PAST. YEAR 2009 (24 YEARS OLD)

SEOUL

 

 

 

 

“Ki Bum, how’s our blue print for the new building?”

“Yes, it has already been handled to Hee Chul.”

“After this, I’ll treat you in a seafood restaurant, okay?”

“Now that’s what I’m talking about!”

My desk was filled with papers of different proposals and different building designs. Pens and drawing pencils were scattered around, and the smell of coffee filled the atmosphere. Here I was, after 6 years. I have graduated college and became an architect.  Hee Chul and ki bum were my work partners, especially when a new project has started. I have just graduated last year, and I could tell you that I was happy with that I have landed on.

So many things have changed. I haven’t been updating my blog diary for having a busy schedule, I have been seldom hanging out with my former friends. Jong Woon hyung is already a business man with a high salary, and he already has a girl friend named Lee Se Na.

And here I was… after 6 years. Still waiting for Hae Ra. I admit, I’d often think she won’t be coming back. I’d think she had forgotten about me because we lost contact, or she had been wedded to someone else.

Mad, pondering, and impatient. These were my usual mood when I think about those things.

Everytime I walk by MeongDong, I’d usually see many couples or married couples with their children taking a walk down the shops. They would remind me of my dream scene where I would also walk with Hae Ra here like them… without caring about anything. I’ve been thinking about these even if I know she wasn’t here. She isn’t anywhere where I think she was.

Should I get married? Should I look for another one?  I’d usually ask these questions to myself, but I just couldn’t answer. There was something in me that couldn’t permit me in doing so.

 

***

 

“How are you, DongHae?” Ki Bum asked when he, Hee Chul and I walked inside the seafood restaurant. We sat down and we were given the menu by the waitresses.

“I’m okay. I’m still looking for her.” I knew what Ki Bum was pertaining to, so I answered.

“It has been since last year! Don’t you want to put her name and picture on a tv, or broadcast her name in a radio?” Hee Chul suggested.

“No. I want our privacy to be kept. And besides, she said that I should wait for her. I should be patient.” I answered.

After we made and gave our orders, we waited.

“But dude, honestly, I’ve been distracted by these thoughts lately. Can you suggest anything that would keep my mind off her? I want to be alone.” I continued. The other two thought hard while running a list of things to do inside their head. They told me all of these, but nothing interested me.

“Heyy, I know! Army service for 2 years.” Hee Chul offered.

“What?! But I don’t want! I was planning to enter when I’m already 28!” I answered.

“But for example, if you enter right now, when you see Hae Ra after 2 years, you don’t have to be bothered about parting with her for two more years.” Ki Bum uttered. I thought about it. “ And if you’re inside the army, you are focused in the service. Hae Ra would be out of your mind temporarily.” Ki Bum added.

“What a coincidence! If you’d be enlisted this year, I have a contact on that army my brother went to. Just say yes and I’ll call it right away!” Hee Chul said.

I pondered again. They do have a point. Besides, I too, wanted time for myself. Maybe this is the right time.

 

“Alright. I’ll enlist.”

 

***

NIGHT.

 

While walking down Meong dong, I was still thinking if I made the right choice. So many thoughts came gushing inside my head.

 

Am I doing this because I wanted to forget Hae Ra?... or because I wanted to forget the pain I’ve been feeling?

 

And while I was walking, there was suddenly someone who hugged me from behind.

“Mister, can you bring me into a Japanese restaurant?”

 

The voice…

“Hae Ra…” I whispered and quickly pulled away to look at her.

After 6 years… I’ve finally seen her infront of me, smiling. Everything I’ve been thinking disappeared. I felt happiness. It was like those years of waiting became nothing to me…

I quickly embraced her into my arms. She hugged me back.

“Hae Ra… I missed you so much.” I whispered, as if I would cry in joy. She giggled.

“Are you still going to take me to a Japanese restaurant?”

 

***

Everything I was wishing for came true again. While on the way to a Japanese restaurant, we walked around Myeong Dong. Kidded around, chatted, and became comfortable in each other’s arms. We were holding our hands together. And what was really important was we were walking along, like one of the couples in Meong dong.

I learned that she has not yet been married; she was waiting for me all along too.

 

***

 

When we entered in a Japanese restaurant, sat down, and gave our orders, we waited as we had another conversation.

“Hae Ra… is this the right time?” I asked her. She innocently looked back.

“Time? What are you talking about?”

“Time for us to be together.”

She remained speechless for a while. She was thinking of what to tell me.

“We’ll find out tomorrow.” She answered and smiled as if there wasn’t any conflict in her life. Somehow I was rest assured.

“Wait, you haven’t told me anything about your life these past years!” She quickly changed the topic as she tapped my arm.

“Well…” I started to think. “Now, I’m already an architect.” I proudly told her.

“Really?” Her eyes widened in astonishment.

“Yes. That’s why you should make your dream of marrying an architect come true. Marry me.” I kidded, though I was serious deep inside.

“Waaiittt, architect? Why did you take it up?” She asked, suddenly curious.

“I just wanted to make you a mansion.” I promptly answered.

“You’re really crazy!” She laughed, and I followed. When I saw her smiling, I became happy too. Happy in the fact that I could make her laugh. I wanted us to be like this forever. I don’t want anything to change.

 

***

 

After we ate, she said she’d go home by the train. That’s why we headed towards the subway to drop her by. Inside the station, we stood by the side and waited. As I stared to the tracks, I suddenly thought of her.

“Hae Ra…” I called. She looked at me like a child. “Will you show up to me tomorrow? You’re not going to ditch me, right?”

She shook her head.

“How can I trust you?” I asked.

“Let’s meet tomorrow at the park, 7:00 PM. We’re going somewhere.” She presented. I nodded.

“You said this and you’ll not run away, okay?”

She raised her right hand as a sign.

“Promise.” She smiled.

The train already arrived few minutes later, and she got inside. The door has already closed, and the engine roared. We looked at each other from the window. She was waving her hand and smiling at me. The train slowly began running.

But during that time, I felt that I really didn’t want to get far away from her. I want to stay by her side. I don’t want her to leave. Why didn’t I even stop her?

I ran after her the train, feeling like a moron. I didn’t want her to be out of my sight. But then, I knew I was already too late. So few meters after, I ceased running.

“I still love you, Hae Ra…” I whispered to the wind.

 

 

***

The next day, I got inside our office and saw Hee Chul and Ki Bum working on some blue prints for our costumers.

“How are you dudes? Busy much?” I asked them. The managed to glance for a while before working again.

“We’re still alright. I don’t know later.” Ki Bum kidded. “But anyway, come and help us.” He continued.

“By the way, your army service starts tomorrow. I enlisted you yesterday and all the needed details are already settled. I’ve also informed your family and for you to be able to go out of the service earlier, you need to start tomorrow.” Hee Chul informed as he kept his mind focused with his protractor and pencils. I was startled with that I heard from him,

 What?! I forgot that!... Yesterday… I agreed… what should I do?!

How about Hae Ra?...

 

I strode down into Hee Chul’s desk fast.

“Dude… isn’t there anyway to change the date?” I asked, almost pleading. He glanced at me.

“Unfortunately, it has been made permanent. If you want, you can go prepare yourself now.” Hee Chul answered.

“Dude… why must it be tomorrow? Yesterday… Hae Ra showed up.”

Both of them shot their gazes at me.

 

***

 

Even them, they do not know what to do in my situation. They wanted to meet Hae Ra personally, but they said they are going to be busy this night. Before I meet her at the park, I decided to go home and think. When I entered our house, I saw Jong Woon hyung on the computer. I thought it would be nice if I could hear few words from him.

“Jong Woon hyung, are you busy?” I asked. He glanced at me.

“Oh, it’s you.” He greeted. “No, not really. Why?” He must have known I have a problem.

“Do you have time for advices?” I asked. He turned around so that he’d face me.

“Is that about the military service? I was surprised of how sudden your decision was, yet I realized you’d come to this point.” He replied. I shoo my head.

“For example, you have been waiting for someone your whole life. But in the end, you’ll be the one who will go away and leave, right when she’s ready to be with you. What would you do?” I asked. He chuckled.

“Is that Hae Ra? Come on, don’t hide.” He teased.

I started telling him about the reason why I enlisted, and what happened yesterday. He patiently  listened and accurately gave advises. And because of this, I finally realized I was lucky to have him as my cousin.

“Just tell her that you’re going to the army. If she’s made the decision of leaving you, then you’re better off without her.” This was one of the things he said which remained in my mind. I thanked him and then dressed for the date.

***

The clock ticked, and in a minute, it will be 7PM already. I arrived at the park a little bit earlier and waited. I prepared myself emotionally and mentally for the words I’ll say, and what I would do. Deep in my mind, I could imagine her reaction and the words she would say.

I sat down the bench and remained.

 

10 minutes…

 

20 minutes…

 

30 minutes…

 

She still hasn’t come. I didn't panic. I thought she was caught up in another traffic like what happened back then.

‘She’s going to come. She’s the one who wanted to meet me.’ I told myself. I continued to wait and wait… without realizing that it was already 12 midnight.

The people started leaving the park little by little, until it was only I who was left. I fought the tears forming in my eyes.

I looked above the sky, and saw the dark, calm sky looking down on me. I asked to myself, Do I really deserve these pains? What could I have done wrong? Why do I kept on being hurt by the same mistakes all over again, even if I know I’ll suffer?

Even if I don’t like to accept it, I know she’s not going to come. She has officially left me.

Painful. I do not know why, but it seemed like she have always been making me look like a jerk. I stood up from the bench, head bowed down, and the tears fell down.

 

 

I’m going home.

 

***

I woke up the next day with much vigor. I’m going to enter the army today and forget all about Hae Ra since this day. I will aim for a new life, and repair all those time I’ve wasted. It’s time for me to think of myself already.

Everything I’ll need was already prepared. Yesterday, when I was at the park, Jong Woon and uncle went to the supermarket and department store to buy me all the things I’ll need. They had it packed up in several bags, ready to be taken.

When I came downstairs, I saw Hee Chul and Ki Bum waiting for me in the living room.

“Hee? Ki Bum? Why are you here?” I asked as I stretched my arms and came down.

“We’re going to bring you to the army. 9AM is your scheduled time.” Ki Bum answered.

“Thanks guys. Let me get ready.”

I walked towards the kitchen and saw Jong Woon hyung cooking the foods.

“I made this for you.” He uttered upon seeing me. “Call your friends after I finish this, okay? Let’s eat.”

“Thanks, hyung. Where is uncle?” I replied.

“He’s checking your things. Wait, I’m finished. Come here and eat.” He uttered. I sat down on the dining chair and called Hee and Ki Bum to join me. As we began to eat, hyung handed me a white envelope.

“What is this?”

“I don’t know. I just found this earlier.”

I flipped the envelope and on its back was the same handwriting again, the same name.

I thought about opening it or not. Hesitations came, but then I opened it anyway.

 

DongHae

 

            I’m sorry if I didn’t show up yesterday. It was really urgent. Grandpa decided that it would be better for us to move to Europe. We will leave at nine in the morning later… today. Come to the airport, okay? I have something important to say.

 

                                                                                                                        Hae Ra

 

 

Will I heed her plead?

 

I' don’t want.' A little voice said in my head. 'Maybe she’ll abandon me again. I’m going to go inside the army today. I’m going to forget her.'

“Who is that?” hyung asked. I shook my head and faked a smile.

“No one important.” I answered.

 

***

We were already leaving. All of my things were already inside the car’s compartment. I volunteered to drive, since this will be the last time that I’ll touch a steering wheel of a car in another two years. They all got inside and then we headed off.

While I was driving and uncle was telling us stories, I couldn’t help but to think. It was like some voice inside my head persists me to go to Hae Ra. I glanced on my watch. 10 minutes before 9.. I have 10 minutes to think.

But this will be the last time that we will see each other again. She’s going to Europe and I… inside the army.

Maybe we should say our last good-byes before we separate and move on…

 

I found a U-turn near us and quickly ran the car towards the path going to the airport.

“Dong Hae! Where are we going?” Hee Chul asked, bewildered.

“It’s 10 minutes before 9! Just go to the CR there if it’s nature’s call!” Ki Bum hollered.

“I’m just going to take care of some things.” I replied to them.

 

***

When I got inside the airport, I quickly ran towards the waiting area, hoping I’d find her there. I scanned the crowd, identifying where she could possibly be. I wandered my eyes around the seats and finally saw a shiny thing sitting down on one of the seats. It was on top of a white paper folded into two.

I picked it up and quickly, I identified what it was. It was the necklace I gave to Hae Ra. I gazed at it and wondered. Why did she leave it here?

I opened the paper and read what was inside.

 

Lee Dong Hae…

 

Let’s part ways. Pretend that you don’t know me… and I’ll do the same. Pretend you had never met me… pretend that… I never loved you. Good Bye..

 

                                                                                                            Song Hae Ra.

 

Tears came gushing down my cheeks. It was painful, really… really… painful. I couldn’t express how much I was agitated. I wanted to scream. I wanted to punch someone. I wanted to get out of this horrible fate. How cruel was she? She let me came here for these words? She said these without even a reason? Why did she say these… after all those wasted time I’ve waited for her?!

 

This was the first time that I felt like I was dying. Half of my purpose in life died down.

I gave her all my love without even leaving some for myself… but all of those will end up into this…

I wanted to see her.. I wanted to ask her why… I wanted to ask her so many questions. I wanted to turn back time.

 

Someone tapped me on my shoulder and I crumpled the paper before throwing it away. I turned around and saw that Jong Woon hyung, uncle, Ki Bum and Hee Nim have followed me here.

 

“Let’s go, Dong Hae.” Hee Chul tapped my back in a sign of comfort and we walked away.