"Last night I dreamt of you,

and you kissed me on my goddamn lips

and I woke up drunk on love

because your kiss still spilled down my throat.

Mimicking a cool wisp of water.

And then I was high on sadness..

when I realized that's all you will ever be.

My oasis, my dream, an illusion."

I guess I slept when she was getting ready, I caught a whiff of coffee brewing. Wait? Where is Jess? I pushed my arms out stretching for the ceiling but bumped my knuckles against a headboard. Wait.. how did I..? I slowly opened my eyes to see myself in Sunny and I’s apartment, in my uniform...? I thought I took that off already.

Oh don't tell me that was all a dream. I lifted myself up, feeling the worst headache I could possibly have. Sunny strolled in with two cups of coffee.

"Well look who is finally awake," Sunny smiled as usual and sat next to me, handing one of the cups into my shaky hands. I looked around, well my stuff is all here.

"You okay hubby?" Sunny rubbed her fingers across my face before settling her hand on my forehead, "my gosh, you have a fever. Give that back to me."

She took my coffee and came back with a tray of tea.

"Now I know.. I know how much you must have hurt last night. You almost drank yourself into a coma. You haven't woken up over 20 hours, I stayed home to take care of you," Sunny continued on while pouring me a cup.

"What do you mean Sunny?" I asked sipping the green mug she handed me.

"Oh.. So I guess you drinking was a good thing, you forgot. Well, let me go make some porridge," Sunny avoided my question and I really wasn't in the mood to push it out of her.

"SUNNY WHERE IS MY GIRLFRIEND?" I called out to see what her reply would be.

"Girlfriend?" She stuck her head back in the room, "you mean one of those girls you were pretty much having with at the club?"

I put the mug down and laid back with a sigh. Kind of makes sense why everything seemed to go by so fast... It was just a dream. A very very elaborate dream.  Moving in with her, asking her out, Yuri’s apartment.. falling asleep with her in my arms. That reminds me.. I looked down seeing my arms wrapped around a long pillow, of course.. Banging rang out through our apartment with my realization.

"Oh, someone is at the door. You think you can get up?" Sunny asked concerned from the kitchen.

"I'll try," I pulled my legs from the damp white sheets and removed my uniform, exhaling slowly I put on a pair of clean clothes. I dragged my feet to get the door but as always the banging continued. I really need to get a do not disturb sign or something.

I pulled onto the handle, ready to lift my head.

"What took you so long Su-" the voice called out, I didn't need to lift my head to know who it was. It was the one and only girl that has got me confused. I sighed and walked towards my couch not bothering to close the door for her.

"Baby, I'm going to check on Sunny," another voice called out. I began to twitch in my seat as I remembered what I tried so hard to forget. What made me hallucinate into a whole 'nother world. Just one night that changed everything.

The seat beside me began to sag, a hand clasped my own. She's cold, and this time I feel no connection.

"Hyo, how are you? I heard about you being sick," she asked as I pulled my hand away.

"Better, you know how I am," I looked up with a glum smile. I tried my best to get up and leave but my body just didn't want to listen to me, and she noticed. Her arm hooked around mine and lead me back to my room.

"So.. How are things with Yuri?" I asked trying to keep my mouth shut.

"We're okay, I don't know why she never told me before," she replied tucking me in, "thank you for your help by the way. Without you I'm sure I wouldn't know myself."

I chuckled to try and hide the fact that I am hurting, "taking you out on one date?"

"Yeah, you're sweet Hyoyeon. A sweet sweet pain," she giggled and kissed my cheek leaving a pang in my heart.

"Hopefully I'll see you tomorrow when you are working," she winked grabbing onto the door, "still waiting for that second date."

"Second date...?" I whispered lightly feeling the sheets still damp. I don't want to be back here.

I pulled back my green mug, forcing myself into an upright position for the second time that evening. My legs were weak but it didn't stop me this time to check into the other room. I dragged my feet as if the rest of my body was moving without them.

"Hyo, why are you out of bed?" A concerned Sunny ran after me slipping her arm around mine, "you have to be careful and recover. Remember you promised Taeyeon you wouldn't miss anymore days."

"Yes umma," I smiled hugging onto the shorter girl. In the corner of my eye I noticed Yuri cuddling Jessica in her arms, whispering, letting Jessica's sweet giggles ring out into the kitchen. Maybe I should just be happy for them, even if I wish I were the one holding her.

Okay, I'm going to sound incredibly insane;

But I feel like there is this part of me, as if my soul were split in two, that absolutely loathes me (to the point where I can feel it in my blood),to a point where you can feel the frustration without actually being frustrated, as if the body felt it in third person. And the other half, does not give the slightest damn--about anything and everything. It's like I'm drowning in my own body. Needless to say, I have never felt like this before. My body is literally going ape-, and I don't know why.

I'm too tired for this.

Well, I have an idea.

Sunny began tickling my sides, taking me away from my thoughts from the past few days of confusion and misunderstandings.

“woah woah Sunny, what is that for?” I asked trying to hold in my laughter.

“You seemed to be spacing out, need me to pick up some medicine? I’ll just walk over to the market,” Sunny asked rubbing my temples.

“Thanks wifey that will be great,” I replied with a smile, I’m really thankful for Sunny no matter what we go through we somehow stay as close as possible. I gave her a quick kiss on the forehead as I reached out for the teapot.

“I got that for you hubby,” she grabbed the teapot, dragging me back to the room.

“I don't want to go back in there Sunny-ah,” I confessed as she was about to open the door.

“Do you want me to change the sheets?” she looked over into my eyes playing with my shirt’s collar.

“No, I’ll just sit on the other couch, wait why are there beddings on it? Did you sleep there?” I looked back at her pinching her hip to get a quicker answer.

“Yeah, am I not allowed to?” she squinted at me giving me a look that she was unsatisfied, “Hyoyeon I am in charge of my own body and..”

“Yes I know that Bunny, I was just worried. Next time sleep with me, it would probably make me feel alot better too,” I kissed her forehead before sitting on the chair she had used as her makeshift bed, “It is comfortable anyway.”

“Good,” she sat on my lap as she put down the teapot on our coffee table. She began moving her hips about to get in a comfortable position as I held her.

“Sunny-ah.. I thought you were going to get me medicine,” I poked her sides as she settled in, laying her head on my shoulder.

“I know, but I’m worried about you and her...” She replied softly before I heard the other two’s footsteps entering the room.

“It's okay, I’ll talk to you when you get back,” I pushed her with my remaining strength as she grimaced grabbing her bag.

“You better,” she said before smiling again and looking at the couple, “I’ll be back you two.”

Sunny hopped out of the door, closing it lightly. It was an alien sound listening to the door close without it banging or a loud slam extinguishing into the room. The couple sat at the couch that Jessica and I were at not too long ago, but I made sure I didn't keep lasting eye contact. Sipping my favorite green mug, I reclined in the chair keeping my eyes closed to see if I could rock myself asleep again. Maybe I can dream a better dream, I should have never woken up.

“Hyo? You okay?” Yuri asked, I could feel her staring at my movements.

“Great,” I tried to answer as blandly as I could, “actually can you get my phone in my room?”

I opened one eye to see her nodding in agreement before leaving her girlfriend on the couch.

“Hyoyeon, do we need to talk?” Jessica’s voice came closer with each word, I closed my eye in reaction.

“About?” I let my voice’s monotone stature continue.

“Yul and I.. you know..” She tried to continue but I didn't want to hear about this, I saw enough the night before.

“Jess.. lets talk about this another time,” I opened my eyes to see that she had moved beside me and Yuri walked back into the room holding out my phone.

“Thank you,” I nodded my head as I took the phone and dialed Taeyeon’s number.The ringing seemed to be ongoing, no answer. Maybe I’ll call a bit later.

“You guys should just get settled...” I whispered pulling the covers closer to my body.

“yeah, babe come back here,” Yuri teased opening her arms towards Jessica. She didn't say anything in reply but just jumped straight into the tall girl’s lap with the biggest grin.I mentally scoffed as I played with the linens Sunny left for me. Can they be anymore corny and gooshy?

It almost reminded me of the nights when I thought I had a chance, the fake nights I spent with her in dreamland.

Nights where it felt as if I was split in two, each side barking at each other "I don't want anything to with you." There's now pieces on the floor, sharp edges and no shoes to protect those who dared to take the steps that we so earnestly need to take, the soles of our feet feeling furious from their fate.

One way or another a voice lets me know: I'm tired, I'm weary, please let me go.

The door slammed taking me back to the once quiet room.

"Guys, can you help me?" Bunny inches closer into the room with the dozens of bags wrapped around her arms, I quickly got up forgetting the pain and grabbed them all leaving her with two.

"YAH!! You are sick! What is wrong with you?!" Sunny began running after me so I just sat the groceries on the table.

"Well I thought you were just getting medicine," I answered while pouting, "you looked like you were struggling..."

"Well I can't always be mad at you, right Hubby? Though I'm mad you brought her to this apartment," Sunny whispered while staring intently at the couple who seemed not to notice her coming in.

"Well what do you expect me to do? All this time I haven't told her to come here. She is very pushy, you know? I don't see why she is here," I replied back removing the things from the bags. I continued to watch Sunny pull out things in the bag until I saw her take out Vicks, 12 boxes of tissue, lemon tea, cough drops, and dozens of medication I'm sure I don't need.

"Seriously Bunny?" I looked to her as she took out the last bottle.

"What..? I was worried. I didn't know what you had so I just got one of everything.." Sunny began to sulk removing the bags off of the table.

"Awe bunny, I love you," I wrapped my arms around her waist and gave her a light peck on the cheek. Don't want to get her sick now.

“Hey don't get her sick!” Yuri yelled out running her hands through what Sunny had just bought.

“Yul mind your own business and stop going through the stuff,” Sunny turned around, rolling her eyes and gave me a peck on the lips.

“Woah Sunny don't be so rude, and you really will get sick,” I whispered before giving a quiet kiss on the cheek.

“Oh Hyo.. just let it go,” Sunny walked away grabbing the medicines she decided I needed and walked back into our bedroom.

“Come in here when you are done talking to your friends alright?” Sunny closed the door and I looked back at the couple.

“So what’s up guys?” I gave a quick smile running my hand across the once covered table.

“Well, I guess we should get going. Right, babe? We’ll visit tomorrow Hyoyeon. Hopefully you feel better by then,” Yuri gave a bright smile holding onto Jessica’s hand. Jessica looked up at her giving a slight nod.

“I have to go ask Sunny something, see you downstairs,” Jessica let go of her hand and Yuri gladly took her things including her girlfriend’s before she walked out of the door. The click of the latch seemed so loud as the air in the room began to stiffen.

“Well, Sunny is in the other room, I would ask her now before her mood changes again,” I said cutting off the silence, as I shuffled my feet towards the pot. I added more water and set it on the stove, leaving it's place I locked the door and sat on the couch. I heard no movement behind me, and turned in curiosity.

“Is there something...?” I looked up at her standing right behind me, a stray tear running down her face.

“Why Hyo..?” she whispered wiping the tear being careful not to mess her makeup.Woah deja vu, is this what she was going to tell me about in the dream?

“You saw it happen last night, her advancing on me and you just continued to get drunk and play with all those . Why?” she asked sitting next to me.

“What are you talking about Jessica?” I asked staring into her eyes, they began to glisten as the tears struggled to form, she sure is a fighter.

“Was our dates nothing to you?” she asked looking at me, she broke. Tears began falling endlessly down her flawless cheeks, “I want the truth Hyoyeon.”

“Jessica.. I honestly don't remember last night too well, maybe Yuri holding you and my jealousy swelling up but I..” I looked down not knowing what to say to her, “Then why are you with her? Being with her?”

“Because she hasnt played with me, like I said before you were a sweet pain,” she smiled raising her head to the ceiling, her tears dripped off of her chin onto the couch, those who didn't not successfully jump continued along her neck. She let her head down showing her red eyes, not forgetting to leave a stinging slap on my cheek. Almost like my dream..

“I’m sorry Jessica..” I whispered holding out the tissue box.

“And you and Sunny back together?” she smirked blotting her eyes, “I know we never were together, but I honestly believed you would change for me. I thought you could be a better person.”

She stood grabbing onto her makeup bag and walked to the nearest mirror which happened to be in our kitchen. She continued to patch up the missing pieces to not show what was wrong to her lover. As she passed back through the door Sunny’s wide eyed face watched intently through a slight crack in the door, I gave her a piercing gaze and the door shut again.

“Well, I think it would help if.. I remembered... tell me one thing you saw,” I started feeling absolutely sorry for anything I could have done that night.

“That new worker, she is blonde.. what is her name? Ugh.. it all started with her..” She began blotting her eyes once more trying to keep her makeup from running again.

“Dara...?” I accidentally thought aloud.

“So you didn't forget?”

I feel something so right, doing the wrong thing; I feel so wrong, doing the right thing.

A swish of blonde hair, the taste of alcohol, sweet lips in the evening and fake promises in the morning.

Hyoyeon.. what have you done? Was... was it all a dream?

Thank you to those who ignore my lateness aha. Remember I owe you one more chapter, also I would love to say Happy Birthday to Hyoyeon. I absolutely love my unnie to the fullest. I understand I write quite a lot of romances dealing with her but I also understand that she is surely taken and I will support her in any way. You all should too! Honestly writing about her like this gets me flustered because I mean, she is my bias. No wonder people say I "hurt the ones I love the most" Look what I put her through. Aish. Anyway thanks for all your support guys.

-Kai

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