“Most people decide on their first love very early, sometimes it comes late but you always get the same feelings. The tingles running through your spine, the sweaty palms and the careless mistakes you make in front of them. Whether it be a slight confession or a grammar mistake. We all make them, though the way I had my first TRUE love came in such an odd manner. It came to me so sudden that the feelings I had toward her came in a complete one-eighty. Her slight mood change would annoy me to no end. But, then she was gone, the sustenance of my drab life was missing.

But maybe that is only because…

 

I averse the fact that I notice everything about others. And about that, I mean the little things that almost resonate vociferously: I notice when they no longer take their time to talk to me like they used to. I notice when the way they talk to me starts changing slightly. I notice how things were and are now. I notice that once things get past a certain point, there is no going back. I notice every single detail and I just stay silent—silent because there is no going back. The fact that I hate the most is I start to feel redundant and feel inclined to walk away than attempt to fix things, because I know how these types of things end. In the end, they cannot be fixed, only prolonged, and most times it was better off not fixing it anyways.

 

Yet she always finds a way for me to second guess myself, my principles I have developed over time. She was once a light in my dreams, a beacon for whenever I needed a getaway. She gave me tingles, yes. It was scary, almost daring. Daunting. My life has always been different than the usual bickering family of four. Yeah I was raised by a loving aunt and she always seemed to go by the fate of life. She did try to steer me on my right path but in the end she would like to let all choices be made by me. Maybe, just maybe that might be the reason I met my princess. As you can see, my reckless, mindless decisions have completely wiped out my chances to be with her.

I could go on, but at the same time I cannot deny that it may also be the reason I met all my friends, especially Dara. No matter how little we have known each other she has definitely made me feel safe in our relationship together, as if I could sit for days listening to her tales as she could with mine.”

--

She held onto my hand with strength from her petite hand, “Jessica... That is her name correct?”

 

-The true night that happened in Dara’s POV-

 

I heard a shuffle where the staff room kept their things, I’m not quite strong enough to come after people so I tried my best to keep quiet. A blonde girl stood opposite from me, talking to herself but I didn’t know about what.

“Need help with that?” I asked the girl who seemed to be having problems buttoning up her shirt.

 

“Uh yes... Yes please...” she said, turning around I noticed how flushed her cheeks were, one especially than the other.

 

“I’m sorry, may I ask who you are?” I asked, I knew she was Hyoyeon by description of Taeyeon but the last thing I want is to be wrong.

 

“I’m new here, I came early to talk to the boss but it seems she isn’t here…” I answered, testing the waters if Taeyeon had told her I was coming. Yes, I met Taeyeon already but at the time I didn’t think it was that important.

 

“Are you trying to evade to say your name... or?” Hyoyeon asked putting her hand onto my shoulder, I quickly shifted away. I was never used to anyone’s touch and her touching me once was enough for me to look away and in the process I felt guilty because she apologized straight away.

 

“I’m sorry if I intruded your space, forgive me…” She said as she bent over, she reached for her vest and slid it on, she turned pointing to a locker, “I’m guessing that one is yours?”

 

She seemed to be staring at me for quite some time so I just gave her a stare back until she continued on as she put her things into her locker, “So… Dara are you the new bartender?”

 

“Yeah… are you the current one?” I asked handing her the paper Taeyeon had given me in case Hyoyeon wasn’t entirely sure if I was trustworthy. I watched her read it thoroughly, eyebrows creasing as she scanned the page with her eyes.

 

“So, you knew all along that she wasn’t here? Yet you came early?” she asked me putting away the paper.

 

“Yeah I knew but… why are you so early? It’s the middle of the day,” I asked trying to divert her question from me, I never liked talking about my personal life with anyone and my reason for being here was one. I looked at her sternly but tried to keep my voice as light as possible.

 

“I asked you first,” she snapped back in an instant, at that moment I knew I was already pouting.

 

“Fine, the boss said I could live here upstairs… I heard someone come in so I had to check it out. You seemed to have a key so I didn’t take it so harsh, so I kind of came to the conclusion that you were going to be Hyoyeon,” I walked out towards my room that Taeyeon had kept me at, I checked over my shoulder to see if she had followed.

I had felt safe, overly safe around Hyoyeon. It was a feeling that I never got too often, I let my guard down and once she spoke it brought me back from that feeling, “Not that I don’t want you living here, but why? Do you know Taeyeon well?”

 

Taeyeon bringing me here was possibly one of the worst nights of my life and Hyoyeon bringing back that memory didn’t sit all too well, I feel as if she noticed once she began to speak again, “Maybe we’ll talk about that another day…”

 

Her soft hand held onto mine, she pulled me towards the view of the white streets I had walked on the night before.

 

“Dara… you don’t need to tell me your life story, but I’m here if you need anything, even if I’m in pain or hurting don’t hesitate to call,” I felt her hand touch my shoulder once more and the sound of her footsteps clearing the door. The feeling I had once felt before took up my body once more.

 

I answered her quickly, feeling shivers run down my spine like I had been on the ground again, “She took me in…”

 

Her face told me she was confused so I continued, “she found me beaten up, don’t get me wrong I just… had some troubles…”

 

In a split second, I wasn’t holding onto the rail anymore but face to face with her until she spoke, “We’ll talk about that another time, how about we get some training done?”

I tried to give a sincere smile before nodding, I watch her eyes roll down my body to our hands attached to each other. Her quick movements moved us down the stairs and her soft hand was no longer in my grip.

 

“Since it’s your first day, I’ll let you polish glasses. What school did you go to for bartending?” she asked me as I watched her pour herself a drink. I then realized I had no training in the job, and that they even had to go to school for bartending.

 

“I actually didn’t go to one… I told Taeyeon that I could just be a waitress but she seemed to worry so much about me. She wanted you to watch over me, and I see why now, you are very affectionate Hyoyeon,” I took the rag she handed to me as I gave her a small smile.

 

She took the shot she poured for herself and paid for it on the spot. It’s something you don’t expect from a person, at how loyal she is to all those she meets. She is honest, in all ways.

 

“Most people would say the opposite to that,” she chuckled in a way that told me something was wrong, she then cleaned the glass she just used wiping it down with another rag, “Anyway, I guess whenever I work, you work. You can clean up some glasses and we’ll split the tips. I’ll introduce you to some of the regulars.”

 

I couldn’t help but stare at her, I aimlessly held the glass watching how her every muscle would manipulate the rage in one precise movement. She then handed me the glass with a smile, I quickly put it up amongst the other glasses. I looked to her face once more as I continued to another glass, there is something obviously bothering her. I don’t know what it is, and at that moment a group of noisy girls walked into the club and sat at a chair without even approaching us. I thought intently thinking that this was a good moment to ask.

 

“Hyoyeon...” I called out for her causing her to lift her eyes towards me.

 

“Hmmm?” She hummed looking off behind me, towards the girls possibly?

 

“Is there something bothering you?” I asked sincerely expecting her to frown but she gave me the sweetest smile and shook her head.

 

“I like to think that they are little obstacles that take lots of effort to get over,” she reached up on her toes placing another glass on the rack. I stepped closer making sure she wouldn’t fall and she turned back towards me shocking the both of us. She began to giggle, “Woah… girl you scared me…”

 

I stepped back embarrassed as I covered my cheeks leading into a bow, “sorry…”

 

Her voice raised shocking me back into an upright position, “YAH! Stop always worrying so much.” Her arms wrapped around me and I slacked into her hold.

 

“I’m sorry…” I whispered once more.

 

“WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT THAT?!” she looked at me so concerned that her eyebrows began to crease as her bottom lip quivered and her arms began to tighten around me.

 

“Okay okay Hyo…” I said feeling her arms pull away from me, I hadn’t noticed that two girls had entered the door until that sudden movement.

 

I looked over to Hyoyeon who seemed to completely ignore their existence so I grabbed onto another glass, polishing just as she did. A blonde girl sat in front of us as a red haired girl walked around us and towards the stairs.

 

At that moment the red haired girl spoke as she ascended the stairs, “Evening Hyo, this girl was asking me where you were, I had a feeling that you would be here.”

 

“Funny Tiff, can you help me with Dara when you come down?” Hyoyeon half yelled towards the girl, so her name is Tiff?

 

“No problem Hyobabe,” Tiff replied from upstairs as Hyoyeon handed me the polished glasses to hang.

 

Suddenly the girl who sat in front of us spoke, I didn’t know what to do so I watched Hyoyeon.

 

“Can I get something to drink... or?” The girl in front of us asked teasingly, I didn’t know how to answer so I continued accepting Hyoyeon’s glasses.

 

Though, Hyoyeon seemed to stay as quiet as me until her lips parted almost as if she was nervous.

 

“Sorry, we aren’t open at the moment, you may need to wait three hours or more,” she answered the girl without eye contact, shoving a glass towards my way.

 

This isn’t Hyoyeon, what is wrong?

 

“Hyo… maybe we should give her one?” I asked her lightly, I stared at her in worry. Something is very wrong and she won’t tell me.

 

She sighed meeting eyes with the girl in front of us, the girl looked like all the warmth of the world was away, “Very well, what would you like?”

 

“Cuba Libre. I like this girl. Dara is it?” The girl answered in a snarky behavior, as if she owned the ground beneath my feet. I hid. I hid right behind Hyoyeon not wanting to see her.

 

I felt Hyoyeon’s back vibrate as she began to speak again, “Dara, this is Jessica. A close friend.”

 

“I would think more than that…” Jessica replied in a matter of fact tone to her voice, I peered over Hyoyeon’s shoulder to see her staring at me as if drill were digging through my soul.

 

This girl, she must be the reason why Hyoyeon is acting this way. Is she the small obstacle she was talking about? Jealousy may be the reason but I don’t know the full story so I can’t just assume, but I think they need time alone.

 

I stepped away from Hyoyeon trying to show off one of my best smiles for Jessica, “I’m going to ask Tiff anymore questions I have, thanks Hyo.”

 

I ran up the stairs quickly before walking back down silently peering at them from around the corner while Jessica replied, “I knew you were a player but seriously?”

 

Hyoyeon seemed to chuckle sadly, “Dara? The girl I’m helping? Who maybe was left on the streets for no one knows how many nights. Or doesn’t even know the last time someone was loving towards her without conditions. She is a great friend.”

 

Hyoyeon dropped her rag and walked towards the stairs so I ran back up into my room before she would notice. I sat on my bed hearing what seemed to be the rest of the girls who worked there come in to get ready for service. Girls called on Hyoyeon from the dressing room but I didn’t want anyone to know that I was here just yet. People began yelling as my door opened to a tanned girl with Hyoyeon.

 

“What the hell is this bet Hyoyeon?!” the girl asked before looking to me, “Who is that?”

 

“You’ll find out!” Hyoyeon waved her hands dismissing her away before closing the door, “Dara we have to start getting to work soon, the waitresses are all set and I have to take care of the front of the house since Taeyeon isn’t here.”

 

I nodded as I walked slowly out the door with her, her hand held onto my shoulder. I wouldn’t say I like like her but I feel safe, protected when Hyoyeon holds me.

I smiled as we descended the stairs watching as the ‘waitresses’ lined up with trays, posing for the customers to bust through the door but Hyoyeon pulled me towards a group of girls situated in the back. Jessica was there with the tanned girl I saw earlier and another whom I didn’t know.

 

“Where is Yoona?” Hyoyeon asked pulling out a pen to take their orders.

 

“So you are concerned about Yoona?” Jessica said coldly leaning forward onto her right hand.

 

“Jessica, it’s not what you think… anyway what would you girls like?” Hyoyeon asked her lips as quickly as possible, “or would you rather have a waitress instead of me?”

 

“Yeah, I’ll just ask Suzy to take our orders, thank you,” Jessica smirked, nodding her head pushing her hand out in a swatting motion as if she was shooing us away.

 

Hyoyeon half smiled and walked away, I followed right behind as she approached one of the younger waitresses. She wrapped a quick arm around her whispering something I couldn’t hear and the young girl ran quickly to the table we had just came from leaving a kiss on Hyoyeon’s cheek. Hyoyeon and I then made it back to the bar, her face seemed to drain of all blood as she held onto the counter.

 

“Hyoyeon, are you sure you are okay?” I asked holding onto her arm, “You really don’t look good.”

 

“I’m fine Dara, please don’t worry,” she smiled leaving me there opening the door letting the bouncers know that we were ready. She walked back towards me in the same attitude, as if her life was drained from her body. Well, until all the customers began to pile up in front of us. Her face broke out into a smile, but I knew. I knew she was kidding how she felt inside.

 

As I wiped down a glass, the tanned girl I saw earlier was pulling Jessica onto the dance floor. I stared so hard I hadn’t noticed that Hyoyeon was calling me, “DARA!”

“Huh... what? I’m sorry,” I frowned turning to Hyoyeon who stopped calling me at that instant, I traced her eyes that brought me back to the girls now grinding against each other. Hyoyeon had been polishing a glass and right then a loud crash rang through the bar.

 

“Ahhh! I’m so sorry ma’am,” I exclaimed to the woman expecting a drink in front of us who was in the line of fire of the glass shattering across the floor. I ran for the broom, noticing the tan girl smirking towards Hyoyeon as she swayed her hips for Jessica.

 

I walked my way back cleaning up the mess that Hyoyeon had created, I gripped onto her shoulders as she seemed to come back from wherever she left to, “HYOYEON! Please pull yourself together!”

 

Her arms lashed out grabbing onto the closest bottle of booze as she ran out towards the girls waiting the tables, I chased her as she grabbed onto one of the smaller girls.

 

“JIYEON!” Hyoyeon pulled her up the stairs as she motioned for me to follow her we made it back to the locker room were Hyoyeon opened her locker.

 

“Hyo, what is wrong?” The girl asked shocked that she got pulled away from the floor.

 

“Can you bartend tonight? I don’t think I can do it,” Hyoyeon was almost stuttering as her face became pale again.

 

“Of course, and… OH! Who are you?” she asked looking at me.

 

“Dara, I am supposed to be following Hyoyeon as she bartends,” I answered as I bowed to her.

 

“So, a new worker, you can follow me while she rests,” Jiyeon smiled as she also bowed, “Hyo, can I borrow an extra uniform?”

 

Hyoyeon nodded passing the girl a similar outfit as she walked down the stairs as if we didn’t exist.

 

“You know what, watch over her. I think she needs it more, if I need any help I’ll let you know,” Jiyeon smiled as she turned around showing her , “though can you help me my dress?”

 

I nodded as I ped the short dress the waitresses wore that evening and I ran down the stairs to see Hyoyeon, changed?

 

Well, I wouldn’t say changed more like put on a jacket to cover herself from the rest of the club while keeping an eye on it. I walked over to her placing a hand on her shoulder, “Anything you need?”

 

She jerked slightly looking up at me, “A drink…”

 

A bottle dropped from her hand onto the table. That was the same bottle she took earlier… already empty?

 

I ran to Jiyeon who seemed to already start her duty as bartender, she handed me a bottle and a glass with a frown before serving everyone else with big smiles. I walked back handing Hyoyeon the bottle and cup, she slid the cup away harshly opening the bottle, downing it in one gulp. Yet, her eyes never left a spot on the dance floor, the same tanned girl seducing Jessica on the dance floor. The two were sweaty by now swaying their bodies with the rest of the dancers on the floor. The DJ ramped up the music causing the tan girl’s movements to quicken, her hips dipped as Jessica’s arms linked around her neck. For some reason Jessica hadn’t noticed us but the other girl did.

The tan girl placed her finger under Jessica’s chin lifting it up so their lips were brushing, Hyoyeon slammed the bottle against the table. I ran away moving right behind Jiyeon, I grabbed a couple more bottles of hard rum and tequila before coming back and putting them on the table. Hyoyeon’s habit continued, ripping off the seal of the bottles as the dance floor heated. Then, without notice the two girls came off the dance floor and to the booth right behind the table we sat at.

 

“Yuri-ah, why didn’t you tell me before?” Jessica’s yells rang out trying to let her words be heard above the music.

 

“I’ve always loved you Jessica, I’ve always wanted to say these words to you but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Helping and watching you go after someone else hurts too much. So I knew it was now or never,” Yuri’s voice yelled as well. So, the tan girl is Yuri and Hyoyeon is the girl she was helping Jessica with?

 

As if on time Hyoyeon downed the last of the tequila, sliding the empty bottle to the edge of the table, a grimace filled her usually happy face and she stood. She walked right in front of their table pulling off her jacket, her sleeves were rolled up, tears daring to leave her eyes she stared at the two girls. She looked like she would explode any second until a girl walked right in front of her.

 

“You’re Hyoyeon! You aren’t working? Dance with me,” Hyoyeon’s face changed from the awful grimace to a look of utter lust, her eyes began to feast on the girl pulling her to the dance floor. I looked to Jessica and she noticed as well, her lips curved downward in disgust as Hyoyeon man handled the girl on the dance floor. Hands on the unknown girl’s hips she played with the girl’s body, the girl turned kissing Hyoyeon and Hyoyeon actually accepted. I stood shocked as she continued to make out with this girl on the dance floor, her body engulfed the girl she pulled her away from the floor and towards Jiyeon for another drink.

 

I ran for her noticing that Jessica and Yuri caught sight of me, I grabbed onto Hyoyeon’s collar yanking her to look at me. She grabbed a drink and turned around to whisper slurred words into my ear, “I’m going to her tonight.”

 

I pulled back watching her flip her head back letting the drink drain through her body as they both walked away into one of the restrooms. I sat on a stool, watching the bathroom intently.

 

“You know, she used to have expeditions like this a lot before. She was always sober and never drunk, but she has changed. So much, really. She is always there for all of us, protecting us from people like her, like how she used to be. Something is setting this off and its more than just the alcohol, I hope she will be okay,” Jiyeon said sighing as she saw me sitting close by, “Tell me how it goes, will you?”

 

I nodded as I looked back up noticing Hyoyeon come out of the bathroom, she tossed her hair wiping the corner of . The same hungry eyes lingered, her thirst for more was unending as she walked back onto the dance floor. The girl that she had met in the bathroom came out with a big smile, stuffing a piece of paper in her bra she walked towards the bar with the biggest smile. She smelled of booze and as Jiyeon appeared for the girl.

 

“Hyoyeon told me to ask you for directions upstairs to meet her later,” the mysterious girl said.

 

Jiyeon smiled into nothing but a lie, “oh yeah, leave your number here and I’m sure she’ll call you back. Our room upstairs is occupied right now.”

 

“I have hers already, thank you,” the girl walked out the door with the biggest smile on her face while Jiyeon and I looked at each other almost disturbed with how easily Hyoyeon could get into girls’ pants.

 

We both turned to the dance floor to see the blonde go after the next victim and Jessica definitely did notice, the next girl handed Hyoyeon a free drink. Bingo. That girl just got her ticket for a memorable night from Hyoyeon.

 

The girl initiated the kiss this time and Hyoyeon couldn’t wait much longer, dragging the girl back to the table we sat at before. The lights in the club flashed only showing hints of the things they were doing against the wall, I couldn’t take much more. I turned seeing the eyes of someone I had not expected myself to meet.

 

“Jessica…” I uttered lightly feeling the girl place her hand on my shoulder.

 

“Get out while you can, she obviously isn’t trustworthy,” she said as she pointed to the hungry Hyoyeon pleasuring a girl in public.

 

I swallowed hard, gaining the courage to say, “I’m not with Hyoyeon. I’m just here to watch over her, I… love someone else.”

 

“What...?”  Jessica looked back out, as did I to see the girl down another bottle of rum as she handed out intoxicating kisses to the girls now noticing her thirst for .

 

I shook my head as Hyoyeon stood up leaving the girls, she then caught a new target walking over to a girl standing at the door, she was blonde. Seemingly untouched by this club at all.

 

“I have to… go…” Jessica mumbled running away from me towards Yuri again. The tan girl consoled her as they shared small kisses that only fueled Hyoyeon’s rampage

.

Hyoyeon grabbed onto the girl spinning her into the light.

 

“Nana..?” I whispered aloud, “she is here?”

 

Hyoyeon’s hands walked down her body, it felt as if my own body was being defiled.

 

 Nana was my first... my first love that I had to leave. I left her, so she could be better. I felt as if I held he back from her dreams. So, what is she doing back here?

 

Nana pushed Hyoyeon away, but it didn’t stop her advances at all. Nana’s eyes caught mine but I ran. Why? I have no idea, I found the waitress that Jiyeon told me to call if things got too bad.

 

“Excuse me, are you Sunny?” I asked bowing my head.

 

“Yes, are you our new bartender?” the girl smiled as she held her tray, hip popped to the side.

 

“In a way… but Hyoyeon…” I tried to explain, trying to find the words to say

.

“She is the current bartender, yeah. Oh, why is Jiyeon working the bar?” She turned looking at the Jiyeon serving drinks.

 

“Because…” I pointed towards Hyoyeon who already gave up on Nana and was at another girl. Nana continued towards where I had been before, I frowned following Sunny running through the crowd.

 

“KIM HYOYEON!!!” Sunny’s voice rang out through the club.

 

“Uh oh… wifeeeeeeey,” Hyoyeon giggled leaving a sloppy kiss on the girl she was with, “I’ll talk to you later honey.”

 

The girl walked away as Hyoyeon downed another drink that someone offered, she began dancing by herself. Sunny rolled her eyes grabbing onto her wrist, “WE ARE GOING HOME NOW!”

 

“WIFEEEEEY! I NEED TO HER FIRST!” Hyoyeon whined like a child, stomping her feet on the ground.

 

“NO!” Sunny exclaimed pulling her away towards the stairs, she turned towards me mouthing the words, “thank you.”

 

I smiled and nodded as I felt a pair of arms wrap around me, “running away from me?”

 

N-Nana…?

 

-End of Flashback and back to Hyoyeon’s POV-

 

“So that girl out there was Nana?” I asked pointing to the door.

 

Dara nodded looking down with a bitter smile, “I really love her.”

 

“I’m sorry…” I whispered as I replayed the night in my head, “I can’t believe I did that.”

 

“Don’t worry, I had a feeling you were suffering from a broken heart. The way you looked at Jessica was so sweet. But, you turned into a monster Hyo…” Dara said holding onto my cheeks she left a solemn kiss on my forehead, “I think it’s best if you stay the night, you’re still burning up. I mean look at you, you are worrying more about me than how much you ruined your own relationship.”

 

I couldn’t help but laugh as she said those words. She is right, I guess I do worry a lot about others before myself.

 

“I don’t think I can stay. I’m sure Sunny is worrying about me, thank you for tonight,” I smiled standing up from the bed, “I also expect to hear the full details on Nana soon.”

 

Dara nodded enthusiastically, “I know I already can’t refuse you anyway. Tell Sunny I said hi.”

 

Her frail body stood closing the doors of the balcony, “let me walk you out.”

 

“You don’t have to Dara, get some rest,” I said trying to persuade her to stay put.

 

“I can win sometimes,” Dara smiled pushing me out the door, I turned to the right seeing that the boss’ lights had been out meaning she left already. We walked down the stairs and out the doors into the snow.

 

“Isn’t it beautiful…?” Dara said holding her hand out to the snowflakes falling softly

.

“Says the one out here in only a sweater and slippers,” I smiled hugging her tight.

 

“YAH! Stop teasing me so much,” Dara pouted as I left a kiss on her cheek.

 

“I’m so sorry for everything Dara…” I wrapped my body tight and ran for my car.

 

Slowly I made it back to my apartment and up the stairs, I opened our door to see Sunny sitting on the couch, legs and arms crossed.

 

“It’s already morning,” Sunny said flatly. She walked back towards our room and the door closed as I heard her sniffles through the door. I knocked

.

“Bunny… can I come in?” I asked, I was unsure of how she felt.

 

“Yes, I just… I wanted to be the one to tell you but it’s so hard,” her cries softened and I entered into the room, slowly I wrapped my arms around her.

 

“I love you Bunny, don’t worry. I did find out what I did, it is heartbreaking, and... I…” the realization finally occurred to me as my tears began to flow.

 

I’ve screwed up big time…

 

“It’s okay Hyo… don’t cry… baby…”