GOODBYE DAYS: Prologue

In these years of my existence, I have lived a life of illusions.

Every day, we would watch TV together. Those satirical sit-coms you loved, and I enjoyed. We were really fond of our favorite part of the show, remember? I have always looked forward on this time of the day. But what is this? You couldn’t laugh. The only thing you could do was stare, as if the world had kept you from your soul.

But, keeping my hopes up, I knew we would still be eating on our wide dining table together. I will cook all your favorite foods, and make sure that every dish would be perfect. But I forgot. There was only this one hindrance.  You couldn’t chew. You couldn’t eat. All you can do was stare at me with those heart-warming eyes, and flash the angelic smile that reminded me the reason why I kept on falling and falling all over again. I forgot this, keeping in mind that I was still looking forward to finally relish this scene.

During late afternoons, we would also go out for a walk. It has been a habit to enjoy the balmy sunshine, the summery air, and the symphony of the nature with you, my other half.  We could gaze at the tawny-colored flowers and emerald bushes butterflies and bees love. It would be a nice moment to capture, but I couldn’t hold your hand. I couldn’t give you a heartfelt hug. All you can do was to walk beside me in silence.

And at evening, we would sleep beside each other on our squashy bed, closing our eyes, enjoying the company and comfort of each other... reminiscing what a lovely day we had. But I could neither reach out my arm for you nor open my eyes once again and stare at your beautiful face.

Because I was afraid that if I open them, you are already gone.

You are only my illusion.

I went through every day, every second of my life, thinking as if we have that ‘Happy Ever After’ on those fairytale books. I fought the loneliness. All those yearning feelings of waking to the reality ---that you were never by my side... I attempted not to let them in my way. I may be a fool, but I wanted to stay with my illusions. I wanted to believe in lies rather than truth, because I knew that these falsehood and deceptions can only bring my one thing I've always wanted --- happiness.

But no matter what I do, I couldn’t bear asking myself… ‘What if?’

What if we would meet  soon and this has always been written on our palms?

What if with a little more patience, we would be reunited again?

What if Fate was just testing our strength? That our love was bound to be the strongest in the whole world?

These thoughts kept me alive without noticing that I have been waiting for her for a lifetime.

But... what could be the reason for sticking into this?