Oh good gracious me, what just happened? Everything is a blur... my hand is shaking too much can.. can I even write this down on paper?

“Hyoyeon.. what are you writing?” Her arms s around my neck as I continued to stare down at my paper blankly. Nothing. I chuckled a bit pulling her into my lap.

“I just can't seem to get anything down...” I smirked playing with her thighs.

“And why is that?” Her singsong voice erupted out of her supple lips as she played with my shirt that now was the only thing covering her body.

“Because, I didn't expect what happened to happen. Of course,” I couldn't help but smile at the thought of holding the girl in front of me. The many obstacles we have gone through to this point, maybe she is taken but to me she will always be in my heart.

“Yeah Yeah, the driven bartender trying to abstain from her very fuel with me,” she rolled her eyes lifting her body off of me and crawling onto her bed knowing that my eyes were only on her.

“YAH! Okay, for your information. I took our relationship seriously,” I admitted grumbling a minute after thinking of what had just happened before our conversation.

Her body with mine was different. That feeling seemed so real, not just going through the motions hearing someone call out my name. I feel like I had a connection. More than my hands just roaming her body but deep within. In my heart. It felt like something clicked into place. A missing piece, perhaps. Her skin felt different to the touch, maybe I'm crazy or something but I feel like I have got a shot of caffeine or adrenaline and I can't even... I can't even form my own sentences.

“Hyobaby..” she whispered giving me a look of pure seduction.

“Yah, don't play with me like that,” I shook my head reverting my eyes back to my paper.

Her quiet laugh filled up the room once more, “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

“Of course...” I smiled back feeling my smile lessen with the next phrase I had to say, my face was turned away from her but I worried if she could sense my uneasiness, “Happy Valentine’s Day to you too.”

“Isn't today supposed to be all about love?” She replied as I turned to see her stare at me pulling a pillow close to her chest, her soft chestnut hair flowing across the clean white surface, “yet even if I feel like I have earned it I also have ruined it for someone...”

She was right though, we ruined the most sacred day between Yuri and her, and it brought me back to the realization that I walked in on her writing her to her one and only. She was writing to Yuri, not to me. Yet here we are analyzing our lives together. Realizing all the pain we have caused with one action, one measly moment in time together we ruined it all. Life long friendships, deep connections, but it all can be salvageable. Right? It has to be.

“Jessica... Today is a day meant for love and we both found it. No matter how difficult it was for the both of us, it was right. I can’t keep such feelings deep within me any longer and I know Yuri may not like it but she deserves to know. She deserves to know that her girlfriend is in love with someone else. If you do love me.. anyway. I can't force you to love me, but I can only love you with my fullest,” I looked down biting my lip thinking about all the times this whole thing was a charade but her body in front of me let me continue to press on, “I know you were planning a night with Yuri so please... please fix this for us all.”

“Hyoyeon.. pick up the letter. Please,” she stuttered pointing to the one thing I despised looking at the whole night. I picked up the torn red encased letter unleashing something I’m sure I wasn't ready for.

“Read it..” she was still staring at me but something was missing, her eyes glossed over indicating the incoming waterfall, along with her quaint unhindered voice, “please...”

My eyes scanned the paper allowing her blue pen jump off the paper, my eyes swelling at the enormous use of paper. I lifted them all to count each one, “all of it..?”

“Ani... start on page three,” she stated loud enough for me to hear.

“Yuri, my love. You are, and will always be my love but it seems over the years yours has evolved way past what I have felt towards you. You are my best friend and there is nothing more I can be for you. I have to thank you for bringing me as close to Hyoyeon as possible and make me realize who she truly is. Her endless exhibitions at the clubs astonishes me and it was then at my weakest point when I watched her do her venture.... You picked me up from the ashes, you dusted me off and you made me feel whole. You plugged up the hole in my heart but it didn't feel right. It felt as if someone was desperately trying to finish a puzzle with one piece left and decided to use an entirely different puzzle to finish the true picture obstructing it from it's goal. Please, don't think I don't care for you. You will always have a place in my heart, but... it just seems my heart isn't finished. Yuri, I know this shouldn’t be a day to break it off with someone so here I am helping you with your last wishes before I go. I want to give my all, no matter how hard I have to try, because the last thing I want is to break your heart.... Love .. forever and always... Jessica,” I couldn't quite comprehend how I was able to read the last part of her letter but it was enough to give me hope, enough to show the things I needed to improve on to make her feel safe with me. To gain her trust.

“oh...” It was the only thing that came out of my mouth after reading such a long excerpt. What more was I supposed to say? Oh yeah I but it's good that you are doing this for Yuri. Relationships are just too hard for my liking if I have to be honest.

“I know what you are thinking, I wrote that when I was frustrated with you. They always say to know all the sides of the story before you proceed.. now I finally get it,” she wiped a stray tear on her cheek that I wish I had gotten for her, “I finally understand you... the way you act. Why you are so overly cautious with me, how it's something new. A new behavior for you. How the notorious addict wanted to take things slow while the girl who rarely let anyone close wanted the one thing you tried to keep tamed for me.”

Her arms raised in defense letting me smile, “Not that I became a addict when I met you! I mean.. being able to open up to a person without thinking twice... I just trusted you from the get go even if it seemed so dangerous.”

“Like the time you came to my house about that guy you are supposed to be marrying?” I raised an eyebrow as she nodded.

“Yeah, I think appa gave up on that...” she smiled tugging on her pillow tighter, “how’s Dara?”

“That’s a bit random, don't you think? First we do something devious, talk about love, talk about a future together then talk about a girl? I thought it would be my turn to spill my feelings,” sticking out my bottom lip standing up from her chair, feeling the breeze against my body so I pulled my blanket closer.

“It’s only random if you make it that way... do you remember that night?” her voice turned cold as I stood there unmoved. How can I forget that night?

"KIM HYOYEON! Are you not listening to me?!" Her screams filled my ears taking me away from our once blissful night.

"Mm.. I'm listening babe," I answered as sweet as I could seeing her face fill with a smile.

"Babe..?" She sat upright looking straight towards me.

"Yes.. Babe..." I walked towards her feeling the blanket I had been using fall to my ankles and her eyes widened. Her hands reached up to cup my face as I tugged on my shirt that laid atop her body.

“Is there such thing as love with you?” she asked as i felt her fingers caress the outline of my lips.

“If there was no such thing I wouldn't be standing here today trying to fix this with you,” I smiled pulling my shirt up and over her head, “all you have to do is tell Yuri how you truly feel.”

"Arasso, Round two?" She giggled letting her lips touch mine.

"Of course my love," I countered back pushing her down into the bed.

It then occurred to me at that moment , that the girl I had indeed fell in love with wasn't yet mine, but there is something new in me tonight. Something has bloomed within me and it's the fact that I will fight for her. No matter what. I’ll make this girl mine.

She will be my forever and always. My sun in stormy weather. My rose among thorns.

I love you Jessica Jung, thank you Dara for letting me see the truth. That I need to fight for what can truly be mine and see the feelings within me instead of hiding. Instead of settling for something only stimulating but something that will last a lifetime.