.
Total : 89/100
*p.s : thanks for upvoting! (:
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