A/N: Sorry, it took longer than usual today, but this one is really long.

And I didn't even have any idea how to write it in the first place! D: So, I'm really sorry if it's chaotic and all that.

On the plus side, there isn't much drama here (emphasis on 'much', 'cause there will still be some), so our emotions can rest a bit in this chapter.

Alright, let’s do this, then.

I sighed deeply.

“Okay, I’ll tell you everything, then,” I agreed carefully. “But I need you guys to keep something in mind, okay?”

The five boys nodded.

“You have to remember that I’m really just a fairly new fan, like what I’ve told Junsu oppa earlier today,” I told them. “In fact, I never thought much of K-pop and I never even heard about J-pop before I liked you guys. And I only found out about your existence in early 2012, when you- you were… you know… already broken up…”

I felt terribly guilty when they all winced. But there was no use beating around the bush with that topic. We couldn’t keep on talking as though that separation didn’t happen, not when it’s the main point of this whole thing…

“Anyway, the point is that I wasn’t there yet when all that… chaos… happened to you guys. So, while I can give you most of the general picture and maybe even a few details about the issue, you have to remember that I wasn’t actually able to follow it as it progressed, okay? These are just the things that I’ve learned about it after I became a fan, okay?” I explained slowly. (A/N: you can also count that as kind of a disclaimer :P)

They all nodded again.

“Okay, b-but first.. I-I don’t understand something, t-though?” Junsu sniffled a bit. “About what you said before? You said we’re doing great in our careers… how could that have happened… if we… if we… s-split?” He winced at the word.

Dammit, I knew that answer was going to get me in trouble!

I cursed myself as the other four also looked at me inquiringly at Junsu’s question.

“Well, you are doing great in your careers. What I said was really true, oppas,” I said quickly, maybe even a bit defensively. Then, I grimaced as I continued, “Though, of course, you’re doing great as… uhm… two separate groups now…”

Yoochun and Jaejoong exchanged grim looks. Junsu was still sobbing. Changmin had buried his face into Yunho’s shoulder again, but thankfully he didn’t seem to be crying this time. Yunho just sighed and rubbed his forehead with the palm for his hand.

“So, you’re telling us that we just continue on with our careers… with our lives… just like that? That we just… moved on?” Yoochun asked, looking quite dismayed.

I looked at him uncertainly. “Uhm, well not exactly fully ‘moved on’? But I’ll get to that part later... Anyway… I’m not sure if this will make you feel any better, but yeah, it was chaotic at first, but the two groups still shine now in the separate paths they took?”

“It doesn’t,” he told me flatly. "It doesn't make us feel any better at all."

Yoochun sighed and closed his eyes. Then, he continued to explain himself, themselves, to me. “I suppose it could be seen as a sort of compensation that we’re still in the industry and doing well even after we split… but, the thing is… well, we’ve done everything together since the beginning. How weird and painful was it for our future selves, that we’re doing projects without the other two?” Yoochun asked me, looking quite lost at the end. His eyes were still bloodshot.

“Well, don’t ask her,” Changmin muttered darkly from Yunho’s shoulder. “You were the ones who left…”

All the high emotions present this afternoon haven’t been helping Yoochun’s temper, and I supposed he just couldn’t help but snap back, “Well, why didn’t you go with us, then?”

Changmin looked up and peered around Jaejoong to glare furiously at Yoochun.

Meanwhile, I was thunderstruck in my seat. I don’t know how many times a heart can break, but my heart was breaking yet again at those words.

Not THAT argument!

, I can’t go through that kind of argument right now!

“SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU!” I suddenly yelled.

Yoochun’s and Changmin’s tempers were both lost in their great shock. The other three were also staring at me because of my unexpected outburst.

My cheeks flushed in embarrassment, but I did not regret stopping that argument one bit.

Those ways of thinking wouldn’t do us any good.

“If you’re going keep arguing like that even just starting now, then you might as well just save yourselves from the aggravation and just split up now! Don’t bother waiting for July!” I said hotly.

I knew I was losing my temper, but that argument had touched a nerve. I can’t take them going into that “JYJ-shouldn’t-have-left vs. HoMin-should-have-left-with-them” argument. I have heard more than enough of those from my time, I can’t stand letting the boys go into those lines of thinking, too.

If I don’t put a stop to that immediately before those kind of ideas start to sink into them, we’ll be doomed to failure from the start.

Their following gasps made me think I might have come off too strongly, though. They all gaped at me in shock and pain.

Oh, Merlin. I have no idea how to do this!

“I’m sorry if that sounded so harsh, but it’s the truth,” I sighed. “We’re supposed to be fixing this, and, trust me, those ways of thinking aren’t helping. And… and, I really just can’t take that kind of argument anymore…”

“Anymore?” Jaejoong asked, recovering from his shock. I just noticed how much his hair looked like a bird’s nest right now, from all the pulling he had been doing before. It matched the somewhat wild and very much pained look in his eyes perfectly…

“Well… in my time… erm, you see…” I stammered, not really sure how to begin explaining the whole mess to them.

Yunho sensed the difficulties I was having.

“Start again from the beginning first… How did we split? Why did we split?” the leader questioned. Though some part of me knew that he already guessed some of the reasons behind their break-up, judging from the talk that we’ve had early this morning...

“I thought we already knew how that happened,” Changmin muttered, glancing darkly to his right at his three other hyungs. “They-“

But Yunho effectively cut him off before he could rant some more. “Shut up and let Erin talk!”

“So…” I began. “No one can be totally sure as to when the issues really started brewing internally or in private, but the whole thing was just made known to and shocked the public when JYJ filed that lawsuit in July…”

“And their reasons for that lawsuit?” Changmin said testily, still looking at his three hyungs, who were now all frozen and pale again at the mention of them filing the lawsuit once more.

“Uhm… do you want to hear the said reasons from JYJ’s side, or from SM’s side?” I asked tentatively.

“What?” the five of them chorused, all looking bewildered.

“Erm, well of course there’s the… official?... reasons that JYJ gave to the court when they filed the lawsuit. But… SM also had a different say on why JYJ 'really' did it…” I tried to explain.

“Let’s hear both,” Yunho said at once.

“Well, as far as I know, JYJ’s main claims were that your contracts were too long, your work schedules were too erratic and sometimes you yourselves don’t even know you have to certain projects until the last minute, and that the money you make wasn’t fairly distributed…”

I knew that these things were really true, judging from the talks I’ve had with them, but my spirits still sank when I saw that Jaejoong, Yoochun, and Junsu couldn’t help but nod fervently at my words. They really felt strongly about these things…

Oh Lord, what am I going to do?

Yunho, however, just gave a small nod as acknowledgement of the truth of those things. Changmin was just looking blankly at me, waiting for me to go on.

“And SM?” Junsu squeaked anxiously. “What did SM say about why we were really filing that lawsuit?”

“Uhm… that you just wanted to get out of the exclusivity in your contracts so that you can go after certain endorsements you wanted without being held back… and that… well, it basically all goes down to them saying that you were just greedy for the money…” I grimaced apologetically.

“WHAT?!” the three all yelled furiously. Even Junsu’s eye had narrowed dangerously at hearing those accusations.

Yunho and Changmin were also looking shocked at hearing those things.

“Look, those things never came from me, okay? I never said them. I’m just telling you what I know,” I said quickly, scared of the angry looks that the three were giving me. , I don’t want Jaejoong raging at me again!

The three took deep breaths to calm themselves.

“Sorry,” Yoochun muttered. “We’re not mad at you. We’re just mad at… what you said. What you said that they were saying about us… I mean, how can they just make it out like we’re just after the money? That we just wanted to get rich?”

“Well, you were pointing out during that lawsuit that you’ll actually be making more money if your contracts are terminated early than if you continue on in SM until they end, because of the unfair divisions of your earnings,” I said quietly.

“How are we being greedy by asking for what should really have been ours?” Jaejoong demanded, folding his arms and leaning back against the sofa. “There’s a difference in asking for fairness and being greedy!”

I noticed how Yunho’s lips tightened into a thin line at this, but he just let out a breath and said, “Jae, calm down. I know it’s hard to hear these things, but still… just try to relax, okay?”

“Yeah, stressing yourself out now won’t do you any good, oppa,” I pointed out. Jaejoong nodded in acknowledgement, before I stupidly added, “I mean, there’s more to come, so…”

I stopped when they all winced at those words.

Oops…

“Alright, let’s just hear everything out, then,” Yoochun groaned resignedly after a while. “Go on…”

“So, they filed a lawsuit, what happened next?” Changmin asked tonelessly, his face unreadable. I saw his four hyungs exchange worried glances. Changmin didn’t seem to be angry anymore right now… but what was going on inside him, then?

“Uhm… I’m not exactly sure as to what you guys had been doing for the rest of 2009 after JYJ filed the lawsuit. I’m pretty sure your other projects just continued on, but I also read from somewhere that the court had also temporarily allowed the three to do their own thing as well. Though they’re still just acting as members of DBSK then… The fans were in an uproar, though. They were mad at SM for the whole issue… And they got even more mad when SMTown 2009 was cancelled-“

“SMTown got cancelled?” Junsu yelped. The boys exchanged looks of surprise.

“Yeah… things really got that bad,” I grimaced. “It was just announced some time near the concert date already… uhm, just a week or so before… it was total chaos, I’ve heard. The fans were furious, tickets had to be refunded and all that… And I guess it was basically just a sign to everyone that the issue was really serious and it was starting to seem that the two sides would never come into an agreement…”

“What about us?” Yunho asked suddenly, staring at me intently.

“What do you mean, oppa?”

“What about us? How were we handling all that? How were we handling the fans’ reactions? How were we handling all the legal problems?...” Yunho paused. “You said that we still went on with our already prior commitments… well, then… how did the group function then? How were we, when three of us filed a lawsuit against our own company while the other two didn’t?”

His dongsaengs all looked equally horrified at Yunho’s implications. How had the members coped with all the trouble? How had they managed to work and continue on as if things were still okay and they weren’t standing on different sides? How were they able to just act as if there was no impeding decision from the court and their company that would surely, one way or the other, greatly impact their group?

“I-,” I faltered. How was I supposed to answer that? “I-I don’t know, oppa. And it’s not just a matter of me not being there yet when it happened. No fan knows the whole truth. Other than the 'official' reasons and statements given by the two sides and the court, no one really knows anything. Especially not on the private matters of your group…”

Then, I let out a sigh. “But if I have to take a wild stab at it… I’d say that you guys didn’t really handle it well among yourselves.”

They all stared at me.

“What makes you say that?” Changmin asked quietly.

“Well, if your last performance was to be the basis… well, judging from your “interactions” then, I’d say your relationships with each other were strained by the mess of the lawsuit… The whole performance was filled with tension and awkwardness coming from you guys… It was quite horrible to watch, actually…”

“Last performance?” Jaejoong said blankly.

I nodded sadly.

“You remember that I told you that your last performance together on stage was on December 2009? Well, of course, it wasn’t really officially said beforehand that it would be your last performance together, it’s just that it happened to really be the last… But, uhm... either Yunho or Changmin -I can't remember which one it was- said in a later interview after the whole mess that you guys knew that you didn’t have anything else scheduled after that... so, I’m guessing you guys all already knew then that that was quite possibly your last performance together ever…”

“Why was it so horrible to watch?” Junsu asked in a small voice, though he was also looking like he was hoping that I wouldn’t answer the question at the same time.

“Well, again, you can tell there that your relationships were strained…” they all looked quite pained at these words “…and something was really different with that performance, compared to your others… If you guys can only see it, you can tell immediately that there’s something wrong with the five of you and-“ I suddenly broke off, my eyes widening.

“What?” Yoochun asked warily. He looked like the stress was really taking its toll on him, and that he wasn’t sure if wanted to find out what suddenly caused the expression on my face right now.

“What if you guys do see it?” I said a bit breathlessly as I stood up from my armchair quickly.

“What are you talking about?” Jaejoong asked, bewildered.

“What if you guys watch that video, to see for yourselves what I’m talking about? That would be better than any description I can give you about it…”

They all stared at me in surprise. They hadn’t been expecting that.

“H-how?” Yunho inquired.

I quickly rushed into mine and Junsu’s  room without another word of explanation to the confused-looking boys. I grabbed my backpack from the floor and ran back to the living room.

“What are you doing?” Junsu asked, looking fearful for my sanity as I