How in the world do I tell her? read these? Are you kidding me? I can't even say a couple words to her and she is asking me to read my inner thoughts for the past couple weeks, how I've wanted her to be my princess. How much I've missed her, not deserve her. Would there even be a reason for journal entries anymore if I read them aloud to her?

I guess there is, now instead of writing it down, I can tell her. If this goes well...

It is just so irritatingly conniving in the way that people see me as a child yet believe my writing is so mature. They thrash hurtful words at me, yet believe I am someone else when they need me.

Though I will not contradict when I say that the princess has changed me. For better? For worse? Who knows. That is the beauty of the future, you don't know what it holds until it comes to you in the form of the present.

In times like these, like her asking me these simple questions that cause my brain to shut down, it doesn't seem like a present but a nightmare. It makes me chuckle in the way that people portray nightmares as big scary monsters with lashing teeth or the supernatural, nightmares are just pain. They antagonize you and push you over the edge to the point you want to gouge your own eyes out. It could be that you cry, but I can't help but shake off the fact that I'm living in one right now.

Really? Read these to you?

I took the papers from her hands shuffling through each one, reliving the memories that each one scrawled across it's surface. Our first date bringing a smile to my face. To the point of confusion cutting my smile off at the moment when I,myself couldn't bear the change of reality. The fact that, she wasn't mine.

I opened my mouth expecting the words on the paper to come out, but they just couldn't. Tears welled in my eyes as she looked to me confused as ever.

"I can't read these to you..." I forced the whisper out, noticing a deadly smirk play across her lips with a pair of hands positioned at her hips.

"I knew it... You never cared," she shook her head grabbing onto the chair in front of her, "please, go ahead and leave."

I sat down, quickly tossing the papers to the side, "no, I don't need them to tell you what is on my mind. I gave those to you so I didn't need to bother you much and you could read them in peace. You want me to read them to you? No. It would be much better if I explained those words to you right now. You can keep them but you need to hear what is on my mind because if I don't I'm sure my heart will shatter across your floor and there will be no way to fix it again."

I watched her face change from the evil smirk to pure curiosity. Her focus evidently showing through her stern gaze into my eyes, "then tell me."

"The first day I met you, you were a pain. You were a sweet pain, you were beautiful and for the life of me I couldn't see how we could work. Someone told me to try it out and we had our first date, it was something I could never forget. The way you were so comfortable with me astonished me in the sense that we never were close. I felt a connection with someone I never thought to lay my eyes on and my heart slowly began to fall deeper in love with you. Yes, I have made my mistakes and I can't live that down. I screwed up big time with my jealousy towards Yuri, I heard her confess to you and touch you and it sent me over the edge into the past me. I hate the past me, the girl that would fondle someone different every night not caring who I woke up next to. If you read those journals you would know that. How much of an I was, how much I cared for you, my regrets, my jealousy, just... It's just all me written down there. I even dreamt of a you and me and woke up to you and your new girlfriend. If that doesn't seem like a nightmare to you, to see the girl of your dreams be with someone else I don't know how to..." I cut myself off and shook my head realizing that I was no good for this girl. I didn't deserve her and I see that, Dara told me to tell her to see my side and she was right. Jessica had the right to know.

I stood wiping the tears from my eyes, "no matter how much I love you, I know it's not enough. I better go."

My feet side stepped towards the door in a matter of milliseconds as I felt her arms wrapped around my waist, her head wedged against my shoulder blades feeling the back of my shirt moisten.

"I've always wanted to hear you say I love you. I never thought it would be said to me but it always seemed like a sweet dream... Please.. Please don't leave," her voice cracked and croaked sending me straight down the cliff to my death, eyes red and moist I turned hugging her tight.

"I love you.. I love you.. I love you.." I kept whispering into her ear with constant tears and hiccups most likely cutting off my words, causing the pretty girl to giggle.

"I love you too..." She looked up to me with her gorgeous brown eyes, they were filled with tears but I could see her sincerness and longing that, we both shared.

My arms reached around her body and I picked her up before falling over onto her bed.

"Hyo..." She whispered as I held her close.

"Hmm?" I hummed, letting her know that I had heard.

"How come you never approached me like those other girls that you flirt with? You seem like you don't want to do anything ual with me..." My eyes shot open remembering the similar question from my dream.

"What...? That.. Because I want to take things-" she cut me off with a finger to my lips.

"Don't say slow..." She smirked and looked to me with a hunger I have never seen before, her hands fidgeted across my belt to unbuckle it. Before I knew it her fingers found the button of my jeans. That night I had lived one of the most confusing nights that I have ever had in my life.

hello hello hello, I know that this is a very short chapter but I thought it needed to be by itself as a scene. You are all probably like "hull this is so short Kai. there is no point in posting something so short and so poorly written." Well you know what? DEAL WITH IT! At least its an update haha. I dont usually update this fast at all and Jessica had to deal with her inner struggles of wanting to just jump on Hyo. Let's see what really happens next chapter and if HyoSic get together. (;  

p.s author-ssi is still deciding on how to break up YulSic(thought of two ways) so stay tuned for that c:

-Kai

comment.subscribe.yell at me