Title: Mixing with Darkness

Author: Flamzfox

Reviewer: PandaChels

Title:  (5/5) Unique and original. It calls the reader’s attention and it actually does have meaning. I assume that it is about Kris associating with Tao? Well done.

Foreword & Description: (10/10) It pulls the reader right into the action and leaves a question on the readers mind, Where have these two met before and under which conditions?

Grammar, Spelling, etc.: (14/15) The first two chapters seemed to be the roughest, missing a few commas. Below are two things that I wanted to tell you about those chapters.

        ♦ Remember that every ‘but’ needs a comma before it to show the pause in speech. Moreover, if when you say the sentence in your head you pause, make sure to put a comma. If you don’t put a comma it can become confusing and/or run-on.

        ♦ In addition, in Chapter One, this sentence is too much of a run-on.

                                  “He pulled at it experimentally then released then repeated.”

           Add in the commas will allow is to be a better depiction of Kris playfully teasing Tao.

                                  “He pulled at it experimentally, then released, then repeated”

Here are a few other mistakes I found throughout the rest.

        ♦ Since these are two complete sentences a semi-colon instead of a comma should connect them.

He let out a loud moan; he had been waiting for this for so long.

        ♦ In Chapter nine, you put the word ‘both’ instead of ‘bother’.

Plot Line: (20/20) Whoa! So much is going on, but it’s not too much to take in. I personally love it and the plot line is unique! It’s good that each chapter had a main even going on.

Flow: (10/10) It didn’t go too fast or too slow. I also like how you didn’t rush Baekyeol, putting a Taoris chapter in between them.

Originality: (10/10) Completely original. I have never seen a story like this. You just have so many things going on that make it original.

Characters: (10/10) I like how you have some characters knowing some things, while others know nothing at all. It gives that reader more to think about, as they are just as clueless as the latter.

My two favorite scenes have been Baekyeol having , because you can tell that Baekhyun feels a connection to Chanyeol that even he can’t explain, and when Kris sees the seven deadly sins plastered on everyone’s faces as masks. It was unique and he had no idea what was going on, blaming it on hallucination. Awesome job!

Overall Enjoyment:  (10/10) These are just about all of my ships, especially Taoris. Plus, I love it because you give so much insight to how the character feels and thinks.

Bonuses: (10/10) I loved the layout of the chapters. They were so gorgeous and appealing. Not to mention tying in the seven deadly sins was interesting!

(99/100)

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