Review for U-KISS Hello Baby: Tween Version by RKP_Yoshi

Review by ScreamingMidget

Title (6/10) :

I think for fanfics that are centered around variety shows, it’s the norm to have a title that resembles their parent show so I’m not going to take off too many points for that. Still, I think it would have been more attractive to me, as a reader, if you had gotten a little more creative. If most people basing stories on shows actually title their show like that, you should probably not.

What about something like: “Just When You Least Expect It” Because the girl didn’t expect to get in, right? Something a little different would have been nice. Even if having a ‘tween’ is a good idea, you can’t rely on that solely to get readers.

Description & Foreword (6/10) :

I like your description! It’s succinct and hits the target. However, your foreword could use some work. Don’t ever put an author’s note in your foreword. I guess there are some really popular AFF writers that do that but I don’t like when they do it either so I’m not just picking on you! I know you’re not as serious about this story as you are about ‘Scarred for Life’. I know exactly what you mean because I do the same with my stories (I have one that I just dump ideas and jokes on when I get writer’s block with another) but never, ever tell that to your readers! Try to make your story look as appealing as you can. Even if you don’t spend that much time on it, don’t let your readers think that you don’t care about that story.

If you keep mentioning ‘writer’s block’, your readers will start thinking you’ll never finish that story and they won’t subscribe or support it!

My only suggestion is to delete that note on your foreword and give a little taste of your writing style instead.

Content & Plot (16/20) :

I can’t say the whole ‘variety show fic’ is original. I know having a story centered around a show gives off a good feel when you’re thinking of story ideas...I would have been more impressed as a reader if you tried to think up your own show. Instead of  but you did a great job twisting it into something that is way more creative and spontaneous! I love how you chose ‘Hello Baby’ because most people always go with ‘We Got Married’. Your choice in show suits the comedy genre really well.

Characters (10/10) :

I liked Taejoon immediately! I think you portrayed all the characters really well! You got creative with this. I like Taejoon’s character. I think her personality is relatable and age-appropriate. You two are both at a similar age, right? It’s great! I can definitely see that you might be acting through Taejoon and I really love her.

Grammar & Spelling (10/10) :

Amazing job! I can’t even...like I don’t know if you’re okay with me gushing about your age but WOWOWOWOW. If I just saw your writing, I’d say you were like maybe 16? You’re that good. Keep it up!

Organization/Flow (6/10) :

I personally think you should work on this a little bit. The motions in the beginning were kind of jerky. I liked the whole scene with her mom calling all those stylists but remember that you’re the writer. You can see everything in your head. The reader can’t! So just relying on

Appearance (7/10) :

I guess having a background is personal preference but personally, I like stories with backgrounds. I’m not going to take off any points for that...but I really think you need a poster. It can be boring to read - even if the writing itself is great - if there’s no color at all.

Enjoyment (19/20) :

You have a story with a lot of potential on your hands! Treat it well :D I really did enjoy it! I hate to discriminate...based on age, at least but you write so amazingly AMAZING for your age! I genuinely think you could make a great professional writer one day! If you get an idea in your head, you can’t always trust it to be very unique. It could have stemmed off from something else. Just keep twisting and twisting and twisting it until it reflects only you. I wanted to say that because you’re already twisting ideas by having a ‘tween’ instead of a baby on the show! Good work!!

Total :80/100