PAST. YEAR 2000 (15 YEARS OLD) (I)

 

“Hey dude! This horoscope says that I’ll be lucky this day! Something that I don’t except will come. Dude, is it possible that I’ll be reunited with Hae Ra today?” I told Kyung with much eagerness. He hit me mildly on my nape while Jeong Min and Sandeul laughed at me.

“Stop searching for her, okay? She’s not going to come back.” JeongMin insisted.

“Just go with the lady who likes you… What is her name again? T..T-Tae yon? Is it her name? You know, she’s also really pretty.” Sandeul added, but I didn’t give attention to whatever they said and I smiled. We were at the cafeteria, sitting down because it was our lunch break.

 

Kyung, Jeong Min and Sandeul became my peers since my arrival here in Seoul 5 years ago. But even though I was surrounded with so many people, with so many things that invited me to a good life here, I didn’t halt looking for Hae Ra. I was wishing… I was thinking… I was pleading to see her here. From time to time, there were so many thoughts juggling in my mind. How does she look like now? Did it make any difference from the last time I saw her? How was her life without me? Because certainly, I have been feeling like an empty shell in her absence.

 

These three became my best buds these past years. Aside from adjusting to the fact that my friends were already guys like me, there were also the vast expansions of varying interests between us. I became interested in sports, aside from watching TV, and I started to appreciate some things, like a woman’s effort to look ravishing, and other normal guy stuffs in my age. I admit, I am not that handsome for some, but I’ve been hearing a lot from different ladies in my school their compliments and their desire to get closer to me. Candidly, there was Taeyon, who has been waiting for me, chasing around for almost 2 years. It seemed like my peers’ votes were for her, because they wanted me to give her a try for letting her wait for so long.

 

I have been waiting for Hae Ra. I cannot just give her a try just because of this reason, and because I don’t want to hurt her. So what if we get into a relationship, then? Will I be able to give back what I receive from her? This is just what other people can’t seem to comprehend. Hae Ra will only be the one residing in my heart. I will not become weary of this.

 

One time, I returned back to Incheon to see if the envelopes were still there, or if I will be able to see her waiting for me. But upon coming there, the envelopes were all gone. I was befuddled if the envelopes were blown away by the winding wind, buried deep in the soil, or if she took all of them. I hoped it will be the third option.

 

“Guys, Hae Ra. Remember? The woman I’ve been faithful to? I cannot just simply replace her. Those times which she was gone, it made me realize that I was missing her more.” I explained, but they continued secretly laughing.

“You know, if I were you, I would really hit on Tae Yon even though she wasn’t my type. I pity her, dude! She’s been up for you for so long.” Sandeul insisted. I didn’t answer further, seeing that they won’t even understand. We started eating out lunch.

Kyung stabbed the meat with the fork and looked up, his arm propped below his chin, while we were eating.

“But dudes, isn’t it Tae yon’s birthday today?” He asked. We stopped on our foods. Those three looked at each other, and then veered their eyes towards me.

“I think I heard her friends greeting her earlier.” Jeong Min added.

“And on her Cyworld account! It said that it is her birthday!” Kyung said.

“Maybe you should ask her what you could do to make her day today. Isn’t this the last year of our middle school? Why don’t you make this memorable for her?” Kyung asked. I crouched my eyebrows, opposing at their notions quietly.

“It’s her special day.” Sandeul convinced.

“Just for this day! You are unpitiful.” Jeong Min added.

“No!” I simply responded and continued eating. I wanted not to mind what they said, but I just couldn't.

“We’ll treat you Starbucks for one week if you do.” Kyung bribed.

“We agree.” The other two looked at each other before uttering.

“Seriously? No joke?” I asked them.

“Dude, we know the rules. We’re not cheaters, man.” Kyung persuaded. They were all grinning at me.

 

I thought about it. What could go wrong if it is just a friendly intention?

 

“Alright. Deal.” I agreed.

 

 

***

 

It was already afternoon, around dismissal. My peers left me because they wanted me to have a ‘solo’ time with Tae yon, as they put it.

 

“Uhm, Tae Yon?” I greeted as I approached her. She was sitting on a wooden bench infront of the school, digging into her bag.

 

“Ah, it’s you, Dong Hae.” She smiled. I put my left hand inside my pocket and my other hand was gripped on a strap of my bag on my right shoulder.

 

“It’s your birthday, right?” I asked. I kept on thinking that I might regret everything if I pursue the plan. But then I thought of the Starbucks.

 

Hae Ra, sorry for doing this.

 

“Ah, yes. Are you going to greet me?” She replied, and it looked like she was arranging her things.

“Yes. Uhm, Happy Birthday Tae Yon.” I told her and she stood up with her bag after she closed it. She nodded briefly.

 

“Thanks, Dong Hae. Because you finally greeted me, this is officially the best birthday I’ve ever had.” She smiled at me. A  moment of silence came.

 

“Do you want to celebrate it with me?” I asked shyly. It was very visible on her face her surprised expression and a grin but she tried to hide them quickly.

 

“Alright!” And then she hugged me. I was shocked from her tight hug.

 

“Thank you, Dong Hae. Really, thank you.” She whispered.

 

***
 

Our celebration lasted for almost 2 hours and a half, and then we decided to go home. I walked her to her home. After that, I remembered the horoscope. Well, maybe this was what it was referring to. I returned back to mine at 8 PM, tired.

 

Upon getting infront of the door, I noticed that there were no people inside the house. I immediately thought uncle and Jung Soo hyung went out. Before I turn around, I saw a white envelope lying below the door, on the mat. I picked it up and was astonished with what I saw. There was handwriting on the back, and it spelled my name. I recognized… that it was Hae Ra’s handwriting. I immediately opened it in a jiffy. I saw here the paper I wrote my address into, the one I left 5 years ago. There was a note written at the back.

 

Dong Hae

I finally found you. Let’s just meet tomorrow, okay? Take care always.

                                                                                          Hae Ra.

 

I didn’t know whether I would be happy, or if I would be irritated. If I will be happy because I could finally see her, or if I will be irritated because if I didn’t meet up with Tae Yon, I would catch her putting this letter.

 

Wait. Maybe she hasn’t gotten that far. Maybe she’s here. Maybe she has just put it here seconds ago.

 

I ran outside, whispering to the wind not to let her get away quickly. I ran and ran, but even if I haven’t gotten a long distance away from home, I heard someone call my name.

 

“DONG HAE!”

 

There seemed like an electricity that passed through my veins as I turn around. I saw her standing infront of a tree, waving her hand while smiling. When I saw her, I felt that I was already complete. I couldn’t ask for more.

 

After 5 years. 5 whole years. I didn’t know that those years of vacant years would just end this way. I smiled too. I ran and stopped infront of her.

 

“Why are you outside? Isn’t it already dark?” She asked. Her angel-like voice echoed my ear – it seemed I was quenched from the thirst.

 

“Hae Ra---“

 

“Yes, I know. You were looking for me.” She held out her hand to my cheeks and gently caressed it. The touch of her hand to my skin lingered --- I missed it the most.

“Still the same.” She added. My smile cannot be withdrawn from my face.

 

“Why didn’t you show yourself to me earlier?” I asked her, but she still kept her smile.

 

“You’ve already grown, Dong Hae. By the way, thank you for leaving your address. I’m sorry because it took me so long before finally seeing you.” She said.

 

‘I don’t care. As long as you’re here.’ I mused to myself.

 

“I thought I wouldn’t be able to see you again.” I told her.

“You can’t really wait for another day, can’t you? I clearly stated in the letter to see you tomorrow.” She teased. I laughed.

“I thought you still haven’t gotten that far.” I reasoned out.

 

“I was waiting to see you pick up my letter from here. I thought it was going to be blown away by the wind. I was hiding here so I could see you. But I guess, I too couldn’t wait for tomorrow.” She giggled.

 

A moment of silence came between us. I was becoming crazy in her presence, secretly hyperventilating inside, even if physically I’m just standing, watching her.

 

“Hae Ra, can I ask you a favor?” I courageously told her. She nodded.

 

I couldn’t help myself and finally hugged her. Her skin was really soft like cotton. The ambiance I could feel was filled with euphoria.

 

“I really, really miss you, Hae Ra. Please don’t leave my side.” I whispered to her ears as I hug her tight. She hugged me back.

 

“The reason why I left… I couldn’t tell you this. One day… this day will come when you will understand everything. Just not today.” She replied back. And after a short while, as I absorb everything that happened, she spoke.

 

“DongHae… Let’s eat, shall we?”

 

I couldn’t hold back another smile.

 

***

 

I brought her in a restaurant that my friends and I would usually eat to. After we made our orders, we sat down and waited.

 

“Why’d you bring me here?” She asked, her eyes wandering around the atmosphere.

 

“The foods here are deliciously extravagant! More delicious than what we could eat back then.” I boasted to her. Eyes widened, she was more fascinated than before.

 

“Really?” She cutely asked, as if she was the most adorable child in the world. But I managed to ignore that when another question bombarded my mind.

“Wait, Hae Ra. Is Bulgogi still your favorite dish?”  I asked. She instantly looked at me and shook her head.

 

“Japanese foods, actually. I like them now.” She answered. Somehow, I felt a little bit shaken. I became afraid of the fact that that simple information about her has changed… but how about the other aspects? No doubt… I reckoned that a new Hae Ra was sitting infront of me.

 

“You really changed… huh?” Bowing my head slightly, I whispered without caring if she heard it or not. I sighed before looking back at her. “What are those?”

 

“Maki, tempura, and ramyeon.” She enumerated, counting on her fingers as she think.

 

“Wow. Those sounded appetizing.” I commented. Frankly, I haven’t even seen any of those, but I just couldn’t let her know.

 

“Right! I can live forever if they are the only foods I’ll eat!” Her eyes sparkled. This sight triggered this electric feeling that made me giddy.

 

“You’re crazy!” I laughed, letting off that feeling. She did the same. A moment of silence came. In my head, I knew I was already contented even if both of us don’t speak to each other. As long as I know… I feel that she has always been here for me, I am satisfied. I was lost in my train of thoughts as our foods arrived. Another conversation sparked as we ate.

 

***

Hours later, after we finished, I offered her to walk her home, but she declined. I couldn’t ask for the reason because she kept of pursuing me to let her walk me towards my house. I agreed, since I couldn’t say no to her. When we already were at the door, she faced me.

 

“Thanks for today, Dong Hae. Let’s meet again tomorrow, okay?” She said. Comfort and assurance washed over me. I smiled as I nodded.

 

“Okay. Where?”

 

“You’re going at Neul Paran High, right? I don’t know if I’ll meet you at the gates, or maybe I’ll wait for you here.” She replied. I nodded again.

 

“Just promise me you’ll show up tomorrow, okay? Don’t try to break it. I’ll really get mad this time.” I joked, but deep inside, those words were partly true. She giggled.

 

“Alright. I promise.”

 

We stared into each other’s eyes, as if we were seeing through our souls. I could get use to this every day --- the only thing that brought me happiness. This moment broke when she smiled and spoke again.

 

“Dong Hae, let me embrace you.” She began to lean towards me for a hug. I was astonished at first but as those seconds started becoming minutes, I felt coziness. After this, I felt like I was lifted up to heaven.

 

“I’ll be leaving, then.”

“Take Care.” I said before I watched her leave. This scene was somehow unbearable deep inside, seeing her walk away again. But I couldn’t help to smile as her words replayed in my mind.

 

Has this been the time I’ve been waiting for my whole life?