KIKWANG POV

Was I too hard on him? Did I let my sharp tongue out too far?

I've never seen Yoseob like this. He's looking over his shoulder at every turn, flinching at every noise, sudden or not. Almost as if he's expecting something, someone, but he doesn't want to be. Like he's afraid of who he thinks is shadowing our every step as we twine further around the city. The air is cold and crisp, but clear, and the all the visible snow is settled in piles on the sidewalk, crusting the roofs, perching on the edges of ledges and every exposed surface. All this snow, and it still isn't Christmas. 10 days, I think, or at least close to it.

I wonder what Yoseob does for Christmas. 

YOSEOB POV

It was a mistake to leave Blithe, especially since the day is drawing to a close, the light just flickering on as we wander across the streets. I feel his eyes on me. I see his shadow every time I look back, but he's never there to accompany it. I see him watch me and Kikwang, and I see the disgust in his eyes. I see the rage tightened in his face, his mouth, his swinging, brutal hands. 

I don't want to, but I do. I do every time I can stand to look ahead for a minute, before I have to turn back. I have to. Because what if I don't, and he's there? What if he's there, and he knows where I am and he wants to hurt me, what to see the fear in his face, my eyes one last time? Because I can't deal with that. I just can't.

But I'm angry at Kikwang too. It was partly my fault. Yes, that's true. But I just wanted to help. It might not have came out right, but I wanted to help, and I thought talking might help. But he, he just wanted to hurt me. And he did. He did, and now I can't stop looking over my shoulder and checking ofr him because I have a crawling feeling something's wrong. That something's really, really wrong.

And I can't shake it.

KIKWANG POV

The sun is setting when Yoseob lets out a heavy, heavy sigh and tapes the last sigh on a post. When he turns back to me, I'm waiting on the street just behind the curb, watching the way the light caught on the strands of his hair, like gold. When he met my eyes, I tore mine away like I was doing something wrong, and fixed my eyes on his. The snow has just started falling again, and it scatters the groud lightly with white, catching in my hair and melting on my eyelashes as I blink the flakes away. We're alone. And the road, the city, is silent, muffled by the gentle snow. 

"I'm sorry." The words are out before I realize I had formed them on my tongue, and it's too late to take them back. But Yoseob smiles, softly, gentle like a snowflake's rest, and I realize I wouldn't take the two words back even if I could. 

"It's okay," he says, as he meets me back at the curb, on the sidewalk, so he's standing over me. But then he steps again, and he's back to my level. "I'm sorry too. I didn't mean it." 

I smile back, feeling for the first time that it was real. Real, after years, but I think she'll understand. I hope you do, I try to tell her. I hope you can let me be happy, even if it's just for a second. 

I'm trying to remember why, why I hated him. But I'm coming up with nothing.

He's so close I can feel his breaths, billows of crisped air, on my nose, and I feel them ruffle my hair, ever so slightly. I realize that he's still smiling that same, fuzzy-edged smile. I realize I'm still smiling too. 

He's moving;

closer, closer to me

I realize;

I'm not moving at all

His eyes;

they're flicking, from my lips to my eyes

My heartbeat; 

beating too loud for me to ignore my heart

His eyes;

I've never noticed how deep they were

I can't

I can't stop staring at his lips, pink and pretty

I've never seen this

I've never seen him like this

I've never been like this

I've never been unafraid like this.

He's leaning in even more, and his breath is hot on my lips, and I can just feel something softer, realer, than his breath on my lips when his eyes fly open, and they focus, focus on something, someone behind me, and they widen and gain something I've never seen before,

but it's dark and deep and so, so afraid, and he pulls back from me and backs up, his feet hasty so he slips and trips but still he stays on his feet and backing away, anything to get away,

and I look back, to see what could scare him like that, what could break the moment we had, and I try to ignore my disappointment, and try to ignore what just happened, that I was unafraid, 

and I see someone, with a round, hardened face and almond eyes and puffed out lips, and something in his stance is wrong, different, and there is something unstable in his glistening eyes, but I still don't know why Yoseob would react like that, like he had seen a demon clothed in red instead of a man in black and white, and the man snarls and takes a step forward, and I feel unsettled, like I wanted to get away from this unpleasant man,

but Yeseob, he lets out a sob, mangled and hoarse and so, so, sad, it breaks my heart, and it is just enough that I can tear my eyes away from the man who is still now, unmoving, just enough that I can meet Yoseob's heartbroken eyes, that look so much like the man who is frozen, but with the fear of the hunted faced with the hunter, and it hits me, then, horribly, that this is the man, Junhyung, that broke Yoseob's heart and stomped over it with his heels, but not before he left the scars on Yoseob's body and his mind, and I see anger in a rush that comes like a wave, so much that it drowns all other but pure hatred for this man, and pure worry for Yoseob, 

who is shivering, looking so cold and vulnerable, faced with his demon and the one who haunts his nightmares and whispers in his mind, and I've thoughts what that must be like, to have a voice in your head, because I have one, but I love her and my voice loves me, and maybe Yoseob loves Junhyung, or loves who he used to be, and maybe Junhyung loves Yoseob, but twistedly, and the thought only sends more rage coarsing through my blood but I can only stand here, because this is between them and to me, I am just hear to watch and feel what they feel, only a lesser version,

and Yoseob can't look him in the eyes but then he does, he raises his eyes that are too shiny, too wet, to Junhyung's blackened one's, and they hold for the fraction of a second before Yoseob tears his gaze away like he had stuck his hand in the fire and had just figured out the cost, and he trembles, and he seems to debate something, something terrible and horrible but I don't know what it is, and then he turns on his heel and just runs, leaving the frozen Junhyung behind and leaving me behind, and all too soon,

he's lost in the night.

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Huh? Well? Did you like it? I liked writing it:) and for you kiseob shippers... THEY ALMOST KISSED!!! but they didn't. well, kinda. they kinda did. 

Comment, please? This was a dramatic chapter.... So......