Review for 'Saturation' by shawolistic

Review by Jangmii

Title (10/10) :

The title, after much thought, is a perfect title for this story.

Description&Foreword (10/10) :

The one word to explain it would be perfect. Just reading the two makes one want to continue reading.

Content&Plot (18/20) :

Wow, you wrote a lot.  o: The plot is really original and the story is deep. I really admire your talent for writing.

Characters (10/10) : 

The characters were so diverse and original. I have nothing else to say about this because I have no critique  here. c: ...

Grammer&Spelling (9/10) :

Wow. Your English is practically impeccable. I have to say, you're incredibly talented with imagery. But honestly, I probably only understood about maybe half of what happened. There were far too many words that I didn't know to use the dictionary every time. I suggest maybe toning it down, just a bit. The story was beautifully written but it's useless if the reader can't understand.

Chapter 1, section 6 (?)

You wrote : According to the vow, he wouldn't leave Yixing till he had forgiven him for his crime and since Yixing had not, he found it all right to drop by his place whenever possible.

I assume you're using British English, so this is fine (unless you're using Canadian English, if you are, I think this is a mistake). I just wanted to point out that if you were using Canadian English, the proper would be 'alright' instead of 'all right'. *Link to what I'm referring to*

In the same section : 
You wrote : Kris, on the other hand, loved it when Yixing called his name even it was dripping with anger.

->Kris, on the other hand, loved it when Yixing called his name even if it was dripping with anger.

Chapter 2, section 1

You wrote : May be he could never deserve the forgiveness he was yearning for.

->Maybe he could never deserve the forgiveness he was yearning for.
->It may be he could never deserve the forgiveness he was yearning for.

Chapter 2, in the last little bit.

"Kris was smiling as if remembering some lost childhood of such free art and Yixing for the first time, so his younger self in him.
*saw (?)

Chapter 3, near the middle-ish of the first section

You wrote : Clearly, Yixing was not involved in the relationship as him.

-> Clearly, Yixing was not as involved in the relationship as him.

I couldn't find anything more than  few very minor mistakes. :p 

Organization/Flow (8/10) :

Everything was fine, sectioned nicely. Adding on to what I had said above, the flow of reading could be disrupted because a reader can't thoroughly understand everything because of the complexity of your vocabulary. It's like this story is solely for walking dictionaries because the English seems so advanced.

Appearance (9/10) :

The poster is very nicely made and the colours were a wise choice. 

Enjoyment (17/20) : 

I want to give you and the story full marks here but I can't because I didn't enjoy it as much as I could've with full understanding of what was happening.

Total : 91/100 -- congratulations! you made it to our hall of fame!