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For the first time in years, he let himself feel alone. He was lonely. He longed for happiness. He longed for company. And secretly, he knew Luhan could bring that to him. Sehun ran his fingers through his hair and let out a stressed sigh.

Damn, I really screwed everything up this time.

Chapter 27:

Mrs. Oh stood outside Luhan’s bedroom door holding a small notebook. She took a deep breath before knocking on the door. There was no answer. She cleared .

“Uhm, Luhan?” She asked softly. “Can you open the door? It’s me, Mrs. Oh. I’m alone.”

There was another short silence, and Mrs. Oh took it as Luhan wanting to be by himself. However, before Mrs. Oh could walk away, the door opened slightly revealing a gloomy-looking Luhan.

“Sorry, Mrs. Oh. I--I didn’t hear your knocking at first.” Luhan said between sniffles.

From a small glimpse, Mrs. Oh could see the wonton tissues scattered everywhere across his desk and in a pile in the small trash bin beside his bed. It hurt to know that her son was the cause of all of this pain.

“Can I come in, dear?” Mrs. Oh asked.

Luhan inched away from the door, allowing Mrs. Oh to walk in. Mrs. Oh smiled and gently led Luhan over to his bed. After they sat down, Mrs. Oh could not help but admit that Luhan looked miserable and he seemed to want to be alone.

“I won’t be long, I just thought you might want to hear a story that will cheer you up.” Mrs. Oh whispered, even though it was only them two in the room. “It’s a reaaaally secret story, but I’ll make an exception and tell you because you deserve to know.”

Luhan turned to Mrs. Oh. He highly doubted that anything could raise his spirits at this point, especially now that the tiny hope he had for Sehun’s humanity was gone. Despite that, he didn’t want to take out his anger on the sweet woman; after all, she did nothing wrong.

“You’re curious about the story, aren’t you?” Mrs. Oh grinned.

“I...If it’s about Sehun, I don’t want to hear it.” Luhan sniffled.

Mrs. Oh suppressed a smile. Luhan could be such a baby sometimes, but she thought it was cute.

“What if it’s about you and Sehun?” She asked with a slight tease in her voice. “Would you make an exception?”

Luhan looked up from his lap, wiping some of the tears from his face.

“Sehun and me?” He said incredulously. “There are no stories about Sehun and me that I’m not aware about.”

Mrs. Oh chuckled. “You’d be surprised. You guys were so cute when you were kids.”

“Kids? But he never even knew who I was until this year, Mrs. Oh. You’re probably mistaken.” Luhan laughed, amused that Mrs. Oh could even propose such an idea. “I only started liking him in freshman year. He never knew who I was.”

Mrs. Oh sighed as she slid out a photograph from her pocket. She placed it on Luhan’s lap.

“This was the picture that I saw in the photo album last time!” Luhan sniffled as he tried to recover his voice after all the sobbing he had went through.

“Yes, and who do you think that little boy is next to Sehunnie?” Mrs. Oh asked, pointing at the little boy standing next to Sehun who was dressed in a matching set of clothes.

Luhan blinked. Was he supposed to know who Sehun’s childhood friends were? Unless…

“I-is that me?”

~*~

Sehun rose up from his seat in the now empty kitchen. His slippers pathetically shuffled on the floor as he made his way up the stairs. Deep down, he knew he had to fix this somehow. It didn’t feel right to leave Luhan alone after he had read his letter out loud and after he had received a slap in the face. Sehun turned to knock on the boy’s closed door, but before his knuckles touched the door, his hand stopped. He couldn’t bring himself to confront Luhan after all. His pride got in the way.

Sehun sighed, and trudged over to his own room. Before he could walk in, he noticed an envelope taped on his door.

“What is it now?” he muttered to himself as if the night couldn’t get any longer.

He ripped the envelope off of his door and impatiently tore it open. The corner of a photograph peeked out from the white envelope. He carefully pulled out the photo to see the picture of his younger self dressed as a girl, the one that Luhan had taken from his mother and used to blackmail him.

Sehun thought he would’ve felt relieved to finally get his photograph back. He was looking forward to that feeling of safety. However, he only felt himself get more upset as he stared at the photograph in his hand. Just a few days ago, he desperately wanted to get his hands on this photograph. But now that he had it back, nothing changed -- his burden just felt heavier.

Does this mean I don’t have to tutor Luhan anymore? But...the finals are in two weeks. I promised him I would help him get in the top fifty. Just...what does all of this mean?

Sehun groaned, ruffling his hair in frustration as he stepped into his own room. He felt frustrated and confused and alone, without a clue on how to release the stuffiness trapped inside. He pulled open his windows and leaned on the windowsill, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding as the chilly draft of the outside air blew into his face.

“What the hell am I supposed to do now?” Sehun muttered as he stared absentmindedly at the lampposts outside, dim yellow dots floating down the street.

Another breeze made its way into Sehun’s room and Sehun shuddered. It was getting a little too cold for his comfort. As he was about to close the window, he heard what sounded like Luhan’s voice. Sehun froze, and carefully leaned out his window to see where his voice was coming from. He watched as Luhan stepped out into the balcony next to his room.

“No, I just...I don’t think I’m going to get any private tutoring anymore...No, it’s not his fault, it’s mine...”

What are they talking about? Is Luhan talking about me? Who is he talking to?

Luhan stopped talking several times to listen to the other person on the line, and Sehun frowned, frustrated that the other person was talking so much. He wanted to hear what Luhan had to say. He jumped a little as Luhan started speaking again.

“No, no, he did nothing wrong, Minnie. Sehun didn’t mean to -- okay, maybe he did mean to hurt me, but it wasn’t completely his fault. I shouldn’t have slapped him like that in front of everyone...” Luhan paused. “I -- I know he read it out loud in front of everyone too, but...I mean, he wasn’t wrong. I did write that letter to him! He had every right to read it.”

Sehun heard Luhan let out a deep sigh, and watched as Luhan leaned against the balcony’s marble railings, one of his hands ruffling his hair in distress.

“Once you’ve made up your mind, there’s no use getting anything through you, baozi.” Luhan groaned, absentmindedly kicking one of the railing pillars. “I get it. You don’t want me to get hurt anymore. Don’t worry so much about me and go study for that math test instead!” Luhan said, from a caring tone to a more scolding one.

Luhan quickly swiped his phone to hang up the call and shoved his phone into his pajama pants pocket. Sehun watched as Luhan bit his lip and leaned on the railings once again. This time, instead of looking down at the ground, he looked upwards at the sky. Sehun followed his gaze upwards and had to blink twice.

Since when were there so many stars in the sky? I...never recalled being able to see so many stars from here.

He didn’t remember the last time he saw so many shining dots twinkling in the darkness. Or maybe he just never took the time to look up at the sky at all. Sehun almost scoffed at his own lack of interest in the world around him.

“I always thought that he was a good person deep down. But...how much longer can I believe in that? He keeps proving me wrong.” Luhan spoke to thin air. “Maybe Xiumin was right. Maybe I should let him go.”

Sehun watched Luhan fiddle with a bracelet on his hand.

“Mom, I wish you were here. Maybe you could give me some answers.”

As Luhan whispered the last sentence, Sehun felt goosebumps run up his arms. Caught off guard, he realized that he almost never got to see Luhan’s serious side. He never made the effort to try on Luhan’s shoes and see what Luhan was going through. To be honest, the most memorable events he remembered from the time he spent with Luhan were getting him mad and watching him cry.

As he gazed absentmindedly in Luhan’s direction, his heart skipped a beat as Luhan suddenly turned toward his direction. Sehun almost fell backward as he made a swift move out of his windowsill. He stuck his back against the wall next to the window and his breath was shallow.

Did he see me?

A minute later, he heard the shuffling of Luhan’s slippers against the floor and the bang from the balcony’s glass doors closing. Sehun finally let out a sigh of relief as his legs gave way and he sat on the carpeted floor, leaning against the bedroom wall.

Sehun had been too occupied with the fact that Luhan was everything he disapproved of -- he harbored almost no knowledge of how to study, nonetheless any knowledge at all about his classes, he always put his emotions before his logical decisions, and he never spoke out of true ill intentions for someone else. Sehun never believed that someone like Luhan could ever exist, someone who broke all of his rules of approval.

“What am I doing with my life?” Sehun groaned.

His eyes wandered to the pile of books and study materials stacked on his desk. It wasn’t like Sehun liked the kid or anything, but he knew deep down that Luhan deserved a little something from him. Sehun himself knew that he wouldn’t feel better about himself unless he did something. Even if that meant trying to apologize to Luhan...and get some basic studying done.

Feeling the cold draft come in again, Sehun got up and closed the window. He couldn’t help but laugh quietly to himself as he climbed into bed thinking about apologizing to Luhan. Sehun knew that Luhan wasn’t going to make his life any easier from here on out, and confronting Luhan the next day was probably going to be one of the hardest things that he has ever done in his life.

But Sehun didn’t mind. If Luhan decided to make Sehun’s life harder and then leave, then Sehun had no plans of making Luhan’s life that much easier either.

After all, once you mess around with Sehun’s life, you don’t decide when you get to leave.

~*~

A/N:

HI GUYS <3

How have you guys been doing? :)

I missed you guys a lot. Who knew college was harder than high school LOL.

Side note: for the poll, it got cut off, but the question was "*updates?"